Outmaneuvered
by Maria Albert
Summary: The Survey Corps is ambushed and decimated by a coordinated Titan attack, leaving Commander Erwin Smith seriously wounded and Captain Levi missing. Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert go AWOL to look for Levi. Now they too are MIA, presumed KIA. POV alternates: Erwin, Levi, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Hange, and Pixis, w/ Levi x Erwin and Eren x Mikasa. (Some M, summary inside).
1. Chapter 1 - Ambush

**Outmaneuvered by Maria Albert**

**Full Summary:  
On their latest mission, the Survey Corps is ambushed and decimated by a coordinated Titan attack. Seemingly unshakeable Commander Erwin Smith is devastated to learn upon regaining consciousness that Captain Levi is among the sixty percent casualties. Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert, who had refused to accept the loss of the Captain, without irrefutable proof that he is dead, have gone AWOL, setting out on an unauthorized search and rescue mission to retrieve Levi or recover his remains. Now they too are MIA. Will "humanity's last hope" and his friends be able to find and save "humanity's strongest warrior" or has the indomitable Captain Levi truly finally fallen on the field of battle? **

**Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin: Erwin, Levi, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Hange, and Pixis, with Levi x Erwin and Eren x Mikasa. Point of view alternates between listed characters. Rated T, some individual chapters rated M for violence, profanity and sexual overtones. Drama/Adventure/Suspense/Humor/Hurt/Comfort/Romance.**

**A/N:  
This story takes place after the first season of the Anime, just before the final scene, and includes references to characters and events from both the Anime and the first issue of the **_**No Regrets**_** Manga depicting Levi's backstory.**

**Chapters of this fanfiction are between two and nine pages long, with most at four to eight pages. A number of chapters have been prewritten. A new chapter will be posted every two days until the story is complete. Different chapters are in the points of view (POV) of the following characters: Erwin, Levi, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Hange, and Pixis. A POV change or time change within a chapter will be marked with "0 0 0". Reviews, favorites and follows are appreciated.**

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 1 – Ambush

Commander Erwin Smith and the few riders within his sight in their complex formation scanned the horizon around their horses continually, looking for Titans or the colored smoke which would indicate them, in what was so far a benignly clear blue sky. At first the lack of Titan activity had been reassuring, but it was becoming almost eerie. Where were they?

It was inconceivable that they could stage a foray so far from Wall Rose and near Wall Maria and the fallen district of Shiganshina without seeing a single one of those monsters. The lack of enemy sightings had Erwin unusually on edge. Instinctively, his eyes panned right, searching for a glimpse of Captain Levi, even though he knew he would not be within visual range.

Erwin snorted almost silently in self derision. Was he actually becoming as bad as his men, or the civilians they protected, seeking comfort merely from catching a glimpse of his phenomenal subordinate? He sighed softly. No. It wasn't his own lack of confidence he was seeking to assuage: it was Levi's.

To an outsider, Levi still looked as cool and haughty as ever, he still sounded as snide and self-assured, but those who knew him were able to see that the loss of his entire Special Operations Squad, of four of his closest friends in the world, had gutted the once unwaveringly confident man.

Günther Schultz, Petra Ral, Eld Jinn and Oluo Bozado's deaths had hit Levi and Eren Yeager equally hard. Each sought to bear the burden alone, privately blaming himself and publically exonerating the other. Both were strong men, but both were hurting.

Erwin sighed again. The problem with strong men was that sometimes they broke instead of bending under the weight of what they perceived to be their mistakes. Thankfully, Yeager still had Ackerman and Arlert, his lifelines, his anchors. Levi, on the other hand, had no one, save, perhaps, for him.

Levi did not make friends easily or lightly. This had been the second time Levi had lost everyone he had cared for: Isabel Magnolia and Furlan Church had been the first. This might well be the last time Levi opened himself to that kind of pain. And therein would lie the true tragedy: the day Levi ceased to care was the day he would cease being human.

Erwin's eyes widened as a galloping horse approached from the left. Why was Hange breaking formation? She might be crazier than the rest of them in at least one regard, but she wasn't insubordinate or stupid, and there wasn't a trace of smoke in the sky, or a sign of a Titan anywhere.

"Commander, something's wrong," she reported breathlessly.

"Then why didn't you hold position and signal with your pistol? Is it malfunctioning?" he asked, readying his own, in anticipation of whatever message she was trying to relay.

"No, that's just it. It's not that kind of message. The problem is, I didn't see anything. It's what I'm **not **seeing that makes it wrong. We need to abort the mission," she said, serious having replaced schizophrenic in her eyes.

Damn it. So she sensed it too, only stronger, apparently, due to her bizarre bond with those monsters. Of all of them, she knew best how they thought. She was one of the first to realize they actually **did **think. "Just when I was hoping I was getting paranoid in my old age," Erwin muttered, opening his smoke grenade case. At that moment, a stream of red, orange, yellow and black flared at the front of the formation.

"Oh shit," Hange whispered, eyes widening in anxiety instead of the anticipation she usually showed when they were about to encounter a Titan, apparently feeling the same chilling sense of foreboding he was.

They'd changed their smoke signaling system for field operations outside the Wall after discovering Annie Leonhart's betrayal. The new coding was:

Red - Aberrant or unique size or type  
Orange - Titan, equal to or under 7 meters tall  
Yellow - Titan, above 7 to 15 meters tall  
Green - Veer right  
Blue - Veer left  
Violet - Move forward  
Black - Fall back

The signal they saw now meant that at least three Titans were in front of them, an Aberrant, a little one and a big one, and "little" was relative.

Before they could react, a red, orange, yellow and green smoke trail shot up from the left flank. Simultaneously, a red, orange, yellow and blue smoke trail shot up from their right. Heart pounding in sick certainty, Erwin hauled on the reins and spun his horse around to face the rear, in time to see the dreaded rising red, orange, yellow and violet smoke trails streak into the sky.

They'd waited too long to be suspicious enough to act, but even after seeing both Yeager and Leonhart transform and act with intelligence, they'd never dreamt the Titans were capable of launching a synchronized attack. They were surrounded. This wasn't a simple random attack; it was apparently a carefully coordinated ambush.

The **last** thing they wanted was to follow the commands of those smoke trails, to pull together, to form a tight knot, a Titan buffet on a silver platter. Erwin slammed a violet smoke grenade into his pistol chamber, even as he barked an order to the alert and fortunately remarkably level-headed young scientist. "Hange, green and blue. I've got violet and black. We need to scatter our forces, try to dodge around the incoming enemy before they can compress us into a single tight mass target. We'll worry about regrouping later."

"Got it," she nodded, popping a green grenade into the chamber, even as Erwin let out a rare curse, as his own grenade somehow jammed in the pistol and failed to launch. They didn't have time for equipment failure!

Then, unexpectedly, from the right flank, four streaks of green shot up almost simultaneously, just as Hange's own green flare shot up.

"Don't fire the blue!" Erwin quickly countermanded his previous order, as he tossed her one of his own greens. "Levi must have seen what was happening too. It looks like he and his squad might have already taken care of their opponents. Or maybe it's because the forest is that way. It doesn't matter. Even if we're about to charge headlong into a Titan army on the right flank, we're mounted dinners if we stay where we are. We need to reinforce the swing right."

Hange had shot up the second green as he spoke, and gratifyingly, from their left, Erwin saw others taking up the signal, moments before the first of the Titans from the forward position reached the rider in front of them. Erwin had already snapped two blades into place as he'd been speaking, and he let out a string of curses he'd seldom before voiced aloud as he saw over a dozen Titans running towards their position from the front of their formation, a full third of them fifteen meters tall, and not one but two Aberrants with them. Then he was airborne, his grappling hooks imbedding in the bicep of his first opponent, a seven meter tall one, as he used his momentum to carry him towards the sole vulnerable spot at the back of the monster's neck.

That Titan went down gratifyingly quickly, but Erwin saw to his horror that there were now not a single dozen but multiple dozens of other visible targets, of varying sizes, with Aberrants scattered throughout, that each of his men had at least one opponent to fight unassisted. "Veer right! Head for Levi!" he roared, reinforcing the smoke's message, even as he attacked again, doubting anyone would either be able to hear or obey, but then he faintly heard others take up the call over the chaotic sound of the battle. As his blades cut into the back of the neck of a fifteen meter Titan, he prayed the knowledge that they had even a rudimentary plan to help them survive this nightmare might give at least some of them a fighting chance.

Flying, spinning, grappling, slashing, hacking, he carved a steaming path of destruction through the horde of monsters around him, ignoring the sometimes ominously still and more often screaming, writhing and crawling bloody human forms he swung over, bodies and pieces of bodies, a disturbing number of their horses lying amidst the carnage.

The Titans had never targeted their horses before. Was it by accident or intent that so many lay dead now? Had there merely been too many trampling feet? Without their horses, they were dead. No one could outrun a Titan on foot. Few could evade one, even with sufficient cover, and there was none here. _Damn it! Where the hell is Yeager? Why isn't he…?_

As if he'd summoned him with his thoughts, the muscular, green-eyed Yeager Titan loomed before him, ripping the back of the neck off the fifteen meter Titan he'd been about to face with his teeth. In his wake, a tiny black-haired shinigami felled a seven meter tall Titan. So, Yeager and Ackerman at least were still alive. He wondered if Arlert was somewhere behind them as he swung around to dispatch the Titan he was currently grappled to.

Yeager had been on the inner part of the left flank. Did that mean that what had been the middle of their formation was now the left? There was no way to tell how much his own position had shifted toward the right in the flow of battle. He hadn't had the luxury of directing his movements, other than to avoid the grasping hands and mouths that threatened him. He'd lost track of Hange half a dozen opponents ago.

An enormous hand flashed out unexpectedly from within the column of steam of the vaporizing fifteen meter Titan, directly in front of him, in the path of his swing, not giving him even a split second to react, to dodge. He was backhanded instead of grabbed and crushed, but the force of the agonizing blow ripped both his grappling hooks out of the Titan he was anchored to, along with steaming, bloody chunks of flesh, and simultaneously dazed him.

Erwin fought to reorient himself, in a desperate attempt to control and direct his fall, but saw the onrushing ground only meters overhead and realized it was already too late. In a final act of desperation, a split second before impact, he flung both forearms across his face to cushion the blow, keeping hold of his swords, in a frantic effort not to behead himself or sever his own limbs, as his world shattered.


	2. Chapter 2 - Deadly Miracle

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 2 – Deadly Miracle

Captain Levi stared as an entire horde of Titans appeared over the horizon, from behind the small rise before the relatively distant forest. He counted three dozen, all different types and sizes, including Aberrants, running in the same direction, though at varying speeds, a concentrated mass of destruction heading directly towards his Squad's position. It was clear they would overwhelm and obliterate the right flank, if not the entire formation.

"Bauer, red! Morgan, orange! Gianapolis, yellow!" he barked, even as he loaded a blue smoke grenade into his own pistol. The four of them fired almost simultaneously, warning the rest of the formation of the approaching danger, futile as that warning was. He'd never seen so many Titans attack at once outside the Wall, and inconceivably, the way they moved in concert, it was almost as if they were in a formation of their own.

Levi instinctively scanned the rest of the Survey Corps formation he had viewed only moments before, and his blood ran cold, as he saw almost identical signals flaring up from the forward and rear positions, as well as the left flank. For a moment he was frozen, motionless. They were facing multiple foes at every position. _We're surrounded._

Erwin's normally brilliant strategy of the flexible formation had been effectively counteracted. Instead of safely diverting their troops to avoid Titans before they attacked, they would be charging toward their own center from all sides. The Titans were herding them together to slaughter!

With training and plans made worthless, instinct bred of years of surviving in the Underground as a hunted thief surged to the fore: never be cornered; always have a bolt hole, an escape route. If the door's blocked, go through the window, or blow through the wall. If you can't run, attack, fight.

Fortunately the others hadn't begun their retreat yet either, too stunned by what they were seeing. "Hold your position and fire green smoke! We're going to attack! We can't let them herd us!" Levi sharply ordered his Squad, cold steel in his voice, readying his own grenade and watching to make sure the others followed his insane order, grimly pleased to see three green smoke trails join his own in the sky overhead.

He knew full well what he was truly asking of them, against these odds, four men, each against at least nine Titans: stay and fight until you die, so the rest of the Corps has a chance to live. It didn't matter that this replacement Squad wasn't comprised of the hand-picked experts he was used to working with: they were still Corps members. They wouldn't turn and run. They'd fight, though not as well as his lost Squad would have. They would die just as easily.

Of the four of them, he was the only one who actually had a chance of taking down nine Titans, but the ones they didn't defeat would be added to his own foes. He might well be facing twenty-five, even thirty or more.

He had seconds to relay what little tactics and false hope he could. "They're packed close together, as good as trees or buildings. Use their height to your advantage. Swing off the bigger ones and take out the littler ones first. Thin the numbers!

He braced for battle, inhaling deeply, but in the next second choked out his breath in disbelief. _What the __**hell**__? _

Levi had no idea why over two dozen of the three dozen attacking Titans had suddenly vanished from view, as if the very earth was a single giant Titan that had swallowed them whole. The analogy was actually too disturbing to contemplate. Whatever had eaten them might have a taste for horseflesh or human meat as well. But from the smoke trails he had seen, he was certain his position might now well be the one chance the Corps had of surviving this unexpected nightmare.

Beyond the Titan-swallowing ground was that distant forest of tall trees, unsettlingly similar to the one that had become his former Squad's tomb. Levi had no desire to ever see trees like those again, but they would give them a vital height and maneuverability advantage this open space lacked, as well as afford cover, and the limited potential to hide. Then the first of the Titans reached him, and all thoughts turned to the immediacy of battle.

Moving with the grace and deadly accuracy of a viper, Levi struck again and again, felling foe after foe of varying size with ruthless efficiency. After his fourth kill he heard an anguished scream and looked over in time to see Morgan bitten in two, even as a horrified Gianapolis thundered toward him on horseback, too late to save him. Levi yelled a warning, but Gianapolis was too far away, and too distracted and distraught to hear, too slow to react when the Aberrant lunged. It bit him in two at the waist, miraculously leaving both his galloping horse and lower half unscathed, as the animal bolted safely away with its grizzly burden.

His Squad had just been halved, literally. The errant, appalling thought was enough to startle Levi back into action, just in time to drop both his blades and vault up and over the face of the monster that had been about to eat him. He slid down the knotted, greasy hair, fisting it, twisting his body and swinging, giving him the momentum he needed. When he released his hold, he was near enough to a second Titan that he could grapple onto it. Yanking his blades back into position by the connecting wires, he sliced the neck cleanly. He sprung from it as it fell, onto the disgustingly greasy-haired Titan, the nasty slickness fortunately already having evaporated from his hands.

He dispatched that one as well, as he wondered whether Bauer was still alive, whether anyone else was. Most of the others didn't stand a chance against odds like these. Eren Yeager would be what tipped the balance, if he was still alive, if he hadn't been torn apart, or bitten in half, or stepped on before he could transform. There were certain injuries even he wouldn't be able to regenerate from, although he'd survived being eaten before. With so many opponents, even in his Titan form, the way the other Titans tended to swarm him, eager to devour him, he might well have been chewed to bits.

Levi felt curiously numb as he engaged his next opponent, as he continued to cut a steaming swath through the ranks of the Titans, heedless now of how many he had killed, of anything but the overwhelming need to obliterate the monsters that had taken everything from him, uncaring that he himself might die at any moment. He'd died with Petra and the others of his former Squad. It didn't really matter that his body still lived, that it moved and breathed and ate and rarely, so very rarely, slept. Hange had managed to drug his tea at least five times before he'd realized that was why he slept at all. The knowledge that she couldn't have done it without Erwin's consent and aid had both annoyed and touched him.

His eyes widened as a Titan's grasping arm unexpectedly appeared from below the ground in front of him. _What the hell?_ Since when did these monsters attack from underground? He imbedded his grappling hooks in a fully visible Titan and used his maneuver gear to angle him away, launching from it as he killed it, approaching the partially visible monster from a different angle and safer distance. He had to see where that arm was emerging from.

_What the… How in the hell did this get here?_ Levi stared at the enormous pit, which was roughly square in shape, at least twenty meters deep and twenty meters long on each side, by the look of it. He realized to his astonishment there were two other Titans in the pit, unmoving and steaming, in addition to the one trying to clamber out. That's why two thirds of their attacking force had seemingly vanished!

He dispatched the helpless fifteen meter tall emerging Titan with contemptuous ease, noting the two-meter tall metal spikes that lined the floor past the crumbling wall of the pit with interest. There were what appeared to be rotting wooden planks set haphazardly within the pit too, partially covered by clumps of dirt and grass, the piles of sod at least a meter deep in places, and he realized a wooden ceiling must have concealed the pit, until the weight of one or more of the Titans had collapsed it.

_A Titan trap? _Who the hell had thought to dig something like this? Who had the manpower and the safety to construct a trap this size, for the very monsters that would prevent such a thing from ever being built?

He used his grapples to swing up onto an approaching fifteen meter Titan, momentarily hitching a ride upon it, just before jumping free and killing it, having scanned the surrounding terrain from his elevated view upon the monster's shoulder and spotting what he'd been looking for: there was another dark square further to the right. From what he had observed earlier, the number of their foe vanishing, at such distances from each other, there must be an entire field of these pits.

Surely this couldn't have been part of the Titans' plan? They had somehow known the Corps was coming here, in time to strategize and set up a seemingly well thought out ambush, but they apparently hadn't known about the pits either, or they would have chosen a different location for their attack, or even herded the Corps onto the roofs of the pits, so that their own horses and wagons would have triggered the traps with their weight and plummeted down. It was blind luck their own formation hadn't crossed over the field of pit traps. Did the Titans have another effective enemy besides the Corps? _Interesting._

It was at least twenty minutes later, heading to what he thought was the fifth pit, that he made his fatal mistake. Levi had just grappled and swung onto the back of an obscenely swaying and running fifteen meter tall Titan, both swords swinging downwards for the death blow, when the seemingly solid grass-covered ground suddenly gave way beneath the monster's feet and it plunged downwards, the resultant unexpected lurch jerking Levi like a fish caught on a line and slamming him against the shoulder blade of the monster. Darkness swallowed him as they both fell.


	3. Chapter 3 - Massacre

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.**

**A/N:  
Thank you for your reviews, favorites, follows and views! **

Chapter 3 – Massacre

Hange scanned the steaming, blood soaked battlefield from her perch on a fifteen meter Titan's back, anxiously looking for signs of human life, hoping to spot Commander Erwin, in particular, still angry with herself for having lost track of him. Was he still alive? Was Zacharius? Was Berner? Was anyone?

She barely dove away in time, as the Titan she was riding reached over his shoulder and tried to swat her. "What's the matter, Sweetie? Don't you like having a passenger?" she crooned, patting him on the ass as she swung onto a seven meter Titan instead, taking a moment to admire her previous ride. Damn, the big guy was beautiful, nearly as muscular as Eren in Titan form.

She sliced into the seven meter Titan's neck, and even as he began to fall, swung back onto the fifteen meter Titan. Perfect specimen or not, she couldn't leave him standing. Forcing down feelings of guilt and regret, she timed and positioned her cuts so that he'd stagger to the left just so, as she leapt for the back of another fifteen meter, not nearly as pretty as the poor beauty she'd just dispatched, grappling onto him in a single flawless maneuver. She might not be as agile as Captain Levi, but every now and then she was poetry in motion too.

She saw movement up ahead and her own modest accomplishment diminished in comparison to the sight of the quick and graceful form of Mikasa Ackerman, who dispatched two fifteen meter Titans in rapid succession with a single, breathtaking arcing swing. But her attention was captured a moment later by the glorious view of Eren in his Titan form. Now he was a thing of beauty!

Her latest ride forcefully reminded her that she didn't have the luxury of ogling Eren's fantastic Titan form, when he tried to grab her. She hacked his hand in reprimand and swung clear. "I'm sorry, Honey, but I can't shake hands with you. I'm not as big and muscular as you are, Beauty," she soothed.

So Eren and Ackerman were still alive, at least. She scanned the area around them for the little blond haired angel who was never far behind them. She saw a flash of blond hair, but it was someone far too big and muscular to be Arlert. "Commander!" she cried happily, feeling foolish for the wave of relief that washed over her, seeing he was OK.

Of course he was alright! Commander Erwin was second only to Captain Levi in his ability to survive anyth…"Commander!" she cried again, this time horrified, as a hand appeared from the steaming column of a vaporizing Titan directly in front of him, slamming into Erwin, catapulting him towards the ground with frightening speed and sickening force.

Hange slammed the gas valves of her maneuver gear wide open, in a futile attempt to reach him before he hit the ground. In the instant before impact, Erwin belatedly moved to shield his face, but still took the brutally hard fall head first, not ducking and rolling into it as he would have if he'd had more time, rocketing into the ground, where he crumpled and lay still in a broken heap.

The Titan who felled Erwin reached toward his limp form with its left hand, mouth open in anticipation, and for the first time since she'd learned of Ilse Langnar's notebook, of the Titans' intelligence, hatred and rage against a Titan consumed Hange.

"**BASTARD!"** she screamed, grappling onto its arm, and hacking at its wrist viciously, so it snatched its hand back from her fallen Commander, the best she could do for the moment, as she was initially unable to get to the somewhat safer and far more effective spot on the back of its neck.

Using her maneuver gear to propel her and her grapples to secure and direct her, Hange ran up its arm, onto its shoulder, mercilessly jamming her left sword into its left eye, so that it would instinctively jerk its hand up to cover it. Grabbing onto its hair she clambered onto its back and swung down hard with both blades, slicing a neat chunk out of its neck with surgical precision, in the exact right spot to destroy it. It began to steam immediately, but instead of feeling triumph or relief, she felt fury.

_No! It can't be dead that easily! It took down Erwin! It has to be harder to kill than that! _She hacked again, carving out a deeper bloody furrow in its neck, as steam began enveloping her, and then a third and fourth slice, venting her hatred onto the rapidly disintegrating corpse.

"Die you filthy mother fucker! You murdering bastard! You **MONSTER**!" Hange kept screaming and hacking wildly, oblivious to everything but the need to obliterate every last piece of the vile creature that had killed her Commander.

Vaguely, remotely, she became aware of meaningless sounds that might have been words, until she heard Erwin's name, and her own, and recognized both them and the frantic voice desperately calling to her.

"…Erwin. Hange, stop! Please stop!" Arlert begged. "It's dead, you killed it, but Commander Erwin's going to die too, if you don't help us! We need you! Mikasa and I don't know what to do, how to help him, whether it's safe to move him, and we can't stop protecting Eren, or the other Titans will swarm and overwhelm him. Please, there are too many! Mikasa can't protect Eren without me, and they can't keep the others at bay for much longer. Please answer me!"

_Alive? Erwin was still alive?_ He'd hit so hard, crumpled, lain still, she'd thought he'd broken his neck, his back, shattered his skull, but he was alive? She shook her head to clear it, to focus her thoughts, her vision, and saw Arlert peering at her, tears streaming down his pale, terrified face.

"Sorry. I…sorry. I'm back now. Show me. Where…?" she asked, dazed, as she forced herself to concentrate on the little blond.

"Thank God! This way!" Arlert said, grabbing her wrist and pulling, as if she hadn't been behaving like a lunatic and wasn't neck deep in slowly steaming Titan gore.

Hange blinked as she saw what was left of the Titan she'd attacked. _Holy…._ She'd all but beheaded it; she'd carved a bloody valley into its…his…neck. Belatedly, she realized the whole time she'd thought of the Titan as an "it", not "him", as a thing, a monster, as if it was years ago, before she knew better. Then she saw Erwin, lying limp in the dirt, his bloody face pale as death, his blond hair stained red, and any regret she'd felt over the Titan evaporated.

She felt for Erwin's pulse and thankfully found it. She'd been half afraid he might have died in the time it took Arlert to rouse her. She gently began running her fingers through Erwin's bloody hair, and across his forehead, dreading feeling the soft squishiness of shattered bone. To her relief, she didn't feel it, but that didn't mean he didn't have a skull fracture, just that the bone hadn't shattered. She looked up at Arlert. "Have you seen any of the medics, or the medical supply wagons, especially one that's still upright with the horses attached?"

She would have thought it was impossible for Arlert to pale more than he already was until she saw the blood drain from his face and he swallowed convulsively, either to keep down sobs or vomit. _Crap._ "OK, then forget the medics. We'll need a wagon to move him eventually, but for now, I need one of our trauma kits, the big ones. I need to strap him into a neck brace and onto a backboard and splint his forearms, before we move him," she said, yanking off her cape and using her sword to begin cutting it into strips for bandages, so she could at least slow the bleeding of his scalp wound.

"I won't come back without one," Arlert swore, a look of determination replacing the despair and fear. Then he was off, at a run, dodging around the feet of a Titan Ackerman was fighting.

"Stay with me, Commander. Captain Levi will never forgive me if I don't bring you back safely," she urged her unconscious patient.

A shadow fell over her and she cursed as a set of jaws lunged for her. She dove under the Titan's mouth, slicing deep into its chin and then ripping her blades through its esophagus. She felt a hot wheeze of fetid air from its temporarily ruined throat, as she grabbed onto its hair and slammed her gas valve – to no effect. _Shit! I'm out of gas! _

She grabbed hold of its stringy hair and pulled herself into position. It took an extra two whacks, due to her awkward angle, but she got it. She jumped clear and saw to her relief that Erwin was still there, all of him, a bloody heap, but still whole.

"There are too many! We're going to lead them away from you, hope that we can find someone else to help, while Armin helps you!" Ackerman called to her, as she swung onto Eren's shoulder and yelled into his ear.

In the next moment he began moving away, not running, where he might lose them too quickly, but enticing them off. Damn, but Ackerman had some pull over that kid, that she was able to influence him, even in that form! That boy was seriously whipped, and loving every minute of it.

Erwin's own maneuver gear was a mess. There was no way she could pull his tank out of the mangled metal. Hange searched the ground for bodies, looking for maneuver gear tanks that might still contain some gas, careful not to stray too far from Erwin, though for the moment, there weren't any Titans around them, now that Eren had drawn them away. She hoped Arlert came back soon, both for Erwin's sake, and because she was afraid she'd probably just sent the kid to his death. She hadn't thought it through. This was Arlert, after all, not Eren or Ackerman.

She knelt back beside Erwin and finished cutting the bandages, wrapping them around his head, careful not to shift his neck. His heart was still beating, he was still breathing, still alive, for the moment at least. She began feeling for broken bones in his torso and extremities.

She didn't feel any breaks, not even in his forearms, but only the worst could be felt by touch. She'd splint his arms as soon as she could, to be safe, after protecting his neck and back, until she could see signs of the telltale bruising which would indicate breaks, though it would be hard to tell, in this case. Both arms would likely be a mass of black and blue soon, from that impact, whether they were broken or not. She hoped they had taken the strain evenly over the whole surface, that he hadn't landed on a rock or something.

How the hell was she going to be able to move him, to get him off the battlefield, if they couldn't find a wagon? She didn't even see any horses, at least, not live ones. And when the hell had the Titans started targeting their mounts? Hell, how was she going to get herself out of here alive, without a horse?

She looked around desperately and saw there were now at least six Titans within sight, and only one of them looked like it had an opponent, though she couldn't tell who he was fighting. Crap, and the other five were looking right at her.

A shadow fell over her from behind and she spun, knowing there wasn't a damned thing she could do to save herself, except chop at the thing's ankles and hope he toppled like a tree. She almost pissed herself in relief when she realized it was Eren, until without warning he grabbed her, snatching her up from the ground.

"Eren, stop! Put me down! Erwin is hurt! I need to…shit!" she cursed as she was dumped into his other palm, landing on top of someone. Belatedly she realized it was Arlert, that he was wide eyed and trembling, and he was lying next to a very large, very familiar, but blood smeared emergency trauma kit. And then without warning Erwin was deposited somewhat more gently onto both of them, and then suddenly Eren was running.

Hange tried to keep Erwin from jostling too much, but it was already far too late. If he had a broken back or neck, this would kill him.

"Go around those pits we saw, Eren!" Ackerman yelled from somewhere above, apparently on Eren's shoulder or back. "We're playing 'Follow the Leader.' Lure the others into the pits, but go around!"

Hange wondered what pits Ackerman was talking about. Could Eren really understand complex directions like that, while already in Titan form? If he could, she would definitely be impressed.

"We couldn't stop them all, and Eren would have gone down, if we didn't get out of there," Ackerman explained, yelling down to Hange. "I know we might have killed the Commander, but it was the only chance the two of you had. They've been targeting the horses and the wagons this time: we've lost at least two thirds of both. Using Eren was the only way we could outrun them. There are too many of them to fight, out in the open, and too few of us left.

"We're going to try to make it to the forest, to get to the cover and grappling height of the trees. Everyone who's still moving has been falling back to there. We've been trying to give as many people a chance as we could to escape, but we were about to be overwhelmed."

_Shit._ If Eren was retreating, things were truly as bad as she'd feared. _Will any of us survive, this time?_


	4. Chapter 4 - Fallen

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thank you for your reviews, favorites, follows and views. I am thrilled to see that readers from 14 different countries are enjoying this story! **

**If some of you would also like to read my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, is available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 4 – Fallen

Levi's eyes opened easily, but his vision focused disturbingly slowly. He blinked in confusion as he saw the red tinted clouds streaking his view overhead, as if someone had drenched the sky in blood. He crinkled his nose at the sharp metallic tang of the scent on the air and then his brow creased in a frown, even as his heart began thudding, his muzzy thoughts clearing as adrenaline began pumping through his system. _The sky can't bleed. Why do I smell blood? Who died?_

He started to sit, and fell back cursing, as his head throbbed, a wave of dizziness washed over him, and agony suddenly tore through every nerve in his right leg. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Bracing himself with his left arm against the uneven surface under his back, he levered himself upwards slowly, and stared uncomprehendingly at the meter tall rusty iron spike that was protruding from his wet, strangely crimson colored pant clad right thigh, his eyes traveling up the bloody length of metal to the deadly tapered point. _Shit._

He was lying on his back on a churned bed of dirt and grass and what astonishingly appeared to be rotting wood, the part of his white pants not stained red with his own blood stained green and brown from the sod. _Where the hell…?_

Levi looked around, trying to get his bearings, to make sense of what he was seeing. He was on a small, lumpy rise, about a meter tall and two meters wide. All around him were two-meter tall metal spikes, thrusting up from the ground like the one he was impaled upon, amidst other seemingly random piles of dirt and grass and shattered planks of rotted wood. Seeing the thickness of the metal towards the base of each spike, he was thankful for his bizarre bed. There would have been no chance of him keeping his leg if he'd slid down the full length of the spike. He'd be lucky if he kept it as it was.

_What the hell happened? Where the hell am I? How did I get here?_ He looked around for any sign of his comrades, anyone able to physically assist him, as well as fill the black void in his mind. Surely he couldn't be alone? He must be on a mission, in the outside. They were never alone on missions; they were always with teammates. His Squad…dead! Günther, Petra, Eld and Oluo were dead!

He ruthlessly forced the debilitating memory down. They were dead, but Erwin wouldn't have sent him here, wherever he was, alone. There should be other Scouts, help, nearby. But it was eerily quiet.

Had they thought he was dead? Had they abandoned his body? He pulled almost frantically at his cape, yanking it around, relieved to find the familiar blue and white Wings of Freedom insignia still attached. They hadn't taken his Wings and left his body. He fell back as a wave of dizziness almost overwhelmed him.

_Calm down. You need to stay calm._ He was bleeding and there was no telling how long he had been lying here. He only knew with a chilling certainty that he would have been already dead, had the spike that had impaled him not also been so effective in reducing the flow of blood from his wound. Once the spike was out, he'd no doubt bleed profusely. He needed to fashion a tourniquet immediately.

He fought to move soundlessly, lest he attract a Titan, as he removed his jacket and dug into the loose dirt beneath his leg, sliding one of his sleeves under his thigh, tying the sleeves together and then inserting his sheathed combat knife into the knot and twisting it, tying it that way, securing the blade to complete the improvised tourniquet, effectively cutting off the circulation in his injured leg.

His immediate need accomplished, he looked around more deliberately. Apparently he was at the bottom of a spiked earthen pit at least twenty meters across and twenty meters deep, and he was lying about five meters from the closest wall. The significance hit hard: a Titan trap? He'd somehow been caught in a Titan trap. Not one of Hange's, though. He'd never heard of a trap like this, and the metal spike was caked in rust, old. Whoever had made it had done so a long time ago.

He tried not to think about the rust or the germs or the filth currently in his wound. For now, they were the least of his worries. He needed to extricate himself from the spike, climb out of the pit and get back to either his comrades or Karanese before he bled to death or died from exposure. He shivered wildly, suddenly missing his jacket, rubbing his hands up and down his arms, hoping it was cold he was feeling and not shock and blood loss. It was hard to focus, hard to think, the obstacles to his goal seemingly insurmountable.

His maneuver gear! If he launched the grappling hooks into the walls of the pit, could he yank himself off the spike, pull himself up the wall and reach the surface? If the wall didn't crumble, if the grappling hooks held, if a Titan didn't find him down here, like a bloody piece of fondue on a fork, just waiting to be eaten. His heart thudded and bright sparks flashed before his eyes. _Stay calm, idiot! Do you want to die here?_

Levi breathed slowly and deeply, until the dizziness subsided. Even trapped and wounded like this, he shouldn't be panicking so easily. What had happened, that his mental state was so fragile? Who had died? How many? Surely…surely he couldn't be the only one left?

He snorted in the next moment at the absurdity of that thought. _No wonder Hange calls you a vain little bastard. As if the Titans could take down Erwin or Eren and you'd be the last man standing. Well, not exactly standing…._

He focused once more on his goal. Was he missing anything critical, crucial to his plan? He looked at his leg. Any noise could bring a Titan, and he had no doubt that when he did remove his leg from the spike, he would not be able to suppress at least a grunt of pain, if not a full-fledged scream.

Another thought crowded out the first. Walking would be difficult, if not impossible. _How the hell am I supposed to get back to Karanese, if the others aren't nearby?_ Was his horse, perhaps, somewhere above? Pewter didn't seem to be impaled down here with him, unless he was buried beneath some of the shattered planking. The planking! He could fashion a crutch, a pair of them.

He inspected the pieces of wood all around him with a critical eye, looking for pieces that might be long and strong enough to bear his weight, for the first time in a long time grateful for the diminutive stature and slender build that had been the bane of his existence for most of his life, though it had helped make him an effective thief. He could slip into and out of places others couldn't fit.

There was no wood within reach sufficient to his need, so he cast his gaze elsewhere. _Aha._ _That looks promising. _

He carefully inspected his maneuver gear for damage and then pointed a grapple at the desired piece of wood and released it. He winced at the dull thud it made, which seemed to echo loudly, but he'd had no real choice in the matter.

He reeled the overly long, ungainly plank of wood in, as if it was a fish, tugging it painstakingly over obstacles, to bring it within his grasp. Then, disturbed to note that the two blades in the hafts of his grips were the only two he had, he began studying the plank to determine how best to go about shaping it, distracted by the condition of his blades. Whatever battle he had been fighting must have been an impressive one for his weaponry to be reduced to such a pathetic state as this.

Once again his thoughts went to his fellow Scouts. Who had his Squadmates been this time? Certainly not Eren, Ackerman and Arlert? The brat might have his faults, but lack of loyalty was certainly not one of them. He'd not be lying here alone and injured if Eren had been with him, or had known he was here. The thought was surprisingly comforting, as if a big, empty hole deep inside his soul was suddenly filled.

He snorted again. As if Eren could ever mean so much to him! Sure, the kid had his uses, but he was certainly no Eld. _Eld!_ It was as if a Titan bit his heart in half. _Eld is dead. Dead, like me._

The thought sent his heart racing in fear and fury. He wasn't dead, damn it! And he didn't plan on being dead, any time soon. He refused to die covered in filth in the bottom of some abandoned hole in the ground. Ever since he'd clawed and tricked his way back up into the sunlight, he had sworn he wouldn't die in the dirt like an animal.

Levi hacked the plank in two, angry vehemence temporarily lending him the strength he needed for the task, and then he began whacking and shaving away strips of wood with methodical determination. By the time he completed the hideously ugly and ill-formed but hopefully serviceable crutches, he was shaking with exhaustion from the effort, fighting to stay conscious.

He resolutely secured the improvised crutches to his back using his cloak, ensuring they didn't block the nozzles of his maneuver gear. _Crutches complete. What next? _

_Provisions!_ Levi checked his canteen and was surprised to find it nearly full, considering how thirsty he was. He opened it and drank sparingly, instead of guzzling it. He needed to stay hydrated, particularly considering the blood loss, but there was no telling when or where he'd be able to obtain more water, and he needed to clean his wound as best as he could before bandaging it, although the water would be useless against the germs now polluting his blood.

An image of scavenging canteens and perhaps a flask of alcohol off the bodies of his fellow Scouts came unbidden to his mind, and he angrily forced the thought down. He would do whatever was necessary to stay alive. If that meant robbing the dead, the bodies of men he knew, he'd do it, but he refused to dwell on it. He'd done it before, robbed hundreds of men, living and dead, when he'd lived in the Underground below the Capital. At least, if he died now, it would be out in the open, in the free air, under the sun, or the stars.

_Stop thinking about dying, you prick!_ He glared around the hellish pit. _Enough delays._ He looked at the earthen wall nearest him, disturbed to see it looked insecure, crumbling. He couldn't risk the grappling hook losing its hold. He searched to either side and found what looked to be a secure mass of wooden planks braced against the wall. _Much better._ The wood would hopefully hold his weight and was in the right position in relation to him that he should be able to yank himself free of the spike. The trick would be not falling unconscious the second he was free, and crashing back down to the ground.

_This is it._ _Don't pass out. You do __**not **__want to become a moldering, filth-covered, insect-eaten, putrid, rotting corpse at the bottom of this hole. You are Captain Levi of the Survey Corps, you have Wings of Freedom, and you will fly __**FREE**__!_

With that thought screaming in his head he skewered the planking as he slammed the gas valve of his maneuver gear open, jetting up and off the spike, keeping himself conscious only by releasing the bloodcurdling scream that tore from his throat, as he swung wildly, frantically, shooting out hook after hook, compensating for the chaotic disaster of wrenching free, seconds later slamming in a wide arc face first down into the dirt of the rim of the pit. He lay there panting and gasping like a dog from the screaming agony of his leg.

Teeth gritted, tightly clenched eyelids leaking tears of pain, he lay broken and helpless. How could he have thought he'd be able to walk, or even crawl, when he could scarcely breathe? Why the hell had he ever wanted to come to the surface? In their worst days of living in the Underground, he had never been so injured, so filthy, so….memory flooded him of his face being forced into a puddle of raw sewage, of literally drowning in some stranger's liquefied shit, and he gagged and retched, from the memory and the knifing pain in his thigh, vomiting over and over again, until he was dry heaving, not even caring that his face and hair were coated in his own vomit when he was done.

_**Move. You have to move. MOVE!**_ But there was nothing inside him, nothing left to give. It was as if he was already dead, still in that sewage, as if he'd drowned in it. A vivid memory from that day flashed across his mind, of wanting to knife Erwin repeatedly until he bled out like a stuck pig. The thought of seeing Erwin bleed now filled him with fear and new resolve.

Erwin needed him. They had obviously been in a battle. If it was serious enough that they'd leave him lying forgotten at the bottom of a hole, it had to have been a bad one. He had to find Erwin and make sure he was alright. The incapacitating paralysis fled as if it had never been.

He tried to remember exactly when Erwin had transformed from a hated enemy into an indispensible friend, wondering how he could have been stupid enough to feel so alone, even once his Squad had died around him. He wasn't alone at all. Not when he still had Erwin.

The image of a second face flashed in his mind's eye, a mop of chocolate hair and intense green eyes, burning with the lust for vengeance, and more recently, smiling with friendship and bright with eagerness. _Eren._ Not just Erwin. He had Eren as well.

A maniacal grin and an unkempt mass of auburn hair unexpectedly appeared in his thoughts, joining the other faces. _Hange?_ Was she truly his friend as well? _Enough!_ He was obviously suffering from oxygen deprivation to the brain caused by excessive blood loss if that Titan-enamored lunatic somehow qualified in his apparently currently deranged mind as a friend.

His lips creased in a ghost of a smile as he struggled onto his left knee, and finally to his feet, with the aid of both crutches. He by far preferred flying, or at least riding, or even walking, but for now, hobbling would have to do.

He looked around with belated wariness. _Definitely blood loss._ How could he have forgotten the potential looming threat of something as enormous and dangerous as a Titan? Fortunately, he didn't see any.

Levi wiped the vomit off his cheek and mouth with the back of his hand, and then wiped his hand onto his filthy pant leg. He surveyed his clothes. The front of his shirt was the only remotely clean fabric. He'd use that part of his shirt for the pad of the bandage. If his fellow Scouts could see him now!

He smirked and then frowned. But what had he been…he swallowed hard as he fought to focus his thoughts. Was it the blood loss or was he already feverish? How long had he been unconscious? Was the wound already infected?

Belatedly he remembered the wound wasn't bandaged, that there was only the tourniquet. He sat back down in the dirt and untied his ubiquitous cravat and tore the cleanest part of the front of his shirt off, carefully using one of his now all but useless swords to start the tear. He needed the sleeves and cloak to stay as warm as he could. It would be night, soon, and the temperature would drop further, and he was already shivering.

He carefully cut the pants fabric from around the grisly wound on his leg, surveying it critically. Then he wetted the end of his cravat with water from his canteen and cleaned the entry and exit wounds as well as he could, fighting to stay conscious, the periodic sharper bite of pain with each touch threatening to push him over the edge into the abyss.

When there was nothing further he could do, he folded the shirt fabric into two separate pads and tied them securely to the front and back of his thigh, using the cravat as a bandage. He needed to find help quickly. He needed stitches, and quite likely a transfusion, though the thought of someone else's germ-laden blood flowing in his veins almost made him vomit again. He had limited water, no food, no horse, no…he had to stop now. The urge to curl into a ball and wait to die was actually becoming somewhat tempting. He had Wings. He refused to die under the ground or upon it.

He scanned his surroundings for Titans, horses, comrades, anything of either danger or use, and then began tortuously heading for the distant forest. If any of his fellow Scouts were still in the vicinity, that was the most likely place they would be. If not, the trees would at least provide some measure of safety, both as concealment and surfaces for his grappling hooks to adhere to. There would likely be a source of water and some type of food within the woods as well. At the very least, he could hopefully rest, recuperate and recover well enough to at least plan his next move from there.


	5. Chapter 5 - Casualties of War

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.**

Chapter 5 - Casualties of War

Commander Erwin kept his eyes closed as he struggled to lift his left hand to his aching head, knowing that Levi would never let him live down becoming this hungover, when neither of them normally drank to excess. He frowned as he realized his arm hurt even worse than his head, and his hand encountered cloth instead of skin. _What the hell?_

"Commander! Hange, the Commander's conscious!" an excited and relieved sounding voice cried from right next to him, a voice he couldn't immediately place. That fact disturbed him nearly as much as the words, and the sudden revelation that it must be a bandage that he had felt when he touched his temple. _Shit._ He'd apparently been wounded and knocked out. Which meant they were either currently on a mission, or had been on one, although he had no clue what that mission might have been. But this didn't smell like a hospital.

He stretched his other senses and identified the distinctive and familiar sounds of creaking wood and soft hoof falls, of rumbling wagons and horses, and belatedly realized he was on a moving surface. So they were still outside and he was being transported by wagon. Had his horse survived whatever had felled him?

He opened his eyes and saw Hange's face hovering over him and belatedly realized the voice from before was Berner's. Instead of her usual crazy grin, Hange looked like she was fighting tears. _Double shit._ Was he dying? No, she wouldn't cry for him, would she? Yeager? Had something somehow happened to Yeager, her favorite pet Titan?

"Don't try to sit up. You have a concussion, and we're not sure what else yet," she scolded, gently pushing him back down onto the cushioned wagon bed with disturbing ease.

"Now, other than your head and arms, what hurts, and how badly? Does anything feel broken? Or anything internal feel off, wrong?"

"No. The only serious pain is my head and arms, and they're fine. Nothing feels broken, or off." Why wasn't a medic asking him those questions? Were they all busy, tending to others who were more seriously wounded?

"Good. Then we'll start with the easy stuff first. Can you see me clearly, or am I blurry? How many images do you see?" Hange asked clinically.

"I can see you clearly, no double vision. My hearing is clear too, no ringing in my ears. I don't feel dizzy or nauseous, though I haven't really moved enough to tell, or to know if my balance is off. How long was I out?"

"Long enough. Excellent. It sounds like your cognitive abilities aren't impaired either: you remember the symptoms of a concussion. You also were able to move your left arm, which is great. You're right, it doesn't look like you broke that one, but I need you to try to move your right arm next. Wiggle your fingers first, and if the pain isn't too intense, try to touch your nose with your right index finger," she instructed coolly.

Erwin could tell she wouldn't answer any of his questions directly until he answered hers. He wiggled his fingers and then successfully touched his finger to his nose.

"Fantastic! Your coordination is fine. Any numbness, or tingling?" she asked.

"Why? That's not a symptom," Erwin said suspiciously. Was it?

"Commander, I need to know if you feel any numbness or tingling in your arms and hands and fingers," Hange insisted, a note of anxiety creeping into her voice.

"No. Like I said, both arms hurt like hell. But you thought they might be broken, so that shouldn't be a surprise. What aren't you telling me?"

"You hit the ground hard. I need you to try to wiggle your toes for me next. Then lift your right leg, if you can, lay it back down, and then do the same with your left," she commanded.

His heart started to hammer. _Holy hell. She thinks I might be paralyzed._ He never felt so relieved in his life, when he was able to move his toes and lift first one leg, and then the other.

"Thank God. Your back and neck are both apparently alright. It doesn't even look like you broke either arm."

Erwin heard relieved comments all around him and belatedly realized they had an audience, that a handful of soldiers were on horseback riding beside the wagon, looking on worriedly, when they should have been keeping a lookout for Titans, regardless of how close to the City they might or might not be. He currently had no idea where they were. _Damn it. _He hated this.

"I'm fine. Everyone but Hange and Berner, get back to work. Berner, get me Levi. I need a report on…" He trailed off, as Berner and Hange exchanged an all too familiar glance, full of anger and shame, guilt and grief.

He froze, his heart stuttering and then pounding._ No. Not Levi. He couldn't be. _But if Levi was seriously wounded but alive, they'd be quick to assure him of that. "Berner, report, all of it," he ordered tersely, fighting to keep the desperation from his voice, his usual stoic control crumbling like Wall Maria under siege by the Colossus at Shiganshina_._ He was afraid Hange might hesitate to tell him the truth, if she thought hiding it from him was better for him._ Levi can't be gone. He can't._

"We suffered sixty percent casualties, 90 men dead, missing or severely wounded," Berner hesitantly began.

_Sixty percent? Thirty was all too common. But not even forty or fifty, but sixty? And with so many men to start with? If they'd lost 90 and that was sixty percent, that meant they'd begun this mission with 150 men! That was damned near everyone. _At their strongest, the Corps had been 300 men, but their attrition rate had been high. It had been a while since they'd had anywhere near that many, and Leonhart and the other Titans had recently decimated their numbers further.

"It would have been at least eighty or hell, a full hundred percent, if it hadn't been for Yeager, and Levi's Squad and those pits. We were able to make it to the forest beyond the right flank and regroup. We managed to reverse the rout, under Squad Leader Miller's command, with the cover and maneuverability afforded to us by the trees and with Yeager's help. But after that, we had no choice but to abort the mission, with so many men gone and so many others injured. Of the 60 of us left, only 14 are uninjured. The other 46 are walking wounded, and some of them are barely keeping on their feet, and by all rights should be on the other list. We're on our way back to our base at Karanese now," Berner reported, not meeting his eyes.

_Shit, shit, shit. Miller was in command, not Levi or Mike, both of whom were more senior Squad Leaders. _Erwin cleared his throat. _Don't yell. You can't lose it in front of the men. Especially not while you're injured, not if Levi is... _He refused to even think the dreaded word. "The status of Captain Levi?" he choked out.

Berner's whole body stiffened and jerked, as if the question was a blow. He fisted his hands at his sides. "MIA, presumed KIA," he forced out.

Erwin fought against the unexpected ray of hope, cursing himself for his stupidity, even as he did so: hope was deadly. Once crushed, it could destroy you. "_Presumed_ killed in action? No one saw him fall?"

"No sir," Berner said reluctantly. "But he didn't join us when we regrouped, and we didn't find him when we looked for additional survivors before pulling out. We recovered the horses of two of his squadmates, Hans Morgan and Heinrich Bauer, from their sector, with bloody saddles, riderless." He swallowed hard and then looked at him. "Yannis Gianapolis's horse returned on his own with his… part of… from the waist down. And then Levi's horse, Pewter… he came in riderless too… with bloody grooves in his flank. Hange and I confirmed they could only have been from a Titan's fingernails. We assume it must have been an Aberrant. I mean, this was Levi, sir. Even with so many of them out there, anything else could never have… "

Erwin closed his eyes for a split second of agonized grief as Berner's voice trailed to a halt, but opened them again just as quickly. He would mourn later in private. All of them, everyone they'd lost. "What about Mike?" he asked, dreading hearing more grim news, steeling himself for it. Surely with so many of them in the field, Mike must have been with them?

Berner looked at Hange uncertainly, and she spoke up, a defiant and unapologetic gleam in her eye. "Squad Leader Zacharius is alive, but incapacitated, on our casualty list. He's seriously wounded, sedated and out of commission. A fifteen meter grabbed and squeezed him, breaking a number of his ribs, before Kirstein, Springer and Blouse, whom he'd just saved, were able to kill the Titan and free him. They and others of the 104th recovered two of our wagons and brought him and a number of other wounded with them when they fell back to the woods.

"Zacharius needs to stay immobilized – if he punctures a lung out here he's dead – but once he saw you were down and heard Captain Levi was MIA, he tried to assume command. We couldn't afford to lose him permanently, so I gave him a little something to convince him it was better for him to take a nap and have Miller retain command."

By all rights he should court martial her for that, but Erwin would have ordered her to sedate Mike, if he'd been able to. "I see. Berner, tell Miller I need to see him. Cover his position and make sure the men stay alert."

"Yes sir!" Berner was off with a quick salute.

Hange turned to follow, but Erwin stopped her. "Hange, I need you to stay here, close to me," Erwin ordered.

Her eyes widened in puzzled speculation.

"I need you to tell me what our mission was, where we were headed, how long we've been outside the Wall, where we are now, our ETA to Karanese, and any other pertinent information you know," Erwin said softly, so none of the others might hear.

"Holy…you don't remember? Damn it, your concussion's worse than I realized," she said, unaccustomed worry creeping into her voice.

"Possibly. Or the psychological trauma," Erwin suggested clinically, as if he wasn't speaking about himself. "Whatever the hell happened was obviously almost catastrophic, for us to have lost so many men, including seasoned senior officers," he said ruthlessly, forcing himself to face the cold, stark truth. Only 60 men were left. And Levi wasn't one of them.

"I'll likely need to see Yeager too, to hear his report about…Hange?" Her eyes had suddenly filled with tears, which she brushed quickly away. _No. There's no way. Not Yeager._ They couldn't have lost "humanity's last hope," not when they'd lost "humanity's strongest warrior," not both to the same damned battle on the same day, when he didn't remember a blasted thing about any of it.

But when Hange spoke, her voice was disturbingly meek and hopeless, nothing like the irrepressible and outrageous woman he knew. "He's…we don't know. Eren was shocked when he saw that Levi wasn't in the forest, with the survivors. After we defeated the remaining enemy, the ones who didn't just retreat or wander off, at least, and conducted a limited search for any survivors or stragglers and didn't find him, Eren kept insisting that Captain Levi couldn't be dead, that he wouldn't believe it until he saw a body or…or a piece of one. He finally told Miller he was going to find him. Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert insisted on going too.

"Miller forbade it, of course. We weren't ready to move out yet, and Eren wanted to head back to the battlefield, instead of toward Karanese. Miller ordered the three of them not to leave the makeshift camp we'd set up, but Eren…he bit his hand. He turned into his Titan form, right in the middle of camp, and glared at Miller like he was going to bite his head off, literally. I actually had to tackle Harris, the idiot, before he attacked Eren. Then Eren scooped up Ackerman and Arlert and ran towards what had been our right flank, before the battle, Levi's last known position.

"Eren…they never came back. We looked but…they were just gone. We couldn't wait any longer. We had to go before more Titans showed up. Eren, Ackerman and Arlert are all currently AWOL and MIA. I don't know whether they'll ever come back, if they don't find…something."

Erwin's stomach clenched as he realized he didn't even remember the last time he'd seen Levi alive. The last time he remembered seeing him was them drinking tea together in his office, but he'd obviously seen him after that, before the mission, on the road, and who knew how long before that. For all he knew, his memory of him was days or even weeks old.

_Please, God, this can't be happening._ In the next instant he bit off the pathetic whimper in his head, snorting aloud with a soft "tch" that reminded him painfully of Levi. God didn't figure into it. He'd stopped believing in God and miracles a very long time ago, long before Wall Maria was breached and Shiganshina fell.


	6. Chapter 6 - Searching

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.**

**A/N: **

**Since this chapter is really short, at just two pages, I've loaded two chapters tonight. Enjoy!**

Chapter 6 – Searching

Armin was only sniffling now, his closer but softer pathetic inhalations no longer masking the deeper sound of Eren's from Mikasa, as Eren tested the wind again and again, seeking Levi's scent.

Eren had finally freed them from the prison of his hands, once they reached the battleground, apparently needing their help to visually search the faces of the many Corps bodies lying where they had fallen on the battlefield. The massacre site.

Mikasa and Armin both had a fistful of insignias. They were grateful for the pens they carried as part of their standard gear. They'd written the names of the dead on the back of each emblem they'd painstakingly retrieved. There was no way they would have been able to remember whose was whose merely from the distinctive pattern of the blood or dirt on each. But Levi's face, fortunately, or unfortunately, had not been among the dead.

They'd carefully searched each of the pits, too. They hadn't been able to examine them closely before, with the Titans literally breathing down their necks as they fled for their lives to the dubious safety of the forest. It was in those woods they had regrouped and faced the enemy, in the cover of the trees.

There hadn't been any human bodies in the pits they'd examined, though there were a few Titans, impaled and struggling to free themselves. There was no telling how many had died in them and steamed away to nothing. Wouldn't that be a particularly hellish way to die, trapped in a pit with a live Titan? Mikasa doubted the crumbling earthen walls would hold a grappling hook, and what if your maneuver gear broke in the fall?

_What the hell are we doing out here? _Personally, she could care less if Levi died, not after what he'd done to Eren, they way he'd beaten Eren half to death in that courtroom. Sure, everyone argued he'd done it to save Eren, but that sadistic little bastard had to have enjoyed it, to have been that brutal. The high and mighty Captain had no idea what it was like to have to scrabble in the dirt to survive. The Corps were the elite.

Although she'd heard some odd rumors, that Levi had actually been a thief, even that he'd lived in the Underground, before joining the Corps. _Bullshit._ Like that clean-freak prima donna would ever sully himself by touching someone else's possessions, or risk getting the dirt from someone's windowsill on his impeccable uniform, let alone live somewhere that filthy. Honestly, she didn't know what Eren saw in the man, why he didn't hate him as much as she did.

Armin said it was because Levi really cared about his men. She'd thought he was insane, until she'd seen it herself, not just with the dead and the missing, but the wounded too, men he had to actually speak to. He'd sounded remarkably compassionate. He'd even unhesitatingly held the bloody hands of dying men, and not even wiped his hand off afterwards, at least, not where she could see it.

Remarkably, he seemed to be as popular within the Corps as outside of it. His own comrades seemed almost as much in awe of him as the civilians who didn't know him. Hell, more so, since they actually knew what a snide, prickly little ass he was and loved him anyway.

Mikasa wondered if some of the more quietly whispered rumors were true, that Erwin loved Levi, really loved him: that they were actually a couple. But then, everyone had thought that about Marco and Jean, too. Marco might well have wished they were more than friends, but Jean was undeniably straight, or he wouldn't have been bumbling and drooling after her.

Why couldn't those other idiots from the 104th understand that sometimes men were just buddies, like Armin and Eren? Although she had to admit, Erwin and Levi… there was something more to that relationship than a commanding and subordinate officer. And there had been a lot of raucous jokes about that, too, about who was really the "subordinate" in that relationship. But no one was laughing now.

She wondered if Erwin had regained consciousness. Whether he ever would. Hange might have been able to reassure everyone else, but she'd seen the genuine concern on her face, every time she looked at Erwin. Although maybe that was from seeing him fall and being unable to save him, or maybe even from knowing how hard he'd take Levi's death. Unless Hange was secretly in love with Erwin herself?

No. He wasn't a Titan. The only one of them Hange might be in love with was Eren, and she could keep her damned hands to herself. Eren was hers.

"Mikasa? Are you alright? You look upset," Armin said softly, his own distress apparently forgotten, seeing hers.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking a little too much," she assured him.

"Oh. OK," he replied, sounding unsure.

_Of course. Because I'm always thinking, so he doesn't know how to respond._

"We're going to be in a lot of trouble, aren't we? When we go back. Even if we find Captain Levi, and bring him back alive. Or someone else who survived and needs us. Do you think…are they going to execute us?" Armin whispered.

"Of course not," she assured him, without hesitation. "There's no way they'd ever kill Eren. They need him too much. And they're not stupid enough to kill us, either. Eren would go on a rampage. He'd destroy the whole City if they did that. No matter what happens, you'll be safe, Armin, I swear it."

"Thanks, Mikasa," he said, her false sincerity reassuring his gullible, gentle soul.

The truth was, she wasn't at all certain what would happen to them, once they returned, but she seriously doubted it would be anything good.


	7. Chapter 7 - Perceptions

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Be careful not to skip Chapter 6! Since it was only two pages, I loaded two chapters tonight. This one is three pages, so together you get a total of five, which is more consistent with my earlier downloads. **

Chapter 7 – Perceptions

Seven Corps insignia. _How could we have left behind so many bodies, so many emblems?_ Levi's earlier thought had become terrifyingly more believable_. Did anybody else make it? Am I actually the sole survivor of the mission after all? How many of us set out? And just what the hell was the mission, this time? What had we been trying to do? _

He'd stopped hobbling a short while ago and was standing still now, no, swaying. He could barely stand at all, but he knew if he fell now that he would never rise again. _**Move. You have to move. Move! **_But silently screaming the order at himself didn't work this time.

Even if he survived, he was going to lose his leg. He'd been loosening and tightening the tourniquet as much as he dared risk, trying to keep the tissue from dying, but Levi was certain the Underground doctor who'd taught him the importance of that had never envisioned a scenario quite like this one. He couldn't remain in the Corps if he lost a leg. _What the hell is the point, if I can't be in the Corps?_

He didn't hear let alone see the Titan until it was towering before him, fifteen meters of horrific naked monstrousness. He couldn't let go of the crutches. If he let go, to draw his swords, he'd fall. He refused to die on his back in the dirt like a dog. Better to die on his feet like a man, even if there was no one save for him to see it. Besides, his swords were so dull from shaping the wood that they were completely useless, and he'd used the last of his gas getting out of the pit. The tanks on the corpses he'd found had been empty, too, which no doubt had contributed to those Scouts dying. He couldn't fight and he couldn't retreat. So why wasn't he already being eaten?

The Titan stared mutely down at him, glowing intense green eyes focused upon him.

_Wait. Green? It can't be, can it?_ Levi squinted up at the Titan, through dirt and vomit matted bangs, the image blurring and wavering in the twilight sky, as if shimmering in the heat of his fever. "Eren?" he croaked.

"Eren!" a far louder voice cried out.

Levi blinked. That hadn't been his voice. Was he having auditory hallucinations too now? Was this part of his delirium?

"Eren! Why have you stopped? Open your hands, damn it! You've closed your fingers up all the way this time! We can't see a thing!" a girl's voice scolded.

_Ackerman?_

"At least he hasn't crushed us," a soft male voice soothed optimistically.

_Arlert? _

_Definitely Yeager Titan. _Levi snorted. "Tch. It's about bloody damn time, stupid brat," he scolded the Titan, as he pitched forward into oblivion.

0 0 0

Armin yelped, clinging to Eren's finger for dear life as the left hand cupped over their heads was suddenly snatched away and without warning Eren was lunging forward.

Mikasa peered over the rim of Eren's right hand, wondering what he was attacking. Her eyes widened. Not attacking: catching, cradling. Eren set the two of them on the ground, and reached for the man in his left hand with his right, the one that had been holding them.

"Eren wait!" Mikasa commanded, and Eren hesitated, his attention focusing on her instead.

"He could be badly injured. You need to be really gentle. Let me and Armin help him, alright?"

Eren grunted and nodded his head, pushing her toward the man in his left hand with his right. She stumbled and nearly fell, but regained her balance quickly.

Mikasa stared in shock in the failing light, as she got a good look at the man. Was that really Captain Levi? She didn't know which astonished her more: that he was actually alive or that he was covered in filth and blood, looking nothing like the image of the man she knew. His clothes were stained and ripped and ragged, his leg was bandaged, he smelled like blood and vomit, and his crutches looked homemade.

Seeing him after a battle was one thing: the blood and gore of the Titans vaporized after all. This was something else entirely. She wouldn't have thought the finicky little clean-freak could have survived half of what he must have, to look this terrible. Her respect for the man suddenly grew by leaps and bounds. What the hell had happened to him?

"Is he…is he still alive?" Armin asked dubiously.

_Shit!_ He hadn't just died, had he? Not now, when they'd finally found him? Mikasa quickly felt his throat and to her relief found his pulse, not as strong as she would have liked, but not nonexistent, or as weak as it could have been. But that could change all too quickly, considering how bad he looked, how hot his skin was to the touch, and the way he was shivering, whether it was from shock, blood loss, exposure, fever, infection, or all five. She took off her own cloak and laid it over him.

"He needs a doctor, now. We have to get him back to the City right away. We can't waste time backtracking to find the Corps, and all our medics are dead, anyway. But damn it, it's so far away! I don't know how much more he can survive. Home is so much closer. I wish Eren's dad was still there, that he could treat him."

Mikasa yelped as unexpectedly she and Armin were both scooped up into Eren's other hand, and then pressed against his chest. Apparently Eren was afraid they'd injure Levi worse if they were with him. Then suddenly Eren was running, full tilt. _Oh no! _Had he seen a Titan? More than one? Were they being chased, by one of the fast ones? By someone like Annie?

0 0 0

Levi's shivering gradually eased and then stopped altogether as he unknowingly burrowed into the warmth of Eren's hand, which was carefully cupped against the pectoral muscle of his chest.

_So warm. Hard muscle under soft skin. _

BA-DAH, BA-DAH, BA-DAH, BA-DAH.

_Rhythmic, like a heartbeat, but too loud, too fast._

_Soothing. Good. _

Levi snuggled into the warmth.

_Warm. Safe. Erwin._


	8. Chapter 8 - Home Remedies

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.**

**A/N:  
I noticed that Chapter 6 currently has fewer views than Chapter 7. Some of you apparently missed the author's note at the top of Chapter 7 warning that I had posted two Chapters last time, as they were both so short. Although it's only two pages, there is some important information inside Chapter 6. It also gives a good view of how Mikasa initially sees Levi, compared to how her impression of him starts to change in Chapter 7, further alters in this chapter, and continues to shift in the subsequent chapters, so I recommend reading it. You'll be seeing a lot more of Mikasa, Armin and Eren in the coming chapters, as well as Levi, plus Erwin and the rest of the Corps.  
**

**Thank you for your reviews, favorites, follows and views! I now have readers from 28 countries, 845 views from 334 people. I'm so excited! Don't be shy – if you like the story, please be sure to let others know. I'd love to hear from more of you!**

**Some of you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 8 – Home Remedies

"Well, this wasn't what we'd planned," Armin said, trying to sound amused instead of afraid. What little of the landscape they'd seen between Eren's fingers in the fading light didn't look like they were headed in the right direction at all, and they'd been completely unable to get Eren's attention, no matter how much they had yelled.

Armin was still embarrassed about how much he'd cried in front of Mikasa before, on the battlefield, but he couldn't help it. Seeing all their comrades dead like that, knowing he couldn't even bring them home to bury them… He fought down the memory, refusing to cry again. He was a Scout now. _Scouts don't cry. At least, not where others can see._

"What, having Eren kidnap us and the Captain, or having him whisk us off to who knows where, when we told him to take us back to the City? I still say we should stab his palm and try to make him let go. His self-imposed mission was to find and save Captain Levi. So if he's not heading to the City to bring him to a doctor, now that he's found him, why isn't he reverting back to human form?" Mikasa asked bluntly.

"Do you think it's because…because he knows…" Armin said softly. He hated the thought of anyone dying, even the intimidating Captain.

"Captain Levi isn't dying. We're not going to let him. Eren would never forgive himself for not bringing him to the City. Besides, Eren all but worships him, the fool," Mikasa assured Armin.

Just then Eren unexpectedly stopped, not jerking to a halt, but slowing, remarkably careful of his burdens. Armin felt Eren kneel and then his friend opened his cupped hand. Armin clambered out, looking around in confusion, at the unfamiliar landscape lit by moonlight. Night had fallen fully. Where the heck were they?

To his shock, Mikasa stumbled and nearly fell, as if she'd suddenly forgotten how to walk. "No. Oh. My. God," she whispered, her stunned voice full of horror.

"Mikasa? What is it? What's wrong?" Armin asked in concern. "Where are we?" he added, looking around in wonder. They were standing in front of a log cabin ringed by woods on the side of a mountain.

"Home. He took me home," she whispered.

"But this isn't yours and Eren's house. We're not even in Shiganshina," Armin argued.

She shook her head, eyes wide and haunted and suddenly he understood. "You mean your parents' house? Your home before…." He trailed off.

0 0 0

Mikasa looked around, numb with shock. Before her parents were butchered in front of her. Before she was kidnapped by those evil men, to be sold as a sex slave to some depraved lunatic in the Capital. Before Eren, a nine year old boy, rescued her from that fate by murdering two of the three men who'd kidnapped her. She'd knifed the last one in the back herself, after Eren had convinced her it was her only choice: that bastard's death or her own. She'd proven she was a fighter. She'd chosen life.

Eren had opened his other hand as well. Mikasa looked at the filthy, feverish, pale, crumpled form of their Captain, humanity's strongest warrior, now as weak and vulnerable as a newborn kitten, and the runt of the litter at that. For the first time, she truly saw beyond the façade outside to the man within. He was a fighter, too. A lesser man would have already been dead from his injuries, dead a hundred times over from all the battles with the Titans that he'd survived over the years.

Unexpectedly, she saw the Captain in a new light. She'd hated him, for the way he'd brutalized Eren seemingly without remorse in the courtroom. But his actions had ultimately kept those terrified fools from killing Eren. Belatedly she realized Eren could have a far lesser man as a hero to worship. Perhaps the Captain was good for Eren after all. As quickly as that, her new mission in life became saving Captain Levi's. Although how…?

Her eyes roamed across the overgrown yard she'd once laughed and played in, seeking familiar landmarks in the moonlight, past the dilapidated wooden planters protectively ringing…her mother's herb garden! Though his visits had been infrequent, her mother had been one of the growers Eren's father, a doctor, had gotten his medicinal herbs from!

Had Eren remembered that somehow, even in Titan form? Had her words of home and his father triggered inspiration instead of insanity? She'd thought she'd confused him by mentioning it, that he'd come here by mistake, but maybe it wasn't a mistake after all.

She felt new determination fill her. "We need to cut Eren out of that thing. Then we need to get Captain Levi into the house. Armin, I'll need you to see if there's still water in the well. We need it to bathe the Captain, to clean his wound and help reduce his fever. I'm going to gather the herbs we need to make a poultice, and tea for his fever, and then once I'm sure it's not infected, I'm going to sew his wound closed," she said matter-of-factly, as if she'd been treating seriously injured men her entire life.

Armin stared at her in awe and then nodded.

She approached the unconscious man cupped in Eren's left hand. Before she did anything else she loosened the tourniquet on the Captain's leg, hoping that it hadn't been left compressed too long. She tightened it back up once she saw the improvised, stained bandage darken further with fresh blood.

They cut Eren free, and were relieved that he seemed to snap out of his Titan state really quickly this time, that he was awake and aware immediately, instead of dazed and exhausted. It was truly remarkable, considering how long he'd been in Titan form.

Eren was extremely upset at first, when he realized where they were, concerned she might be traumatized by it, but even more so when he saw Captain Levi and realized how badly injured he was, and how severely in need of immediate medical care, until Mikasa assured him she could treat him. She stressed that the Captain might not have survived the longer trip to the City, and shared her deductions with Eren about why they were there. When he was still hesitant to believe her, she told him it was a moot point, in any case. They were here now, and Eren had done his best to control his Titan form.

She left Armin and Eren to carry the Captain inside and to heat the water and bathe their patient. Covered in blood and filth, he looked nothing like the normally fastidious man they were used to seeing. She had honestly scarcely recognized him when she saw him; she might not have, had she not heard him speak, in his usual condescending tone. Even then, his words had been a revelation. For the first time, it occurred to her that some of what he said was apparently said sarcastically, or in jest, that his sense of humor was just too dry for her to recognize most of the time. Again, she thought that he perhaps wasn't quite the vicious and vindictive bastard he'd initially appeared to be.

Mikasa remained outside, to gather the plants she needed. She might have begun to have a newfound appreciation for the man, but unlike most of the rest of the population of the City, she had absolutely no interest in seeing the short, abrasive, whipcord lean man naked.

As she explored her old yard by moonlight, she was flooded with memories, hundreds of images that she'd forgotten or suppressed. It was remarkably healing, an incredible relief to remember the laughter and smiles, instead of the blood and terror.

Mikasa was encouraged to find bees still inhabited one of their ten hives, the only one that was still intact, though it had become rather dilapidated. Fortunately, the bees were still industriously producing honey, a crucial ingredient if this was to work. They were relatively dormant, due to the lateness of the hour, which made it easier to retrieve the honey without getting stung without the protective leather clothing she should have been wearing. She carefully stole just enough honey to make the poultice she needed, painstakingly filling her empty canteen with the viscous mass. After wiping her sticky hands on some leaves, she began harvesting the herbs she'd also need.

After gathering everything she thought she might require, she resolutely turned to the door the others had disappeared through. She had thought she'd never set foot in the house again. Her parents had been murdered there. Their dried blood was likely still on the floor and door and walls. She feared the house would feel incredibly different than the garden. She didn't want to drown in those horrible memories again.

She was being foolish. She had no time to waste on old grief, and the ghosts of her past, not when there was a life to save.

In spite of her resolve, when she opened the door to the warmly lit house, and was hit by the poignant scent of lavender and jasmine, she almost crumpled to her knees and wept. Apparently Armin and Eren had found her mother's soap and bath oil, and were using them on Levi. She resolutely entered and closed the door behind her, closing her eyes as well, as she took in a deep breath, imagining for one heartbreaking moment that it was her mother she smelled, that her parents were still alive, and her world had never been destroyed.

She was behaving like a child, like the lost little girl she hadn't been since Eren and his father had offered her their home. She'd lost her parents, and Eren's, but she'd gained Eren and Armin, and others now, too, including the haughty Captain. She opened her eyes and got to work.

Eren and Armin had drawn the curtains, so the lit house wouldn't attract any Titans. They'd have to be careful about smoke, too, but they needed the fire for now, to continue to heat the water for the bath and the tea.

Mikasa was relieved to find her mother's book of traditional herbal medicine was still on the shelf, the pages somewhat mildewed and yellowed, but legible. She needed to make sure she didn't make any mistakes or forgot anything important. She sniffled a few times as she heard her mother's voice in her memories, patiently teaching her the traditional healing arts, both the local ones and those of her Asian ancestors, for what few of the latter plants she had grown.

Before Mikasa got started with the herbal preparations, she washed her hands and then headed for the cedar chest, hoping the linens within had fared better than her mother's book. She was thrilled to find that the chest hadn't only protected the sheets and blankets from the ravages of moths, as intended, but from the dust and damp as well.

She helped Armin make her old bed, so they could lay the Captain in it as soon as they were done bathing him. Her parents' bed was larger and would have been more comfortable, but she couldn't go in their room, not now, not yet.

Once Eren and Armin were done bathing the Captain and washing his hair, they laid him down and covered him. Then she had both Armin and Eren help mince some of the leave and flower petals, and grind the stems with the stone mortar and pestle that had still been in the cupboard where they'd left them all those years ago. _No. It wasn't long ago at all. Six years._ Had it truly only been six? It felt like a lifetime ago.

"What are all these different plants for?" Armin asked, fascinated, as they worked.

"First I'm going to start the tea brewing. I'm using Orach, a stimulant, which helps treat exhaustion; Borage, which also helps revive and revitalize, and works on colds and coughs too; Sweet Basil for the pain and vomiting; Wintergreen, also for pain; Chamomile, to stimulate his appetite and help cleanse his blood; and Meadowsweet and Wood Avens, both to reduce his fever. Then, I'm going to prepare the poultice, for his leg.

"The honey is the base for the poultice we're going to put on the wounds. Honey is both an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory; it helps prevent and treat infection and reduce swelling. We're adding Marigold as an antiseptic and additional anti-inflammatory; Agrimony as an astringent; Thyme as a disinfectant; and then Goldenrod, Knapweed, St. John's Wort, Woundwort, Lungwort, Oregano, and Chervil, all for similar reasons. Then Yarrow and Woad to stop the bleeding. Once it's all mixed together, we need to clean the wound thoroughly, before we apply it.

"Before we open the tourniquet, we need to scrape out the wound with that knife I had you sterilize. We need to saturate the wound with alcohol. Then we open the tourniquet and let it bleed, until the blood looks clear and red, and pour more alcohol on it. Next I'll apply the poultice, making sure to get it inside the wound as far as I can. Then I'm going to bandage it.

"He slept through the bath, but this part is going to hurt like hell. We're going to tie down his arms and legs to the bed, before we start, and shove a wad of leather in his mouth. Armin and Eren, I need you to hold him down, too, so he doesn't pull any muscles or dislocate an arm or something. And if he's aware enough, I'll need you both to convince him we're not torturing him or trying to kill him. He won't believe it, coming from me. He'll think I'm taking revenge."

Armin's wide eyes went from her to Eren and back to her. "You're not, are you? I mean…. I'm sort of surprised you'd do all this for him, allow him in your house, and work so hard to help him."

"I realized he's not who I thought he was. I'm not going to enjoy this any more than either of you will, or he will, but it's the only way we can save his life, and if he's lucky, his leg, too," she said solemnly.

Armin looked both surprised and reassured, and he nodded.

Once everything was ready, Mikasa made sure the ropes were secure and Armin and Eren were in place before she began. It was fortunate she did so. She wouldn't have thought the slender man could be so strong, especially injured as he was, but when the knife touched the wound he began fighting like a demon, and the alcohol had him thrashing so hard he almost broke free even tied and pinned. Mikasa continued working with grim resolve, while Eren looked furious and Armin cried; none of them relented until the job was done.

Levi was fortunately delirious, or they'd never have been able to get him to drink the tea. He'd have been convinced she was trying to poison him.

Finally, once they were done, and he'd fallen asleep or unconscious, exhausted from the battle and his injury, she told them, "It's your jobs to sponge bathe him with warm water every ten minutes, until his fever breaks. That's about all we can do for now. The rest is up to him.

"I'll make us some salads for a late dinner, from whatever I can find growing wild in the garden, since it looks like the rabbits, squirrels and deer haven't eaten it all. And we need to take turns keeping an eye out for Titans. Eren, why don't you take guard duty? Armin can bathe Levi, and sweep out the room in between, so the Captain's more comfortable with how it looks, once he's awake."

"I can do that!" Armin said, as always, happy to be useful, and Eren nodded and headed outside.


	9. Chapter 9 - Losing Control

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
If Erwin seems out of character, it is because he is suffering not only from grief, but from the effects of his concussion, exacerbated by sleep deprivation, as will be discussed in Chapter 13. His cognitive ability is impaired, his personality has altered, and he is emotionally unstable. **

Chapter 9 – Losing Control

One of the hardest things Erwin had ever had to do was continue heading towards Karanese. Every instinct screamed at him to go back and look for Levi, that he had to be alive, probably injured and in need of help, but alive, and if he didn't go back, it would be too late. But it was already too late. Hange had told him they'd looked for survivors after leaving the forest, that they'd sent out smoke signals to draw in all the stragglers, and had followed the smoke trails of those who couldn't reach them and recovered a precious few other comrades. There were no more survivors left to find.

It took them a torturous two-and-a-half days by wagon to reach Karanese, traveling for twelve hours a day, sixteen including breaks, three hours at a time with an hour's rest in between for the overworked horses and eight hours sleep each night, when it was too dark to see the road ahead. They slept in shifts, on constant alert for an attack.

Not that Erwin slept. Every time he closed his eyes, he pictured Levi being eaten, dying in a dozen different grizzly ways. He didn't eat either. Hange thought his nausea was part of his concussion, but at even the thought of food, he'd picture Levi being devoured, and gag.

As if taunting them by their absence, after being inundated with their enemy before, the entire way back they only saw six Titans, all of them in the distance, none of whom moved to engage them.

Erwin agreed to keep Mike sedated, until he could be tended in the hospital, but in spite of Hange's protest in light of his own condition, Erwin insisted that he only ride in the wagon until they got within visual range of Wall Rose. After that, Erwin needed to be on horseback. Returning with so few men, most of whom were wounded, and without Levi and Yeager was going to be devastating to the City's morale. If he wasn't at least leading the way, it would be that much worse. He had to appear as stoic as ever, in spite of their losses.

Riding down the street, hearing the questions, accusations, and criticisms, the helplessness, shock and anger… for the first time he truly wondered if it was worth it. Was it really as hopeless as everyone else feared? Levi and the others had died for nothing. They'd only made it two-thirds of the way to Shiganshina and he still didn't even remember a blasted thing! If Berner, Hange and Miller hadn't filled him in, he wouldn't have a clue as to why they were outside.

He'd have to read his coded journal and mission briefing notes, which should be locked in his office waiting for him, and hope they triggered his memory, or at least gave him an idea of exactly what he had been specifically planning. Their primary mission had been to reach Yeager's house, his basement, but there was a secondary objective that apparently only he and Levi had known, from what Hange had told him. It had damned well better be something important. Because honestly, he couldn't imagine going to sleep tonight and being able to wake up in the morning and do this again.

Who the hell was he kidding? There was no way he was going to be sleeping, period. Just thinking about his empty, lonely bed made him feel sick. Sleeping alone hadn't bothered him before, but suddenly, now that it was too late, it was unbearable. He couldn't shrug this death off so easily, dismiss the loss as he had all the hundreds of others over the years. This was different. This was Levi.

There would be no more falsely innocent remarks from the surprisingly devilish Captain during their regular, almost ritual, tea breaks. Regardless of how prepared Erwin thought he was, Levi had always carefully timed his outrageous remarks so he'd have a mouthful of tea, to ensure he'd choke and spit it out, so Levi could make the appropriately disgusted and disdainful comment. There would be no more half-veiled looks from slumberous eyes, no more teasing innuendo, or carefully guarded flirtations, as he and Levi kept up the challenging, frustrating and treasured verbal dance they'd both enjoyed so much, while all the time keeping their relationship strictly professional, or at least, strictly platonic, in spite of all the wild rumors circulating about them, at least half of which he was certain Levi himself had started.

His men were almost as lost as he was. They'd lost comrades before, hundreds of them. They'd even had disastrous missions before. But this time was different. This time… they'd lost themselves.

The day they returned to Karanese, Erwin was relieved when Hange came into his office that night, hours after their arrival, and insisted he get the hell out of it, until he realized she meant for him to lie down, to go to bed. He'd spent the entire afternoon and evening of their return pouring over his notes, both of this mission and the previous ones, obsessively reviewing every mission he'd ever led. It was what he did best: making the plans that got other people killed. Seeing Levi's name written in his hand over and over had been torture, but those few precious words were all he had left of the man, that and his memories. It wasn't enough.

He compromised with Hange's demand by assuring her he'd lie down on his sofa. His head still hurt like hell, but he couldn't take anything for it because of the concussion, not that he would have, in any case: he deserved the pain. He refused to drink the tea she brought. He couldn't even look at it. He didn't think he'd ever be able to drink tea again. He still hadn't eaten, either, not since waking up in that damned wagon. He'd drunk water several times in small sips on the trip back, without vomiting, knowing it was vital to keep hydrated. He managed to successfully choke down a few sips of juice in his office, and called it a victory.

He finally went out to the stables, hoping grooming his horse, who had somehow miraculously managed to survive unscathed, would help. He'd forgotten Pewter was there, too, and that Levi's horse was the same silver gray color as his eyes.

How could he have been so stupid? Why hadn't he acted when he'd had the chance? All that wasted time. No, not wasted, treasured, cherished, but… Somehow, he made it through the rest of that endless night.

He honestly, foolishly hadn't thought it could get any worse, until the following, hellish day, when Hange had come flying into his office, like the maniac she was, while he was staring at his lunch, trying to figure out how to dispose of it without wasting the food but without anyone figuring out he hadn't eaten it, and with five words changed his life.

"Four men outside the Wall!" she gasped out, panting for breath, like she'd been on the Wall and run or flown all the way here. The latter would have freaked the hell out of the civilians, and they were already edgy.

"Impossible." There was no way. No one could survive outside.

But she was digging her stubby, but viciously sharp nails into his arm, and dragging him up from his desk.

"It could be another Titan trap, four human Titans, like Eren and Annie. We have to be ready for anything," she cautioned.

And suddenly he was moving of his own volition, because if those idiots on the Wall actually opened the damned Gate and let in four disguised Titans…

He was glad he'd insisted his men always have their maneuver gear strapped on, while they were on duty, in case of attack. They ducked into the mess hall and grabbed everyone there. He expected a trap. He wanted to have the bastards outmaneuvered this time.

They ran to the stables for their horses. The closer those men, if they were men, got to the City, the more likely one or more Titans would attack them. They brought four spare horses for the unknown men, just in case they truly needed to be rescued, and not killed.

They could see from below that there was a flurry of activity on the top of the Wall when they arrived at its base. The men on guard at street level told them that Commander Dot Pixis himself was up there. He'd apparently been conducting a surprise inspection, as he liked to call it, or walking the Wall and drinking, as his troops gently teased behind his back. The men's respect for Pixis had skyrocketed, after the Battle for Trost.

Erwin, Hange and Miller scaled the wall using their gear. Erwin needed to conduct a reconnaissance from the relative safety of the top of the Wall, in order to decide whether or not to risk riding out with his men. But when they made it to the top, the situation was grim.

"They were attacked a few moments ago. There's nothing we can do. They're still out of the range of our cannons," Pixis stated calmly, none of the frustration another man would have betrayed in either his stance or voice. But when he held out his brass telescope to Erwin, his knuckles were white with suppressed tension. "They appear to be some of your men, Commander Erwin. Two of them have functioning maneuver gear, at least for the moment. They've successfully defeated a four meter and a seven meter, but two fifteen meters are heading their way."

Manuever gear? The likelihood that they were truly men, perhaps even some of his own MIAs, suddenly skyrocketed. Levi? Could it even be Levi? He felt hope flare and tried to crush it. It didn't matter who they were, not even that they were likely Scouts. They needed help. Except…they could still be the enemy. What better way to lull them into a false sense of security, than by having them use maneuver gear? Damn it. "We need to open the Gate, but please keep on your guard, Commander Pixis. This could be a trap."

Pixis nodded. "I read Squad Leader Miller's preliminary mission report. It's become painfully apparent we've underestimated both the intelligence and the resourcefulness of our enemy. We'll do our best to expect the unexpected and be ready for any contingency."

It was what Pixis was known best for. Erwin was relieved he was there.

Erwin, Miller and Hange swung back down to the street and rejoined the others as the order to open the Gate was relayed. They headed for the opening Gate at a gallop. "Lock it down there! Keep it just high enough for the horses!" Erwin ordered, as he and the others ducked under the huge portcullis when it was at the bare minimum for them to pass.

It was the longest horse ride of Erwin's life, as he watched the fifteen meter Titans converging on the men and knew with sick certainty that the Titans would get there first. And then something astonishing and terrifying happened.

One of the men raised his arm into the air, and a green smoke grenade was launched. And the approaching Titans' heads snapped around, and in unison, they both veered right, heading away from their initial intended victims and instead thundered directly towards Erwin and his men.

It was a trap! And worse, they knew the Scout signals! The new ones! First they had known where their forces were headed, and now this. Which meant somehow, somewhere, there was definitely another traitor in their midst. A traitor who had killed Levi and every other man and woman they'd lost.

One moment the two Titans were almost on top of them, and then suddenly they were running past, only a dozen meters to their left, and they continued to run, as if he and his team didn't even exist. _What the hell?_

Erwin spun his horse around to face the four men, who were all running towards them. They were close enough now that he could see the flashes of blue and white from the emblems on their fluttering green capes. They were in Scout uniforms. Even after knowing they had tried to kill them, he found himself looking for black hair; they weren't close enough to distinguish their facial features yet.

"Surround and capture them. If they make a move to bite or stab themselves, to hurt and bleed, kill them. We can't risk another Leonhart," Erwin ordered. "And keep an eye out for those two fifteen meters, or others."

They galloped towards the men, and finally they could see their faces. Erwin felt his stomach heave. _Bastard! Bauer!_ Heinrich Bauer was one of them, the last MIA from Levi's Squad. No wonder Levi hadn't survived the battle! Bauer had stabbed Levi in the back, or slit his throat, or beheaded him, or… **"MURDERING BASTARD!"**

He hadn't realized he'd screamed the words echoing in his head aloud until he felt his throat ripped raw and saw Miller and Hange and the others jerk around and stare at him in shock.

He recognized the men with Bauer too: Anders, Rickard and Mitchell, all supposedly MIA, martyrs, heroes! A rage like nothing he'd ever felt before engulfed him. This must be how Yeager felt, every time he saw one of the monsters who'd eaten his mother. He'd never hated anyone or anything with the intensity he did at that moment.

He launched himself off his horse and onto Bauer, all strategy and caution burnt to ash with his fury, his legendary control incinerated with it. He wanted nothing more than to pound this man's face into the ground. He was tackled from behind, before his fist could connect with his first blow, one that would have shattered bone and pulped brain and he fought against the restraining arms like a rabid badger.

"Careful of his head, don't hit his head! You could kill him!" Hange yelled.

He wanted to kill him, he wanted to pulverize him, to….belatedly he realized Miller was the one restraining him, and that Hange was warning Miller not to hit him in the head, because of his concussion. Another blow would likely kill him.

Bauer was getting shakily to his feet, looking at him in shock, as if he'd just turned into a Titan in front of him. "What the hell happened to the Commander? What's wrong with him? That bandage, his head … How could you let him outside the Wall if he's like this?" he accused, rounding on Miller and Hange.

"We used our last green. Do any of you have green?" Anders demanded, sounding frantic.

"We need to get Mitch inside, now," Rickard snapped.

Mitchell was standing there, staring blankly, the only one apparently not affected at all by the chaos around him. Too unaffected, Erwin realized as rational thought began trickling back into his brain. Mitchell was apparently oblivious to his surroundings, completely disassociated.

Belatedly, Erwin realized that all four men looked like they'd been to hell and back, like they'd survived a major battle with the Titans and then spent the last 90 hours walking back from behind enemy lines. They weren't changing into Titans, or attacking, or summoning Titans. They looked filthy and frazzled and half out of their minds with terror. They didn't look or act like traitors. But then, neither had Annie Leonhart.

"Release me, tie them up and get them inside, where we can question them," Erwin ordered, doing his best to sound sane.

"Thank God. Don't ever do that to us again, Commander," Hange said. "Let him go, Miller. It looks like he's back with us."

"What the hell do you mean, tie us up? You and your prissy little butt boy leave us out here to die and now you're trying to finish the job?" Rickard screamed, lunging toward him.

Erwin had headed for the man's throat before he finished the word "boy", but Bauer and Anders had intercepted Rickard, and Miller caught Erwin from behind, pinning his arms to his sides.

"Damn it, Hange, sedate the Commander or something, before he gets us all killed! The way you jabbed that needle into Zacharius out of nowhere, you must have something on you," Miller demanded.

At that moment there was the sound of cannon fire coming from the Wall. As one, they whipped around and saw to their horror there were over a dozen Titans of various sizes running towards them, converging from all directions, out of range of the cannons, which had apparently been fired to warn them, or to draw the Titans' attention away from them.

"Green smoke! Damn it, do any of you have green?" Anders screamed irrationally.

"Mount up, ride!" Erwin ordered as he mounted, Hange and Miller and the others who had ridden out with him quickly following suit. Bauer vaulted onto one of the riderless horses they'd brought, and Rickard mounted another and then heaved Mitchell on in front of him, as Anders mounted a third, and they all began futilely galloping towards the Wall Erwin knew they didn't have time to reach.

But as they thundered towards the Gate, Hange inexplicably popped a grenade into her pistol and fired, a streak of green smoke arcing up into the sky, and miraculously, the onrushing Titans all veered, some going left, others right, others forward, others back, arcing away from them. They didn't all just veer right, following the command of the smoke, they instead effectively scattered, leaving a clear path to the Wall.

"Hot damn! I was right! You men are brilliant! But my poor little lambs," Hange crowed and crooned, her eyes shining with that fanatical brightness normally reserved for her Titan experiments, as she watched them flee. "I wonder how long it will last and how many are affected? Conditioned response to exterior stimuli, based upon empirically faulty reasoning. What if …" Hange was yammering to herself gleefully, loud enough for Erwin to hear at first, but then his horse pulled further into the lead and the thundering hooves drowned her out.

Erwin didn't have the brainpower or the patience to ask her what the hell she was talking about. He was holding onto his control by a thread. He wanted these men tied up and he wanted answers and he was all too eager to beat them out of them.

**A/N 2:  
If you're still puzzled by the effect of the green smoke on the Titans, Erwin will explain in Chapter 13. **


	10. Chapter 10 - A Strange Kind of Hell

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.**

Chapter 10 – A Strange Kind of Hell

Levi inhaled deeply, completely relaxed and at peace, for one of the first times in his life. Something smelled amazing, like flowers and herbs and something else he couldn't place. Was he in a flower shop or a kitchen? No. He was lying down, he was naked and he felt wonderfully clean and surprisingly well rested and…wait. Something was seriously wrong.

Reality crashed down like a Titan, shattering the feeling of peace. He wasn't clean. He was filthy, bloody, wounded. Dehydrated, appallingly weak, and exhausted. Only he wasn't. His memory clashed stridently with his senses. _What the hell is going on?_

He opened his eyes to an unfamiliar log ceiling. _Where the hell am I?_

"You're awake!" a familiar cherubic blond-haired blue-eyed boy gushed, with what looked to be a wet sponge in his hand. "Just in time for your bath!"

Oh crap. He was dead, he was in hell, and Armin Arlert was there. It figured. He could think of another blond he wouldn't mind in the slightest giving him a sponge bath, but it certainly wasn't Arlert.

Although this didn't really seem like hell. So he was probably still feverish and delirious. Had he ever even made it out of that damned spiked pit? He wasn't sure.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," a somewhat familiar voice said. It sounded like Mikasa Ackerman, except her tone was gentle, almost teasing, so it must have been someone else. He turned his head and stared in shock. It was indeed Ackerman, but a slight smile softened her face, maybe more a smirk, but still, she had never looked at him with anything other than a scowl before. He was definitely dead or delirious.

"I'll go tell Eren you're awake. He's on Titan watch," Ackerman said, and suddenly the world snapped back into focus and he knew it was real, in spite of the scent of jasmine and lavender, his clean, naked skin on a soft bed between odd smelling but nicely fragranced sheets and…heart hammering he lifted the sheet. Two legs, still. He hadn't felt his wound and had thought for a terrifying moment his leg might truly be gone, that they'd sawed it off while he slept. He could easily picture Ackerman with a bloody saw in one hand, his leg in the other, and a look of manic glee on her face.

He must have looked at her retreating back suspiciously, because Arlert immediately began praising her. "Mikasa's been nursing you back to health. Well, I've been helping, but mostly giving you baths, to help bring your fever down. She's the one who's been making the poultices and bandaging you and brewing the tea and you were really cooperative the first few times you drank it but then you spit it up all over her, saying something about her poisoning you, and she got kind of mad until she realized you weren't really awake."

Honestly, how could he do that? Arlert hadn't paused for a single breath. Just listening to him was beginning to exhaust him. "I guess you must have found me then?" Levi ventured.

"Don't you remember? Eren found you. He actually smelled you."

Levi grimaced, vividly remembering how horrid he'd smelled.

"Oh! I mean, you know, scented you, and found you that way," Arlert explained, as if what he was saying made sense, as if Eren was that hulking mutant Zacharius. "In Titan form," Arlert added, apparently seeing the bewilderment on his face.

Ah. That actually did make sense, then. "I see. And is there a reason I am here, wherever here is, and not in the hospital, in the City? Not that I mind all that much. I hate hospitals. I love the smell of disinfectant, but knowing how many germs are there…." He shuddered, just thinking about it.

"You're awake!" Eren said eagerly, running into the room and rushing to the bed.

"Obviously. Or at least, so I've been told. Although this feels a bit surreal," Levi admitted. "Where are we?"

"Mikasa's old house, from before she was orphaned," Eren said.

Levi looked at him sharply.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you here. I have no idea why my Titan form thought of this as home, in spite of what Mikasa said about it. But Mikasa said it was lucky that I did, so we could treat your injury right away. You were in pretty bad shape, when we found you."

"I know. I remember. I suppose I should thank all of you."

Arlert gave him a challenging look, one that was more like what he would have expected from Ackerman. "Yes, you should. Are you going to?"

Levi was surprised and a little bit impressed. He hadn't expected that kind of fire from Arlert. "Thank you Arlert. And thank you Eren. I will thank Ackerman personally, too, when she comes back inside and one of you is on watch instead."

"They did the most. Eren carried all of us the whole way, and Mikasa made the medicine and tea," Arlert explained.

"You did most of the sponge baths," Eren said, and Levi winced and hid a shudder at the reminder. Arlert was definitely not his type. And "most" implied that Eren or Ackerman had bathed him as well, which was just as unappealing.

Arlert added, "It's been almost two whole days since we brought you here. We're really glad you're completely awake, now. You need to eat something, to help get your strength back. Mikasa was able to catch some rabbits, and there are vegetables from the garden, and mushrooms, nuts and berries from the woods. She's been teaching us about what's safe to gather and eat."

Previously, Levi would have been concerned that there were apparently poisonous plants in the area, and Ackerman was the knowledgeable one of the three of them as to which they were. But instead of trying to kill him, for some reason, Ackerman had apparently been nursing him back to health. _Wait. Two days?_

"Two days? And you haven't had any way to signal to the Corps and let them know you're OK, have you? I mean, I'd expect to see one of the medics or even Hange or someone else with more official medical training here if you did. No offense meant to Ackerman. She apparently has talents we didn't know about." Levi was even more impressed than before. "I'm a little vague on the details of what happened before the pit I climbed out of," Levi admitted reluctantly. He actually couldn't remember a damned thing, but he wasn't about to admit it.

"So **that's** what happened to your leg. It was a spike from inside one of the pits! We were wondering how you got wounded like that. We thought maybe someone hit you with a sword, by mistake, while fighting. Well Armin thought that. I was afraid someone tried to kill you. What do you remember about our mission, and the ambush?" Eren asked.

"Kill me? Who, a Scout? Why? And an ambush? So we were we on a mission to seize new specimens for Hange to experiment on?" Levi hazarded.

He was surprised by the grim look on Eren's face. "No. We were on a mission to try to get to my old house, to get into the basement. But the Titans ambushed us. They launched a coordinated assault, from all four sides of the formation. We were completely surrounded. They were herding us, like we were damned goats. We would have been massacred even worse, if you didn't signal for everyone to head to the right flank, where you and your Squad were located. We thought that maybe whoever set us up tried to kill you for messing up their plans, that they used the cover of the battle to attack you and take you down. Do you remember now?"

"What do you mean massacred worse? What happened?" Levi swung his legs over the edge of the bed and shot to his feet without thinking, then gasped and fell back onto the bed as a knife of fire shot through his right leg. _Shit that hurt!_

"Hey, careful! You don't want to tear your stitches. Mikasa was finally able to sew your wound, once the infection subsided," Eren cautioned.

"Never mind my damned leg. What the hell happened to my Squad, to the Corps?" And why the hell couldn't he remember any of it?

Eren took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. "It might have been a little better, once we left. Stragglers were still coming into the forest. Our forces had pretty much scattered all across the right flank, from the left, forward and rear. But it was pretty bad this time."

Arlert added, "I heard Squad Leader Miller tell Berner that if it hadn't been for you, Captain, and for Eren, and those pits, we probably would have been wiped out. They attacked from all four fronts simultaneously, and there were dozens and dozens of them, maybe a hundred or more, altogether."

_A hundred Titans? Holy shit. How the hell could any of us have survived that?_ "How many dead?" Levi asked, dreading the answer.

"Sixty-six percent casualties, dead, missing, or seriously injured, 99 of our 150 men. But like I said, some of the missing might have turned up after we left. Fourteen percent walking wounded and twenty percent uninjured. And we lost a lot of the horses and most of the wagons this time, too," Eren said grimly.

Even with all his dark thoughts and doubts earlier, after hearing the cold, hard numbers, suddenly waking to find himself alone in that hole and finding those seven bodies was a lot more terrifying. "My Squad?' he asked, sitting stiffly, bracing himself for what he was afraid he'd hear.

"I'm sorry. Yannis Gianapolis was confirmed dead, and Heinrich Bauer and Hans Morgan are both MIA, for now presumed KIA," Eren confessed.

A memory of screaming filled Levi's ears as a sudden image flashed across his mind: Morgan dying as he and Gianapolis watched, and then Gianapolis bitten in half a moment later. Levi felt the blood drain from his face and swallowed hard. "I…that I remember. Morgan is dead too. I…I'm not sure about Bauer. I don't know. Or don't remember. What about Commander Erwin and the other senior officers?"

Arlert looked at Eren and bit his lip.

_No. No, they meant the other officers. Not Erwin. Erwin was his last surviving oldest friend, he was... Erwin couldn't be dead. He was indestructible he… don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead._

"Commander Erwin…" Arlert said, hesitating and Levi fell back on the bed, like a marionette whose strings had been cut, hyperventilating, a buzzing sound filling his ears.

"He's not dead!" Arlert cried, almost in a panic. "I mean, we don't think he is. He was still unconscious when we left but Hange said she was pretty sure it was a mild concussion and that he'd probably be fine, and I don't think she was just telling everyone that because Zacharius was unconscious too and Miller was the only other senior officer left, except for Hange," Arlert scrambled to explain. "I mean, except for you, of course, but everyone else was convinced you were dead too."

_Alive. Still alive _"What were the Commander's other injuries?" Levi asked, dreading the answer. Had he lost an arm or a leg? Or multiple limbs? He could barely breathe, picturing it.

Arlert said, "I'm not sure. I don't think there were any, except for bruises, although one or both of his arms might have been broken. He got hit by a Titan. Not bitten or squeezed, just smacked. Hange saw him get hit, and so did Mikasa. Hange…um…she went totally psycho on it. You know how Hange is kind of weird for Titans, like they're pets or children or maybe friends or something, but that one? She chopped it to pieces, even as it was steaming into nothing, after she killed it."

"I see. Thank you for filling me in. I actually don't remember the mission at all, other than a few flashes of images, when you were speaking about it. What's our deadline for reporting back? Were we supposed to head out as soon as I was conscious?"

Arlert looked at Eren again, but this time it didn't make any sense to Levi. _What could they possibly be trying to hide now?_

Eren spoke up, sounding unusually hesitant. "Um…we're not exactly here with you under orders."

"It's sort of more like we kind of ran away," Arlert added sheepishly.

Levi's brow creased in confusion. "What do you mean, ran away? You can't…wait. You mean you weren't sent out to look for survivors or even ordered to find and rescue me personally? Are you trying to tell me that you deserted, that you're AWOL? That you abandoned your posts in the field, after an actual battle with…wait. You didn't run away during the fighting?" Levi asked, horrified at the thought, even though it made little sense. But running away at all made no sense.

Eren said defensively. "All the Titans were either dead or had run off by then. We'd never have left the Corps in immediate danger. But Squad Leader Miller wouldn't let us look for you. He said you were dead. But we only found your horse, with his flank clawed by a Titan's nails, and we knew that didn't mean you had to be dead. We knew if Commander Erwin was awake that he'd want us to look for you. But Miller wouldn't let us go."

Arlert interjected, "So Eren sort of turned into a Titan right in front of everyone and grabbed me and Mikasa in his hands and ran off with us. He kind of glared at Squad Leader Miller, but he didn't hurt him or anything. And we went looking for you. And we found you. And if we hadn't come, you **would** have died."

"But abandoning your post on the battlefield, going against direct orders… that's deserting. That's treason, you idiots! You could be court-martialed and executed for that! What were you thinking?" Levi snapped, glaring at Eren.

"I was thinking it was my fault your real Squad got killed in those damned woods and that I'd rather be dead than see you die too because of me!" Eren yelled back. "Whether you realize it, whether you give a damn or not, you're my friend, and I guess I'm just a selfish prick, damn it, because I don't want to lose anyone else!"

Levi pulled back and blinked. Then he nodded. He understood, though he still didn't approve. But just because he understood didn't mean Erwin would. Erwin could be a real by-the-book hard ass sometimes. He might truly want to execute all three of them for this. Although Levi was pretty sure bringing him back alive would have a lot of influence on their level of punishment, as well as the need to keep Eren alive, for the sake of humanity's survival. But that only applied for as long as Erwin believed Eren could be kept safely controlled.

Regardless of what Erwin decided, he'd do what he could to intervene on their behalf. And if that didn't work, then he'd show them the way into the Underground. It was a tough, nasty life, but at least they'd still be alive.

When the hell had he started to care this much for these three idiots? How had they wormed their way into his cold, dead heart? Apparently that was Erwin's fault. His heart would have been completely shriveled up to nothing, if it hadn't been for him.

"We need to get back to the City as soon as we can," Levi said. "Is it safe for me to travel? I won't lose my leg or anything if I do? I can handle the pain and blood, but I won't be able to stay in the Corps if I lose it." He'd be dead in a heartbeat without the mobility. He hoped there wasn't any nerve damage as it was, but he'd work with whatever he had. At least he still had his leg. And his life. Thanks to these three brats. And why did the word "brat" suddenly make him want to smile, as if it was some kind of term of endearment or something? Just what the hell kind of tea was Ackerman brewing him, anyway?

"It's late, but we might be able to head out tomorrow. I'll check with Mikasa. It's supposed to be my watch anyway, and she'll probably want to examine you, now that you're awake," Eren said.

_Examine me? She's not my type any more than Armin is, _Levi thought with a smirk. Then he froze. _Wait. Armin?_ The little blond was no longer Arlert to him? _Eren, Armin and… Ackerman. _Thank God. At least he wasn't losing his mind, even if Ackerman was.


	11. Chapter 11 - Shift in Perspective

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thank you JasonVUK, Kihon Dishon, Penelope Duckington, and my two guest reviewers, for taking the time to write such wonderful reviews! If any of the rest of you would like to add this story as a favorite or follow, which might encourage others to take a peek at it, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!**

Chapter 11 – Shift in Perspective

Levi looked around the room he was in curiously, as he waited for Ackerman. It was crudely furnished, the bed, nightstand, chair, desk and bureau sturdy and rough looking, crafted from raw, unfinished wood, rather than carved, stained, waxed and polished to a high gloss; furniture meant to be used and relaxed upon, rather than sat upon stiffly and admired. He appeared to be in a young girl's room: there were faded yellow and green flowered curtains on the window, and a handful of dolls and pretty trinkets on top of the bureau, thickly layered in dust. The floor appeared to have been recently swept, though not very well, and it hadn't been washed.

He suddenly realized that, if this was Ackerman's old house, this was likely her old room. Which meant those dolls and baubles were hers. He never would have imagined her having an interest in something so feminine, but then again, she had only been a child then. Everything she had lived through since had stripped away every soft, feminine thing about her, leaving nothing but an abrasive steel core. Or so he had thought, even seeing how she mothered Armin. But according to Armin, she'd tended to him too, with completely unexpected devotion. Why?

Levi stared at the sheets, wondering about Ackerman's motives for aiding him, and was relieved to see that in surprising contract to the dilapidated and dirty state of the rest of the room, the sheets he was lying between appeared remarkably bright and incongruously fresh and clean. He still didn't know what the odd scent was, but it was remarkably pleasant, adding a desperately needed masculine scent to combat the flowery aroma of his skin and hair, although he wasn't about to complain, considering what he had smelled like before. Even flowers were welcome, though he normally preferred spicy scents.

"Hello again. I'd like to check your leg, if that's alright. I need to change the bandage for the night and apply a fresh poultice," Ackerman said from the doorway, a tray in her hands, with a bowl on it, and a mass of white cloth.

He looked up, startled, at her first words. He hadn't heard her approach. She would have made a wonderful thief. She was one of the few people he had ever met who could match him for stealth. Reluctantly he admitted to himself that she was his match in dexterity and fighting skills as well. For a moment he thought she'd make an excellent addition to his Special Operations Squad, until he remembered that he no longer had a Squad. The last thing he needed was another person dying for him.

"Levi? Are you alright? Can you hear me?" Ackerman asked, no longer standing on ceremony, having crossed from the door to the bed remarkably quickly and laid the tray onto the nightstand.

For a foolish moment he wished he had an interest in women, but then he snorted at the errant thought. Ackerman was completely devoted to Eren, though the oblivious idiot didn't have a clue. "I'm fine. I was just lost in thought. I'm honestly not sure why you've done so much for me, but I want you to know that I genuinely appreciate your aid," Levi said carefully. He was on completely unfamiliar ground at the moment. He still had no idea what she might be thinking, why she was helping him.

"You're actually thanking me? Eren and Armin told me you thanked them, but I thought…you're obviously still delirious. How does your leg feel?" she asked, joking weakly, apparently as uncomfortable with their new relationship as he was.

"It's far less painful at the moment than I would have expected, considering the level of pain before and the size of the spike that injured me, both going in and coming out. Have you had actual training as a physician? Were you able to assess the severity of the muscle damage? Is there any nerve damage? Will I recover full use of it? How long until I'm completely mobile again?"

He was relieved to see she appeared amused by his questions instead of sympathetic. Excessive compassion on her part would likely have meant he'd be crippled for life, and he despised being looked at in pity.

"I think that's the most you've said to me in all the time I've know you," she said, a faint smile touching her lips.

_Is she actually teasing me?_

"In answer to your many questions, I don't have official medical training but my…my mother was knowledgeable of folk remedies."

He noticed the brief hesitation. Not for the first time, he suspected it was harder to lose parents you actually loved than to have never known them at all, though his own circumstances were quite different from both of those situations. He forced his bitter memories back down into the blackest depths of his mind, where they belonged.

"She taught me, and also, I referenced her book," Ackerman continued. "We've been feeding you painkillers in the tea I've been brewing for you, and I've been using a topical anesthetic as well. I don't know how extensive the damage is, how long it will take you to recover, or whether you'll regain full use of your leg or not. But I can tell you it looked a lot better when I changed the bandage this afternoon than it had in the morning, and much better than the day before, and especially than the night I first treated you."

"I suppose that's at least something," he grudgingly admitted.

"May I take a look? As I said, I need to replace the poultice." She sounded calm and apologetic. It was both reassuring and a little unnerving.

He nodded.

"I need you to roll onto your left side, so I can see both wounds, but let me do most of the work, alright? I don't want you straining those muscles accidentally," she instructed.

He nodded again, vividly remembering the searing agony from when he had tried to stand, and with her assistance, cautiously turned over.

She gently pulled the sheet aside, carefully exposing his right leg from the hip down, but leaving the rest of his groin covered. It was odd and unsettling being naked in front of a woman he didn't know well. Other than Isabel, Petra, Hange and the odd doctor here and there, few women had ever seen him nude. Not that Ackerman was looking at anything other than his injury.

Her long, narrow fingers were gentle as she unwrapped the bandage and then removed the poultice beneath. He watched as she carefully cleaned off the sticky residue, gently bathing the exit hole on the front of his thigh and the surrounding area with warm water, exposing a hideous black, purple, blue and yellow bruise around a neatly stitched hole, not a single seam, but a number of crisscrossing ones of varying lengths, drawing what was left of the tattered skin together, from where the metal had burst through. He frowned and found himself flinching away from the sponge. Who knew what was living in the water on that sponge, considering how filthy the room was?

"I boiled the water and let it cool, to kill all the germs I could," she assured him, as if guessing his thoughts. "I'll need to use alcohol, too. You've reacted pretty violently each time I've cleaned the wounds, although much worse before I sewed them closed, so it must have hurt a lot. I've realized you're a lot tougher than I previously gave you credit for," she said, to his surprise. Apparently she wasn't the only one unexpectedly garnering respect.

"I'll be fine," he assured her.

She worked quickly and efficiently, carefully dousing his injury from a half empty bottle of whiskey. The pain wasn't nearly as bad as he had braced for, whatever anesthetic she was using must have been a potent one, but he'd already seen that trying to walk would more than make up for it. She cleaned off the entry wound with just as much care. Although larger, it looked somewhat better, more star shaped, geometrically even, but it still wasn't pretty. Yet another two scars in the making, though not nearly as ugly as they would have been, had it not been for her skill.

He watched in interest as she applied the poultice. He would have been skeptical, had he not seen how well the wound was healing from the earlier applications of the sticky mass. "Is that truly honey?" he asked, unable to resist, afraid it might be something worse, in spite of the distinctive sweet smell.

She actually smiled at him. "Yes. I figured you wouldn't be too thrilled about being slathered in honey. Well, by me, anyway," she said, her words as unexpected as the accompanying smirk her smile metamorphosed into.

He smirked back. If he'd been in Erwin's office and said something like that to him, Erwin would have been drowning in his tea. The thought abruptly drained his smile. Erwin was injured, and unconscious. Or he had been. He could be recovered, or his injury could have worsened, or they could have been attacked by more Titans on the way back to the City. Erwin could be…no. If** he** had survived all this, there was no way that Erwin could have …

"I wish there was a way for us to contact Commander Erwin for you, so you'd know whether he's alright," Ackerman said sincerely.

He never would have dreamt that he could be so transparent to a near stranger, when those who had known him for years often didn't understand him. That it was Ackerman of all people… Had her tone or words been any different, he would have taken offense, but she didn't offer meaningless assurances and platitudes, or unbearable sympathy or pity, nor was she teasing now.

"Thank you," he said solemnly. He rarely thanked anyone for anything, and here he'd already thanked her twice in one day. If Petra could see him now… "Will we be able to leave in the morning?" he snapped abruptly, forcing back the memory of his murdered Squadmate. He saw Ackerman bristle and just as quickly forestalled the possibility of a conflict. "Forgive me. You're not the one I'm angry with. The Corps needs me, and I'm here. It is important that we return as soon as I'm fit to travel. As I said before, I can handle the pain, but I don't want to risk losing my leg, unless it's necessary. I wouldn't be much good to them, to anyone, without it."

Ackerman's eyes narrowed and he fought down a sigh. Apparently the rare apology wasn't sufficient. He shouldn't have really been surprised. He had no experience giving them. He'd seldom felt the need to apologize to anyone for his actions.

"Don't say things like that," she chastised sternly. "You're a born leader, and a brilliant strategist and tactician. You're a trusted advisor to Commander Erwin. You're invaluable to the Corps, with or without your leg, inside or outside the Wall. So unless a Titan bites off that swollen head of yours, we're stuck with you."

He blinked, as floored by the fierceness of her defense of him as by the unexpected support at all. He gave her his most smug look. "Well, if you can't live without me, then I guess you're stuck with me. But I'm not apologizing to you again, for what I said. Just what the hell did you put in that tea you've been plying me with, anyway?"

"Tch. Wouldn't you like to know," she rebutted immediately, devilishly.

He found himself starting to smile, but then eyed her suspiciously, suddenly unsure she was joking. The gleam in her eye was a shade too demonic for comfort.

Her lips quirked in a smile and then she grew serious again. "It's really not safe to stay her any longer than we have to. We've limited the fires and light, keeping the windows covered with drapes, but there's nothing we can do about the smoke or need to forage for food. We've been lucky so far, but one or more Titans could come at any time. Now that your fever has finally broken, and the infection and swelling have subsided, you can truly begin to heal.

"That being said, between all that and the blood loss, you've completely drained whatever reserves you had. You need to eat and rest a minimum of one more day. It should be longer, of course, but we can't risk that. Before you argue, it's still a long way back to the City, and you won't do anyone any good if you collapse again and we have to carry you the whole way. If you eat well, rest all day tomorrow, and don't show any signs of the fever or infection returning, we can leave the following morning. As for right now, though, I still need to change the bandages under your arms," she added. She explained she'd removed the splinters, and that the blisters and sores from his roughly made crutches were healing well. Fortunately, his gloves had protected his hands.

She only applied a tiny amount of the unpleasantly sticky concoction under his arms, talking as she worked. "We'd like your help determining which route is the best to take to return, and which mode of travel. We were fortunate before, with the amount of control Eren had on his Titan form, but we can't assume it will work as well again. Without Eren in Titan form, it would be impossible for the four of us without horses to survive going overland.

"With the terrain we need to cover, Karanese is at least four days' walk from here, and you won't be able to walk as fast or as far on crutches as you would be able to otherwise, and frankly, Armin would be hard pressed to keep to that pace too. Trost is much closer, of course, but the Trost Gate is blocked by the boulder, and Titans tend to flock around Trost worse than anywhere else. We'd be signing our own death warrants if we headed there. We don't have much gas, and you're out, we checked your equipment, and you're injured. Eren in Titan form would attract every Titan within hundreds of kilometers to us.

"It's so frustrating to be this close to Shiganshina and unable to risk going to Eren's house, to complete our mission. I wish there was some other way to get inside than the inner Gate of Wall Maria," she finished, apparently thinking out loud.

"The Smugglers' Gate," Levi said in inspiration, but the next moment he scoffed at his own words, wondering why he'd said them. "Tch. If it actually exists," he said, snorting in self-derision, flipping his hand dismissively. "Enough people have tried to find it and failed. I've been obsessed with it for years. I failed to find the opposite entrance dozens of times myself, back when we lived in the Underground, as well as this end, the times I've tried since."

Seeing her puzzled expression, he explained. "Being a good girl, you've probably never heard of it. It's a legendary entrance to a tunnel network known only to a handful of people, a way for smugglers to transport Black Market goods throughout the three Walled areas underground, so the Military Police doesn't catch them.

"That place is a damned maze, the tunnels that crisscross all over beneath the City. I'm convinced it's one of those routes you can only find from the outside, not the inside, and you'd have to be brilliant even then. I've been trying to figure out where that entrance is since …"

His eyes widened, as memory flared. "Just before our mission, I thought I'd figured out where it might be. I told Erw… the Commander about it! Locating the entrance was supposed to have been our secondary objective, after scouting the route to Eren's house."

Astonishingly, the reclaimed memory sparked a landslide of others, avalanching down onto him, threatening to bury him: his latest deduction as to the location of the Gate, only the day before their new mission, Erwin choking on his tea and sputtering from his innuendo as they modified the mission plan together, riding beside Erwin in the City and then the two of them parting as the formation formed outside the Wall, a remarkably uneventful trip until three dozen Titans appeared from behind the rise to charge his four man Squad, two dozen of them inexplicably vanishing, Morgan and Gianapolis being bitten in half only moments apart, then continual blood and gore, fighting endless foes until finally plunging into the earth, beginning a new nightmare of pain and desperation and exhaustion.

He shuddered under the force and weight of the memories, refusing to be overwhelmed. He took a deep, steadying breath. Ackerman was looking at him in concern. "I've gotten my memory back," he said simply. "I think this time I'll be able to find the entrance."

Her eyes lit with unaccustomed animation and she said eagerly. "Then we can actually accomplish part of our mission! Maybe even all of it. We can finally learn what's in Eren's basement!"

Levi shook his head. "We can attempt to scout and plot the route to the basement, but we can't get in. The Commander has Eren's key."

"Then we can pry the door open or break it down," Ackerman said stubbornly.

"No. We can't risk destroying what's inside. Men who guard secrets tend to protect them ruthlessly. Any attempt at forced entry, even as subtly as by someone as skilled as I am in picking locks, and well-versed as I am in discovering hidden traps, could still trigger a booby trap of some kind, likely killing us and/or destroying whatever's behind that door in the process. Men with secrets that serious would usually rather see them destroyed than uncovered. But we can scout the route, and also accomplish our secondary mission objective."

"You mentioned living in the Underground, and it sounds like you're an expert at picking locks and uncovering secrets. So you really were a thief. It's not just a rumor," Ackerman said, sounding surprised.

Were she as enamored with the idea as the rest of the few idiots who'd ever actually gathered the nerve to ask him that question, he would have given her the same cold, wordless glare he'd given them. But she wasn't even asking, just stating a discovery. He was surprised to realize how openly he had spoken to her. He was normally far more guarded than that. Until this moment, only he and Erwin had known about the Smugglers' Gate being an objective. Apparently he actually trusted her now. The thought was surprisingly more interesting than unsettling, which in itself should have been troubling, but remarkably wasn't.

Levi conceded the point. "With rare exception, we Scouts tend to climb up out of the muck and mire, one way or another. It's why we fight so well and how we can survive so much. The trick is staying human. Or becoming human, for some of us." Not so very long ago, a certain blond-haired prick had called him a parasite, actually comparing him to a germ or a flea. Erwin had challenged him to become a man instead, implying it was beyond him. He'd wanted to carve that smug smile off the bastard's face, until he'd discovered how alike they truly were. The social and political machinations Erwin had survived were just as dark and dangerous and soul-damaging as anything he'd lived through.

"Armin's one of the exceptions," Ackerman said softly.

"What, and you and Eren aren't?" Levi gently scoffed, amused.

She looked him in the eye, revealing a darkness that he had never seen in her eyes before, that he'd never seen in the eyes of anyone but those in the Underground. "We're murderers," she said bluntly.

He raised a brow. "Do you mean those three men you and Eren killed when you were children, or are you referring to something else? I read the Military Police report regarding the former. The verdict was self defense."

She shook her head. "The first two men never even saw Eren coming. And the man I stabbed in the back was trying to kill Eren, not me, although he probably would have afterwards." She said it as calmly and emotionlessly as if she were speaking about the weather.

"Do you want to know the truth?" Levi asked. "It was your ages and Doctor Yeager's influence that got it recorded as self defense. The law normally calls what you both did justifiable homicide. But the rest of us call it what it was: suicide. Those three men butchered your parents in front of you, and abducted you to sell as a sex slave. Anyone with half a brain would have stayed on his guard in a situation like that. Hell, you never let down your guard, ever, every day of your life, eating, fucking, bathing, sleeping, no matter where you are or who you're with, because there's always an enemy waiting in the shadows or in your bed to stick a knife between your ribs.

"Those men were too stupid and cocky to live. Very few nine year old boys can win in a fight against two grown men without attacking while they're off guard. As for what you did, if you want to live, you know to never turn your back on someone you've harmed or on any potential foe, ever. If they're still breathing, they're a threat. It doesn't matter if they're tied up or injured or women or children. Those bastards got what they deserved, Mikasa. Don't give them more than they already took."

She hadn't moved a muscle while he spoke, but her eyes had changed. The darkness had drained away, until by his final words, she was looking at him with the same intensity she normally reserved for Eren, somewhere between hero worship and religious fanaticism; not the blank eyed stare of a Wallist, but with a fervent light. And then, even more unsettling, her gaze softened to the protective fierceness normally reserved for Armin, and Levi belatedly realized he'd called her by her first name.

First Eren, then Armin, and now Mikasa. Damn it. Three new friends to watch die before his eyes. The thought sent his heart racing in panic. He'd successfully kept Morgan and Gianapolis and Bauer at arm's length, but somehow these three had worked their way past all his carefully constructed defenses.

The awkward moment was fortunately broken by a timid knock on the door. "Come in," Levi said, relieved by the interruption.

Armin opened the door. "Are you almost finished? Dinner is ready."

"Thanks, Armin. We're all done," Mikasa said, to Levi's relief her fond look transferring to Armin, where it belonged. "Can you bring him his crutches? This will be a good chance to see how mobile he is, to help us judge how he'll do when we leave the day after tomorrow. The three of us will plan our route and mode of travel out over dinner, and then we'll brief Eren once you go on watch."

"That's great! I thought he'd be eating in bed. I'll get his clothes, too. I'll be right back!" Armin said eagerly.

True to his words, Armin reappeared only a few moments later. Levi was surprised to see the crutches he held out to him weren't the ones he had made. He examined them curiously and discovered to his surprise that they actually were his crutches, only they had been completely reformed: the wood had been narrowed, all the cuts evened out, and the jagged edges had been painstakingly planed and then sanded smooth. He saw to his surprise and relief that leather padding had been added to the hand pieces and the bars that went under his arms, as well as to the tips, for added traction. He'd have much greater control and no longer be shredding skin to use them.

"Armin worked really hard fixing them for you," Mikasa said, noticing his scrutiny, and from her challenging tone, apparently wanting to forestall whatever criticisms she was afraid he might voice, which would have undoubtedly hurt Armin's feelings.

"Thank you, Armin. You did an excellent job. They'll be much easier and more comfortable to use, now, and won't slip on the floor as they would have otherwise."

Armin beamed at the simple praise and Mikasa appeared appeased. More, she looked pleased. Considering they would be in one another's company for the immediate future, and relying solely upon one another for survival, that could only be a good thing. Levi only hoped Armin's cooking skills were equally impressive, but he'd eat whatever he was given without complaint. He was ravenous.

"And here are your clothes," Armin said, blushing, holding out a stack of rough homespun fabric.

Levi realized his expression must have betrayed his confusion and disdain, when Armin said, biting his lip and looking at him in silent entreaty, "Well, not really yours, because everything was ripped to shreds and bloody. These belonged to Mikasa's father."

Levi immediately schooled his expression, and unfolded the clothes. They were at least four sizes too big, faded and drab, with three neatly sewn but blatantly noticeable patches. He looked up into Mikasa's carefully emotionless face. "If you're certain it won't upset you to see me in them, I'd be honored to wear them," he said sincerely, touched by her generosity.

Her eyes momentarily brightened with tears. "It's fine," she whispered.

"Great. We'll give you some privacy to dress," Armin said, and he and Mikasa exited together and closed the door.

It was fortunate the clothes were so large. He never would have been able to put on his tight uniform pants. Even getting into these hurt like hell and was a struggle. Once Levi was dressed he levered himself up on the crutches and practiced walking with them. When he was certain he wouldn't embarrass himself, he exited the bedroom.


	12. Chapter 12 - Holding Hands

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thanks to my newest reviewer Stark01 and the new favorites and followers! Please keep them coming!**

For those of you who have been curious about me, I posted a profile yesterday. If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.

Chapter 12 – Holding Hands

"You were in there together a long time," Armin said to Mikasa, as he began dishing up the rabbit stew into the bowls he'd set out on the table. "It didn't take that long to change his bandages the other times."

She shrugged. "He was conscious this time, and we were talking."

"But you don't talk. I mean not much. And he talks even less than you do. What in the world could you possibly have to talk about?" Armin asked, genuinely perplexed. He thought Mikasa hated Captain Levi. Even if she didn't, there was still a big difference between not hating someone and actually wanting to talk to them, especially for Mikasa.

"Just the way into the City," she said, but her lips curled upwards in a smile and she looked towards the bedroom door, as if with a warm memory.

Armin poured them each a cup of water from the pitcher on the table. Normally he liked it when she smiled, because she did it so seldom, but it was unsettling to see her smiling while thinking of Captain Levi.

The door opened and Levi came out, swinging easily, even gracefully on his crutches, as he crossed the short distance to the table. They'd already pulled his chair out for him, and he sank gratefully into it. "It smells delicious. Thank you, Armin."

Armin blushed, not used to praise from the cool, aloof Captain, or to hearing him call him by his first name. "I hope you like it," he said sincerely. He already knew it tasted alright, at least to him, but he wasn't sure the Captain would like it. He was gratified to see the Captain consuming it ravenously, in apparent appreciation, though he didn't compliment him on it and was likely so hungry that he would have eaten anything.

"Hey, slow down, piglet. There's plenty more in the pot. It's not like we're going to take it away from you," Mikasa teased.

Armin was completely floored by her words, and by the Captain's unexpected reaction to them. Instead of sniping at her as Armin expected, first a look of loss flashed across his face, and then his pale skin darkened in an unaccustomed blush. His back stiffened, and he wordlessly began eating again, but with the slow, proper, wooden manners of someone at a dinner party.

Mikasa's reaction to Levi's was even more astonishing. Her eyes filled with tears and she reached out her hand and clasped his, the one holding his fork, forcing him to stop. "I'm sorry. It's being back here, the memories. My father used to tease me like that, when I was a little girl. But that was an incredibly forward and thoughtless thing for me to say to you. I swear I didn't mean to be disrespectful, or to dredge up bad memories, or embarrass you. Forgive me?"

Armin was stunned to see the Captain visibly relax, even more so when Levi put his other hand on top of hers. "It's alright. I understand, now. I can be… rather touchy." Unexpectedly, he smiled devilishly. "An uptight little prick, I've been told. But sometimes I lose myself in the role and take it too seriously. I'm fine. Let's both eat, before our stew gets cold."

Mikasa brushed her other hand against her eyes and nodded, and the two of them reclaimed their hands and began eating again, as if nothing had happened. _What the heck happened in that bedroom?_

When Levi was finished with his bowl, he turned to Armin. "That was delicious. Is there really enough for seconds? I don't want to eat Eren's portion."

"No, there's plenty," Armin said, still disturbed and confused, but eagerly dishing him up a second bowl.

"If you don't mind, we'll strategize our return to the City after we eat, instead of during the meal. I'm eager to hear your thoughts, but I really don't want this to get cold," Levi said.

"That's fine. Although I don't really know how useful my comments might be," Armin said modestly.

The Captain snorted. "Tch, please. Like everyone in the Corps doesn't know you're a master strategist and tactician. Even Commander Pixis relied on you, and you saved Trost, and by doing so, the entire middle ring. I might have missed most of that battle, but I'm certainly willing to trust my life to you, to the three of you. I would even if you weren't part of the Corps."

Armin's eyes widened in amazement. Captain Levi valued his opinions? He trusted him? He hadn't thought Levi even noticed him. At least, never in a good way.

Levi finished his second helping in obvious appreciation. Then he got down to business. The three of them talked out all the challenges facing them: the supplies they'd need, the rough terrain of the mountainside, the safest route to the inner side of Wall Maria, the section around Shiganshina, and what they'd do if they couldn't find the hidden entrance after all.

Their secondary plan would be to risk attack by numerous marauding Titans by crossing overland to Karanese. Either on foot, or with Eren in his Titan form carrying them, it would be suicide. Armin really hoped they'd be able to find the Smugglers' Gate and an underground passage, although the idea that one might actually extend hundreds of kilometers, going all the way to Karanese or any of the other border towns, or perhaps truly all the way to the Capital, was fantastical, almost impossible to believe.

Levi wanted to aid them preparing their supplies, but Mikasa sent Levi back to bed, and he went with a meekness that amazed Armin. Either he was exhausted and hurting, or he truly valued her judgment.

Mikasa helped Armin clean up and then went to spell Eren on guard duty. When Eren came in, Armin sat with him at the table, so he wouldn't have to eat alone.

"Mikasa sounded weird when she came to get me," Eren said, as he dished up a generous portion of the stew.

"Weird? Do you mean upset?" Armin asked, wondering what was wrong.

"No, I mean just the opposite. She sounded…happy. I haven't heard her sound like that in a long time. I was afraid being back here would upset her a lot, but is seems to have actually been good for her."

"Um…I don't think it's the place, so much as who she's with," Armin hedged, still trying to wrap his mind around it.

"What do you mean? She's with us all the time," Eren said, puzzled.

"Um…yeah….but….I think she likes Captain Levi. I mean really likes him," Armin said, still not able to believe it himself, as he lifted his cup to drink.

Eren snorted derisively. "Tch! Don't be ridiculous. She can't stand him. I was afraid she might have slit his throat by now or maybe just smothered him with his pillow or something, so it would look like he died in his sleep. Although not even Mikasa is **that **good. Even injured, Levi could take her."

Armin choked on the swallow of water he'd just been taking, blushing furiously, as the second disturbing, unintentional connotation of Eren's words blindsided him with a mental image he'd rather not have seen.

Eren pounded him on the back, as he coughed. "Hey, are you OK? Careful! You don't want to survive an attack like that and then drown yourself in a cup of water, Armin," Eren teased.

Armin nodded to indicate he was fine, as he coughed and gasped. Did Mikasa really like Levi that way, now? Had she gotten tired of Eren being so oblivious, of treating her like a sister? Levi had held her hand. But he had thought Levi and Erwin were…everyone said that they… He blushed furiously, imagining Levi with Erwin instead.

"So, what's the plan for tomorrow? Are we good to go?" Eren asked, oblivious to his suspicions.

Armin was relieved to turn his thoughts to their new goal. He explained about the Smugglers' Gate and the rest of the plans to Eren, including the fact that they'd need to wait at least one more day, for the Captain to get some of his strength back. They'd list what they'd need tonight, and prepare and pack their supplies tomorrow.

Fortunately, they'd already discovered there was a stockpile of beeswax candles in the cupboard, which would be invaluable if they found the Smugglers' Gate, and were able to travel underground. Mikasa had explained that her parents used to sell or directly trade the extra candles they made in Shiganshina, along with honey, herbs, vegetables, feathers and fur, for the supplies they needed, for things they couldn't grow, gather, hunt or make themselves.

They planned to make a number of torches as well, and also use both the rancid tin of oil they'd found and melt down fat from whatever squirrels or rabbits they could catch to make oil for the four lamps they'd found. They'd need all the light sources they could carry.

They'd also need to bring food and water, too, because there was no telling how long it would take to find the Smugglers' Gate, and even then, they could get lost down in the labyrinth of tunnels. Even if they didn't, they'd be traveling hundreds of kilometers.

It still amazed Armin, the faith Eren and Mikasa put in him, in making their plans, and now Levi, too, although Levi and Mikasa had contributed just as much, if not more, while Eren was perfectly happy to let them do all the planning, and leave him to do the fighting, assisted by the rest of them.

Armin hoped the four of them could work together smoothly. But between the Captain's ego, Eren's temper, and what might now be awkward feelings between Mikasa and Levi, and the potential for jealousy if he was right, if Eren finally realized what a fool he'd been, Armin was afraid things would get completely out of hand. In more than one way, this was going to be one of the toughest missions they'd ever faced.


	13. Chapter 13 - Lost

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 13 – Lost

Erwin stared at his office door numbly. How could he have been so stupid? He more than anyone knew the cold harsh reality: hope was deadly. Once crushed, it could destroy you. But still, when he'd heard there were men outside the Wall, he'd hoped, and then when they had maneuver gear, and when he'd seen the uniforms… It wasn't until he saw Bauer's face, but not Levi's, that he'd realized how truly futile that tenuous hope had been, but by then, it was far too late. He should have known better.

They'd concluded the preliminary interrogation of the returned men, or of the three who could still speak, anyway. They were not traitors. They were incredibly brave and resourceful men. They knew nothing about Levi. They hadn't taught the Titans how to follow their signals. The Titans had taught themselves one rudimentary, misguided fact about their signals: if you're a Titan, and you see green smoke, you're going to die. If you run, you might live. So they ran: basic survival instinct, nothing more.

Hange had been overjoyed with the discovery, claiming it meant they were even more intelligent than she had imagined, while everyone else thought it meant they were even more stupid. Erwin didn't give a damn either way. He should, he knew. It might mean they would be easier to kill, at least for a little while, until they realized their mistake. If in contrast they were more intelligent, that meant they were that much more deadly. But he wouldn't be going near any Titans for a while. Maybe never again, unless they came into the City, and the thought of that made his empty stomach heave.

He fought to keep from vomiting again. He'd made the mistake of caving in to Hange's insistence that he eat, and tried to choke down dinner. Fortunately he'd been alone here, in his office. The second he had tried to chew, images had flooded his mind, of Levi, being devoured by Titans, dozens of different ways, each more horrifying than the last. He'd ended up on the floor, heaving up bile until he'd finally collapsed, shaking. He'd felt like he was dying. He wished he had been, and then, in the next moment, hated himself for it.

He was starving but couldn't eat, exhausted, but couldn't sleep. He was a complete wreck, not fit to lead anyone. Why was he still alive, when Levi and so many other good men were dead? Why hadn't the Titan crushed or eaten him? And why the** hell** hadn't Hange let the damned thing finish the job it had started?

0 0 0

Hange stood before Squad Leader Miller's door, wondering who had complained about her now, and why she'd been summoned. It wouldn't have been as bad if it were Commander Erwin or Captain … but it couldn't be, ever again. Because Captain Levi was dead. One of her beautiful Titans had killed him.

She winced in guilt at the revenge she'd taken on the Titan that had hit Erwin. The poor thing hadn't bitten him or squeezed him, he had just given him a little tap and… and he could have fractured the Commander's skull or shattered his spine or… guilt and fury warred with one another for the fiftieth time since the incident. The attack. The murder. No. Killing the Titan hadn't been murder. It was war and he was the enemy. He'd tried to kill her Commander. She was a soldier. It was her duty to protect her commanding officer and slay the enemy. But still…

She took a deep breath and knocked.

"Enter," Miller commanded.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Hange asked, doing her best to stand at attention.

"No, but I don't really have a choice," Miller muttered.

Hange fidgeted. That didn't sound promising.

To her surprise, Miller looked apologetic. "Sorry. It's been a rough few days on all of us. I mean, I'd rather I didn't have to call you here to speak with you about this particular topic."

Hange shifted from foot to foot, wondering how much trouble she was in, and what she'd done.

"You're a scientist, an expert in psychology, with medical skills: I need your honest assessment of Commander Erwin's physical and mental state," Miller said, his tone becoming dispassionate and official.

"Sir?" Hange asked, not believing what she was hearing.

Miller's stiffness vanished, his shoulders sagging, as he exhaled loudly, sighing deeply. "Doctor Donaldson agreed with your initial diagnosis, that the Commander suffered a severe concussion, though I had you tell our men otherwise: he lost consciousness for hours, lost his memory of the previous week, he's become emotionally unstable, hell, his personality has substantially altered, his cognitive ability is impaired, and I don't think he's slept at all since regaining consciousness in the wagon.

"He never should have ridden here to Karanese on horseback and he shouldn't be reading reports or trying to work now. He needs to be resting both his mind and his body, but he won't listen to reason. From what I've witnessed, I believe he's no longer capable of making rational decisions. We've all seen how differently he's been behaving. It's like he's an entirely different person. He even attacked one of his own men.

"Fortunately his physical symptoms don't seem severe: his balance is still fine, his motor control doesn't seem to be impaired, and his vision and hearing appear unaffected, at least, as far as I'm aware. Have you seen any signs of blurred vision, dizziness, vomiting, loss of coordination or balance, anything like that?"

"No sir. Not when I've seen him. But he's been holed up in his office by himself for most of the time." Hange realized how damning that sounded, even as she said it. Erwin was often perceived as cold and aloof, but he normally interacted with the men continually throughout the day, and was constantly checking on their state of readiness, as well as on the horses, the equipment, everything, but he'd been noticeably absent.

Miller nodded grimly. "Doctor Donaldson told me Erwin needs bed rest for seven to ten days minimum, preferably for two weeks or more, until all his symptoms disappear. That is, if they're going to disappear. Some or all of them might well become permanent. Regardless, Donaldson told me that it is vital that the Commander rests physically and mentally, both day and night, that he shouldn't be on horseback at all, let alone galloping outside the Wall or being in a situation where he might need to battle Titans, that he shouldn't even be in his damned office and certainly not reading reports all hours of the day and night.

"I told the Commander that. The doctor told him that. I heard you tell him that, too. If I didn't know him better, I'd swear he's doing everything in his power to ensure that he doesn't get better. Hell, I do know him better, and I honestly think he's trying to kill himself." Miller looked at her challengingly.

Hange shook her head. "I don't think it's intentional. He's understandably upset about our casualties. He's grieving…" she justified, and then winced again, internally.

As if voicing her thoughts, Miller shook his head. "Commander Erwin doesn't grieve. Casualties have always been nothing more than unfortunate but acceptable losses to him. Captain Levi was always the one to mourn his lost men."

_But Erwin never lost Levi, until now. He never lost someone he loved._ She'd had her suspicions before, like everyone else, but it had become painfully obvious now. Of course he was depressed! Of course he was emotionally unstable! He was devastated, numb with grief, paralyzed by it. So he fell back on what was familiar, what had always seen him through in the past: reviewing the specs of the last mission and preparing the next one, incorporating every bloody and painful lesson learned to ensure that there were less casualties the next time.

Only these were Titans they were facing. They were amazing, awe inspiring. No matter what they did, the Titans continued to surprise them. This last time, they'd actually outwitted them. It was both wondrous and terrifying, and she knew she was the only one who thought the former.

"I'm going to speak with him again and give him one last chance to see reason," Miller stated with finality. "If Commander Erwin doesn't change his behavior substantially by tomorrow night, with Captain Levi dead and Squad Leader Zacharius hospitalized, I'll have no choice but to report to Commander-in-Chief Zackly and formally request that he remove Erwin from duty, for his own sake, as well as that of the Corps. I need to know that you will back me in that decision. I don't want anyone accusing me of taking advantage of Erwin's condition to make some sort of power play. Believe me, I have no desire to assume command of the Corps again, the way I was forced to in the field."

Hange's eyes widened. He was going to have Commander Erwin relieved of his command? But that would kill him! She barely kept from saying so aloud. She had to do something, find some way to get through to the Commander. She wracked her brain trying to think of who he might listen to, of anyone whom he respected enough. Erwin and Zacharius were close, they'd worked together for years, but he was unfortunately still confined to his hospital bed.

Commander Pixis! Maybe she could get Pixis to talk to Erwin, to convince him to get the rest he needed to recover. Erwin admired Pixis, respected him, trusted him. It might work. And Commander Pixis was still in Karanese.

She realized Miller was frowning at her and tried to think why. She replayed the last few moments in her head and belatedly realized he was awaiting her confirmation. "I'm sorry, sir. Of course you can count on me to back you, for the good of the Commander and the Corps," she lied. _Like hell._ She wasn't about to do anything that would harm Erwin further, in the guise of helping him. Pixis would fix it. He was brilliant, a legend. If he couldn't, then no one could.

She swallowed hard, the momentary optimism vanishing as if it had never been. She was honestly afraid that was true, that no one could fix Commander Erwin. Except for Levi. And he was dead.


	14. Chapter 14 - Illumination

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thanks for the new reviews, favorites and follows. I'd love to hear from more of you! So far I've had over 2,400 views from hundreds of really quiet visitors from 35 different countries! **

Chapter 14 – Illumination

Levi swung out into the main room on his crutches, a scowl on his face, and Armin's smile of greeting faltered.

"You should have woken me. I should be helping you. From the light coming in through the window, once I drew the curtains aside, it looks like it's nearly noon," Levi scolded, looking at the assorted supplies lying all over the table they'd previously eaten at, which Armin had been sorting through.

"Um…it is. But Mikasa said your job for the day was to rest. If she doesn't feel you're strong enough to leave tomorrow, she won't let us go, and we know our luck can't hold out forever. Sooner or later, one or more Titans are going to find us," Armin said. All last night he'd kept imaging how terrified he'd be if he looked out the window and saw a Titan peering back at him, or if one just decided to pull the roof off the cabin, or step on it, or…

"That's exactly why I should be helping," Levi snapped. "This is a long, dangerous journey we're planning, for just the four of us. We need to be sure we're well supplied with everything we need, especially food, water and light. If we manage to find the Smugglers' Gate, and travel underground, there's no telling how many other entrances and exits there are, or when and where we'll surface again.

"You shouldn't be wasting your time sitting in here sorting and inventorying supplies. It's not strenuous and there's no need to be on your feet, so I can do that. I've lived Underground, and I've also been on far more scouting missions than the three of you, so I know exactly what we need. Eren should be on Titan watch, Mikasa should be hunting, and you should be gathering vegetables and nuts and berries.

"I'll also need one or more of you to chop some wood for me and gather honeycomb. If there's fresh honey nearby, there's honeycomb for beeswax. From what I see, it looks like we have enough rope that we can spare some for making torches. I'll need about two dozen straight greenwood saplings or branches, a little under two-thirds of a meter long and about five centimeters thick," Levi commanded, as he sat down at the table.

"There's only one hive that still has bees," Armin risked volunteering. "But we have over eight dozen candles and plenty of raw beeswax, although it's six years old. I'm sorry, we didn't mentioned that to you last night, and I haven't taken them out of the cupboard yet, because there just isn't enough room for me to put all that on the table now. Mikasa's parents used to make candles, for their own use, but also to sell, in Shiganshina. We also have four lamps, and part of a tin of oil. Mikasa's hoping to either catch enough rabbits so she can use their fat to make more fuel for the lamps, or better still, to kill a deer, both for that and meat for the trip."

"Excellent," Levi said, to Armin's relief. The Captain had been very intimidating again.

Levi continued, "I was hoping there were more lanterns than the two I saw lit last night, and the premade candles are an unexpected bonus. Lamps are best for lighting underground, then candles, then torches, since torches don't usually last for more than twenty or so minutes, and trust me, you do not want to be underground without a light. There's no moonlight or starlight for your eyes to adjust to: it's pitch black down there." Levi clenched his fists and a subtle shudder ran through him, and Armin immediately knew the Captain had been trapped in the dark underground at some point and something terrifying must have happened, for him to be affected like this. He hadn't thought the Captain was afraid of anything.

"You shouldn't start working on an empty stomach. You need to get your strength back. I'm going to bring you some breakfast," Armin insisted firmly. "Then I'll go outside and Eren and I will swap out watch as needed. I think I'll do alright gathering food, if Mikasa makes the final verification of what's edible, but Eren will be better at cutting the wood," he said, as he headed to the kitchen for the last of the rabbit, which they'd saved for the Captain. Their own breakfast had been pretty meager; they'd all agreed it was more important that Levi eat well. The rest of them could eat a better lunch, hopefully, if Mikasa was as successful in her efforts to hunt as she'd been before.

The Captain accepted his breakfast with a gruff thanks, his attention already on the list they'd compiled, and the supplies in front of him.

Armin was relieved to leave the cabin, and head out into the sunlight. He didn't know whether the Captain was in pain, or upset about being separated from the Corps and anxious to return, but he wasn't at all like he'd been the previous evening. Maybe it was just because Mikasa hadn't been there. In a way, that was an even more troubling thought.

0 0 0

Levi looked at the door to outside and sighed. He should have been nicer to Armin. It wasn't the kid's fault he'd had those horrific nightmares.

He'd woken up in the dark in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, nightmare memories of being pinned in that insect and rat infested basement by the fallen beam still vivid in his head, of the last of the oil of the shattered lantern that had been knocked from his hand burning away, before plunging him into total darkness, surrounded by the ravenous gnawing of razor sharp teeth, the chittering of hundreds of insects, the skittering of thousands of tiny little feet rushing forward, eager for his warmth, the salt and water of his sweat, the meat on his bones. If Isabel hadn't found him when she did….

Sleep hadn't merely been elusive after that, it had been impossible. He'd lain in bed, hyperaware, listening for the slightest sounds, but he'd only heard the gentle moaning of the wind outside, and the rustle of leaves, as he waited impatiently for dawn, not wanting to risk lighting a lamp that might be seen through the curtain by some wandering Titan.

It wasn't until he saw Isabel's face from his memories morph into Petra's, first bloody and shock filled and then rotting and accusing, that he realized he'd fallen asleep again, and bolted upright, barely biting back a scream when the sudden tensing of his muscles had ripped agony through his injured leg. He'd sat there, rubbing his thigh and concentrating on calming his terrified panting, appalled by how lightheaded and weak he felt.

When he'd finally felt back in control and risen and pulled back the heavier cloth they'd hung in front of the thin curtains, and seen how bright it was outside, he was furious with himself for lying in bed so late when there was work to be done, though he must not have fallen asleep much before dawn. He'd headed out of the bedroom, eager to do his part. Seeing Armin hard at work, and knowing Eren and Mikasa must be as well had snapped his already frayed nerves.

He was impressed Armin had insisted he eat before getting to work. The kid had balls, standing up to him when he was in this kind of mood. But he'd also behaved like a good little soldier and not objected when he began ordering him and the others, who weren't even there, around. He could hear Petra's voice in his head, telling him what a prick he was being.

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. How long would he continue to hear their voices, see their faces? Forever, if he could, much as it gutted him every time he did; he was their only immortality, now, the only proof they'd ever existed. But he wished he'd stop reliving their deaths over and over in his nightmares. That he could live without.

He would have given anything to have Mikasa or Eren or Armin wake him up and spare him from them. But at least he apparently hadn't called out or screamed. They would have woken him if he had, or Armin would have looked at him in pity now. He'd been afraid of seeing it; he hated being pitied.

He focused back on the table in front of him. _Enough introspection. You have a mission to prepare for._ Not a new one, but the continuation of the old one. This part, at least, would be a success. He refused to let so many men die in vain, accomplishing nothing, even if none of the men had even known about their secret secondary objective. Only he and Erwin… _Erwin. Please be alright. You have to be._

0 0 0

Mikasa shivered in her drenched clothing, hugging the leather wrapped venison steaks more tightly as she approached the cabin, though it wasn't quite evening yet, and the sun still provided limited warmth. She missed the heat of the cave, though not the smoke, which still pervaded her sinuses, even after the impromptu bath in the nearby frigid stream had gotten most of the lingering odor out of her clothes and hair. She'd been covered head to toe in blood and gore after butchering the deer she'd caught, salting the strips of meat, and hanging them on the hooks over the fire pit in the cave their family had used as their smokehouse.

When she'd checked it with Eren in the morning before going hunting, she had been relieved to see the barred gate her father had installed over the narrow entrance still latched shut, but had cautiously looked for predators anyway. She had been thrilled to find an almost full salt block in the waterproof chest where they used to store it. She directed Eren to cut the low hanging branches from the nearby alder trees and fill the pit, while she went hunting, so the cave would be ready to begin smoking the meat upon her return.

Normally she would have bathed at home, the way she and her father used to, after butchering whatever game he'd caught, but the thought of tracking blood into the home that had been covered with the blood of her parents had made her physically ill. Besides, she knew Levi would likely have a conniption fit, if she showed up looking and smelling that way.

Just the thought had her lips creasing in a smile. It was astonishing how a few days could have completely changed her impressions of the man. She was actually looking forward to seeing him and speaking with him again. He was surprisingly a kindred spirit in certain ways, if not others.

She opened the door to the house, to the poignantly familiar scent of melted beeswax, but then her heart leapt into her throat: Levi was lying on the floor, unconscious, amongst impeccably neat rows of supplies. But then suddenly he wasn't: in the blink of an eye he was half crouching, his good leg suddenly under him and his wounded leg to the side, his weight counterbalanced on his right hand, a knife having somehow appeared in his left. She'd never seen someone move so fast in her life. She belatedly realized he hadn't been unconscious after all; he'd apparently been asleep.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized. She didn't ask why he'd been sleeping on the floor. He'd apparently been worn out from working.

The knife vanished back into its sheath as Levi levered himself to a standing position, snatching up his crutches, which had been lying across the seat of one of the chairs. "It's fine. I shouldn't have been sleeping anyway. I wanted to talk to you. We have a prob…why are you wet? It doesn't sound like it's raining," he asked, brow crinkled in puzzlement, his gaze flicking to the window. The curtain was open, since the lamps weren't lit yet.

She laid the venison on the counter in the kitchen, as she explained about smoking the bulk of the deer and then bathing in the stream. He seemed both pleased and for some reason concerned about the meat, and she didn't think it was because of the mess, but he only said, "You need to get into dry clothes, so you don't get sick."

She shrugged. "It's not really cold outside yet, and warm enough inside. And I don't have any other clothes. None of my old things would fit me anymore."

Levi looked as if he was going to say something snide, or snap at her, but then his face softened, and his voice, when he spoke, was remarkably gentle. "Yes, you do. If your father wouldn't mind me wearing his clothes, your mother would certainly not mind her only child wearing hers, to ensure she didn't get sick."

If he'd said it any other way, she would have refused, but at his words, she pictured her mother looking at her in fond exasperation, and she swallowed hard and nodded. "You're right. I'll…" Then she froze and her eyes widened and flicked to the sealed door of her parents' bedroom. Before Levi awoke yesterday, she and Eren and Armin had alternated sleeping on the floor in the living room, once they'd seen that she didn't want to open her parents' door. Afterwards, Armin had been the one to go inside to get clothes for Levi. She couldn't bear seeing their room, the way they'd left it, knowing it would be covered in dust, that they'd never return.

"If you'll allow me, I'll get something for you to wear," Levi volunteered, the unexpected understanding of her hesitation and the compassion in his voice bringing tears to her eyes. She swallowed hard and nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and he ducked quickly into their room.

She listened to him opening drawers in her parents' bedroom, while looking determinedly at their supplies, taking particular note of the two dozen torches Levi had obviously crafted, by winding rope soaked in beeswax onto the end of greenwood branches. She couldn't imagine him doing what must have been messy work, though the end product certainly appeared neat and flawless enough to have come from his hands. Levi was apparently full of surprises.

The only times that she'd ever seen a gentler side to the prickly little Captain before the past few days was when he'd been comforting his dying men. She never would have believed he could be so kind and considerate. She wondered whether he'd ever shown this side to anyone else before. She doubted he had, except maybe to Erwin. Too many cruel people saw kindness as weakness, and used that to their advantage. Her parents had been kind. Kind got you killed.

Levi emerged from her parents room with a neat stack of clothes tucked under one arm and froze seeing her. "Damn it. I've upset you."

"No. It wasn't you, or the clothes. Just…memories. I usually keep them locked safely away but…we're here, and…I'm fine. Thank you for getting them for me. If you don't mind, I'd like to use your room to change," she said softly, as she claimed them.

"It's your room, Mikasa," he acquiesced. Then Levi smirked, a devilish light glinting in his eyes. "Besides, I think both Eren and Armin might take exception to you stripping naked in front of me, even if you don't care that I watch."

"You wish. I would have used the bathroom otherwise," Mikasa immediately rebutted.

"Tch. Like you have anything I'd be interested in seeing," Levi scoffed. Then the mocking gleam vanished and he grew serious. "Although if you hadn't already realized, you need to know that, in all honesty, if I didn't already have my eyes set on someone else and if you'd been born a man... Well then, Eren would have already lost you last night."

At his unexpected words and the flare of heat and possession in his smoldering gray eyes, even knowing both the latter were for Erwin, not her, Mikasa's eyes widened and she felt an unfamiliar blush darken her face, just as the door to the cabin opened. Mikasa quickly, almost guiltily, turned to the door, and she sensed Levi moving as well, putting space between them.

As Armin stood frozen in the doorway, looking uncertainly from her to Levi, Mikasa became painfully aware of just how transparent her drenched shirt was, as in an uncomfortably feminine moment, her nipples, already pebbled from the chill, and tightened further by Levi's words, rubbed against the wet fabric. She was grateful for the concealing tan jacket.

"I'm going to go change," Mikasa quickly declared, to avoid any awkward questions, turning to head for her old room, feeling unaccustomedly breathless. It was fortunate for both her and Levi that he didn't like women, because although both their hearts were engaged elsewhere, it would be astonishingly all too easy to fall for the darkly attractive man, faults, flaws and all.


	15. Chapter 15 - Only Friends

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 15 – Only Friends

Armin closed the door, headed for the table, and laid the heavy backpack of the food he had gathered down onto it, silently processing and still not quite believing what he'd seen: the heated gaze, the blush, the guilty move apart. At the least, it appeared he'd interrupted a moment of lust. At the most…he didn't even want to think about that. Or of what might have happened if he hadn't returned when he did.

Until three days ago, Mikasa had hated Captain Levi… hadn't she? Armin suddenly felt uneasily unsure. Was part of her anger because she was secretly attracted to him? No, that was stupid. She'd hated Levi, definitely, with a fiery passion. Passion…people said love and hate were two sides of the same coin.

"You're thinking too hard, brat," Levi said from directly behind him, and Armin jumped and yelped, spinning to face him. He was on crutches! How had he snuck up on him so silently?

Levi looked solemn, rather than amused. "And it's trite, and cliché, but it's truly not what you think. Mikasa and I are friends – nothing more and nothing less – just as you and Eren are now my friends, whether you wish to be or not. As I'm sure you have noticed, like Mikasa, mostly by choice, I don't make friends easily or lightly. She's accused of being frigid, brittle, and disdainful, while I'm taciturn, snide and abrasive.

"For me, friends are the people I would kill for or die for, without hesitation. However, I don't deny that, for the moment at least, Mikasa and I have grown closer than you and I, or Eren and I, and my telling you all this doesn't change that.

"I'm sure you've noticed I normally keep my own confidence. I keep my thoughts strictly to myself. There have only been two other people before Mikasa whom I haven't romantically loved who have been able to know what's in my head and in my heart, without my having to say a word: Furlan and Petra. In spite of whether it makes you uncomfortable, I refuse to lose that again.

"When you came in, you interrupted a conversation about Mikasa's feelings for Eren, not me. I am absolutely not a threat to Eren, and I want neither him nor you for an enemy. To be perfectly clear, I have no physical interest in women, Armin, and for the record, in case that makes you nervous, though you're both cute as hell in your own ways, I'm not attracted to you or Eren either."

**Levi** thought he was **cute**? Armin stiffened, even as he felt a shiver run from his head to his toes at Levi's final words, as a bizarre mixture of shock, relief and astonishingly, disappointment, ripped through him.

"The point of telling you all this is that I need you to understand. I need to know that you're not going to run to Eren and fill his head with all kinds of misimpressions that are going to make him want to kill me. So, are we good?" Levi asked, studying his face intently.

Armin nodded even as he felt his face flushing under the intensity of Levi's gaze. "I understand. I won't say anything," he whispered, feeling suddenly breathless.

"Stop that, brat. Now you're being adorable, and I despise adorable. Although I suppose you can't help it, and on you, it actually is rather appealing," Levi teased.

Armin felt that same shiver again, and felt his face darken further in a deep blush, both confusing and exhilarating, even though he knew Levi was purposefully trying to make him squirm.

"Levi, stop flirting with Armin unless you mean it, or I'll break your other leg," Mikasa snarled, and when he and Levi both turned to face her, Levi looking equally startled by her silent approach, and Armin saw Mikasa's expression, he knew the threat wasn't at all a playful one. He realized immediately that Mikasa wasn't jealous, she was angry. She was protecting him – from Levi. There was no way for him to tell how little or how much she'd heard of what they said, how long she might have been listening. He had to diffuse this, now.

Armin turned back to Levi, his heart pounding, as he scoffed, "Tch. You're not my type either. **If** I was interested in men, I'd be all over Eren in a hot second, not **you**." He spoiled the effect by blushing furiously, as both Levi and Mikasa stared at him, stunned.

"I think we'd better all get to work making dinner and going through Armin's pack, before Eren walks in, and this ends either in an orgy or a bloodbath, neither of which is remotely appealing," Levi said flippantly, as he headed for the pack on the table.

"There are venison steaks on the counter, Armin, much more meat than we can finish tonight," Mikasa said. "You can cook it all, and add some of whatever you gathered to that for dinner and we'll take the leftovers with us tomorrow, as part of our supplies. I've salted and am smoking the rest of the meat in thin strips, so it will be ready tomorrow. We'll pack that in the morning. We'll have to take shifts sleeping so we can add wood to the fire during the night. I'll show both you and Eren how."

"Which brings me to the problem I started to tell you about earlier, Mikasa, when you first arrived, before I got distracted," Levi said. "There is no way the three of you can carry the supplies the four of us will need for a journey like this on foot, either underground or overland. At best, on flat, unobstructed terrain, we'll be travelling at about 4-3/4 kilometers per hour. It could well be half that, on rougher ground, even if I weren't injured.

"If we find the underground passage, there's no telling where it will let us out. It's 100 kilometers from Wall Maria to Wall Rose, 130 kilometers from Wall Rose to Wall Sina, and the Capital itself is 500 kilometers across. It's possible we'll be traveling at least 230 kilometers underground, if not hundreds more, without food, water or light, save for what we bring. If any of the passages have collapsed, we'll need to backtrack, taking further time.

"If we can't find the Smugglers' Gate in the first place, we'll need to make it to Karanese overland, and from my understanding of where your house is in relation to Shiganshina, that's 180 kilometers from here. Trost is closer, but still over 100 kilometers away, and between the plugged Trost Gate, our lack of fuel for our maneuver gear and the hungry hordes of Titans swarming along the Wall there, it would be suicide to attempt it.

"So at best, at a straight line distance, we're talking 38 to 76 hours of travel overland, which is three to six days, including rest time, and it could well be closer to two weeks. Underground, it would be about 48 hours of travel, or four days, including rest time, and that's assuming no blockages or backtracking, a clear corridor all the way, and that's one hell of an assumption.

"If we need to travel overland, most of the supply depots the Corps left are between Trost and Shiganshina, or outside Shiganshina. There's little between Shiganshina and Karanese, and again, we'll hopefully be underground for at least a good chunk of our journey. If we are, we'll need all four lanterns, every candle we can carry, and the two dozen torches I've made. We'll need at least a barrel of water as well. And the food we have is bulky, not rations specifically made portable for long journeys.

"I understand your family used to bring candles and produce to trade in Shiganshina, Mikasa. Please tell me that you have a cart we can load, that we can take turns pulling. A wagon is too big and cumbersome, and there is a distinct lack of draft animals to pull one, in any case."

"There are three carts, actually, all narrow, maneuverable for the trail, two bigger and one littler one," Mikasa replied. "My father and mother and I used to all go into Shiganshina together, each pulling some of the trade goods, with rucksacks for the more delicate items. You've already seen that the packs are still intact. Fortunately, we stored the carts in the back of the cave we used for smoking game, so they weren't out and exposed to the elements and termites. They should still be sound. I can use some of the fat from the deer to grease the wheels, and we can render the rest of the fat into oil for the lamps. We'll bring the bulk of the buckets of fat into the house to make the oil after I go check on the carts with either Eren or Armin, when I show them how to add more wood to the smoking pit."

"Excellent. We'll pack a little of everything into each rucksack, so if we need to abandon the carts because of Titans or other dangers, we're not left completely without supplies. Even though the carts will inevitably slow us down somewhat, they'll ultimately save time and energy, as we won't need to waste any looking for food and water, and again, that's assuming there's any to find, and assuming that we're above ground, which I hope we aren't. Frankly, I never thought I'd be so eager to go back underground," Levi mused.

Armin was surprised and relieved that Levi readily admitted he couldn't carry a pack of supplies. He was worried enough as it was that the journey would be too strenuous for him. But the only other choice was having Eren carry them all again, in Titan form, and they weren't at all sure he could maintain it all the way to Karanese, or stay on course, or assume that form and be so easily controllable as the last time; the last thing they needed was for him to be mindless and violent, like that time in Trost. Plus, in Titan form he'd also be a Titan magnet, and they could ill afford garnering that kind of attention.

They spent the rest of the evening, into the night, preparing for the journey, bringing the three carts inside, so they could load them, and not need to worry about animals disturbing their supplies. No one had to tell Armin which cart he would be expected to pull. He also wasn't surprised to see the heavier supplies went into the two larger carts. He'd resigned himself long ago to being the physically weakest among the three. It was only recently that he'd realized he had other attributes that compensated for his lack of muscle.

The high point of the evening for Armin was on the way to the cave with Mikasa, seeing the look on Eren's face when he saw Mikasa in her mother's dress. Eren stared at her open mouthed, as if realizing for the first time there was a woman underneath the uniform. It gave Armin just a little bit of hope that someday Eren might finally see Mikasa as other than a sister.


	16. Chapter 16 - The Trail

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thank you for your reviews, favorites, follows and views. I'd love to hear from more of you! If some of you would also like to read my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, is available on and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 16 – The Trail

Looking at the grayish tinge in Levi's pale face, at his clenched jaw, tightlipped with pain, Mikasa realized they had all overestimated the Captain's stamina, or more fairly, underestimated the harshness of the terrain. They should have suspected the once relatively clear trail to Shiganshina would have become dangerously overgrown, after six years of disuse. She was glad she'd changed back into her uniform for the trip. Levi didn't have that luxury. He was still wearing her father's ill-fitting clothes. "We need to take a break. I should have realized the path would be too overgrown for this."

"I don't think a break is enough. We can shift the heavier supplies out of Eren's cart and into yours and mine, to make room for Captain Levi to sit or lie down. Then all three of us can take turns pulling that one," Armin suggested.

"I'm fine," Levi said tersely, continuing onwards at an increased pace, as if to prove his point. "I'm not you, Armin. Mikasa doesn't have to baby me."

Mikasa glared at Levi as Armin sagged beneath the weight of his criticism, a wounded look replacing the worry in his eyes at the unexpected attack from someone he trusted. "Look, you arrogant, overconfident jackass, you…" She gasped as the tip of Levi's right crutch disappeared into an animal burrow, and he spun crazily, his momentum on the slanted surface of the trail causing him to swivel around, and then crash backwards onto the ground, tumbling and rolling down the incline until he landed in a crumpled heap ten meters in front of them.

"Levi!" she cried, as the others cried, "Captain!", and all three of them simultaneously abandoned their carts and ran to him.

The older man was breathing loudly through gritted teeth, his gloved hands clutching his leg, every tendon in his neck standing out in stark relief in obvious agony. It looked like he was fighting not to scream.

"Let go, lie back. Let me look," Mikasa soothed. "Armin, keep watch. Let us know if you see anything. Eren, if there's more than one Titan approaching, change into your Titan form. Your goal is to kill the Titans and carry the three of us down the mountain and to Karanese. Set it in your head and remember it, understood?" she commanded looking up at him.

"Got it," Eren said, as Armin scanned the landscape around them.

"Meanwhile, Eren, I need you to shift some of the heavier things out of your cart and into mine and Armin's, mostly mine. There's no way Levi is walking, after this."

"No problem," Eren said, heading for his cart.

Mikasa looked back down at Levi and her eyes widened in sympathy and then narrowed in a glare, when she saw the bloody patches under the Captain's arms. She began stripping his shirt off. "You proud, masochistic jerk! You didn't have to suffer silently. Why didn't you tell us you were bleeding? We could have added more padding! What, you didn't want to show weakness in front of us? We're not like those horrible people you grew up with! We're not going to knife you in your bed!" She'd seen the blade scar between his ribs, when she'd tended to his arms before. She knew what he'd told her about trusting people was all too literal.

"I didn't realize I was bleeding. My arms and leg hurt like hell but I thought I could make it," Levi gasped out ruefully.

Mikasa had brought pads to change his dressings, and pre-made the ointment for the poultice. Fortunately, she'd also make some tea before they left, though he hadn't taken any yet, because the painkillers would make him less alert, but that didn't matter now. He wasn't going anywhere on foot for a while.

"I'm sorry," Mikasa apologized. "It's my fault too, for not realizing the trail was such a mess and not saying something sooner when I saw it was. I'm going to bandage your arms and then take a look at your leg. I only hope you haven't torn open your stitches, because this is not the time or place to do needlepoint." When her mother had taught her to sew, in the special, traditional family pattern, she'd never expected how useful the talent could truly be.

Mikasa now had the first and last thing she'd ever made in her pack, the piece she'd been working on the day her parents were murdered before her eyes. It was one of the precious keepsakes she had brought with her, along with some of her parents' things and her dolls, the ones that had been passed down to her mother from her grandmother, now that she could once again cherish them. Perhaps someday she'd have a daughter of her own to give them to.

She took a second to glance up at Eren and smiled to herself, imaging a chocolate haired little girl looking up at her with Eren's green eyes. She'd never gone back to the house until now. She hadn't wanted any mementos before. She was glad she'd been forced to go back, except for the reason for it.

Mikasa smeared the honey mixture on the bleeding sores under Levi's arms, wincing in sympathy. Seeing Levi hurt was like seeing Eren or Armin hurt, now. It hurt her too. She covered the sticky salve with thick padding, and re-bandaged him. Then she put Levi's shirt back on him, for a moment imaging dressing her own little boy, the image rapidly fading as she pulled down his pants, to check his leg. Levi was many things, but he was certainly not a little boy.

"Your leg doesn't look like it's bleeding," she said in relief. "We'll leave it wrapped for now. I don't want to get dirt on it."

She pulled his pants back up. "Did you hurt yourself in the fall? Did you twist or sprain or break anything?"

"No. Nothing else hurts. Well, more than a few bruises," he qualified, when she narrowed her eyes at him.

"OK, you can sit up, slowly, then. Let me know if anything starts to hurt that didn't before. I'm going to give you some of the medicinal tea from our extra canteen. Drink as much as you can. Once we get to the Wall, and are on clear, level ground, if you're recovered enough, I'll let you get back on those crutches again. If you're unconscious, you've told us what to look for, and where, so hopefully we'll be able to find the Gate anyway." She handed him her father's old canteen.

Levi nodded and accepted it without complaint, and both to her satisfaction and worry, she saw he drank deeply. She knew he must really be hurting, to be so compliant and not insist upon trying to continue on foot.

Eren brought the cart over, and Levi shakily made his way over to it. He exhaled heavily as he sat back, shifting to make himself comfortable. "I hate this. Thank you all again," he muttered.

"That's what friends are for," she said pointedly, looking him in the eye, and he nodded and looked a little more accepting of the knowledge that he was relying upon them, not burdening them.

They continued on down the trail. They had a tense moment a little further down, when something leapt out of the undergrowth in front of them, until they realized it was a deer, not a Titan. They were still wary, in case something was chasing it, or a Titan had startled it, but nothing dangerous appeared.

Mikasa was both relieved and concerned to see that Levi had fallen asleep, pain and exhaustion coupled with the painkillers and the roll of the cart apparently too much for him to resist. He would be completely helpless, if a Titan attacked.

When they finally reached the edge of the trees towards the bottom of the trail, they stopped. "We should try to wake him up now," Mikasa suggested. "It will be better if he's able to do this part on his crutches, if he's awake and alert enough, and not in too much pain. Once we're in the open and near the Wall surrounding Shiganshina, we'll be much more likely to be spotted and targeted by Titans."

0 0 0

Levi frowned, puzzled, as he awoke to Mikasa's worried face peering down at him, beneath a backdrop of branches.

"We're at the edge of the forest. How do you feel? Will you be able to make it on your crutches, or should we keep carrying you?"

So the disastrous battle and its aftermath hadn't been a nightmare after all. The pain was much less severe now, than immediately after his fall, although he felt stiff and bruised all over. He couldn't believe he'd apparently actually fallen asleep or unconscious out in the open, when one or more Titans could have attacked them at any moment. He never should have drunk the tea.

Levi belatedly remembered he'd actually been dreaming about tea, of a much more pleasant type: he'd been taunting and flirting with Erwin over tea in his office. He was eager to get back to Karanese, to Erwin, to make his dream a reality again. _Please still be alive. Please be alright. _The words had become something of a mantra to him, almost a ritual now. He moved his arms experimentally, and carefully lifted his leg. "I can make it," he said confidently, without lying.

Mikasa scrutinized his face and then nodded. Levi felt inordinately pleased and relieved that Mikasa still trusted him. He couldn't believe her opinion of him mattered so much, but he'd had very few friends in his life, and that level of trust was hard for him to accept.

He got carefully to his feet. Now that he was no longer on an incline, his weight would be more on his hands, and not resting on the bars under his arms as much. With the extra padding from the bandages under his arms, he should be able to make it, though it wouldn't be pleasant.

Levi surveyed the inner arc of Wall Maria from the cover of the trees, getting his bearings from the position of the open wound that marred the Wall, the ruined inner Gate where the security of the Wall had been breached. He motioned them to the left.

They stayed just within the trees, skirting around the edge of the woods, facing the Wall, Levi carefully counting out support ribs as they travelled. When they finally got to the appropriate point, he showed his three comrades their goal, making sure they fixed the position in their minds, using portions of the surrounding terrain as markers.

They decided to risk going together, afraid if they got separated that one or more Titans might come, and the others wouldn't be able to follow. Eren was ready to transform if they were about to be overwhelmed, even knowing that his particularly tempting human scent while in Titan form would bring every Titan in the vicinity at a run, the very reason they had avoided having him do so, so far.

That morning at the house, Levi had rescued his lock picks from his uniform, where they'd been hidden in the seams of his ruined and discarded pants. He never went anywhere without them. He assumed this door would be locked, though hopefully not booby trapped, but he was prepared for anything.

Levi felt horribly exposed, as they crossed the open ground on foot, burdened by the carts. He ached for the familiar security of relying upon his maneuver gear. He'd donned the familiar harness over the borrowed clothes, carefully making sure the baggy pants didn't catch the straps and hamper his mobility. He'd switched tanks with Armin that morning. Armin had the most gas left of the three of them and he was also the lightest of the three of them. It would be easier for Mikasa or Eren to carry Armin than to carry him, and his own poor mobility on foot would be eliminated with the gear. Also, he was the only one of them used to using maneuver gear in the tight confines of the Underground's tunnel system and housing areas. Mikasa and Eren would be quicker to adapt to that unfamiliar terrain than Armin.


	17. Chapter 17 - Smugglers' Gate

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thanks for the new reviews and follows! If you enjoy the story, please keep those and the favorites coming!**

Chapter 17 – Smugglers' Gate

Levi looked warily around, scanning in every conceivable direction for attack, just as Eren, Mikasa and Armin were. There were no Titans in sight yet, but he was painfully aware that could change at any moment. He hated this, being out in the open, on the ground, exposed like this.

Incredibly, they reached the Wall without incident. He and Armin began examining the Wall, while Mikasa and Eren kept watch. Then Levi and Mikasa moved to the right, while Armin and Eren shifted to the left, as they continued to study the Wall intently, looking for seams, keyholes, hinges, any sign of an entrance. Unlike the interior of the Wall within Shiganshina and the other Border Towns, the bottom two meters of the inner arc were not pristine. Instead, names and dates, some a century old, and sometimes phrases or random symbols and markings had been scratched into the stone, or even painted, the worn, weathered graffiti of generations of captive humans. Levi smirked, thinking of the horrified expression a Wallist would have on his face, as he ranted about sacrilege and other nonsense.

They were less than five meters from one another, when Armin let out a surprised gasp. Levi and Mikasa quickly rejoined Armin and Eren. "Did you find the door?" Levi asked, scanning the Wall eagerly, frowning when he didn't see the outline of a door or gate, a hinge or even a keyhole, only the usual joined edges of the massive blocks of stone the wall was crafted from.

"No. Sorry," Armin said, his face flushing furiously in embarrassment. "It's just, I recognized this symbol. I've seen it before," Armin said, pointing to the small, inconspicuous stylized owl etched into the stone, at the very bottom of the Wall, near their feet, where most people would never even think to look.

"The Library," Levi whispered, in awe, removing his left glove, balancing precariously on one crutch as he reached down to touch the forbidden symbol.

"Titans!" Mikasa and Eren simultaneously yelled, dropping their packs and drawing their swords.

Levi's head jerked up and he pivoted, trying to assess the severity of the danger, but the sudden move unbalanced him and he fell, fortunately landing on his left hip, this time. As he scrabbled for his fallen crutch, his grasping left hand accidentally pressed the belly of the owl, and to his shock, his finger disappeared into the Wall. He snatched away his hand, as the entire mass of stone in front of him began sinking lumberously inwards, drawing away from him, with the sound of grinding rock, continuing for endless moments, at first only exposing the rock Wall to either side, but finally opening up into an inky black void, barely illuminated enough by the sunlight leaking inside to see that there was solid floor beyond the stone slab.

"The Gate! We found the Smugglers' Gate! Eren, don't bite yourself! Everyone inside!" Levi ordered, clambering to his feet, snatching up his fallen crutch and flinging both crutches through the opening with all his might, and then shooting out a grappling hook wildly, hoping to hit an interior wall. When he felt the reassuring thud he grabbed a startled Armin by the waist, slammed them together chest to chest, and yanked them both inside, so they wouldn't block the entrance for Eren and Mikasa.

Before his good foot found solid ground, something heavy and hard thudded into Levi's back, causing him to spiral out of control. He realized it was either Eren's or Mikasa's pack, which had been tossed into the void, as he pitched forward and spun crazily from the unexpected impact. He sensed rather than saw the rapidly approaching opposite wall of the corridor or narrow chamber, with senses honed in the darkness, and twisted to take the impact on his back, protecting the young man in his arms.

Letting out a "woof" of breath, Levi miraculously managed to land on his good foot, thanks to Armin's unexpectedly competent landing on his own feet. Levi ignored the pain in his back, and set aside his concern that he might have cracked one or more ribs, when to his frustration and fear, Eren and Mikasa didn't run inside after them. Then he heard the rumble of wheels on stone, and Mikasa ran in, pushing her cart before her, for better speed, snatching up the pack that had hit him and only made it partway inside.

"The door!" Mikasa yelled over her shoulder, as to Levi's frustration, she ran back outside.

Armin moved to follow, to get his own cart, or join them in fighting the Titans, but Levi cursed and grabbed his arm. "We need to find a way to close the door!" If they couldn't close the door right away, a Titan's hand could thrust in after them, either crushing them or bringing part of the Wall down onto them. There was no way they could push or shift that massive slab of rock by hand.

The only light was the sunlight and it only illuminated a small strip of the stone beyond the Gate. Levi hopped over to the Wall to the left of the door. "The owl, look for another owl along the edge of the doorway! Either at your feet or over your head and push it! Forget trying to see in this light, just push everywhere, above and below! I'll take this side, Armin, take the right! Damn it, Eren and Mikasa, screw the carts and the Titans, get in here now! That's an order! There might not be time, once we find the trigger!"

To Levi's relief, one shadowy figure and then a second ran through the opening, only a moment before he heard a muted click and a dull rumbling of gears and grinding of stone. Armin had apparently found the release mechanism on this side of the Wall.

"Careful you don't get crushed!" Levi warned all three of them, unable to see where they were, as the door slowly slid shut, plunging them into absolute darkness and silence, save for the grinding of rock, as the slab continued to sink back into the Wall.

"Is everyone alright?" Levi asked, his voice a hushed whisper, in case the Titans could somehow hear, or someone potentially just as deadly, though they'd already made far too much noise. If the Librarian was in this tunnel, anywhere near them… they'd be lucky to ever see daylight again.

He was relieved by the chorus of confirmations he received in response.

"No one move until Armin can light one of his torches. They'll provide more light than one of the lamps or candles. We need to get our bearings and scope out as much as we can. We don't need anyone falling into a pit or breaking a leg tripping over a pack or my crutches," Levi ordered.

Levi heard the scrabbling sounds of Armin fumbling with his pack for a torch and his Corps lighter. The innovative lighters would be worth their weight in gold in the Underground, where everyone including him used to make do with flint and steel, or a tinder box. He, Isabel and Furlan had started many dozens of cook fires that way, when they'd been lucky enough to have fuel to burn for them. And food to cook. Most of what they ate was stolen warm or eaten raw. _Isabel. Furlan._ His heart ached thinking of them, remembering all those times, feeling the familiar weight of the stone all around him, surrounded by his dark memories, pressing in upon him.

Fortunately, just before it became unbearable, Armin's torch flared, illuminating the blond's frightened face. Levi was about to reassure the timid young man, when he spoke. "Did you get hurt again, because of me? You should have landed on me, instead of protecting me. I was still wearing my pack. It would have cushioned us both."

Armin was afraid, not of the Titans or the dark or the Librarian or the Lurkers like him, but because he thought he was hurt? Warmth pooled in Levi's chest, driving away the painful memories. "Tch, I'm fine, brat. A mouse like you can't squash a cat like me, even if I can't exactly land on my feet at the moment," Levi assured him.

Levi's heart lightened further at Armin's smile, framed by the golden halo of his hair, a ray of sunlight in the darkness.

Eren and Mikasa retrieved their packs and his crutches, and Mikasa handed the latter to him.

"So does this mean the Smugglers' Gate leads to the Library? That would make sense, since books about the world outside the Wall are illegal, which means they're contraband, just like Black Market goods," Armin said, far too loudly for Levi's liking. Levi looked around, expecting to see the Librarian himself, or one of his minions, in the shadows of the corridor surrounding them.

They were in a T-shaped passageway, with the top of the "T" lying along the Gate and Wall on either side, and the long part a ramp angling sharply downwards. Levi's eyes widened in interest as he saw the letter "N", a third of a meter high, carved into the wall above the center of the Gate. Had there been a similar distinctive marking on the outside of the Gate, he would have found it along ago. Did that mean there were 26 passages, or Gates, one for each letter? Or at least 14, if this was the last?

"Don't say the "L" word out loud down here, Armin. Aboveground, reading banned books about the Outside is punishable by death. Here in the Underground, the Librarian is the one who'll kill you, if you stumble upon the Library without authorization," Levi said, breaking his own caution. "Not that it's easy to find. But once you do, if you don't have the password, you're dead. Unless you have a book to trade for your life, and a believable explanation to go with it, or something else the Librarian needs," he qualified.

"Theon? But he wouldn't. He's not like that at all. He's wonderful! Who's been spreading such wild stories about him?" Armin defended indignantly, looking both flabbergasted and amused.

_Amused. By the Librarian. Whom he apparently knew, both in person, and by name. Armin-freaking-Arlert actually knew the damned name of the bloody Librarian!_ Levi froze in shock, gaping at the young man, suddenly realizing he didn't know him at all, as stunned by his revelation as he'd been to find out Annie Leonhart was a Titan. "You've actually met the Librarian?" Levi asked mildly, almost conversationally, trying not to betray himself further by the monumental question.

Armin's eyes widened, as if he belatedly realized he'd said something he shouldn't.

Levi sighed softly. "I'm going to ask you this here, now, where there's no one but Eren and Mikasa to hear. Armin, are you a Freeranger?" The question would have been ludicrous, if Armin hadn't recognized the sacred symbol of Athena, the owl, and all but admitted to meeting the Librarian, and if he wasn't a Scout, and therefore, by definition, far tougher than he looked.

Armin bit his bottom lip, looking in panic at Eren. Not at Mikasa, just Eren, Levi realized, intrigued. Was Eren a Freeranger too? Doctor Yeager had traveled outside Shiganshina to treat patients like Mikasa's parents. Had he ever gone outside Wall Maria itself?

Armin hadn't had any parents, only a grandfather. A sudden suspicion flared in Levi's gut. "Armin, you're an orphan, aren't you, from before the Titans breached Wall Maria? How did your parents die?"

Even by torchlight, the blond paled noticeably, as he again looked frantically at Eren.

"What the hell difference does it make?" Eren snarled, going to stand at Armin's right side protectively.

"He hasn't broken any laws," Mikasa said, going to his left, missing the way both Eren and Armin flinched when she said that.

Levi sighed again. "Armin, have you been reading books from the Library? Banned books? Books about Outside?"

Guilt flared across Armin's face, even as Eren scowled. "Armin, you don't have to answer that! Just what the hell are you accusing him of, you bastard? He helped save your life! So what, now you're going to turn him in to the Military Police for something he didn't even do?" Eren was shouting now.

"Lower your voice, you ass! You don't scream words like 'Military Police' here without consequences," Levi hissed. "And of course I'm not going to turn him in to them! Hell, I've already planned how I'm going to smuggle you three safely down here, if Erwin decides to be a hard ass and tries to court martial you. You're my friends, damn it! I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, and I'm certainly not going to. I just never met a live Freeranger before. Mainly because there **aren't **many live Freerangers, at least, not within the Walls."

Armin looked sick.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I should have realized, but you didn't answer the question. They went Outside, didn't they?" Levi said apologetically.

Armin's eyes filled with tears.

"Crap! Please don't cry, brat. I didn't mean to dredge up painful memories. There are already enough of those, floating around down here, memories and ghosts," Levi said, softly, swinging over to him on his crutches, ignoring Armin's two self-appointed bodyguards, then holding onto both crutches with his right hand, so he could lay his left hand on Armin's shoulder, in a brotherly gesture of support and affection. "But it would help if at some point you tell me everything, so I know exactly what charges I'll be protecting you from, if it ever comes to that."

"Armin, don't say anyth…" Eren started to caution.

"I own a banned book," Armin blurted out.

Levi blinked. "You own it? It's not a Library book? You haven't just read one?"

Armin shook his head slowly.

"Tell me it's not hidden in the barracks," Levi pleaded in sudden sick dread.

"I hid it really well," Armin said softly.

"Of course you did," Levi said, shaking his head in bemused disbelief.

"It's about Outside: the salty sea and the endless desert and the ice sheets and everything. There's lots and lots inside and I read it all. It's the most wonderful book ever! It belonged to my grandfather. He was a Freeranger, and so were my parents. My grandfather stayed to take care of me, when my parents left, when I was a little boy, but they never came back," Armin admitted all his sins in a rush, his eyes growing bright with tears when speaking of his lost family.

"I see. So then, all four of us have done things we could be executed for. Yet here we stand. Well, three-and-a-half of us anyway," Levi joked weakly, at his own expense. Innocent, naïve little Armin Arlert owned and had read a banned book, and was a Freeranger, not just by blood, but apparently in his mind and heart as well. He thought he'd seen it all, been prepared for anything, that nothing could ever surprise him, but again, as with Leonhart, he was wrong.

"Well, now that the air has been cleared, we should get going. Although first, before we leave, we need to try to get a visual of the owl on this side, the one that Armin pressed, if it **is** actually an owl, and then I'm going to mark the corridor as we travel, so if we need to double back, we have a trail to follow, in case of cave-ins from the Titan attack, or angry Librarians, or other disasters of similar magnitude."

They easily located the symbol that shut the door, an owl again, by the light of Armin's torch. They searched further, in case there was a separate trigger that opened the door, but they didn't find another symbol. Hopefully it would also work to open the door. They couldn't check now, as the Titans were likely still outside, though they'd heard no sign of them, thanks to the thickness of the Wall surrounding the massive door.

Levi looked around, getting his bearings. This tunnel wasn't like the other ones he'd frequented, in his former life as a thief. There was a smell of stone and age, of disuse, rather than the fetid odors of sewage and urine and garbage. Thankfully there were no rat droppings either, or other indication of their presence, and so far the floors and walls and ceiling were blessedly free of insects as well. He knew that would change as they headed closer to the City. Tunnels and caves were notoriously damp, and water attracted insects and other vermin.

They couldn't afford to become lost in unfamiliar tunnels, particularly as some of them had no doubt collapsed due to age or the Titans' attack. Most importantly, they needed to avoid the Library at all costs. Levi was intimately familiar with the various passages and egresses from the Underground city and tunnel network beneath the Capital, but he was just as in the dark as the others out here.

"You shouldn't have risked pushing your cart in, Mikasa, but I'm glad you did. You saved over a third of our supplies, both what was originally packed in it and the excess you offloaded from Eren's cart." They still had all four lamps, all the oil, and at least a third of the torches, candles, food and water, plus some of Eren's load and the contents of the four packs. They'd ration everything, especially the light and the water, and they'd make it, barring unforeseen complications.

Levi suppressed a sigh. There were always unforeseen complications, especially in the Underground.


	18. Chapter 18 - Aqueduct 3

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 18 – Aqueduct 3

Levi was getting more and more antsy by the minute, clenching his hands into tight fists on the bars of his crutches at the constant, almost inaudible scuttle along the walls, the floor, the ceiling. They were surrounded by insects, though thankfully for the most part they remained invisible, keeping just outside the glowing light of Armin's lamp. Levi found himself flinching every time he saw one.

Nothing had crawled or flown onto him so far, but it was only a matter of time, and the memory of the times in the past when he'd felt tiny little feet scurrying over his arms and legs and face made him want to claw his skin off. The knowledge that he smelled like flowers and honey… he almost stumbled as his sudden stiffness threw off the ground-eating swing of his crutches, wincing as he strained a muscle in his back, which was still aching from the impact with the wall of the corridor. But at least he could tell he hadn't actually cracked any ribs. He would have been in way worse shape had he done so.

He'd thought there would be the usual maze of crisscrossing and intersecting tunnels leading to and from the Smugglers' Gate, but instead there had been a single, unbroken corridor, which led under Shiganshina. When it had finally forked, the left passage angling in what they believed to be the direction of Karanese, they'd instead stayed in the main corridor, heading further under Shiganshina, hoping to find an entrance within the fallen Border Town, a safer way to Eren's home. Instead, after traveling down a length of the corridor, they'd found an impenetrable wall of rubble blocking their path, and had reluctantly turned back.

They'd been walking for what seemed like an eternity down the branching corridor now, which Levi only hoped was still truly heading toward Karanese. Even a slight, undetectable curve in the unbroken corridor could send them kilometers off in a different direction. The corridor they were in never got wider or more narrow, nor had it branched again. Levi had despised living below the City, in the filth and the dark of the Underground, sealed away from the clean, fresh air, the light of the sun, and the beauty of the stars, but he had never felt claustrophobic before, save for that one time he'd been trapped and pinned in the dark. He hated this.

Armin unexpectedly piped up in a far too cheerful and loud voice. "This reminds me of the Pyramids of Egypt, the ones I read about! They were built thousands of years ago, giant stone tombs in the middle of the desert for their kings, who they called pharaohs. They believed in an afterlife where you'd still need food and clothes and gold and jewels. So they buried everything with the pharaohs in secret chambers.

"But the slaves who built the pyramids needed a way in and out while they worked, so even though there were sometimes elaborate passages with traps leading into the burial chambers, there was also a secret, direct route to the underground treasure vaults. When they were finished with the tomb, they'd fill that direct passage with broken rock and garbage before sealing the tomb up for good. But it turned out that thieves would enter the tombs that way, once the workers were gone, they'd bribe them to tell them the way inside. They had to be really tough and not scared of their gods to do it though."

Armin was looking right at him, the concern Levi had seen in his eyes before directed at him changing to hero worship, as the pipsqueak apparently pictured him as some exotic ancient tomb robber.

Eren laughed, a single sharp bark, and scoffed. "Right. Like the Captain would ever tunnel through garbage for buried treasure."

"I've dug through garbage to find something edible in it. I damned well would have done it to unearth a king's ransom," Levi replied. Memories flooded him, of fighting rats for stale bread crusts and rotted, half eaten fruit, when he'd literally been starving, in some of the darkest times he'd spent Underground, before he'd met Isabel and Furlan. The three of them together had been good enough to steal what they needed, sometimes from the homes and shops of the rich, spoiled Capital dwellers, but mostly from the Military Police storehouse, occasionally right out of their mess hall or kitchens. He silently cursed himself for actually admitting his scavenging food to them, and grew more and more tense as the awkward silence lengthened.

"So have we," Mikasa said softly, and suddenly there was that warmth again, replacing the hollow, empty feeling, temporarily overshadowing the tension and the disturbing sensation of his skin crawling.

"Ugh, don't remind me!" Eren said, shuddering. "Speaking of food, though, can we stop for a late lunch? We haven't eaten since breakfast and it must be nearly dinnertime."

"Levi, would that be alright? Would it be unsafe for any reason?" Mikasa asked, deferring to his knowledge.

Armin had tried to distract him with his forbidden stories of ancient, faraway lands, Mikasa had reminded him that they weren't so very different after all, and even Eren was deflecting his anxiety with thoughts of food. And Mikasa had called him Levi again.

He smiled, he couldn't help himself. The other two usually still called him Captain, but she called him Levi. Very few people were comfortable enough with him to take that liberty, and he certainly didn't encourage it, from most people. Mikasa truly was special, in a number of ways. He wouldn't have thought he'd be able to eat down here like this, but perhaps now he could.

"It should be alright, as long as we keep an eye and ear out for Lurkers. As I warned you earlier, your uniforms will mark you three instantly as enemies of most of the people down here. Don't forget to pretend I'm your prisoner if we get into a bind, someone wearing stolen or scavenged maneuver gear. I'll have more leeway to help us out that way. And Armin, remember, if we unexpectedly come across the Library, or the Librarian, you're the one who needs to do the talking. Mikasa, as I told you before, much as I'd hate for you to sacrifice it, if we end up at the Library, your mother's book might be the only thing that gets us out alive."

Eren rolled his eyes. "We know, you told us before! We're not stupid, you know. Now can we eat?" he grumbled.

"You know not to take that tone with me once we return to base, right? We may be friends now, of a sort, but I'm still your superior officer. There are times I'll still be calling you all by your last names, and you'll need to follow my orders without question, comment or complaint. At least, not any more than you used to," Levi qualified. Eren had never been a model soldier. That was part of why he'd liked him as much as he had, before this latest mission, though the brat likely hadn't realized it.

Eren snapped to attention. "Scout Yeager officially requests that his Squad be allowed to consume their field rations now, Captain Levi, sir!"

Levi shook his head, more in amusement than annoyance. Eren's attitude didn't bode well for when they reached the surface, but the tradeoff, of having three new friends, far outweighed the disadvantages.

"Smartass. Yes, brat, we can eat now, but first, we need to set a lit torch at both ends of the corridor and stay on our feet. Remember, we're surrounded by insects, and they can sometimes be unexpectedly aggressive, depending upon how hungry they are. We're lucky the flowers and honey haven't drawn them in to us, but the dirt and sweat are masking those scents. For that matter, though the damp attracts them, we're lucky it's not bone dry down here, or they'd be attracted to our sweat, too. Once we bring food out into the open, it could be a different story. We don't want to get swarmed. If you are, toss your food as far down the corridor we came from as you can, and head for the torch at the opposite end. Don't scream, whatever you do: sound carries like crazy down here, and you wouldn't want to have your mouth open in that event in any case, trust me."

"So** that's** why you've been so…" Armin said, eyes wide with dawning horror. Eren and Armin both looked uneasily towards the darkness, as Eren lit a torch from the lamp Armin was carrying. He walked down the corridor and laid it on the ground, making sure it didn't go out. Then he lit a second and went the opposite way. They kept the lamp lit, too. They'd been carefully limiting themselves to the single lit lamp, until now. They couldn't afford to be in this endless tunnel without light, both because they'd never find their way out, and because of the hundreds of insects surrounding them. At least they thankfully hadn't come across any rats or indication of them; they hadn't seen any rat droppings, yet. There was nothing for them to gnaw on down here, save for stone. Sometimes Levi wished he could toss some of his fellow Scouts Underground just for a few hours, so they'd realize where his perfectly rational appreciation for cleanliness came from.

The four of them unpacked and quickly devoured their portions of cold venison steak and stewed greens, left over from dinner the night before, while Levi eyed the corridor warily and Eren and Armin looked around nervously. Mikasa seemed noticeably unconcerned by the insects.

Once they were done eating, they retrieved the torches, though the wax soaked coiled rope about the tip was half spent. The lamp would replace the torches, once they died. They continued down the featureless pitch black passage.

A short while later, Levi froze and cautioned the others to stop as well. There were unexpected sounds up ahead, ones the wheels of the cart had been masking at first. Could that really be water? Running water? It sounded like a waterfall. But there was also an odd, grating, screeching, whining sound that sounded like metal on metal.

"Be ready for battle. There's no light, but that metallic sound likely means people, and as I've warned you, down here, people mean trouble," Levi whispered. He'd use the crutches as weapons first, for the element of surprise and added reach they'd give him, and then he'd resort to his pathetically dull swords, until he was forced to draw his knife for close combat.

They continued on cautiously. Unexpectedly, the corridor widened into a chamber, and the source of the sounds became apparent, as to their shock they beheld an underground canal, the water emerging in a steady gush from a huge spherical hole which had been bored into the solid rock wall of the chamber. The water was flowing in a channel in the direction they had been traveling, and the corridor continued alongside it, though much wider than before, to accommodate the canal, in addition to the elevated walkway.

If it was drinkable, water was certainly no longer a concern, at least not for the others. Potable or not, there was no way he could drink it, with what was living around it, and no doubt floating in it. But Levi's interest was captivated by the moving metal cable that ran through pulleys in stanchions set alongside the walkway, making the metallic noise, and by what appeared to be three overturned plastic boats, on the dock beside the water. Entire boats made of actual plastic. They must be ancient, at least a century old.

He looked around the rest of the chamber and his eyes fell on more engraved lettering, the same size as before, and he immediately realized his earlier mistake. That hadn't been the letter "N" at all; it had apparently been the Greek letter "Nu", although he heard the correct Greek pronunciation "nee" in his head, before automatically converting it to the bastardized anglicized form. That meant there was a potential of 24 Gates, not 26, if there was one for each letter of the alphabet.

In addition to the unexpected words over the water source, he saw to his excitement the letter "Xi", phonetically pronounced "ksee", both in Greek and English, which to the others would appear as three parallel, horizontal lines, with the middle line somewhat shorter, and the ends angling slightly up or down. "It looks like we've finally found another Gate or door. And that says 'Aqueduct 3 Maintenance Dock'," he translated for the others, pointing to the words with his left crutch.

Armin's eyes shone with excitement and hero worship. "You can read Greek? I know the alphabet and could tell that's what it was written in, but I only know a handful of words and phrases. Grandfather was teaching it to me, before…" His eyes grew brighter and he swallowed hard.

"Amazing, isn't it, the things you pick up in the Underground?" Levi dissembled. He trusted the brat, but some secrets of his past were too painful to think about, let alone say aloud, his life before the Underground chief amongst them.

"We'll try the Gate, of course, but I think we should stay down here. That canal changes things for the better, and certainly explains the dampness, and the insects. Between the current and the cable, and the elimination of the need to stop moving when we rest, we could travel a lot farther and faster in one of those boats, if they're still watertight," Levi posed. "Do any of you have a phobia that might preclude that?"

Armin shuddered. "I think the only time any of us were ever on a boat was during the evacuation of Shiganshina, and it wasn't the water we were afraid of."

"Good. First, let's try the Gate, to see where it leads. Then we'll head back down and flip over one of these boats. Just be aware there will probably be a whole host of things living under there, or at least, that crawled under to take shelter from our light as we approached. We're going to need to make sure nothing is hiding in any of the seams, by knocking it about, or kicking the sides or something. Believe me, you don't want to see me confined on a boat with something other than the three of you moving around in it," Levi said grimly, fighting a shudder of his own.

"So we'll be unloading the cart and leaving it here? What if the waterway is blocked up ahead? Or if it goes back into the rock? Or there's no cable further ahead?" Mikasa challenged.

"All very possible. But since this is a maintenance dock, and apparently a maintenance boat, I assume access continues for some time. This could literally cut days off our journey, depending upon where this passage takes us. With these large letters carved in the rock over the inside of the doors, other potential Gates should be easy to spot from the water with our light," Levi reasoned, reluctant to give the most pressing reason for traveling by boat.

"But you were the one who insisted on the extra supplies, and we've already lost over half of what we had," Eren argued.

Levi sighed and closed his eyes, not wanting to see their expressions when he spoke, then opened them again. He wasn't a damned coward, no matter what they might think when they heard. He looked Eren in the eye. "We need to risk the water, because if I'm down here too long with these damned insects everywhere, I'm going to lose my fucking mind, literally. You've already seen me coldly violent, Eren, out of necessity. Trust me when I tell you that you don't want to see me when I'm violent and completely irrational. It's happened before, here and there, for various reasons, and I'd prefer not to subject any of us to that." He saw Eren's eyes widened and waited for his reaction.

"Oh. That's different then. The water it is," Eren said simply.

"Do you want to put a thin ring of oil in a circle around you and light it, for when we turn the boat over?" Armin suggested.

"At the very least, stand over there, near the wall with one of the torches. I'll make sure nothing gets near you," Mikasa promised.

"Thank you," Levi said simply, amazed by their calm acceptance. "I'll follow your suggestion, Mikasa, but first, let's open this door, and see where it leads." It would be extremely difficult to head back down into this dark, crawling hell after seeing the outside again, but now that he knew there was a chance of seeing the sun or stars, even if only for a few moments, the temptation was impossible to resist.

The four of them eagerly began searching the wall for the owl. As before, it was near the floor of the passage, but Levi was concerned to see that this time the belly of the owl was already pushed in. Why wasn't the door open, if the trigger mechanism had already been depressed? He reached for it and then yanked his hand back, cursing, when he saw a repulsive, moving, distinctly chitinous sheen inside, in the light cast by the lamp.

"Stand back, Levi. Let me get that for you," Mikasa said coolly. She jabbed her knife into the hole and twisted it, then flicked out the still writhing insect remains, crushing them beneath her boot, to ensure they were dead. She ran the tip of the blade carefully along the inside of the hole and then lowered her eye to it, holding the lamp to illuminate it. "I don't see anything but stone." She tried pushing in further, with both her finger and the knife blade, but nothing happened.

Levi stripped off his glove and fisted his hand, opening and closed it twice, then forced his fingers open in resolve. "Let me try," he said.

"No. I can push as hard as you can," Mikasa argued. "But if you insist we give a big, strong man a try, let Eren do it."

"We have soap," Levi argued, humiliated that he'd allowed both his distress and reluctance to show so blatantly.

"And I'll be sure to use it, but there's no need for you to," Mikasa argued.

Eren stuck his finger into the hole and pushed with all his might, his arm muscles showing the effort, as Mikasa's had. "It looks like it's broken," Eren confirmed.

"Considering that all these doors and corridors must be at least a hundred years old, we shouldn't be surprised," Armin said practically. "The fact that cable is still intact and moving and the Smugglers' Gate works is amazing. The materials and engineering ability our ancestors had, to have built the Walls, Gates like these, aqueducts, and moving metal cables that could last a century: we've lost so much."

"That's why we need to go beyond the Walls, so we can reclaim everything we've lost," Eren said emphatically.

"And we will, brat, some day. For now, I'll be happy if we make it safely to Karanese. So, if you'd get a start on that boat, we can be off." Levi tried to sound casual, even flippant, but his heart was racing from the effort of keeping from prying at the stone block seams with his knife or pounding futilely upon the massive, motionless door. Now that he'd thought he had a way out, the urge to escape was overwhelming.

With conscious deliberation and determination, Levi fought a silent battle of rationality and willpower against the phobias he'd thought he'd mastered long ago. He had plenty of light sources; he would not be plunged into the dark. He was not trapped; he was injured, but traveling. He had friends; he was not alone. There were no signs of rats yet. The insects he'd seen were vile and disgusting, but not carnivorous and dangerous, like rats would have been.

How could he face Titans without flinching, giant monsters actively trying to kill and eat him, and not in that order, but not this endless darkness and these damned bugs? The struggling, rational voice in his head tried to remind him that he'd survived far worse, that he'd survived that damned pit, skewered and bleeding and alone. This should be nothing, compared to that. But then he'd been outside.

His vision was unexpectedly dazzled by a bright flare of light directly in front of his face, which had him instinctively jerking backward into a defensive pose, ready to club his attacker with his crutch. He straightened when he realized to his chagrin it was Mikasa, holding a lit torch out to him.

"I'm sorry. I thought you saw me coming. You were looking right at me. Are you going to be alright? We still have some of the tea. If you…"

"No! I mean, no thank you. I can't be unconscious down here. I…did you wash your hands?" Levi asked, staring suspiciously at the hand holding the torch out to him, the finger that had been in the hole in the rock.

"You mean you didn't see me?" she asked in surprise.

The concern in her voice and eyes triggered every instinct to snap at her, to cover his weaknesses, the way he always had with everyone, except Furlan and Petra, but he managed to restrain himself.

"I washed my hands," Mikasa assured him. "We'll get the boat ready as quickly as we can. Once we're moving again, it shouldn't be as bad. You've made it this far, and we're going to get out of this corridor and back aboveground, Levi. I promise we'll have you out of here as soon as we can."

He inhaled slowly and deeply and nodded as he exhaled, accepting the torch gratefully.

She headed back to the others, and the boat. He forced himself to watch them deal with the insects. It wasn't nearly as bad as he'd expected. Had it been a wooden boat, it would likely have been a far more attractive home. He doubted anything was still hiding in whatever seams there might be, with the kicks both Eren and Mikasa gave the sides. It reminded him uncomfortably of the beating he'd given Eren in the courtroom.

"All clear," Mikasa reported.

"There are oars, too. They were under the boat. So if the cable stops working, we won't need to pull ourselves along it, we can use the oars," Armin said excitedly.

"Then it's a good thing one of us, at least, knows how to row a boat," Levi said with a confident smirk as he approached. Yet another odd skill from his sordid past. His head and leg might be a mess, but his arms were fine.

Fortunately they had rope, so they were able to tether the boat to the dock, using the cleats on board, Levi's hands expertly making the knots he'd never thought he'd use again, flooding him with a host of unwanted memories that he mercilessly suppressed. He had enough to deal with down here.

Once they ascertained the craft was truly watertight, they unloaded the cart and stacked the cargo in the boat, and then they all clambered aboard. Armin was the one to figure out how to latch the hook to the cable, which appeared to be powered somehow by the flowing water, either directly or indirectly, they weren't sure which. When Armin was ready, Levi untied the knot, and they were off.


	19. Chapter 19 - Unexpected Visitor

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.  
**

**A/N:**  
**I'll keep my plea simple: more reviews, favorites and follows, please!**

**I've been publishing for just over a month, 19 chapters to date, and I now have readers from 40 countries. How mind boggling is that? But just think, if I got only a single favorite or follow from a reader in each of those countries, I'd have close to double the number I have now…**

Chapter 19 – Unexpected Visitor

There was a knock on Erwin's office door. Erwin ignored it as he'd ignored all the others, since the day before, when they'd confirmed as well as they were able that the four recovered men weren't traitors or Titans in disguise. He stared at his door numbly, not calling out to ask who it was or to invite them in, not moving from his chair, not really even seeing it, though he was looking right at it, although it was hard to focus. Between his unending headache and his sleep deprivation, it was getting harder and harder to concentrate on anything.

He looked down at the papers on his desk, the words blurring on the page the more he tried to focus. Hange had been right. Bauer **was **brilliant, to have figured out the effect of the green smoke grenades on the Titans. They'd become the secret weapon that had gotten them safely within sight of the Wall, scaring off any group of Titans they couldn't fight or evade. They'd had to run and hide and fight too, because they'd had to use the grenades sparingly, particularly as Bauer had already used one of his greens at Levi's command. The last command Levi had ever uttered. Because Levi was dead, and wishing otherwise would only land him in a bed next to poor Mitchell.

The knock intensified, insisting, rather than asking. He stared at the door. Who would be that persistent, yet stay that calm? Hange had pounded on the door and screamed last night. It wasn't until she came crashing in through his window with three of their new medics that he'd realized she'd been afraid he'd done something…final. She'd told him it was after she'd peeked through the window and seen him slumped over on his desk.

He stared at the replaced glass, wondering if someone else might come crashing through, but not really caring. Hange had refused to let them board it over, even temporarily; she'd been adamant she needed to see inside, and Yeager Titan wasn't here to rip a hole in his wall for her. Her pet was dead. Ackerman was dead. Arlert was dead. Levi was dead. He started listing their names, one by one in his head, the ones they'd lost from the Corps to the Titans on this mission, and then backwards, to the day he first took command. It was a horrifyingly long list.

He'd thought it had mattered, once. He'd had a goal, an objective. He was going to be the savior of humanity, or die trying. Only he wasn't the one who had died. Others had paid the price of his self-imposed mission, his obsession. He'd been determined, proud, driven and ultimately stupid. Humanity was as doomed as it had been from the start, from the day the first Titan ate the first human.

There was an odd metallic sound at his door, a scratching and clicking sound, instead of knocking, almost like a mouse was nibbling on the door handle. Moments later, Commander Dot Pixis entered, holding up two finger-long slender metal tools triumphantly. "I haven't lost my touch after all." Pixis looked him right in the eye. "Levi taught me that, after I caught him snooping in my office, in exchange for forgetting it ever happened. He was an extraordinary man. I'm not here to torment you with that, or to help you forget him. I'm here to help you mourn him, to toast him and move on," he said, holding up a bottle of fine liquor of a vintage Erwin hadn't thought existed anymore. It could only have come from the Capital.

"I thought you were aware I don't drink," Erwin said stiffly. A mouthful or a glass, here and there, for appearances, but he'd seen too many men drown themselves in a useless effort to forget, to numb pain that would only return all the stronger, unless they remained drunk forever. That wasn't an option for him.

With a partly apologetic, partly demonic smile Pixis said, "You also don't lose control, attempt to murder subordinates or do other uncharacteristic things, either. I'm here to make sure one of those unusual things isn't accidentally strangling yourself on your maneuver gear wire, partly because you're the reason those kinds of idiotic, tragic accidents are a thing of the past. No one's that incompetent with their gear anymore, least of all a Scout."

They both knew anyone who had died that way since had done so purposefully, regardless of what the official paperwork claimed. Scouts weren't allowed to be human enough, frail enough, to commit suicide. They carried the weight of humanity on their shoulders.

"I've never tried to kill myself," Erwin said disdainfully.

"Maybe not deliberately, no. But you've thought about it, on more than one occasion," Pixis challenged, looking him in the eye.

Erwin exhaled heavily and looked down at the surface of his desk, at sheaves of paper that no longer meant anything. Tiny black letters on white paper that blurred to form an image of ebony hair and miraculously snow white pants.

"Damn. I'd really hoped I was wrong about that one," Pixis said, holding out the corked bottle.

"I can't drink with you Commander. There's a reason I never drink. If I started, I'd never be able to stop. I used to drink tea, instead, but now… lately water has become my drink of choice. Feel free to indulge for the both of us, sir."

Pixis sighed. "I was afraid I didn't know you well enough to force my way in here and try to do this, but the truth of the matter is, no one does. The only man I know who plays his cards as close to his vest as you is me. I've known for years you have a secret agenda, that every official move you make has at least one second, hidden purpose. It's been a challenge, trying to learn what they are. But now you are cracking, Commander Erwin, and you're coming dangerously close to breaking. After everything you've done for this City, all the political and military manipulations you've survived, I honestly don't want to see you fall. I would do everything in my power to prevent that from happening, but the most frustrating aspect is that there is absolutely nothing I can do. You're the only one with the power, Commander."

Erwin snorted. "I've never been so powerless in my life."

"I know, son. But we need you: now more than ever. It's not an easy road you chose, trying to be the savior of humanity, but you're still the best man for the job. And right now, I think you need to remember exactly what it is you're fighting for. Come with me, Commander. That's an order, by the way. Commander-in-Chief Zackly has ordered you to accompany me. I'll leave this here, in case you ever have need of it. But try not to drink alone, if you do," Pixis said, setting down the bottle. His words and tone were gentle, but there was hidden steel behind them.

Erwin sighed and rose. He'd been half expecting this, for the vultures and wolves to take advantage of this disaster, to remove him from power, to disband the Corps. If it were any other day, he'd already have half a dozen strategies prepared as to how to prevent that from occurring. This time, he wondered why he'd been fighting so hard against it. They were doomed either way.

Only…Commander Pixis's words had indicated otherwise. That he was still valued, still needed. So then why was Commander-in-Chief Zackly summoning him?

Did it even matter? He was so damned tired, tired of fighting to protect the Corps, to protect all of humanity, tired of failing. Tired period. He should have stopped fighting this uphill battle years ago, and just let the politicians and all the other greedy, power hungry, short-sighted bastards win. He'd go with Pixis to see Zackly, as ordered, but it would be the last order he ever followed. It was long past time he surrendered this fight. Time for him to step down, to resign from the Corps.

Erwin followed Pixis numbly, as the resolution sunk in, closing and locking the door to the office he'd never see again behind him in rote. There was nothing personal inside, nothing private, save for his coded journals; no one but him would be able to read them, and they were as meaningless and pointless as his life. He had no private life, he'd never had one: the Corps had been his life. But almost everyone in it was dead. If he left now, maybe Mike and Hange at least would survive.

"Ah, Squad Leader Miller. Just the man I wanted to see," Pixis said cheerfully. "You've saved me the trouble of heading to your office. I'm borrowing Commander Erwin for a few days. You're temporarily in command, until he returns, Commander-in-Chief Zackly's orders."

_A few __**days**__?_ Erwin had thought Zackly must be in Karanese; until now, Pixis hadn't indicated they'd be traveling to the Capital. Erwin opened his mouth to question, to protest, but then remembered it was an order, and as such, not open for debate. Besides, who was he to argue? It was not as if he had anything better to do. Hadn't he just decided he was going to resign?

At least Commander Pixis had let Miller know Erwin was leaving, and Miller would no doubt inform Hange. Otherwise she would likely have torn Karanese apart looking for him. He knew he should feel guilty for worrying her so much, but he honestly couldn't feel anything anymore.

The look on Miller's face had been mildly interesting, though. He'd looked surprised and confused, and then guilty. A flash of insight sparked in his brain: Miller had been planning something, but Pixis and Zackly had beaten him to the punch. Now, whatever knife Miller had planned to stick in his back was instead being plunged into his gut. Either way, he was just as dead.

They exited the base and Pixis led him to a closed carriage, one that bore the distinctive double rose shield of the Garrison on the side. The uniformed Garrison driver opened the door for them, and ushered them both inside. Pixis exchanged a few hushed words with the man and then joined Erwin.

"Make yourself comfortable, Commander. It's a twenty hour ride to Wall Sina, give or take. Though we won't be riding straight through, of course, we'll stop at various inns for meals and then to sleep. It's going to be a long ride, son. You let me know if you want to chat," Pixis offered.

Erwin nodded mutely, out of respect. He didn't have anything to say.

The buildings of Karanese flashed by the windows of the carriage, as it rumbled up one street and down another, heading toward the inner Gate, the one that led to the ring between Wall Rose and Wall Sina. Erwin felt his eyelids grow heavier and heavier, as he was lulled by the rhythmic sound of the wheels. Each time his eyelids drooped, they were harder and harder to keep open.

Why was he fighting so hard to stay awake? He deserved whatever nightmarish images manifested in his dreams. He'd killed Levi. He'd killed everyone, all of them. He should have died with them, instead of them. At the very least, he should be forced to see their faces again in his dreams, the only place they still existed. Without another thought, he surrendered the battle.

0 0 0

Pixis eyed Commander Erwin carefully. He appeared to truly be asleep, but there was no telling how long that might last. From what Squad Leader Hange had told him, Erwin hadn't slept in five days. Pixis had thought he'd looked bad when he'd seen him on Wall Rose, but here it was, only a day later, and he looked far worse: "broken" and "defeated" were never two words he would have thought he might ever use to describe Commander Erwin, but they immediately came to the fore now.

He knew Hange didn't really expect him to be able to help Erwin. What he'd seen in her eyes was more desperation than inspiration. She'd flat out told him that Squad Leader Miller was planning to have Erwin relieved of command, as being unfit for duty. After the first few words, she hadn't even argued that Erwin wasn't unfit. Instead, she'd begged him to help, if he could. She couldn't stand by and watch the man she respected so much self destruct any longer.

Damn the Titans. Pixis had seen too many strong, brave, noble young men shattered and destroyed by them. They'd lost the outer ring, a full third of their remaining territory. They'd almost lost the middle ring, too. Trost had been a hair's breadth from falling. If it wasn't for that amazing young soldier Armin Arlert, and his wild idea, and his two loyal and equally insane friends, they would have lost Trost, and then Wall Rose, and then everything, to too many people and not enough land or food. But if it wasn't for Captain Levi, and ultimately Commander Erwin, they'd have lost Eren Yeager to the terror that had gripped the rest of the military.

Was Yeager truly dead, truly gone? He'd survived so much: the fall of Shiganshina, the years afterwards as a refugee, military training, the attack on Trost, losing limbs and actually being eaten by a damned Titan, the cannonfire of his own troops turned against him, and Captain Levi beating him half to death in that courtroom, in order to save him. It was the height of irony that Yeager had disappeared while trying to find and save Levi.

At least Erwin was sleeping now. It was a wonder the man had still been standing, after what he had survived. If he just had a chance to sleep, to heal…he wasn't truly sure it would make a difference, but still, if he had a clear head again…

Pixis closed his own eyes, and settled back into the ridiculously plush cushion. This carriage was one of the few true perks of his rank, to counterbalance all the responsibilities, from the weight of the safety of all of humanity to the life of every single soldier of the nearly 30,000 men and women under his command. Erwin wasn't one of them, but he was a fellow Commander, and a man worthy of being saved, for many reasons, only one of them being that he was an invaluable asset to their military.

It was fortunate that before Pixis had left the Capital, Commander-in-Chief Zackly had casually mentioned to him over drinks at a dinner party they'd both been forced to attend for political reasons that he'd like to meet with both him and Erwin, to try to determine some way to get more volunteers for the Survey Corps, without forcing men to join, or compromising the high standard of the Corps, and without costing more money. Telling Erwin he'd been ordered to accompany him by Zackly was a bit of a stretch, though perhaps technically true, considering what his answer to Zackly had been, and the Commander-in-Chief's subsequent wholehearted approval of his plan. Telling Miller he was in Command while he to all intents and purposes abducted Erwin was taking excessive liberty with Zackly's actual orders.

As long as nothing unexpected happened, he'd probably get away with it. It certainly wouldn't be the first time he'd creatively interpreted his superiors' orders. If Karanese was attacked while Erwin was absent…hell, Miller would have ultimately been in command anyway, in practice, if not in name. Regardless of what Hange wished to believe, Erwin truly wasn't fit for command at the moment. Pixis was hoping to change that.

He'd told Karl Schneider, his driver, not to stop until he signaled, thinking that perhaps Erwin might finally open up to him, away from the prying ears on the base, that he might finally even break down and let out all the pain he was drowning in. Instead, it looked like for now he could at least provide the man with some much needed uninterrupted sleep. They'd have to change out the horses eventually, and get something to eat, but hopefully they could do so without waking the man. Perhaps by the time they reached the Capital, Erwin might be in a better state of mind, one where he'd actually be capable of listening to what he had to say.


	20. Chapter 20 - Fish, Insects and Owls

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thank you for your reviews, favorites, follows and views. If some of you would also like to read my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, is available on and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 20 – Fish, Insects and Owls

Levi winced, looking away from the canal wall a moment too late. _Damn._ He used to love eating fresh fish, but he honestly didn't think he'd ever be able to stomach one again. He supposed that intellectually he'd known that many fish ate insects, but actually watching them do so was a vividly blatant vile display he could happily have lived his entire life without seeing. The worst of it was that these weren't some exotic species of blind, white cave fish, but the same Brown Trout that had been succulently grilled and displayed upon his plate only two weeks ago. He forcibly swallowed down a wave of bile at the memory, refusing to vomit in the boat, or worse, over the side, into the City's water supply.

The others had been fascinated by the fish, that they could survive being forcefully ejected from the gushing water they'd seen at the maintenance dock, that they had such an ample food source in what had seemed to be a barren rock channel. They would have happily caught some and roasted them if…

Mikasa thrust the burlap sack under his face just in time to protect the boat, if not his dignity. He snatched it from her grasp and vomited violently into it, as Mikasa reassured Armin and Eren that he'd be fine, fortunately realizing it would be a mistake to touch him, when she might otherwise have stroked his back soothingly, the way he'd seen Underground mothers do with their ill children.

He saw from the corner of his eye that she was dividing a double handful of loose candles into their three packs. So that was where the sack had come from. He would have applauded her for her quick thinking if he could, but he was too busy heaving into the sack, filling it almost to the edge by the time he was finally done, though he'd had nothing but water since they left the maintenance dock. _Damn it._

Armin wordlessly took the sack from him, and Mikasa handed him her canteen, the bar of soap they'd brought from her house, and a clean cloth. He hated to waste the only water that was fit for drinking, but he couldn't wash his hands in the water those fish had been eating bugs in and defecating in. The thought made him dry heave; fortunately, his stomach was empty even of bile.

Armin carefully stood, Eren bracing him, and then he tossed the disgusting bag onto the walkway, up against the wall, solving at least one of their problems, the same way they'd solved their lack of a latrine for the duration of their journey. They'd been traveling this damned endless waterway for what must have been at least two days now. The cable continued on in an unbroken, moving chain, so they hadn't had to resort to the oars, but that was small comfort.

They'd already passed the "Omicron", "Pi" and "Rho" Gates. Each of them had been non-functional. They were still trapped, to all intents and purposes buried alive. "Sigma" would be next, somewhere up ahead. Unless the canal just ended in a dead end, and they had to row or walk the entire way back to where they'd started this nightmare journey. He would have given anything to be fighting a couple of dozen Titans aboveground right now.

Levi didn't realize he was leaning over and fisting his hair, that his hand was shaking, until he felt Mikasa's hand close over his own and still it. The constant tension of the past two days was insidious; he'd never been so close to breaking in his life. If the three of them hadn't been there…

"Fuck," Armin said, the crude word sounding completely alien, coming from the angelic blond. Levi jerked his head up and saw Armin was staring at the rapidly approaching enormous metal grate barring the canal before them. The walkway ended in a solid rock wall, and their canal disappeared into a huge stone hole frighteningly similar to the one at the opposite end, where they'd begun their water journey. The grate was big enough for the fish to enter, but far too small for them to get through, and there would be no source of oxygen for them to breathe, in any case. Who knew how many kilometers it might be before the canal once again surfaced, if it did at all?

Armin and Eren lit torches so they could get a better look at their situation, while Mikasa unhooked their boat from the cable and nimbly jumped up onto the dock with the ropes that were tied to the cleats on the bow and stern of the boat, securing the loose ends to the cleats on the stubby pilings along the dock.

"Sigma! There's another Gate!" Armin cried loudly, in relief.

Levi followed Armin's gaze and then tossed up his crutches and dove onto the dock, not waiting for one of the others to help him out of the boat. He snatched up his crutches and swung over to the Gate, almost slamming into the wall in his eagerness to reach it. He found the owl easily, and saw to his immediate relief that, unlike the other broken Gates they'd tried, the belly of the owl wasn't depressed on this one. Which meant the damned thing might actually still work. He forced himself not to immediately push it in to try. If this led to the Underground, or worse, directly to the Library, they needed to be cautious. A moment later he was glad he'd waited.

"Wait. I see another owl," Mikasa said, pointing to one directly above the one he'd found, over half a meter over her head, just within her reach.

"Shit. That shouldn't be there. Don't touch anything. Let me search the wall, and the floor, and the ceiling too, and make sure there aren't any traps that I can see. Of course, it's the ones you don't find that will kill you," Levi said sardonically.

He began to search meticulously. "There's a third owl," Armin said, gesturing towards a spot at the same height as the one Mikasa had found.

"Crap. Here's a fourth one," Eren said, pointing to a spot directly below it, two meters to the left of the initial one Levi found.

They continued to search, but only saw the four, and Levi didn't see any visible signs of danger.

"So now what? Do we push them all together? Or are we supposed to push them in sequence? Or does only one of them open the door, and the rest trigger traps?" Mikasa asked.

Levi sighed in disgust. "It could be any of those options," he said, crossly. Frustrated as he was by this latest development, he was also calmed by it: the fact that there were four owls might mean an increased chance of the door actually opening.

Armin had moved from the owl he had found to the one Levi had found, and then shifted to the one Eren had found, and then moved over to examine Mikasa's. "Eren's is the right one!" Armin said excitedly, the conviction in his voice encouraging.

"Really?" Eren asked, sounding inordinately proud. "But from the position, if it was like the others, it should be the one the Captain found. Why do you think it's mine?"

"The carving on the others is really distinct, but on that one, the stone is worn away, so you can't see the line between the head and the body of the owl anymore. That means it's the one people have been touching the most. So it should be the button for the door," he said confidently.

"I should have noticed that," Levi said, scowling.

"You would have, if you weren't on crutches. It's really hard for you to bend down to take a close look," Armin said. From anyone else, it would have been an attempt to appease or flatter him, but Armin was completely guileless and sincere.

"Good work, Armin. I think you're right. But just to be on the safe side, I want the three of you to stand back. I'm going to push it with my crutch, so if something slides down from the ceiling or something, we hopefully won't get hurt, just in case someone periodically removes the skeletons from the corridor," Levi said ruefully.

Armin's eyes widened, and he backed up.

"Then I should use your crutch to do it. I can jump back easier than you can, and we shouldn't risk using our maneuver gear in here. These walls look solid, but they're at least a century old. The last thing we need to do is trigger a cave in," Mikasa said.

Levi had opened his mouth to argue with her but closed it abruptly at that image. "Alright. But don't hit it too hard. You don't want to risk breaking the mechanism. As you said, it's old. And be ready for anything," he cautioned, backing up and then holding out his right crutch to her. "And if the door does open, let me be the one to walk through first. I should do the reconnaissance on the other side, since I'm the only one not in uniform. Stay hidden in here until I give the 'all's clear'."

"Yes, big brother," she teased, with that same devilish quirk of her lips she'd directed at him before.

"I mean it, Mikasa. If you don't hear anything from me, or if I yell 'son of a bitch' instead, that's my signal for the three of you to head down the corridor as fast as you can run. Whoever's after you will be at a disadvantage, without torches. And remember, your grappling hooks can be used as long distance weapons against humans, too, if you have to. If it's dangerous enough for me to yell that, it means you won't be able to help me."

She looked at him wordlessly and held out her hand for the crutch. He turned to Eren and Armin, but they were giving him the same, "No way in hell" look.

"Insubordinate idiots," he muttered. "Alright, then 'son of a bitch' means come out fighting," he conceded, holding his crutch out to her.

She accepted the crutch and then gently touched the owl with the tip, as Levi held his breath. He suspected the others were doing the same. If this didn't work…

Thankfully, sweeter sounding than the most beautiful music in the world, Levi heard the same grinding of stone as the Nu Gate, the Smugglers' Gate, as a two meter tall stone slab began to sink back into the wall. He had suspected it would open that way, if it opened at all, because they hadn't seen any scratches on the floor on this side from sliding rock.

The sound was incredibly loud. He hoped that the massive opening door somehow wouldn't attract too much attention, wherever it was opening onto, but frankly, he wouldn't give a damn if it opened directly into the Library, at this point, or even into a Titan's mouth, into anything solid and physical he could actually fight, rather than battling his personal demons in the dark.

Then suddenly, the light in their corridor was no longer solely coming from the torches they carried. Hesitation was deadly, in the Underground, but on the opposite end of the spectrum, he also had to force himself not to run blindly through, either, in his desperation to escape the corridor. Instead, inhaling deeply, Levi strode forward confidently on his crutches, into the light.


	21. Chapter 21- Captured!

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 21 – Captured!

Armin stared wide-eyed at the doorway as he heard the sudden clatter of wood on stone and a loudly roared, "Son of a b…" that was abruptly cut off, accompanied by a series of ominous thuds and grunts of pain.

Mikasa was already darting through the open door, with Eren right on her heels. The two of them were blocking Armin's view as he charged in after them.

"Look out!" a voice yelped.

"Get this bastard off of me!" a hard voice demanded.

"Scouts! That fucking cripple brought the damned Scouts!" a man's voice raged.

Then Armin's world opened up from a narrow tunnel of rock to a scene of chaos, illuminated by lanterns set high on the rock wall behind him. They were in a cul-de-sac between two buildings, a street and others buildings visible, though the sky wasn't. They'd reached the Capital and made it into the Underground!

But two men were lying motionless on the ground, one of Levi's crutches lying between them, and another man was clutching a bloody forearm, leaning heavily against the wall and cursing, while a fourth was curled into a ball near his feet, retching, next to Levi's other crutch. Levi was balanced on his left foot, with his back to the wall, behind a fifth man, panting, his bad leg wrapped around the man's legs, his right hand tangled in the man's greasy hair, yanking his head back, his combat knife, pressed against the man's exposed throat.

"Back off now, or I slit his throat!" Levi yelled to five other men clustered around them. Mikasa and Eren were between them and Levi, their swords drawn and at the ready, but not yet attacking.

Armin yelped in dismay and terror as an eleventh person he hadn't seen grabbed him from behind by his hair, pinning his legs and yanking his head back in exactly the same manner as Levi's hostage, and he felt a sharp edge pressing into his throat.

"You three back off, or your little buddy here is going to end up wearing a matching smile to Geoffrey's," a cold, harsh woman's voice said, directly behind his ear. She was no taller than he was, but he felt like his legs were pinned by a band of steel, and she was bending him back so hard it felt like his spine was going to snap, pressed hard against her chest. To his humiliation, Armin ridiculously blushed, when he realized the slight softness he felt against his back was her breasts, which must have been no bigger than Mikasa's.

Mikasa cried, "Armin! Let him go!"

The woman stiffened behind him and Armin bit back a whimper of fear, but the knife didn't slice into him. Instead, miraculously, the pressure against his throat minutely eased. But then, in the next moment, the blade pressed tighter than before. Armin was afraid to breathe, but tried to slowly and shallowly he wouldn't get cut by the razor sharp steel as he did so.

"If you hurt him, I'll kill you all!" Eren growled, and Armin could see from the corner of his eye that Eren had lifted his right hand only a centimeter from his face.

"No one's dead yet, but if you kill him, you won't live to regret it," Levi promised coldly, apparently trying to diffuse the situation, likely having seen as he had that Eren was about to shift into his Titan form, if pushed.

Armin was shocked and relieved to hear the two motionless men weren't dead. He hadn't expected that kind of restraint from the Captain. It was far harder to knock a man out without killing him than to kill him. They all had a little better chance of making it out of this alive, now.

"Jasper, Darrow, Jerrod, check on Keith, Matt and Thomas," the cold voice behind him commanded, and without hesitation, three of the men skirted sideways to check on the two motionless ones and the one curled in a ball.

Armin's eyes widened at their instant obedience. They were big, powerful men. Was this small woman their leader? He thought in admiration that she must be as tough as Mikasa or Annie and then he winced as his heart clenched. Thinking Annie's name caused him physical pain. He'd really liked her. He still could have; her being a Titan didn't mean nearly as much to him as it did to the others. After all, one of his two best friends was a Titan. But Annie was evil. She murdered Levi's entire Squad, and killed others in her Titan form. There were a lot of people saying she'd even killed Marco, too, so he wouldn't reveal she'd stolen his maneuver gear to kill Hange's two Titan test subjects, or that she'd at least knocked him out and stolen his gear, and then he'd been eaten because he was without it. Why was he even thinking of her now, when he could die at any moment?

"Keith's still breathing and his head isn't even bleeding. When that gimp cracked him in the head with his crutch, I thought he brained him," one of the three reported, relief in his voice.

"Same with Matt," the second said.

"The cripple got Thomas in the balls, but he'll live," the third said.

"And I purposefully avoided the artery on your other man's arm, when I could have easily killed all five of them, and a few more as well. That's not why we're here," Levi said coolly.

"So why the hell **did** you bring three Scouts onto my turf?" the woman behind him challenged.

"We're just passing through, on our way to the surface," Levi replied levelly.

"Of course you are. Because that's not where you just came from," the woman scoffed, with a sneer in her voice. "I'm not surprised you brought Scouts instead of the Military Police, though. Scouts at least have the balls to go outside the Wall and face the Titans head on. But as you can see, you seriously underestimated both me and my men, if you think three Scouts is enough to take us. Although, you're not too bad in a fight either," she reluctantly admitted.

"How about you and your men back down the street, with your hostage, and the Scouts and I head the other way, with ours, and then we release them simultaneously, have them cross past one another out of reach, and then we each go our separate ways?" Levi recommended.

"Tch, right! Because your Scout buddies won't skewer us with their grappling hooks the second little Armin here is free," she snorted.

"Milady, you can't let them leave! Not when this cripple led them here and they know the way in through the Gate," one of the men denied vehemently.

"It's already too late, Darrow. The gimp's not the one who led them here. This little blond rat did that, didn't you Arlert?" she said, her voice suddenly weary and sad, instead of cold.

"How…how do you know my last name?" Armin asked fearfully, feeling his throat vibrate against the knife blade with every word.

"Damn it. I hadn't gotten a good enough look at you to be sure, but I knew it was too much to hope for, that your first name was just a coincidence, especially with that hair. Your grandfather told you the secret before he died, didn't he? I'm hurt that you've forgotten me, Armin. You told me next time you saw me you were going to bring me yellow flowers, so I'd have a little bit of sunshine here, in the dark. But we both know that was a lie.

"I thought the Titans had killed you when Wall Maria fell and you didn't come. I actually **mourned** you, you son of a bitch. You never would have broken your promise if your grandfather was still alive. So what did you do, when the Titans attacked, Armin? Did you push your grandfather into their mouths, trip him, or just run faster than he could?" she sneered.

"You bitch!" Mikasa yelled, infuriated.

"You actually know her? Who the hell is she, Armin?" Eren asked, angry and confused.

"Hypatia," Armin whispered in shock, unable to believe Theon's daughter, the shy, sweet young girl he'd met as a child, was now holding a knife at his throat and speaking so cruelly and bitterly. "I can't tell you, in front of these men," Armin apologized more loudly, to Eren. If they didn't know she was the Librarian's daughter, it could be dangerous for her, if they found out.

_I really am an idiot. Why should I care? _But he did. Knowing how that broken promise he'd made when he was only a boy had hurt her made him feel terrible. Was it his fault she was like this now?

He hadn't had the courage to tell her back then the real reason he wanted to bring her flowers that color: her eyes were the bright golden color of the morning sun, before it becomes too hot and leaches all the color away. He'd never seen eyes like hers, before or since. And her hair was long and straight and black, like Mikasa's. She'd looked beautiful and exotic, even as a little girl. He could only imagine what she might look like now. He hadn't had the chance to see, yet. He might never see her, if she killed him.

"I didn't mean to break my promise. But every day was a fight just to survive, and we didn't know the way into the Underground, from inside Wall Rose. We would have come down here if we did. It was terrible up there, we were starving, and then… then they sent everyone, all the adults, on that death march and… Grandfather, he…" A tear slid down his face, and then his neck, he could feel it pooling against the knife blade.

"Please, my friends didn't do anything wrong! Just let them all go. I don't want anyone to get hurt again, because of me. I'm sorry I hurt you," Armin said, sniffing, humiliated for crying in front of her and Captain Levi. Eren and Mikasa were used to his tears.

"Damn it, don't you dare start crying, you little shit!" Hypatia snarled, but her tone wasn't nearly as harsh as her words.

"We're not going anywhere without you, Armin. You, in the cloak, you let us all go now. This is your final warning," Eren snarled, his mouth hovering over his hand.

"Don't move! You're all under arrest!" a new voice ordered, and the combatants on both sides all cursed as a dozen Military Police appeared from the shadows of the alleyway across the street.

"Scatter!" Hypatia commanded, and in the next instant her men were running, including the man with the bleeding arm, leaving their two unconscious comrades and the curled up man lying on the ground, Geoffrey with Levi, and Hypatia with Armin.

"They can only kill me once, for my crimes, but they might try to catch me harder if they see me kill a Scout. You won't be that lucky if I ever see you down here again, Arlert," she said coldly, and then she was springing away from him, diving towards the building she'd apparently come out from before. Her body was completely concealed by an inconspicuous gray cloak that blended well with the buildings all around them, and she was wearing a hood which covered her hair, but he swore he saw the flash of one of her tawny golden eyes just for an instant.

The Military Police cursed, a half dozen of them chasing after the seven fugitives, while the other six circled their position.

"Scavenging off a dead Scout and impersonating one are both capital offenses," the Military Police Captain said gleefully, his sword drawn and pointed at them.

"Maneuver six in ten!" Levi ordered, yanking his knife hand away and pushing his hostage roughly aside, then shooting out his grappling hooks, snatching up one crutch and then the other, before swinging up and over the building on their right, in the opposite direction of Hypatia. In the next moment Mikasa had grabbed Armin, using her maneuver gear to swing over the building to Armin's left, the one Hypatia had disappeared into, and Eren took off to the right, likely to give them someone to follow other than their wounded Captain.

Maneuver six was to scatter and then circle back to their original position, and "in ten" meant ten minutes, so as long as they didn't lose track of where they had been, they'd be able to find Eren and the Captain again. Armin didn't think Mikasa could get lost, and Mikasa had told him and Eren that Levi had actually lived down here. Eren was another story. He only hoped his friend was able to find them.

Mikasa obviously made an effort not to lose her pursuers right away, drawing them further and further from where they'd been. When they returned, they saw that the men who'd been on the ground were gone, and the door to the passageway was closed. Armin suspected that Hypatia or her men had come back for the wounded men, that they had been drawing the Military Police away too, who hopefully wouldn't waste their time on two men who looked dead, and another who couldn't stand.

Armin knew that Captain Levi hadn't tried to reason with the Military Police because they were already convinced they were thieves and not real Scouts. The Military Police were notoriously close-minded and pigheaded. Levi's name would have had some impact on them, but he was out of uniform and currently didn't look anything like his usual self.

Eren's name would have meant something too, but most of everyone was still terrified of Eren, because of his Titan form, particularly the Military Police. At his trial, they had been the ones vocally calling for his execution. And he and Eren and Mikasa were all deserters.

They were so close to going home. If they could just evade the Military Police long enough to leave the Underground, they'd finally be safe. Well, as safe as anyone ever was, anymore.


	22. Chapter 22 - Walking the Wall

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
I love hearing from Guest reviewers! And thank you, JasonVUK, for your continued support. I really appreciate it! Special thanks also to Mrs. Blink and Ms. Itt, not only for your wonderful review, which came when I needed it most, but for expressing an interest in my published work as well. I'm so thrilled!**

**I realize that, by updating this story every other day, I'm giving folks less time to react to each chapter, and little reason for anyone to follow this story, since everyone knows exactly when they'll see the next installment. I was advised at the start to only post once a week, at the most. But how could I, when I'd prewritten so much and was dying to share it with you all? And there's still lots more ahead!**

**Not to sound needy, but I could really use a pat on the back, if you're enjoying this story. If you could just take a second and hit the favorite button, I'd really appreciate it.**

Chapter 22 – Walking the Wall

Erwin awoke abruptly, to the sudden cessation of motion.

"Awake at last. Impeccable timing as always, Commander Erwin. We passed through the inner Stohess Gate a short while ago and have arrived at my base. We're in the Capital," Pixis said, with his legendary good cheer.

Erwin blinked, trying to wrap his mind around what Pixis was telling him. He'd slept for the entire journey? For 20 hours or more? He'd have doubted it further, except for the stiffness of his back and shoulders, the brightness of the day outside, and the sudden driving need to urinate.

"First stop will be the officer's latrine, so you can wash up and use the facilities. Come with me," Pixis instructed, as if hearing his thoughts, as the door opened, and the driver Erwin had seen before stood at attention, alert but tired looking.

"Excellent job as always, Karl. Your next order is to hit the sack. If I need a driver, I'll ask one of the others. You're officially on liberty for the next forty-eight hours. Oh, and coincidentally, as of this moment, Piotr is too. Be sure to tell him that, won't you? And when you give him your regards, don't forget to thank him for the pie," Pixis said with an almost demonic look of glee.

"Yes sir! Thank you sir! What kind should I ask him to bake for you?" the driver asked enthusiastically, betraying amused twist of his lips, and a conspiratorial twinkle in his eye.

Pixis chuckled. "Surprise me, Captain. Not much does, these days. I could use a little excitement in my life, the good kind, and since you're already taken, I'll have to make do with the pie," he added with a wink.

Only years spent carefully schooling his reactions both at court and in the military kept Erwin from betraying his surprise at the easy and inappropriate banter the two men shared so publically. But then, the man was a Captain, the same rank as Le… The bright day unexpectedly grew as dark as if the moon had eclipsed the sun.

Erwin vaguely registered a loud sigh. "This way, Commander," Pixis prodded.

Erwin followed obediently, not caring where Pixis led. It had been a mistake to fall asleep. He'd thought he'd have nightmares, but instead he'd been cursed with dreamless sleep, which had left him more alert and aware than he'd been in days, his mind sharp and keen once more, the memories of Levi that threatened to drown him all the more vivid because of it.

No, he deserved the torment. Levi was dead because he'd planned the mission, he'd chosen to risk all of them, for the harmless looking piece of brass hanging from a chain around his neck, underneath his shirt: Eren Yeager's key. But none of them would ever learn what was under that crushed house, because they couldn't get to the damned house, because of the thrice blasted Titans. Yeager would never learn what was so important in that basement. Or Ackerman. Or Arlert. He'd sacrificed them too, three fifteen year old children, on the altar of his hubris. Three more children, to add to all the others he'd sent to their deaths. Those three had no parents left to mourn them, but they'd had friends, who were now trapped in varying stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, and mourning.

Miraculously, the 104th hadn't lost anyone in the titanic battle. It was after the battle, in their search for their missing Captain, that those three had perished, though they'd been added to the official tally. 90 casualties: 62 KIA and MIA, 17 permanently maimed, and 11 critically to seriously wounded. The latter would recover. Mike would recover. That should have mattered. Mike had been his friend for years longer than…

"Commander?" Erwin recognized Pixis's voice with a start, and realized it wasn't the first time the man had called his name. He'd been standing still, staring at the entry to Garrison 3, without seeing it. He began walking wordlessly towards the building, as if he hadn't just been losing his mind.

0 0 0

_Damn._ It didn't look like the sleep had helped Erwin at all. Of course, the man was still operating at a sleep deficit, and he was still injured. In time, and hopefully not too much of it, Erwin might recover. He'd have to be careful not to let the wrong people see the wounded Commander, while he was so vulnerable. It was dangerous bringing him here, where all his political enemies lived. But they weren't the only ones who lived here. Erwin needed to see that. He needed to remember exactly what it was he was fighting for.

Pixis ushered Erwin into the Garrison, waving aside all the curious subordinates who approached. He escorted his fellow Commander to the officer's latrine and kept a careful eye on him as he cleaned up, while going about his own business, enjoying the facilities. It certainly beat the bottle he'd been pissing into in the carriage, but he hadn't wanted to risk stopping, even to accommodate his elderly bladder.

After they washed up, he'd take Erwin up onto Wall Sina. His doctor would hardly approve of the climb, but it was ultimately for the man's own good. Maybe after that he'd get him to eat something. Squad Leader Hange had been worried that he might not be eating either. Pixis smiled to himself. Sometimes he was exactly the mother hen Morrison, Stephanos, Grunwald, Kruger, Schneider and the others accused him of being.

0 0 0

Once they exited the Garrison headquarters, Erwin soon realized that Pixis was taking him on one of his infamous Wall walks. He'd always thought Pixis looked out over what he was guarding against. He was surprised to discover, this time at least, his focus was instead inwards, on what he was protecting. This was Wall Sina they were climbing, the portion of it between Stohess and the Capital.

It should have felt good to get away from his office, the base, even though Hange would likely scold him for it when he returned. He wasn't supposed to be walking. He was supposed to be resting and sleeping, napping like a five year old in the middle of the day, when there was a City to protect.

He snorted in disgust, not at the thought of being treated like a child, but by the truth: he wasn't capable of protecting anyone. He never had been. He'd been lying to himself, all these years, fooling everyone into trusting him. Trusting him, and dying.

He plodded behind Pixis, not caring where they were going. He'd thought Pixis would lead him to the edge looking out over Stohess, but instead, he took him to the inner edge, the one overlooking the Capital, to the pristine, gleaming heart of the City so few got to see. He didn't bother to look. He knew what the Capital looked like. He'd lived there, once, before his life had meaning, any true purpose, or at least, any purpose of his own crafting.

"Take a look, Commander Erwin," Pixis urged.

Again, solely out of respect for the man who stood beside him, Erwin stopped staring at the stone top of the wall ahead of him and under his feet, and turned instead to look over the Wall, as Pixis was. He looked out onto the familiar park below, at the intricately carved stone fountains spraying water that glistened like diamonds in the sun.

He saw brightly dressed men and women, young lovers, old couples, and parents with infants and small children, all walking hand in hand, as if they hadn't a care in the world. They were talking, smiling, even laughing. The children ranged from quiet and obedient, to giggling and yelling, or even screeching and chasing, a pair of them jumping up squealing onto one of the elegant fountains, and running though it, splashing, as their father chased them laughing just as hard as they were. _Playing. They're playing. How can they play? Don't they know they could be dead tomorrow?_

As if to underscore his concern, a shrill whistle sounded from below, somewhere in the streets to the right of the park, the type of whistle the Military Police used.

"Look at the children. Their parents. Their grandparents. You give them that, Commander Erwin. You give them the security they need, to live full lives, instead of hiding in the shadows, in the dark, in terror," Pixis said, his voice more serious and intense than Erwin had ever heard him be.

"Do you know why there's an Underground, beneath the Capital, Commander Erwin? At one point, humanity thought its only option was to live there, under the ground, like moles, forever sealed away from the caress of the wind, the warmth of the sun, the sweet fragrance of flowers, the beauty of the stars, from all the dangers of life but most of the joys as well.

"Fortunately for all of us, they decided it was better to live and die as men, than to skulk as moles, so they abandoned the underground city they had built, they left it to what most see as the dregs of humanity, the criminals and the cowards, as folks call them, to the lost souls. But every single man, woman and child below the ground is a person too, regardless of their crimes and faults, just as each person above the ground is. They all have some value to humanity, even if it's only as a focus for someone else's hate, something to keep others on their feet and anger them enough that they fight the next day. Every single man below and above, inside and outside of this Capital is worth saving. They're all worth saving. You're worth saving, Commander."

The man's eyes were boring into his. Erwin didn't have it in him to argue the point. He didn't have the energy or the will. And seeing those children, their father, those others, hearing Commander Pixis's words had given him too much to think about to just deny his claim out of hand. He had too much respect for Commander Pixis to do that, even if he no longer had that level of respect for himself.

A series of additional sharp whistles in the staccato pattern of an emergency assistance call cut into his thoughts, along with the subsequent commotion of converging guards on the edge of the wall to their right, which brought Pixis running, and him running as well, in spite of himself. Usually this level of chaos was reserved for a Titan appearance.

"Hunter, report!" Pixis barked at a uniformed Garrison Captain, who stood with the other sentries along the edge.

"There's some sort of altercation below, involving the Military Police, sir. It looked like it started out with just one patrol, and then two others, but now patrols are running in from everywhere. We've been watching it escalate, but we haven't been able to see who they're fighting yet. Should we go down and assist?"

"It could a diversion. Everyone, watch both sides of the Wall for trouble, especially the Stohess side. Someone might want our attention to be in the wrong place," Pixis warned.

"Down there, sir," another sentry cried eagerly, pointing. Erwin strained to look, and saw a swarming mass of chaos that had just rounded a corner, almost directly below them. There was a group of four, ringed by at least five times as many Military Police, but miraculously holding their own. More than that, they were decimating their attackers. Erwin's eyes widened in shock and then narrowed in fury, when he'd thought his ability to feel had drained away, even as some of the others around him simultaneously called out in outrage at what they were all seeing.

"Those bastards!"

"They're attacking Scouts!"

"Three Scouts protecting a civilian!"

"He's on crutches for God's sake!"

"Holy shit he can fight, though!"

There was no way to tell who they were, just flashes of black, brown and blond hair and of green capes proudly displaying the blue and white Wings of Freedom emblem that was the heart and soul of the Corps, and a black haired civilian man on crutches, ones he was using with deadly accuracy.

As if choreographed, without anyone uttering an order, everyone who was watching, including Pixis, dove off the wall with Erwin, firing their grappling hooks, imbedding them with complete disregard for the damage they were causing to the intricate, ornate facades of the Capital buildings, as they flew to the aid of the three Scouts.

Enough men were left above that, if this was somehow a diversion, both the Capital and Stohess would be monitored. The Garrison and Survey Corps might have their differences, but neither branch had any patience for the arrogance and unnecessary brutality of the Military Police. The Garrison sentries were as infuriated as Erwin by the attack, as if their own men were the ones being persecuted.

They landed in the center of the fray, between the Military Police and their targets, their backs to the Scouts, in a protective ring. "Stand down!" Pixis ordered.

"Sir, you don't understand! These bastards are either deserters or they stripped that equipment off dead Scouts! We caught them coming up from the Underground!" one of the Police cried angrily.

Erwin stiffened at the implication that any of the Scouts who risked their lives daily for these pampered asses would dishonor the Corps by deserting, but also at the memory of Levi and his two friends, years ago, in their scavenged uniforms and maneuver gear.

"They've killed at least twelve of our men!" another yelled in fury.

"I'm the only survivor of my patrol!" another claimed.

"We're not deserters!" an angry voice behind him defended and Erwin froze. _Yeager? No, it can't be._

"Our mission was secret, but authorized," an unmistakable cool female voice claimed. _Ackerman!_

Erwin jerked around to face them in disbelief, just as a disdainful voice added, "It's not our fault your fighting skills are so pitiful, but we didn't kill anyone, you idiots."

Erwin gaped at the homespun-clad man in shock as he wiped a splatter of blood off his cheek with the back of his hand in an achingly familiar gesture of disgust, although this time with a crutch in his hand, in lieu of his familiar sword. "Levi." Erwin's own reverent whisper was drowned out by a tumult of voices.

"Captain Levi!"

"We thought you were all dead!"

"Eren? You idiots are lucky he didn't go Titan on your asses!"

"Mikasa? Marry me!"

"Armin? Holy shit, you're alive too?"

Levi's hand fell to his side, the blood on it astonishingly forgotten, as Levi's eyes locked with his. "You're alright," they said simultaneously, a world of relief in the simple words.

Unexpectedly, Levi snapped to attention, baggy homespun civilian clothes, crutches, and all. "Captain Levi and his Survey Corps Special Operations Squad, reporting back from special assignment. We've successfully completed our secondary objective, sir!" he barked, with military precision. Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert, apparently realizing their tenuous position as actual deserters surrounded by Military Police, and taking their cue from him, snapped to attention as well.

"Well then, now that we can all see this is a legitimate military operation, why don't we all get back to work at our assigned posts, hmm?" Commander Pixis calmly ordered.

"But sir, they attacked our men!" one of the Military Police argued, clearly mistaking the command for the casual suggestion it had sounded to be. Pixis might not be their Commander, but he far outranked the outspoken soldier before him.

"It sounds like there were no casualties. I am certain everyone's official reports will clarify the matter. It is obvious to me you men and women of the Military Police were diligently fulfilling your role as guardians of the Capital, while Commander Erwin's Special Operations Squad led by Captain Levi was reporting back to him in the manner they had been ordered," Pixis said pleasantly, with a smile.

"Yes sir!" the man belatedly agreed, snapping to attention, eager for the face-saving solution.

"Excellent. So then, carry on. Commander Erwin, Captain Levi, Scouts Arlert, Yeager and Ackerman? Why don't you accompany me to my base?" Pixis suggested, with a wave to the Military Police, as he turned and began strolling down the street, leaving in a far less spectacular manner than that in which he had arrived, trusting the others to follow.


	23. Chapter 23 - Back from the Dead

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Greek translation:**

****_**"Ti kanis?"**_** - "How are you?" - a standard greeting, more literally, "What are you doing?"**

_**"Kaló apóyevma."**_** - "Good afternoon."  
**

Chapter 23 – Back from the Dead

Levi started forwards and Erwin was surprised to see that Yeager, Arlert and even Ackerman formed up around him, to the right, rear and left, as if a protective guard. He and the Garrison sentries circled all four of them just as protectively, following Commander Pixis, Yeager shifting to the rear with Arlert before Erwin could order him to move, so Erwin could walk on Levi's right, his injured side.

Erwin couldn't take his eyes off Levi. He was no more pale than usual, and the pronounced dark circles that habitually surrounded his eyes from his chronic insomnia were just as prominent. There were no visible injuries, but there were patches of dried blood under both his arms, and while his right foot wasn't missing, it wasn't touching the ground, either, though his leg wasn't splinted as it should have been, if it was broken, and had been field dressed. All his weight was borne by his left leg, and by the crutches, which were somewhat primitive in appearance, though serviceable.

For some bizarre reason, Levi smelled faintly of flowers, like a mix of jasmine and lavender, and also surprisingly of cedar, as well as musky sweat, but most astonishing of all, he smelled impossibly strongly of honey, as if he'd spilled a jar of it onto his shirt. The clothes he was wearing were at least four sizes too large and would have looked ludicrous on another man. Erwin would have thought Levi would be appalled and humiliated to be seen in them, but he wore them with dignity. He'd never seen anyone so beautiful in his life.

"You look like shit," Levi said, his slumberous eyes having scanned him from head to toe and arrived at a far different conclusion.

Remarkably, Erwin felt his face flush, the way it normally only did when they were drinking tea in his office and Levi made him lose his composure.

Levi's lips quirked in the tiniest hint of his most devilish smile and then he swung past him on his crutches, stopping at his right ear. "If we were drinking tea in your office, I'd mention how happy you seemed to be to see me, and then I'd ask if you'd like to debrief me," he whispered in a sultry voice, his breath hot on his ear.

On cue, Erwin started coughing, as if he were swallowing wrong, somehow the spit in what had seconds ago been a dry mouth sliding into his windpipe at the exact right moment.

Levi gave him the same self-satisfied smirk he always gave him after saying something outrageous or suggestive. He delighted in making him lose his cool, but he'd never done it in front of his men before.

Erwin cleared his throat. "Did they aggravate your injuries? Do you need to go to a hospital immediately? At the very least, you should have a carriage bring you to the Commander's base. We can summon one for you."

"Tch, another few hundred meters on a paved road, after a 300 kilometer journey? I can walk it easily. And I don't need a hospital. My injuries have already been treated. As soon as Commander Pixis is done with us, we're heading back to base,"

"I didn't think you trusted anyone left in the Underground to touch you," Erwin said, surprised.

"I don't," was Levi's confusing answer. "Besides, you look like you need a doctor more than I do. Why are you out here, when you're sick?" he challenged.

"I'm not sick," Erwin was quick to deny.

"Bullshit," Levi accused. "Or is it your head injury? Armin told me you had a concussion." Levi was eyeing him in concern.

_Armin? Since when does Levi call Arlert by his first name? _"I'm fine," Erwin lied.

"When's the last time you slept?" Levi challenged.

"You sound like Hange," Erwin snapped, without thinking.

"Hange's worried that you're not sleeping?" Levi pounced.

"We had something near a hundred and fifty Titans ambush us in a coordinated assault, resulting in sixty percent casualties this time, including both you and Yeager, and that's after Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert deserted," Erwin justified more loudly than he intended.

"They didn't desert," Levi declared just as loudly, though in calm control, apparently for the benefit of the rest of the Garrison sentries and Pixis, who were no doubt listening. "I ordered Eren, Mikasa and Armin to find me, if I went missing, to ensure that the secondary mission objective was accomplished, if the primary one couldn't be. They found me, and together we completed our mission. All three of them are going to be part of my new Special Operations Squad."

_Since when does he call __**Ackerman **__by her first name? I thought they hated one another. And he's seriously asking me not to court martial them for deserting and to assign them as his own personal Squad instead? Just what the hell happened out there? _Erwin saw with some satisfaction that the three soldiers in question looked just as shocked as he did.

"If you're really assembling a new Squad, I have three other candidates I'd like you to consider too, but we'll speak about that later, in private," Erwin said mildly.

Levi merely nodded. Then he turned to Ackerman. "Is your pack alright? Did those idiots destroy everything?"

Belatedly, Erwin realized Ackerman was carrying a large, well-filled pack, but didn't seem at all encumbered by it. She'd certainly fought well enough with it on her back. None of the others wore one.

"I think everything should be fine. We wrapped it all carefully enough again, when we repacked after discarding our supplies, and it didn't take any direct blows. That was incredibly compassionate of you, leaving everything behind," Ackerman said cryptically, with a look of warmth and admiration in her eyes Erwin had never seen the girl direct at anyone, save for Yeager, and maybe Arlert. _What the hell?_

"Tch, that's me, the font of human kindness," Levi scoffed dismissively, to Erwin's relief. At least that time he'd sounded like himself.

When they reached Garrison 3, Pixis said. "Thank you for your aid, Hunter. Now please bring your men back to their posts. There are plenty of others here who can assist us."

"Yes sir," the Garrison Captain said, saluting.

Erwin addressed the man as well. "Captain Hunter? Thank you for protecting my men," Erwin said, saluting him.

"It was an honor, sir," the man said, returning the salute. Then he and his men departed.

Once they were out of earshot, Pixis said. "Since I understand none of you need to see a doctor immediately, we're only going to make a brief stop here, just long enough for a latrine break and to load up some rations. We're heading back to your base, in Karanese, in my carriage. We'll be riding pretty much straight through, save for one stop along the way."

"Karanese? But we just got here. I thought you were bringing me to see Commander-in-Chief Zackly," Erwin said, in surprise.

Levi's eyes darted in his direction, in silent query, obviously concerned as to why the Commander-in-Chief had wanted to see him. Being summoned was seldom a good sign.

"Really? Apparently you misunderstood what I told you, Commander. It's an understandable mistake, considering. We can talk about it in the carriage. Ah, just the man I wanted to see. _Ti kanis,_ Stephanos?"

"_Kaló apóyevma,_ Commander. I have no complaints. How may I help you, sir?" the Garrison Captain that Commander Pixis addressed politely replied, although Erwin wasn't quite sure part of what either of them had said to one another.

"I seem to be in need of a driver. I suppose it was rather short-sighted of me, but Schneider is home on leave for the next forty-eight hours, and I told him I'd manage without him. I'd like you to take his place. Come with me, and I'll brief you on the details," Pixis requested.

"Yes, sir," the man said, falling into step with them.

Erwin was further surprised by the instructions Pixis gave to one of his men whom he saw in the hallway, a Captain named Grunwald, regarding what was apparently to be their provisions for the journey. Instead of requesting rations for a trip to Karanese, Pixis said he needed "an early picnic dinner for a dozen or so officers and their wives, a little over two dozen in all, whom I'll be entertaining in the park." Although neither man exchanged looks, or changed their tone, Erwin got the feeling some sort of silent message had passed between the two men. Unless, of course, he was just being paranoid.

There was a time not so long ago when he'd trusted his instincts. It was hard to believe it was only a little over a week ago. He immediately sought the reassuring visage of Levi, barely successfully fighting the urge to touch him, to confirm he was real. He was honestly half afraid he was still asleep in the carriage, that he'd wake up, and this would all have been a wonderful dream.

Pixis escorted them to the officers' latrine, encouraging Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert to enter along with them. "It's fine. On my authority. We're all one big, happy family here," he said with a smile.

Erwin's eyes immediately went to Levi's and he saw the same look of understanding flash in their depths: clearly not only did Pixis not want anyone to know who he was leaving with, or where he was going, but he also didn't want any of them out of his sight, or more likely, out of his hearing. Pixis himself, however, conversed with Captain Stephanos in whispers, relay the information or orders in what sounded to be the same language they'd been speaking before. Now that he'd heard more of it, Erwin was pretty sure it was Greek.

That level of secrecy coupled with the mysterious order to see Zackly for a meeting that now wasn't going to take place after all made him distinctly uneasy. He trusted Pixis, but this was highly irregular and didn't bode well. Was Pixis trying to protect him from a perceived threat, or deliberately hiding something from him?

Erwin would have thought that Levi would want to change into a uniform, even that of one of the Garrison, before leaving, but to his consternation, he seemed perfectly content to wear his sweat-stained, bloody, dirty, borrowed, baggy clothes. He must have been just as concerned by Pixis's sense of secrecy and urgency as he was, but still, his restraint amazed him.

The four prodigal Scouts did, however, requisition new gas tanks for their maneuver gear for the journey, which Pixis seemed happy to supply. He went a step further, and replaced their blades as well. But then Ackerman surprised him. She insisted that, if they were traveling at night, they needed to have an adequate number of lanterns, as if they truly were going on a picnic. He was further baffled by a sudden dietary restriction she outlined for Pixis: she claimed to be allergic to fish, and said that even the smell of it would make her ill. Erwin had seen her eat fish a number of times, without complaint. Could she be pregnant?

To his surprise, when Pixis accommodatingly sent Stephanos off to ensure that no fish was included in their rations, Erwin caught Ackerman and Levi sharing a look which again had him wondering what the hell had happened while they were missing.

Pixis had done nothing to assuage his added reservations by the time they all climbed into the carriage. In fact, Pixis made a point of carefully arranging the seating. "Captain Levi, I think you'll be most comfortable on that bench by yourself, in case you need to stretch out and elevate your leg. You can lay your crutches on the floor, behind your good leg. Commander Erwin, why don't you sit there, against the wall, with Scout Yeager to your right? I'll take the bench opposite Captain Levi, with the portion of our food that won't be riding on top with Stephanos, and then Scout Ackerman, you can sit on the door bench next to the Captain, and Scout Arlert can be to your right." When they were all seated to his satisfaction, Pixis was facing the rest of them, at the open part of a "U" comprised of Yeager, him, Levi, Ackerman and Arlert.

"I can't tell you how please I am to be able to sit in on this debriefing. We of the Garrison feel somewhat disconnected from our brothers in the Corps, at times, and I'm sure this will alleviate some of that," Pixis said, as he tapped on the ceiling of the carriage, indicating to his driver they were ready to go. "For instance, although Commander-in-Chief Zackly and I had occasion to discuss your latest mission, I hadn't even been aware of a secondary objective. Imagine that!

"But before we get into the whys and wherefores of that, I have an important question for you, Captain Levi, one that I think it's safe to pose amongst this group, considering your remarkable return, but which I wouldn't want others to overhear," Pixis said, as the carriage began moving.

Everyone's attention was riveted on Pixis, as he continued. "I had occasion recently to use that helpful little trick you taught me a number of years ago, when you were so kind as to visit me unexpectedly in my office, when I was paying a similar visit to Commander Erwin. I happened to notice some distinctive scratches that were not of my making, and I wondered if perhaps you had used that same trick again and if you might have been drunk or injured at the time, causing your hand to be unsteady?"

"Shit! Erwin, someone picked the lock to…wait, if it was the same way…why the hell was he picking the lock to your office, if you were inside?" Levi demanded.

"The Commander can explain that to you later, Captain. I hadn't mentioned what I discovered to him until now. I'm intrigued to see you speak so bluntly about this in front of these three Scouts, even after what I observed of them in Trost, which just further cements my conviction that I'm right in feeling I can trust them. After this last mission, it's obvious that there's still at least one undiscovered Titan spy somewhere on your base, and quite possibly more than one. The scratches indicating a picked lock are merely one more piece of evidence. Since the four of you survived completing your secondary objective, apparently very few people knew of it. Only the five of you perhaps?" Pixis asked.

"No sir," Erwin denied truthfully. "Only Captain Levi and I. The secondary objective was extremely sensitive, for a number of reasons. We were attempting to discover the location of the Smugglers' Gate, the secret Black Market entrance to a supposed underground passageway leading to the Underground, beneath the Capital. The very existence of the all but mythical alleged Gate was not widely known. We didn't want our men getting their hopes up that there was a far safer route to Wall Maria, unless we could confirm that it existed, and that the passage was still passable. And we sure as hell don't want the enemy learning about it, although since they can disguise themselves as human, it's likely all but a moot point. They can get at us any time they want to.

"This is the first mission we've looked for the Gate, but Captain Levi has also searched a number of times on his own. He was the one who brought it to my attention, stating that he thought this time he might have the correct location. Obviously, he was right. Though I have no idea how the hell he got to Wall Maria, at Shiganshina, or how, when and where he met up with these three.

"As for the lock on the door of my office being picked, I have no idea who did that, or even that it had been done. But I want to assure you that my mission journals are written in a code that only Captain Levi and I know the key for. As you've apparently surmised, from what you said now and what you told me on the Wall, this isn't the first time I've had a secret secondary objective. Whoever the spy is, he or she is only privy to what the rest of the men know. Those secret objectives are not even something that could be easily overheard, because Captain Levi and I take care to speak only in my office, quietly enough that no one trying to listen at the doors or walls could hear, and we keep the windows shut but the curtains open."

"That's at least some good news. Now then, before we get started on the debriefing, since I was rude enough to whisk you away without letting you visit the Mess Hall, can I interest you in some lunch?" Pixis asked.

Erwin was concerned to see that Levi visibly paled, and wordlessly shook his head. Ackerman looked from him to her comrades, who appeared more than a little intimidated to be invited to dine with the Commander. "No thank you, sir. I'm sure you set an excellent table, but we had some smoked venison not too long ago," Ackerman replied politely.

"Venison? You set a better table than I do. I wasn't aware that venison was being smuggled into the Capital," Pixis said, as intrigued as Erwin by the revelation.

Erwin caught his breath, as Levi's color instantly improved, and he betrayed a rare smile. "As far as I know, it wasn't, until we brought it. I'd offer you some, if I could, but we left bulk of the meat and our other supplies in the Underground."

"Really? I must admit I'm more intrigued than ever. You certainly have my curiosity piqued. Why don't we start with your report, Captain Levi, as to what occurred on the right flank, what your Squad saw and did, and what happened to you. Then we'll hear from these other three Scouts, up to and including when they successfully rendezvoused with you, and then all four of you can report on everything from that point. But first, let me get some lunch out for Commander Erwin and myself," Pixis said.

"Thank you, but I'm not really hungry, sir," Erwin stated, not wanting to try to eat for the first time in almost seven days trapped in a moving vehicle, particularly not in front of his subordinates. He couldn't risk being sick in front of them, especially Levi.

"Stomach still troubling you, is it? Odd, how I never knew you to suffer from motion sickness before the prior journey and this one. I was told you didn't have any nausea associated with your concussion, so I know it can't be that. You'll be relieved to know I requested our Mess provide some vegetable soup and crackers specifically for you. I insist, Commander," Pixis said with a smile. It would have been an order, were he one of the man's subordinates.

Erwin's empty stomach churned at the thought, memory of the last time he'd tried to eat still vivid. Levi was here now, alive, but that was no guarantee that the horrific visions wouldn't still try to overwhelm him, either with someone else's face, or Levi's still. "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't," he declined stiffly.

Pixis sighed. "You're looking more than a little green, Commander, so I believe you when you say it, that it's can't, not won't. But once we're stopped for the night, you will eat, or instead of supporting your position, I will add my own substantial influence to those who are trying to see you removed from command until the doctors give you a clean bill of health. Is that clear, Commander?"

"Perfectly, sir," Erwin said tersely, fighting not to squirm at the humiliation of being publicly dressed down by his fellow Commander in front of Levi and the others.

"Since I believe it would be just as ill advised to eat in front of you, we'll proceed to the debriefing. Captain Levi, if you'll begin?" Pixis gently ordered.

Erwin could see Levi wanted to know what the hell was wrong with him, but Levi knew him well enough to know he wouldn't want to discuss it in front of the others. He was relieved when Levi began his report, in no small part because he was just as anxious as Pixis to hear what had happened.


	24. Chapter 24 - Debriefing

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.  
**

**A/N:  
If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 24 – Debriefing

Erwin listened avidly as first Levi, and then the other three recounted to him and to Commander Pixis everything that had happened to them, up to their miraculous reappearance on the street. Erwin wondered what they might be leaving out, if anything. Levi was adept at lying through his teeth while looking you right in the eye, but towards the end of Levi's report, when he described the Military Police accosting them, Arlert betrayed a look of surprise, as did Yeager, to a lesser extent, while Ackerman appeared as cool and composed as Levi. It was obvious to Erwin that Levi had either left out something of importance or at least altered it to a significant degree. He wondered what Levi was hiding, and why, but he left the questions to Pixis. He was confident Levi would tell him later in confidence anything he hadn't wanted Pixis to hear.

For his part, Pixis listened without interruption or prodding, not even ordering Levi to elaborate further on the initial altercation with the Military Police, although Erwin was certain he had noticed the same surprise on Arlert's and Yeager's part. After Levi was done, Pixis asked some pointed questions about the Titan trap pits Levi and the others described. He seemed inordinately interested in them, almost obsessively fascinated, until he finally posed two questions. "Tell me, would you say the unexpected presence of those pits saved the lives of the Survey Corps survivors? That without them, the Titan ambush might well have been entirely, rather than only partially, successful?"

"I can't admit we would have been entirely wiped out. But lives were certainly saved, by the immediate, almost catastrophic weakening of their forces on our right flank, considering the overall odds we were facing, the sheer number of the enemy, and that they had a carefully crafted strategy this time," Levi acknowledged.

"During the withdrawal, we repeatedly enticed and forced the pursuing enemy into the pits. I'd say they were vital to our retreat, which in turn allowed for a successful regroup and rout when we reached the woods," Ackerman admitted.

"I see. Just as I had surmised from Miller's report," Pixis said, a strange mix of both vindication and sadness in his eyes, as if their words were somehow both a personal triumph and tragedy for the man. Erwin wondered if Pixis would share his thoughts, but he didn't. Instead, he began speaking with Erwin about life in Karanese, actively engaging the others in the conversation. Even Arlert soon lost his innate shyness and gave his honest opinion on various topics, although both Ackerman and Levi retained their usual reticence.

Finally, towards evening, a horse galloped up to the driver's side of the carriage from ahead of them. Erwin tensed, even seeing the man wore a Garrison uniform, when he recognized him as being one of the men from the Capital. What was he doing out here, in front of them? Had he laid an ambush? He saw the others save for Pixis, and oddly Levi, tense as well. "Commander…" Erwin began.

Pixis waved him to silence, with a reassuring smile as the carriage stopped. "It's alright, Commander. That's Lieutenant O'Donnell. I trust him implicitly. He's under Captain Grunwald's command. He's one of the outriders I sent to scout ahead on horseback, to ensure our route was clear, and he and the others haven't given any signal of alarm indicating otherwise. I should also inform you there are a number of men trailing us as well, to guard us against a surprise Titan incursion, even though we're in the middle of our territory, not theirs. It occurred to me that the six of us would provide a tempting target for another ambush.

"It will be quite frustrating for the Titans, once they learn Captain Levi, Scout Yeager and the others survived, both in light of their own merits and also because of the unexpected strategic impact their loss has had upon you. If I was the enemy, I'd do my damnedest to correct that at my soonest opportunity. It would of course be a devastating blow to the Corps, to everyone within our Walls, if they learned these four miraculously survived, but were then subsequently killed within the very confines of our Wall, and you along with them. If you wouldn't mind sitting next to Captain Levi now, Scouts Ackerman and Arlert, I believe we're about to have a visitor," he said, motioning them off the door bench.

They rose and sat beside Levi, and a moment later, there was the predicted knock. "Enter."

"Top of the evening t'ya, sir. If you're ready to stop for dinner, Commander Pixis, Commander Erwin, Captain Levi, the lads and I would be honored if you all were to join us for a bite to eat. Particularly as we're more than a mite peckish, and as per your orders, Commander Pixis, sir, you have all our supplies. We're decked out only for a stroll through the park, after all," he said with a grin and conspiratorial wink.

Even knowing Pixis in person, as well as by reputation, Erwin was surprised by this subordinate's easy manner with his Commander, which was completely lacking in all military discipline.

"You've forgotten to salute again, O'Donnell. You're lucky it's Commander Erwin, and not Commander Dok," Pixis chastised, but there was a twinkle in his eye.

"If it was Dok, I wouldn't have invited him to dine with us in the first place. That man makes me lose my appetite," O'Donnell said irreverently.

"Now, now, that's enough of that, O'Donnell. I haven't had a chance to speak with Commander Erwin yet. Our little walk was interrupted, quite happily, as was the case, but still, he's not aware of our pending arrangement. We'll be discussing it for the first time at dinner. You don't want to make a poor first impression. Commanders Erwin and Dok trained together, after all, and the man _is _a superior officer," Pixis scolded gently.

O'Donnell's eyes flared only slightly in reaction to his words, but he immediately came to attention. "Forgive me, Commander Pixis. Commander Erwin, I meant no disrespect. No, forgive me again. I did mean disrespect, but I shouldn't have. I'd thought… It's just, the lads and I are all a bit giddy, seeing another four we'd thought lost come home. I forgot myself, for a moment."

_What pending arrangement? What had Pixis planned to tell him? And what had O'Donnell been alluding to, before he caught himself and kept from saying it? He'd thought he'd what?_ Erwin hesitated to inquire – Pixis would likely tell him in his own good time. The man was notorious for that. Then Levi spoke, and the moment was lost.

"Another four?" Levi asked, understandably intrigued. Erwin hadn't had a chance to tell him about Bauer and the others yet.

"Bauer, Anders, Rickard and Mitchell survived too, although unfortunately only the first three are fit for duty," Erwin explained.

"Bauer survived? But what do you mean, that you'd thought them lost?" Levi asked the Lieutenant.

"The four of them returned from the battle after the rest of the Corps, alone and on foot. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. We watched it all from the Wall, them chasing off those Titans with nothing but a green smoke grenade. I understand that was your doing, Captain Levi, that you're the one who put the fear o' the devil in 'em. It won't last, o' course, but still, 'twas a wonder ta behold," O'Donnell said reverently, his brogue increasing as he spoke, the all but worshipful look he gave Levi making Erwin suddenly want to punch the man. To his consternation, he realized he was actually clenching his right hand into a fist, and forced his hand to relax.

What was the matter with him? He must be losing his damned mind. Next he'd be growling and pissing on the floor in a circle around Levi to mark him as his territory. Fortunately the thought of how Levi would undoubtedly react to such a disgusting display was enough to calm him. He had no right to be possessive of Levi.

No, he had every right! Levi was hi… _Damn it! What the hell did that damned Titan do to my head?_

"We'll tell you all about it, either during or after dinner. But for now, we should get moving again. We don't want to present a stationary target, after all."

"Of course, sir. I'll just give Captain Stephanos the word, and direct him to our camp," O'Donnell said.


	25. Chapter 25 - Tipping the Balance

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Greek translation and food, in order of appearance:**

_**"Ti skata." -**_** "What shit."**

_**"Parakaló̱ na me syncho̱rí̱ste!"**_** - "Please forgive me!"**

**Greek olives - oily and brown, not green**

**_dolmathes _ - stuffed grape leaves – a Greek delicacy made of rice, onions,  
lemon juice, dill, parsley and pine nuts, rolled in grape leaves  
and baked, sometimes served with **_**avgolemeno**_** (lemony egg sauce -  
but also a type of soup).  
**

_**loukoumathes**_ **- a dessert - a small, round, light, airy puff pastry made of fried dough  
****(similar to an ultra airy donut hole or French **_**beignet**_**) served  
****drenched in honey, often with diced walnuts and cinnamon  
****sprinkled on top – so sweet your throat burns.****  
**

**"ne" - "yes" – often said with a little sideways jerk of the head, that**  
** sometimes confuses foreigners into thinking they are saying "no"**

**_"__Ánte gamí̱sou."_ - "Go fuck yourself." or "Fuck you."**

Chapter 25 – Tipping the Balance

A short while later, the thankfully well sprung carriage pulled into a wooded area that effectively concealed them on all sides, which would make their position much harder to spot, if anyone was actively searching for them. Their campfire would be hidden as well, save for whatever betraying wisps of smoke might make it past the upper branches of the forest canopy.

Erwin exited the carriage before Levi, in case he needed a helping hand down and out, though he knew Levi would never ask for one, and would most likely be angry with him for offering it. Erwin inhaled the sweet, cool evening air deeply into his lungs and listened to the peaceful music of the crickets appreciatively. Such simple, small joys, when he'd thought he'd never enjoy anything again.

"Fucking crickets," Levi swore, as he exited the carriage nimbly.

"Do you want me to kill them for you?" Ackerman offered.

_Did Ackerman seriously just crack a joke?_

"No, that's alright. Those little bastards chirp endlessly all night, just so you're constantly aware they're there, but then they shut right up when you hunt them. We'd have to set the whole forest on fire to…no, Mikasa. We're trying to be discreet, remember? Besides, it's not necessary, and Erwin actually likes the little bastards, the ass."

A moment later Levi's scowl was directed at him. "What the hell's wrong with you? I just called you an ass, to Mikasa, in front of Eren and Armin, and these morons," Levi said, indicating the Garrison soldiers in the camp.

"You just came back from the dead. You'd have to do a lot worse than that for me to…shit. _Levi_…" Erwin warned, in the same chastising, disapproving way he always did, as he realized Levi would undoubtedly take that as a challenge, which could mean anything from a minor disaster to something catastrophic. With that familiar mild anxiety over his vexing and endearing subordinate replacing the bleak despair of the past week, his world suddenly righted itself again, at least for the moment.

Levi smirked. "That's better. Now then, you with the idiotic grin on your face, what's for dinner?" Levi asked the smiling man who'd come up to O'Donnell.

"Ye' can insult me all ye' want, Captain. It's thanks ta' ye' I just won a month's pay, and at the Lieutenant's grade, not mine," the man said, beaming.

Levi snorted derisively. "Tch. You bet I was still alive?"

"No sir! Well I mean, yes, o' course, but we all knew that. The Lieutenant matched all comers, and not a one o' us thought ye'd not make it back. The bet was as ta how long it would take fer ye' ta return, and where ye'd show up when ye' did. The others thought I was daft, saying that ye'd likely just waltz right into the Capital within a week's time o' the others' return, and thumb yer nose at all those asses in the Military Police who said you were gone fer good, in that high and mighty 'Good riddance ta bad rubbish' tone o' theirs," the man said happily. "It's goin' ta be an honor servin' with ye', sir."

"What the hell do you mean, serving with me?" Levi snapped.

"We all will be," the man said, in surprise.

"What the fu… " Levi's eyes narrowed in speculation and he turned to Erwin. "So **that's** what Zackly wanted to see you about, in case I was still alive? Is he seriously trying to transfer me out of the Corps and into the Garrison again, after what happened the last time he said I was too damned valuable for morale to risk? No wonder the Titans are kicking our asses if that pompo…"

"**Levi**..." Erwin cautioned, more forcefully this time, before Levi could say something amongst these strangers that could get him court-martialed.

Pixis held out his hands in a placating gesture to the confused and suddenly flustered looking soldier, and to Erwin and Levi. "No one's suggesting you leave the Corps, Captain Levi. It's actually quite the opposite in fact, though I'd planned to inform Commander Erwin privately, at first, so he could discuss any concerns with me ahead of time, and of course, I expected he'd want to inform his men personally."

"It's not O'Leary's fault sir, it's mine," O'Donnell apologized. "I forgot it's called a chain of command for a reason, that each link can be stiff and brittle and self contained, though it interlocks to form an unbreakable whole. We're all more like a cable of command, strands interlaced, interspersed and wound so tightly together, it's hard to see us as anything but the whole."

"An apt analogy, Lieutenant. And it's exactly because of that, the way you all perform so flawlessly together as a single until, that you'll be invaluable to Commander Erwin, Captain Levi and the rest of the Corps.

"I suppose there's no point in trying to explain our plan to you first, at this point, Commander Erwin. But I will, at least, give you a bit of context, so you understand what I proposed to Commander-in-Chief Zackly, and why. The Commander-in-Chief mentioned he wanted to meet with both you and I, to try to determine some way to get more volunteers for the Survey Corps, without either forcing unwilling men from the existing military branches or graduating cadets to join, or compromising the high standard of the Corps by conscripting criminals who should otherwise have been executed, and of course, without costing more money. Fortunately, I'd been considering that exact dilemma for quite some time, and I already had a plan and a strategy in place, something I'd set into motion years ago, enabling me to implement it immediately.

"As you know, Commander, throughout history, the military of each and every nation has always had some sort of elite fighting force associated with it, either serving in a capacity as guards to the rulers of those lands, or as Special Forces, a group of particularly skilled men who, working sometimes individually, but most often together, are able to achieve complex military objectives far beyond the ability of the average soldier of the day: the Sacred Band of Thebes of Ancient Greece, the Praetorian Guard of Ancient Rome, the Knights Templar during the Crusades, the French Imperial Guard, the British Army's Fusiliers and later their Rifle Regiments were all such men.

"In the current world, there are two such groups. Though they would undoubtedly argue the point, our own Military Police is **not** one of them. You and I both know the many ways in which they fail to qualify for such a high standard. Instead, the Survey Corps you lead is one of the two groups.

"You are aware that the Garrison I command is comprised of just under 30,000 soldiers, however, what purposefully very few people know is that there is a much smaller group contained within that larger force, a Special Forces group of handpicked men and women. These Forces are patterned after the group I first listed, the Sacred Band of Thebes, with some notable similarities and some noteworthy differences.

"The ancient group was comprised of 300 very special men, 150 couples actually, men who were devoted lovers, an older _erastês_ or 'lover' and a younger _erômenos_ or 'beloved'. The thought was that they would fight to the death to protect their lovers, and would never dishonor or shame themselves in front of their lovers by failing to aid their comrades, by showing cowardice in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds or apparently hopeless missions, but would instead face the challenge valiantly, dying nobly, if it was required of them.

"My Special Forces currently consists of 1,000 individuals, 500 couples. This elite group is comprised of ten Squads of 100, each with a Captain as Squad Leader, with two Teams of 50, each with a Lieutenant as Team Leader, some of whom are the lovers of their captains, and others who have lovers who are not commissioned officers. Seven of these Squads are solely male, and the other three are strictly female.

"I initially intended to develop the Forces as a unit of fifteen Squads, a final defense for each of the twelve Districts, with three full Squads to protect the Capital. Sadly, I was able to obtain funding for only 1,000 men, and even so, the plan was not implemented in time. I have spent a number of sleepless nights since wondering whether the very creation of those Forces might not have actually been the impetus for the timing of the Titan attack on Shiganshina. The coincidence seems too great.

"In any case, with the outer ring lost, each of the remaining eight outer Districts are protected by a Squad, with two hundred men protecting the Capital. My original proposition to Commander-in-Chief Zackly was to transfer one full Squad, 100 of my best men from the Capital to your command. However, that has of course changed, in light of your last mission and the significant casualties you sustained," Pixis stated baldly.

Erwin froze in shame, swallowing convulsively to keep from choking. His humiliation earlier in the carriage by Pixis was nothing, compared to this.

But Pixis wasn't done speaking. "100 men, quite simply, is no longer enough. Instead, I am entrusting you with the lives of 200 of the finest men I have ever known, the entire Force that formerly protected the Capital. As you well know, Commander, if we lose the middle ring to the Titans, we'll lose the inner ring, the Capital, to starvation and civil war. Those men belong where they can do the most good, protecting all of humanity. The addition of those men will bring the Corps closer to full strength than it has been in some time.

"You've already informally met one of the Squad Leaders, the man who has been acting as our driver. This is Captain Stavros Stephanos, the Squad Leader of the Olympians, which is composed entirely of those of Greek descent. Of course, if you know your Greek mythology, you'll remember it was the Olympian gods who defeated the original Titans. I'd introduce you to the Captain's lover, Lieutenant Andreas Theorides, but he and the other 48 men of his Team are the ones watching our backs. The Captain's other Lieutenant, Nikolaos Konstantinos, is back at the base with the 49 men he leads, gathering the kits, gear and spare horses for themselves and their squadmates, as well as for Squad Nachtwolven.

Captain Hans Grunwald is the Squad Leader of the Nachtwolven, or Night Wolves. His lover, Lieutenant Johann Morgenstern, is with him and his Team and half of the second Team, scouting our forward position. The other half of the Team, one quarter of the Squad, is here, led by Lieutenant Kenneth O'Donnell, whom you've already met. We don't normally split the Teams, and particularly try never to separate the couples, but in this case, I felt it advisable."

Erwin couldn't believe Pixis was speaking so openly of these men being lovers. Arlert had turned red the moment the word first left the Commander's mouth, his face progressively darkening as he spoke, the color ranging from crimson to deep berry. Ackerman had seemed intrigued, particularly when the Commander noted that three of the Squads, nearly one third of the Special Forces, were female. Yeager looked lost and confused, as if his entire world view had just skewed. Erwin wasn't sure whether it was the open acknowledgement that these men were lovers that had Eren so upset, or because the Corps was about to be overwhelmed by a force of 200 strangers unexpectedly joining their ranks.

Erwin knew exactly how all three felt. He had felt his face flush as well; although the idea of openly having a relationship with his own Captain had been an intriguing and appealing one, it had also confused the hell out him. He was also being forced to accept 200 men into his command whom he had no knowledge of, and was expected to trust them with the lives of his men. With Levi's life, when he'd only miraculously just gotten him back.

"I know it's a lot to ask, that you likely feel I've forced you into an untenable position, by presenting you with this _fait accompli_, but as the saying goes, 'desperate times call for desperate measures.' And you need the men, Commander. Like it or not, you'd need them if they were half as skilled as they are, and as I said, they're damned fine men. You may, of course, test them in whatever ways you feel is appropriate, to verify that claim. But for now, I suggest you sit and eat and with them, speak with them, get to know them.

"And I forgot to mention something, and it's important: they are in no way a threat to your existing command structure. You are still the Commander of the Corps. Captain Levi is still your second-in-command. Squad Leader Zacharius, whom I understand is expected to recover fully, is your third, Squad Leader Miller your fourth, and Squad Leader Hange your fifth. If you decide to split the 200 men into four Teams of 50 under those existing Squad Leaders, that is your prerogative, although I wouldn't recommend it. You could instead rank them sixth and seventh in your chain of command, or cable of command, if you will.

"Alternatively, you and Captain Levi could each oversee a Squad. If you choose to do so, I'd strongly recommend Captain Levi be the one in charge of Stephanos' Squad, the Olympians, as he is rather uniquely qualified to integrate with them. Much as it pains me to part with what amounts to nearly all the last of my fellow countrymen, the male ones in the military, at any rate, that qualification is exactly the reason I selected them for this, back when they were to be the only 100 chosen.

"But we can discuss the finer points later. I can see it's time I stop jabbering. Chow time, everyone," Pixis abruptly concluded, to Erwin's relief. His head was reeling.

Erwin kept silent, as the men around him unpacked the enormous mass of gourmet dishes the Officer's Mess had prepared for the fictitious officers' picnic. The numerous delicacies held absolutely no appeal for him. Meat, normally a rarity these days, was in abundance, as was fresh fruit. Someone's orangery had even been raided for this meal, as well as any number of greenhouses. Survey Corps rations were above standard fare, but he hadn't had the opportunity to eat like this since the last time he'd dined in the Capital.

Yeager, Arlert and even Ackerman were gaping in wide-eyed awe at the bounty around them. "Um, excuse me? What is that? And what are those?" Armin asked one of the Garrison men politely and shyly.

"_Ti skata._ You don't want to eat that, Armin. The ones that stink and look like turds are Greek olives. The wrapped vomit is stuffed grape leaves," Levi scoffed, speaking to Arlert, but looking right at Captain Stephanos with his habitual expression of aloof disdain.

_Shit. Leave it to Levi to challenge the top soldier in Pixis' pet army. _Erwin fought the desperate urge to rush to Levi's protection. Normally he wouldn't be concerned: he had yet to meet the man that could defeat Levi one-on-one in hand to hand combat, mostly because Levi fought so damned dirty, but also because most people fought with their hands, while Levi preferred using his feet. It should be illegal, the way that man could move his body. He could kick a significantly taller man in the head while standing right in front of him, killing him with a single blow before you could blink. But Levi couldn't fight with his feet now, and the man he was insulting was considerably bigger, both taller and more muscular, and even more alarming, he looked like he might be just as quick and wiry.

"_Parakaló̱ na me syncho̱rí̱ste!"_ Armin yammered in a rush, moving to Levi's side, his face flushed.

_What the hell? Was that Greek? Arlert knows Greek?_

"Tch. Why are **you **apologizing, Armin? **He's **the one serving you shit," Levi scoffed.

The Greek Captain smiled, as evilly as Levi at his worst. "You do not like _dolmathes_? You would prefer I serve you some **shrimp **instead, perhaps?" he asked innocently, scanning Levi from his petite toes to his head, all 160 cm of him.

_Shit. Someone's going to die. To hell with not intervening._

"Or maybe you wish to arouse my blood, because you instead wish for me to eat those _loukoumathes_ it smells like you have waiting in your pants for me, _ne_?" the Captain asked pointedly, his gaze travelling back down slowly, like a caress, and hovering at Levi's groin.

_What the __**HELL**__? _Erwin hadn't even realized he'd moved, ready to rip the man's balls off if he so much as thought about touching Levi's, until he found his wrist was trapped in an iron grip, and when he tried to twist free, he belatedly realized it was Pixis who held him, that there was a clear message in his eyes for Erwin not to intervene.

"Tch. You wish. You're talking to the wrong Squad member, if you want honey covered balls to suck. Trust me, it wasn't my idea. And speaking of Mikasa, don't flirt with Armin or Eren like that, unless you mean it, because she'll cut yours off and make you eat them."

The man's eyebrows rose in appreciation, and he scanned Mikasa just as carefully. "So I have heard. She would make a wonderful Medusan or Nightwitch, I think. Not a Banshee. She does not strike me as a screamer. Although sometimes it is the quiet ones that yell the loudest, _ne_?" he teased, his eyes not going to Ackerman in amused speculation, but to Arlert.

_Shit._ **Now** Levi looked deadly, and so did Yeager and Ackerman. Pixis promptly let go of Erwin's arm, as the two of them began to step between the two Captains, simultaneously speaking their respective given names warningly, as the rest of the men around them, who had been watching the interaction in mild amusement, abruptly stilled.

To Erwin's frustration, Arlert darted between him and the Greek Captain.

"_Ánte gamí̱sou._ No one else is interested," Arlert snarled, looking as deadly as a growling puppy.

The Greek Captain laughed heartily. "He looks like a little Cocker Spaniel, but he is really a Pitbull in disguise, _ne_? _Parakaló̱ na me syncho̱rí̱ste, _Armin Arlert, Captain Levi, Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Yeager, and you as well, Commander Erwin. I ask that you please forgive me, as I forgive you, Scout Arlert, for speaking so disrespectfully to a superior officer, even though I deserved it.

"There is reputation, and then there is truth. There are many things said about Captain Levi, about all of the Survey Corps, less than a tenth of which can possibly be true. I needed to see for myself the bond between you and your men, even knowing what it would take to survive as the five of you have. I did not mean most of what I said. Andreas would castrate me himself, were I to be serious, and I would deserve it. You were testing me also, Captain Levi, to see whether I would quietly take insult or give back as good as I got, _ne_?"

"No, I'm just an ass, and for some reason, that bothers people with little dicks. So obviously, Theorides is a lucky man. There, are you happy now, Erwin? I said he has a big dick. I'm playing nice with the new kids. So Stephanos, there must be some chicken or bread or something edible in all those bushels and baskets. Feed me," Levi demanded.

Erwin had to fight to keep from grabbing Levi's shoulder and yanking him away from the Greek Captain. He didn't want Levi anywhere near the man's cock, and the thought that Levi might actually have been sizing up the man that way had him seeing red, even as all around him the relaxed atmosphere from before returned, once it was clear the situation had been defused, instead of escalating.

Erwin forced himself to outwardly calm down and then to mingle, and pretended to eat, but he was too wound up, and he didn't want to risk humiliating himself in front of his new men. Levi, who seldom mixed well with others, seemed surprisingly comfortable amongst these new men, and Yeager, Arlert and even Ackerman interacted remarkably well, after the initial tension. Perhaps it was because there was no chance any of these men would ever see them as anything other than comrades. They already had lovers. Male lovers. All 200 of the new men.

He wondered how Springer and some of the others might react to that. Kirstein, Braun and Hoover obviously wouldn't have any issues. If anything, he'd need to make sure Ymir and Lenz didn't opt to join one of the three female Special Forces Garrison Squads, once they learned about them.


	26. Chapter 26 - Lullaby and Goodnight

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
I now have readers from 47 countries! I would love to receive reviews, favorites and follows from some more of you!**

**If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 26 – Lullaby and Goodnight

Levi was exhausted, though not from being awake for more than two days, or from walking with his wounded leg, or the constant tension of the boat ride through that crawling hell, or even fighting and escaping the Military Police. He was tired from trying so damned hard to be civil.

He'd never been good at smiling and making nice with people. Although these men almost made it easy. There was a distinct lack of challenge, now that Stephanos had accepted them. Armin in particular had handled himself well. The kid might not look it, but he had quite a pair. He'd make damned good and sure later that all of Stephanos's and Grunwald's men were as committed to their lovers as they professed to be, and that they stayed the hell away from Armin, since they weren't free to do more than toy with him.

_Holy hell._ He was starting to sound like Mikasa. Just the thought almost made him smile, until another fucking cricket chirped, and he jumped instead.

_Damn it! Stupid trees._ Where the hell were the stars when he needed them? He hated sleeping on the ground, with nothing between him and the bugs but his clothes, a bedroll and his blanket, though he'd done it before a number of times. This time, though, after being in that stinking passageway… _Shit._ He couldn't sleep in the carriage without looking like a wimp. It would be different if he was in his usual pristine white pants. He could pretend he didn't want to get dirt on them. There was more than one reason he kept his pants so white they all but freaking glowed.

He tensed as a shadow approached and then relaxed as he recognized Mikasa's distinctive shape. He'd have known her instantly, even if she wasn't the only woman in camp. Then she lit the lantern in her hand, and he saw her clearly, though the unexpected flare of light blasted his night vision to hell.

"I need to check your injuries, and apply more of the poultice. We can't have you risking infection again, now that we're so close to home."

_Home._ He'd never really thought of their base as home before. It was somewhat surprising that Mikasa did.

"I brewed some more of the tea, from the herbs I brought with me, to ensure your fever doesn't return," she said, loudly enough that anyone who was interested could easily overhear. Her silent message was clear: _"You need to sleep. I brought you a light. Let me help. Drink the tea and we'll watch over you and keep you safe."_

"Not here," he muttered so softly only she would be able to hear. He didn't know these men well enough to trust them. He wouldn't sleep drugged. Hell, the three people beside him, and Erwin, who was sitting by the fire with Pixis, Stephanos and some of the others, schmoozing or strategizing, were the only four people he trusted in the world. "I've slept outside dozens, even hundreds of times," he reminded her.

"But seldom on the ground. You're always bitching about getting your pants… Oh. I should have realized. So how much is deflection and misdirection, and how much is real?" Mikasa asked curiously. "I can't help noticing you declined the uniform they offered you."

"Tch. Like I'd wear a Garrison uniform," he snorted, but quietly enough so as not to offend their new comrades. "And the pants would be too damned tight anyway, with my leg cocked up like this, and likely too damned long." He was amazed he'd actually voiced the latter complaint to her, but she was giving him that look again, the one that said she knew everything he was thinking anyway, so he might just as well say it aloud. He sighed in defeat. "Mikasa, you let me wear your father's clothes. Do you honestly think I'd ever take them off for anything short of my Corps uniform?" he said sincerely, looking her in the eye.

"Tch. I'm touched. Now strip, Levi. Or at least, drop trou. No, stop, just let me do it. I have to get practice undressing a man somehow, and you're a stationary target," she teased.

"Don't let Erwin hear you say that. He's been giving me some odd looks tonight," Levi smirked.

"Right. Like you're not loving every minute of it," she immediately rebutted as she unwound the bandages and removed the pads. "The wounds look really good, Levi. But I think I'd better use the poultice again, at least until a real doctor can take a look. By the way, you made it plain what _loukoumathes_ were, but did Armin really tell Stephanos to go fuck himself?"

Levi scowled. Hearing that crass language from Mikasa was somehow unsettling, shocking, like when Armin had said it in the canal. But that was exactly why it had proved so effective with Stephanos: it was the last thing anyone would have expected Armin to say. He needed to make sure the kid didn't get too cocky, though. Cocky could get you killed, if you pissed off the wrong people, and there were plenty of wrong people.

"Levi?" Mikasa asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder and pulling her hand back at the last instant.

"It's alright to touch me. You can't have that many germs that I haven't already been exposed to. We were pissing on the same damned **floor**," Levi reminded her, with a shudder.

She continued the aborted motion, and laid her hand on his shoulder. It was ridiculous, how good it felt to be touched.

"More people would eat blackberries if the bushes didn't have so many thorns," Mikasa said, smiling slightly.

Levi instantly knew it must have been another of her father's sayings, from the warm and wistful look on her face, so he bit back his automatic scathing response. It was exactly because he was so prickly that he was protected, safely shrouded by his layer of thorns. The way Mikasa protected herself with a layer of insulating frost, even if she didn't do so consciously. Eren used his anger to drive people away. Armin…as much as he almost wished Armin might somehow manage to keep that halo that surrounded him, he was relieved to see the horns peeking out from beneath it every now and then.

And if he started seriously thinking in terms of angels and demons like some of those fanatics in the Underground, he might as well just become a Wallist. All religion was fucking crazy. He damned well didn't want to ever meet the God that had thought it was a good idea to craft a Titan, particularly if he'd made it in his own image. The thought of something thousands of times larger and more powerful and hungrier than a Titan made his heart slam wildly against his ribs. He needed to sleep before he lost his damned mind.

Fucking was obviously out, although he was going to make damned sure that changed once they got back to base, whether Erwin liked it or not. And the man would definitely like it, if he had to tie him to the bed to do it. A little bondage might be just what… No. Erwin would never be able to surrender control enough to enjoy it, and Levi would never want him to. He wanted Erwin on even ground, on equal terms, a willing and eager participant, or not at all. He could have tricked or seduced or coerced or bound the man into or onto his bed years ago, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted… He wanted to drink that damned tea, before he started writing love poems and singing ballads and picking flowers for the man.

Mikasa was only too willing to oblige him, in regards to the tea. Of course, it was only after he drank deeply that he heard the damned crickets again. He must have tensed up involuntarily, because Mikasa laid her hands on both shoulders this time, not restraining, but soothing. "Go to sleep, Levi. They won't come into camp, and if they try, I won't let them near you, I promise."

"Tch. If you tuck me in or give me a goodnight kiss, Erwin will either piss himself or growl at you." It would almost be worth it, to have her do it, just to get a rise out of the man. But he would never mess with Mikasa's head like that, or Erwin's.

No. It wasn't them, he admitted silently to himself. He didn't want to even think what such a loving gesture, after years of hell, would do to him. The last person who had tucked him in had been Isabel, when he'd been out of his mind with fever from those damned rat bites from that fucking basement and…

Every horrific thought fled from his head, as Mikasa's gentle voice rose up softly in a song too quiet for anyone but him or Eren and Armin to hear, and he was pretty sure they were already asleep. He had no idea what language she was singing in, or what she was saying. Was it Japanese? Chinese? Korean? He knew she was half Asian, but he had no idea who her ancestors might have been, at least, not the ones on her mother's side. She was singing him a lullaby. And he was thinking, instead of listening; he was missing it.

He breathed in deeply and let her soothing voice drown out the crickets, the soft mumble of conversation, the crackle of the fire, and the gentle stirring of the branches overhead in the night breeze. He closed his eyes and listened, enraptured, as an overwhelming sensation of peace and safety settled over him, like a warm blanket. _Maybe I'll finally actually be able to get some sl…_


	27. Chapter 27 - True Colors

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Heracles is the original phonetic Greek spelling and pronunciation of the anglicized Hercules. **

Chapter 27 – True Colors

_Finally._ The first rays of dawn had leaked through the tree branches overhead a moment ago, and the camp had begun to stir. Erwin could sit up now without drawing attention to the fact that he'd lain awake the whole night. He was pretty sure he'd been able to deceive Pixis into believing he'd eaten, too. They'd be back at base before the day was out. He'd worry about eating and sleeping then.

Erwin was pleased to see how well these men functioned together. There was the usual muted griping about the early hour, even the food, in spite of its quality, but the camp was broken down quickly and efficiently, bedrolls neatly stowed for the journey, and they were on the road once more with gratifying speed.

Erwin had been so blindsided by Levi's miraculous appearance and then distracted by the debriefing the previous day that he hadn't even noticed they weren't taking the main road to Karanese, but a more roundabout, lesser travelled route. They also hadn't stayed at one of the many inns. Pixis was taking no chances that they'd be ambushed, not with so many men guarding them.

Unlike Erwin, Levi appeared to have slept well. He looked remarkably well rested, as pale as always, but healthier than the day before: the habitual shadows beneath his eyes were definitely less pronounced, almost non-existent. If his little corner of camp hadn't been so well lit, Erwin might have thought he'd used a tried and true time old method to exhaust himself to slumber. He'd seen Mikasa treating his injury, but he still couldn't believe it, even after hearing Levi's report. And Levi had fallen asleep while she sat beside him, after she was done tending to him. Levi **never** slept while being watched.

He'd wanted to talk to Levi privately, there was a lot he had to say, and needed to hear, but it had been even more important that he speak further with Commander Pixis and Captain Stephanos. He'd countersigned the transfer orders for the two hundred men he'd be leading, and they'd spoken about training, tactics, and the personalities and quirks of the new men under his command. It was then he learned that Pixis had wanted Stephanos' Squad specifically because all 100 men spoke fluent Greek, as did Levi – no matter how devious the Titan spies were, there was a limited amount of espionage they could conduct, if they couldn't speak the language.

Erwin hadn't known Levi spoke Greek, though he'd certainly suspected he had at least some knowledge of the language, from the events of the evening. The thought that Pixis knew something so basic about Levi that he had never known even after all these years together upset him more than it should have. What else didn't he know?

Afterwards, Erwin was pleased to see the men in camp had slept alone, as he had expected, instead of in pairs – even those not on guard duty were watchful, knowing there might be danger near. That boded well for their future behavior on scouting missions outside the Wall.

The morning and afternoon passed uneventfully as they travelled, in spite of the anxious anticipation, the expectation that something threatening might happen. Then, around midday, there was a knock on the roof of the carriage from above, and Pixis smiled. "We're going to pull to a stop up ahead. We're almost at the inner Gate to Karanese. You're going to want to see this, Commander."

Moments later, the carriage halted, and they all exited. Standing before them, in neat rows, were four officers and 145 men, including O'Donnell and some of the latter of whom he recognized from camp, all at rigid attention. Erwin's eyes widened as he realized each man now wore a Survey Corps jacket, the Wings of Freedom replacing the familiar dual twining roses, and each was wearing a green cape with the same emblem.

"Squad Nachtwolven and half of the Olympians, assembled and reporting for duty, sir!" an unfamiliar Captain, who must have been Grunwald, barked officially. "Commander Pixis's carriage will be at the center of our formation, with Captain Stephanos driving it, but we have five extra mounts, Commander Erwin, that we brought along especially for you and your men, so you could lead us in. I'd like to accompany you at the head of our formation, if you have no objection, sir, along with my two Lieutenants and Lieutenant Theorides. Also, if Captain Levi would permit it, we'd like to offer him a jacket and cape that we brought with us for him," the officer formerly offered, holding them out to Levi.

Erwin nodded in acknowledgement of the gesture, unable to speak, horrified to feel his throat had constricted and he was actually fighting tears, at the sight of so many men in familiar Corps uniforms. He swallowed convulsively and cleared his throat.

"Tch. If I knew you had Corps uniforms, I would have showered and changed at your base, idiot," Levi grumbled, as he accepted the jacket and cape, and donned both, which had obviously been tailored to fit someone of his smaller stature.

Levi's mouthy complaint was just what Erwin had needed to hear. "_Levi_…"

"What? All I did was say 'Thank you,'" Levi said innocently.

"Not to someone who isn't familiar with your particular brand of thanks, so I'll say it again, for you. Thank you, Captain. At ease men. Mount up. It's time you saw your new base," Erwin said nodding to the men, and then heading for the spectacular midnight black horse that was being held for him.

"He's a gift, from Commander Pixis, sir, to replace your lost spare. His name is Heracles," O'Donnell proclaimed proudly.

Erwin examined the horse critically, delighted by what he found. Upon further inspection, Heracles was even more magnificent than at first sight: his conformation was flawless, his size suitably impressive enough to do his namesake proud, but he had the look of speed as well, and the mark of intelligence and alertness in his large, liquid eyes, which would be invaluable in the field. Erwin blew gently into his nostrils in greeting, and held his hand out, stroking his new mount's velvety muzzle, when Heracles whickered in greeting and butted his hand.

"Don't let his gentle temperament now fool you, Commander. He's a war horse, first and foremost, as fearless as they come, and specially trained to fight. He's a Percheron, one with a good dose of Arabian in him. He has no equal anywhere within the Walls, not even in the King's stables. In spite of his size, he's the fastest animal you've ever seen, it's breathtaking to see him run, but his endurance is also unmatched. There isn't a Titan alive that can catch this beauty. All our horses are from the breeding and training facility you get your own mounts from, including these five, they're all of superior quality, of course, but this lad, he's special," O'Donnell boasted.

"The rest of our men, when they arrive, will come mounted, each with his own horse, a spare, and all our spares as well, in addition to our kits and gear. There will be more than a few stable hands accompanying them, who will stay on at the base to assist in our mounts' care. Your base and stables are going to feel a bit crowded again, sir."

The damned tears threatened again and Erwin fought against them. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ The thought of the current horrible echoing emptiness of the stables, the buildings, the grounds was making him crumble.

"Well this is going to be fucking graceful," Levi snarled, again unintentionally rescuing him.

Belatedly, Erwin remembered Levi was on crutches. Even without them, mounting a horse was a challenge for someone of Levi's stature, though when uninjured, he was able to leap on easily. Erwin turned, ready to risk Levi's wrath by assisting him, but once again, Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert beat him to it.

"You can use this," Arlert said, producing the block of steps they'd used to enter the carriage, setting it onto the ground next to the horse.

"And our hands," Ackerman said, as she and Yeager interlocked their fingers into stirrups. "You might tear your stitches if you use your maneuver gear."

Levi surveyed them, positioned both Ackerman and Yeager a little differently, told Arlert to catch his crutches, and then swung up and onto the steps, and then into their hands, dropping the crutches while swinging his injured leg over the saddle in a single fluid motion, that was indeed remarkably graceful, in spite of his current handicap.

"Thanks," Levi muttered to Erwin's shock, and the three beamed up at him.

"Commander Pixis, is it alright if I put the Captain's crutches back in the carriage?" Arlert asked.

"I'll take those and the steps back," Captain Stephanos offered.

"Thank you sir," Arlert said, apparently more at ease with the Captain after the socializing the previous night.

Their new formation proceeded to the inner Gate to Karanese. Erwin couldn't help but compare this homecoming to the previous one. Then they'd been broken, devastated. Now, with this impressive new fighting force at his back, at his side, he felt almost triumphant.

Once they entered Karanese, jaws dropped and people stared in awe at the sheer number of Scouts, and then the excited cries began, as Levi was recognized. Erwin could imagine the wild rumors that would be flying through the City by nightfall. They attracted more than a couple of additional Corps members, too, as they made their way through the City streets to their base, soldiers curious as to why such a large mass of troops was clustered together, then suspicious and outraged to see men they didn't recognize in Corps uniforms, until they spotted him and Levi leading them, and recognized the other three with them. Then they loudly and enthusiastically greeted him and Levi and Yeager, and Ackerman and Arlert too. Some of them left almost as soon as they came, flying off using their maneuver gear, eager to alert the rest of the Corps to the prodigals' return.

Dozens of men greeted them at the entrance to their base, the crushed morale which had lifted somewhat with the miraculous appearance of Bauer and the others now soaring, with Levi's, Yeager's, Ackerman's and Arlert's astonishing return. They all dismounted, Levi basically sliding down his horse's flank, to the annoyance of both him and the animal, Captain Stephanos fortunately appearing with Levi's crutches at the exact moment they were needed, forestalling a vocal complaint on Levi's part. There was a flurry of backslapping and handshaking, as if his men needed to touch them, to ensure they were actually real. Few people tried to touch Levi, and those who did were effectively stonewalled by his three self-appointed bodyguards.

Then, of course, there were the curious stares and whispers regarding the new men, as Commander Pixis stood beside Captains Stephanos and Grunwald, and Lieutenants Theorides, Morgenstern and O'Donnell. Pixis had mentioned he was planning to stay in Karanese overnight and possibly for a few days after that, though billeted at the Garrison base, to help ensure the integration of the new Squads went smoothly.

"I'd like your attention everyone," Erwin spoke up, once puzzlement replaced the joy and relief in most of the faces around him. "As you can see, Captain Levi and his formerly secret new Special Operations Squad consisting of Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert have returned from the mission they were assigned, after successfully completing the vital secondary objective of our last mission. I wanted to clear up the earlier misconception that was necessary at the time, and assure all of you that Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert were acting under my previously relayed explicit orders when they left camp to rendezvous with Captain Levi, following the battle. Their courage and valor in proceeding with their mission in spite of the unexpected change of command and resultant mistaken orders to the contrary is to be commended.

"You are all also justifiably curious at seeing so many new faces. It is my honor and privilege to present to you these 150 men, the vanguard of the 200 seasoned Special Forces soldiers, two full Squads, formerly of the Garrison, who were graciously released from their service in the Garrison by Commander Pixis, so they could join the ranks of the Survey Corps. This is Captain Stavros Stephanos, of the Olympians. Half his Squad is currently still in the Capital, but will be arriving within the next few days, along with the bulk of both Squads' mounts and all their gear and equipment. His two Lieutenants, each of whom are Team Leaders, are Andreas Theorides and Nikolaos Konstantinos, the latter of whom is still in the Capital. This is Captain Hans Grunwald, and his two Lieutenants, his own Team Leader Lieutenant Johann Morgenstern, and his other Team Leader, Lieutenant Kenneth O'Donnell.

"Please welcome these fine men, and as they familiarize themselves with our base, assist them in getting settled. To avoid any awkwardness or unintentional conflicts, you should know that in the warrior tradition of the Sacred Band of Thebes of Ancient Greece, these men are all in committed monogamous relationships with one another. They welcome your comradeship, but please be sure you do not overstep any bounds while interacting with these men, who deserve your highest level of respect. Any of you who wish to speak to me regarding the addition of these men to our ranks are free to seek me out and do so.

"Captains, Lieutenants, is there anything you would like to add?" Erwin asked, as he and the others had prearranged.

"Only that my men and I are honored to be serving alongside such valiant men and women, and we look forward to integrating seamlessly into your ranks," Stephanos said.

"We thank you in advance for your warm welcome," Captain Grunwald added.

"That's all then. Carry on," Erwin said, leaving his men, old and new, to mingle.

Then he turned to Levi and the others. "Levi, I'd like you to go to your quarters, so you can clean up and change. I'm going to send a doctor in to take a look at you," he warned, expecting an argument.

"Fine. As long as I don't have to go to the hospital," Levi acquiesced, to Erwin's relief. He was afraid he'd fight him on that point.

0 0 0

Hange had just returned to base and was alarmed by the uproar, until she realized everyone was happy, that they were celebrating. "What the hell do we have to celebrate?" she asked her second-in-command, Moblit Berner, spotting him in the astonishingly large crowd. _Who the hell are all these soldiers?_

"Hange! You missed the Commander's speech. Captain Levi's come back! And Eren, with Ackerman and even Arlert! They're all alive! And they've brought 150 new Scouts with them, and there are 50 more where they came from," Berner cried, grabbing her and hugging her. She would have been a little more shocked by his behavior, but soldiers were grabbing each other by the arms and hugging one another all around her, in an outpouring of joy and relief she'd seldom seen before.

"Seriously? Thank God!" she said fervently. Maybe now Erwin would start eating and sleeping again. When she'd gone to Commander Pixis with her concerns, she'd been relieved when he had agreed to intervene, but she hadn't been sure it would do any good. And she hadn't expected Pixis to abduct Erwin to the Capital, either. "Where are they?" she asked, for once as eager to see Levi as she was to see Eren.

"I overheard Commander Erwin just tell Captain Levi to go to his quarters to clean up and rest," he informed her. "There they are!" he pointed.

Grinning, she ran in the direction indicated and called out to them. She stared at Levi, stunned. She wouldn't even have known it was him, if he hadn't been wearing a Corps jacket and cape. He didn't look as whipped to shit as he should have, but he sure as hell didn't look like his usual pristine and pressed self.

"Oh my God! It's true, you're all alive! But what the hell are you wearing, Captain?" Hange teased. Levi's clothes were rough homespun and ridiculously baggy, the pants cuffed more than once and sagging off his tight ass instead of hugging it lovingly, like his uniform. She never got tired of looking at her teammates' firm, sculpted butts and muscular legs in their white pants, and The Runt's assets were no exception. Levi's current clothes had obviously been made for a much taller man with a larger frame than the short, slender Captain.

"The clothes of the man whose daughter saved my life. Show some respect." Levi said coldly, freezing her with his tone and glare.

Hange stood there poleaxed. _What? Who could he be defending so…? _Her eyes flew to Mikasa Ackerman and she stared. Ackerman was looking at Levi with appreciation in her eyes and a warm smile on her lips that Hange had ever only seen directed at Eren before. _Holy shit. The two of them are…? No way! _

She hadn't thought Levi had even noticed the young woman. Levi hadn't noticed anyone in that way, except maybe Commander Erwin, and everyone who suspected he had was damned careful not to voice their conjecture on the two men where there was any chance they might overhear, though she knew neither man missed a thing and the two had likely heard plenty. She'd invested no small amount of brain power on that fascinating and intriguing little idea herself, both in and out of her own sometimes lonely bed.

_Damn, though, Levi and Ackerman would be hot together! Just think of the rugrats those two would make, black haired, fine-boned faces, whipcord bodies, killer reflexes. A whole Special Operations Squad made of their kids, with Mommy and Daddy in command._

The dream only lasted a moment. There was no way. Levi had to be one of only six guys in the Corps **not** wanting to get into Ackerman's pants. Erwin, Eren, Arlert, Braun and Hoover were the other five. Ackerman's obvious lack of interest in anyone but Eren only made the rest of them want the frigid girl all the more.

Hange blinked as she realized Levi was heading rapidly away from her with the others. "Hey, I didn't mean…" She gave up. What was the point in apologizing, when it was obvious her words wouldn't be sufficient to appease him? She'd try again later.

0 0 0

"Yeager, Ackerman, Arlert, I'd like the three of you to do your best to help facilitate interactions with the new men, now and at dinner tonight in the Mess Hall, to help minimize any potential issues. Please report to me anyone who seems to be having difficulty with the new situation. You are, of course, free to shower and change first, if you so desire," Erwin ordered.

"Mikasa, I'd like you to be there to consult with the doctor when he examines me, since you know more about my injury than I do," Levi said. "And I'd like you to change my bandages and reapply the poultice, once he's done. I doubt anything he could give me would be more effective."

"Of course," Ackerman said, smiling softly at him, the way she normally looked at Yeager, when the younger man wasn't looking.

_What the hell?_ _Why is she looking at Levi like that? _A fireball of jealousy flamed in Erwin's empty stomach.

"Let me know if you need help with your bath, Captain," Arlert said eagerly, to Erwin's consternation.

"I think I can handle that myself this time, brat," Levi said saucily, with a wink that made Arlert blush.

The ball of jealousy in his gut flared brighter. Ackerman was baffling enough, but Arlert? _What the hell could Levi possibly see in that little pipsqueak?_

"Ackerman, go get the doctor. Yeager, Arlert, you're dismissed," Erwin ordered tersely.

"Yes, sir!" the three chorused together, and then headed out.

Erwin continued following Levi down the corridor, to the stairs, fighting the urge to help him up them. It didn't look like he needed the help, in any case, in spite of the crutches. They proceeded to the door to Levi's quarters. Levi turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "Are you coming in? Planning to soap my back?"

Erwin felt his face flush. "No, of course not. I…I'll see you after you clean up. If you'd like to join me in my quarters for an early dinner. Or tomorrow after you've rested. I need to debrief you further. I could tell that you left some things out, in your report to Pixis," Erwin hedged, as Levi continued to eye him silently. Flustered, he did what he'd only done a handful of times as a soldier: he made a strategic withdrawal, disappearing into his own quarters, which were next to Levi's. He needed to be alone, where no one could see him, to sort out his conflicting and confusing emotions, and regain his control.

He'd been too shocked when he first saw Levi to even think about hugging him, but when they'd arrived at base and everyone had been embracing one another wildly, in an outpouring of comradeship and relief and joy, it had been all he could do to restrain himself. Seeing Levi act so familiarly with Ackerman and Arlert… Just what the hell **was** all that, about bathing him? Since when was Levi playful, with anyone, save for him? Why was that timid little weakling Arlert blushing like that? Exactly what had he seen and done?

Erwin collapsed onto his bed, sitting with his head in his hands, clenching his hair in his fists. The thought of Arlert seeing Levi naked drove him crazy, but the thought of Arlert actually touching Levi infuriated him. Both emotions scared the hell out of him, as much as the debilitating depression of the week he'd spent thinking Levi was dead. He had to get himself back under control. He couldn't be an effective leader like this.

Tch, as if he was effective before. The only thing he'd been effective at was getting his men massacred. And he still didn't remember a damned thing about the battle! From the date and his notes, he'd been able to work out that the last memory he had was from just over a week before they set out on their mission. If anything would have triggered those memories, Levi's miraculous appearance should have.

Those missing memories were seemingly gone for good. That should bother him more than it did, but now that Levi was still alive, that he was back, it didn't seem to matter.

He was pathetic. He was completely, dangerously obsessed with his subordinate officer, and it had become painfully clear that Levi knew it. The man reveled in taunting and teasing him, but obviously didn't share his feelings. Fortunately, they remained friends in spite of it. Erwin now knew what life without even Levi's friendship would be like. He'd barely survived it. If Levi hadn't returned when he did…

He couldn't even think straight. He was physically and emotionally exhausted. He needed to go back outside, to help the new men acclimate to the base, to make sure their transition went smoothly. But he honestly couldn't find it in himself to give a damn.

Instead, he pulled off his boots and peeled off his socks and fell back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He never should have invited Levi to his quarters for dinner. At least Levi hadn't accepted. But he hadn't declined either. Levi was alive. So why did the thought of trying to eat anything, with or without the man, still make his empty stomach churn?


	28. Chapter 28 - Bump in the Night

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Heartfelt thanks for the new reviews, favorites, and follows! Please keep them coming!**

**If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 28 – Bump in the Night

"So, will I recover fully, or will my mobility be impaired?" Levi impatiently asked the doctor, who had just finished examining him. He'd described the dimensions and rusted condition of the spike and Doctor Donaldson had consulted with Mikasa about how the puncture wound had looked and what she had done to treat the injury, and to fight the infection and fever, showing him the prepared poultice and describing is contents and showing the doctor her mother's book as well. She'd used up nearly all the remaining plants she had gathered, making this latest application.

"You were remarkably fortunate, Captain Levi. The spike damaged the flesh and muscle, but missed the bone, and I don't belief there's been any nerve damage. You've kept your weight off the leg and had the benefit of Miss Ackerman's treatment. She obviously did a superlative job cleaning and suturing the two wounds, and treating the infection.

"Frankly, I'm astonished how well your injury is healing, given the harsh conditions you've endured. Fortunately for all of us, Captain, you should regain full use of your leg, with no weakness or loss of mobility. And there's no sign of infection under your arms, either. That poultice is quite remarkable. If Miss Ackerman wasn't such a valued member of the Scouts, I'd pull every string at my disposal to have her transferred to the Medical Corps."

Levi narrowed his eyes. "We're keeping her."

Doctor Donaldson held up his hands in a gesture of appeasement. "As I said, I wouldn't dream of trying to entice her away from the Corps." He turned to her, "But, Scout Ackerman, if I might borrow your mother's book? I'd like to both study it and copy it, if I might, and to consult with you on any parts I have a question on. Our men can use all the medical assistance they can get."

"Of course," she agreed readily.

"Wonderful! As for you, Captain Levi, I'll want to see you every three days or so, to ensure your leg continues to heal as well as it has been, unless, of course, there is any sign of infection returning, such as discoloration, discharge, foul odor, or an increased level of pain, in which case, you need to see me immediately. Considering the location and severity of your injury, those stitches should stay in for a total of ten to fourteen days, so since they've already been in for about three, from what you told me, that means a minimum of seven more days until I remove them, and that will be based upon my examination. Meanwhile, I agree with your earlier recommendation that Scout Ackerman continue to treat your injuries in the manner she has been. The poultices can be discontinued whenever she feels they are no longer needed.

"No strenuous activity until your leg is as close to fully healed as possible. I know better than to try to put you on medical leave, but I must insist upon light duty only, for as long as the City can manage without you. Preferably no weight on your leg at all for the next two weeks, and try to keep it elevated whenever you're seated. After two weeks, as long as I approve after examining you, you can exchange your crutches for a cane. Depending upon your body's natural ability to heal and the level of abuse you subject your leg to, it will heal fully anywhere between two weeks and two months after that. It's my understanding the former is definitely in your favor, while the latter will certainly work against you," he said with a sardonic smile.

"Scout Ackerman, once you run out of the ingredients you need to make the poultice, there is an apothecary that should have most of what you need, or you can contact me, and I can prescribe something. Meanwhile, here are some painkillers, which will help you sleep comfortably, Captain."

Levi accepted them, but knew he wouldn't take them. He couldn't afford to be in a drugged stupor, if the Titans attacked the City. He was still angry with himself for drinking the tea on the trail, leaving himself so vulnerable, requiring the others to carry and protect him. He should have realized it would have made him sleepy, but he couldn't even think because of the pain, and he trusted Mikasa. He hadn't thought he'd ever trust anyone like that again, except for Erwin. At least in the camp, he hadn't endangered them or Erwin: there had been enough highly skilled soldiers to protect them that they would have been safe under almost any circumstance.

"Scout Ackerman, I also need to examine you, and Scouts Yeager and Arlert, in your barracks, to ensure you have no unreported injuries or illnesses. Once you are done applying the fresh poultices, would you accompany me there?" the doctor asked.

"Of course," she stated again, the same minimal response as before.

"Excellent!" Donaldson said, with enough enthusiasm for both of them.

Levi saw that the doctor watched with interest as Mikasa applied the new poultices and then expertly bandaged him.

Once the doctor and Mikasa left, Levi headed for the bathroom. He stripped, neatly folding the dirty and bloodstained shirt, and baggy pants. Mikasa might want to keep them, though she had other keepsakes of her parents, now. Levi soaped himself awkwardly, and then washed his hair, careful not to wet his bandages, once again grateful for the privilege of a private bathroom his rank as an officer afforded him. The thought of sharing a bathroom with another person made his skin crawl.

After toweling off, still naked, he swung over to his bed on the crutches and collapsed onto it gratefully, feeling ridiculously worn out from another day of traveling. How pathetic, to be so drained from a ride in a plush carriage. He inhaled deeply, breathing in the familiar scent of his own bleached sheets and was asleep in moments.

0 0 0

Erwin awoke disoriented to a dark room, heart still hammering from his erotic dream, and he jumped at the sound of a loud thud through the wall behind his headboard and the muffled sound of a crash, coming from the adjacent quarters. Levi!

Erwin leapt from the bed and ran barefoot to his door, flinging it open, crossing the few meters to Levi's door in seconds. He was alarmed to see it partially open, a ten centimeter gap. Levi never left it open, when he was inside; he always locked it. Erwin yanked it open the rest of the way, and charged inside only to stop stunned at the sight that greeted him in the darkened room, illuminated only by the light from the hall: Levi was naked on top of Ackerman, pinning her to his bed.

So the sound had been Levi's headboard hitting the wall while in the throes of passion, the crash apparently his lamp being knocked to the floor. The image looked shockingly almost identical to the one from his dream, except** he **had been the one Levi had been straddling.

Betrayal, hurt and jealousy almost crippled Erwin, until he realized Ackerman was fully dressed, including her maneuver gear, Levi's right forearm was pinning her left arm above her head, and Levi had a knife to her throat, her own right hand wrapped around the wrist of his left hand the only thing that was keeping her from having her throat slit.

"What the hell is going on?" Erwin snapped, lunging forward to aid Levi, eyeing Ackerman suspiciously. He cursed as he slipped on the floor, as his left foot unexpectedly landed in something hot and slimy, and he fell back on his ass, even as a sharp pain tore into the sole of his right foot, which was desperately seeking traction.

0 0 0

"I'm not here to hurt you. I was bringing you dinner. I was just leaving the tray on your nightstand," Mikasa explained earnestly, her voice intent.

Levi couldn't see her face or eyes clearly enough from the light spilling in from the hall to tell if she was telling the truth from that, though there was far more light since Erwin had yanked open the door than before, but her tone was sincere, he could smell stew, and most tellingly of all, aside from grabbing the wrist of his knife hand, she'd made no other effort to either defend herself or to attack him. She knew his injuries intimately: if she were his enemy, she would have immediately gone for his weak spots, under his arms and his wounded thigh.

He'd awoken to a shadowed form standing over him, and instantly neutralized the threat. He hadn't even realized it was a woman, until he'd grabbed her and pinned her. It felt bizarre to be pressed against a woman like this.

Erwin rose to his feet and Levi twisted his wrist free and rolled off of Mikasa onto his left foot on the right side of his bed, the side away from the door and whatever had felled Erwin.

"It's customary to knock," Levi said mildly, his knife still in hand, but down at his side now. After all they'd been through together, he wouldn't have imagined she would hurt him, but then, he hadn't expected to awaken to her standing over him in the darkened room, either and he'd been deceived before by someone he had thought he could trust. Waking instantly from a sound sleep when someone was nearby was a useful skill he'd developed, living in the Underground, one that had saved him a number of times. The only time he'd actually ever been taken off guard and stabbed was when someone had already been in his bed with him, and they hadn't been sleeping. _The bastard._ He scowled at the old betrayal, quickly and ruthlessly suppressing the horrific memories of what had followed with practiced efficiency.

Mikasa sat up slowly, apparently concerned that she look non-threatening. "I did. You didn't answer. It was quiet in here, so I figured you must be alone, and sound asleep. When I tried the door and found it unlocked, I thought I'd leave your dinner by the bed, so if you got hungry later, you'd have something to eat within easy reach, even if the stew got cold and you only wanted the bread. I'm sorry, I should have realized you'd sense me next to you, and wake up fighting, after everything you told me and the way you woke up in the living room of the cabin. And of course you'd keep a knife under your pillow. It was stupid of me."

"Yes, it was. But thoughtful. I'm glad you stopped me from killing you. Erwin, are you alright?" Levi asked.

"Aside from being woken out of a sound sleep myself, covered in stew and stepping barefoot onto a shard of the broken bowl? I hear you're quite the little nurse, Ackerman. You can bandage my foot, clean up this mess to Captain Levi's standards and then get the hell out of our Officers' Quarters, and maybe I won't reprimand you for this idiocy," Erwin said acidly.

"Tch, you wake up even nastier than I do," Levi scoffed.

"And **you **put some damned clothes on!" Erwin snapped.

"But these are my quarters, and I always sleep nude," Levi purred.

"Fine. Then I'll go back to mine," Erwin snarled, spinning about on his heel, breaking the effect when he cursed and lifted his left foot, yanking something out of the bottom of it. **"Damn it! Clean up this fucking mess, Ackerman!"** he roared, and then he stormed out, limping, leaving a trail of slimy, bloody footprints behind him.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with him?" Levi asked rhetorically, shocked. He'd never seen Erwin lose his tight control, except over tea in his office. That was part of why he took such fiendish glee in flustering the man. He didn't yell and he didn't scream obscenities at his men.

"The men were talking about it, in the barracks," Mikasa said softly, as she knelt and began putting pieces of the broken bowl onto the fallen tray. "I don't know how much is true, but the rumor is that the Commander hasn't slept since the battle, or at least, he hadn't before leaving with Commander Pixis," she qualified.

"Some of the men overheard Hange talking to Doctor Donaldson and Squad Leader Miller about him before Pixis came. They said his behavior has been erratic, that he's completely lost control, that he swings from depression to rage, and he even attacked those men of ours who somehow managed to return all on their own. They were afraid the Commander hasn't been eating either, and the Doctor was upset that he was riding horses and reading reports with his concussion, when he should be resting.

"I heard that Hange even entered his office through the window, literally through it, actually crashing through the glass, because he wouldn't answer the door, and when she looked through the window she saw him slumped over his desk and was afraid he might have killed himself, but I can't believe that part of it, or frankly most of the rest, either. That doesn't sound like the Commander at all. Especially since they were also saying that Commander Pixis kicked in Commander Erwin's door and then dragged him out by his balls to walk the Wall with him, although I don't think they meant that last part quite so literally. They were certainly together, when we saw them, but we know Commander Pixis picked the lock."

Levi scoffed at the ridiculous notion that anything could push Erwin to the brink of suicide, immediately discounting most of what Mikasa had overheard as nonsense. As for Pixis, he had been with Erwin, but he had better have kept his damned hands to himself! If anyone was going to be touching Erwin's balls, it was going to be him. And he planned on doing so sooner rather than later, even if he had to tackle the man and pin him to his desk. Or the wall. Or his bed. He didn't really care where.

Fortunately the mess on the floor kept him from getting hard just thinking about it. He was still naked, after all, he belatedly realized, and Mikasa was in the room. He wasn't surprised to see that Mikasa didn't seem to care. She had seen most of him already, after all, although not the parts she was seeing now, at least, not while he was conscious. Perhaps he really should get dressed, at least until she was done mopping his floor, since Erwin had ordered her to be the one to clean it. He would have preferred to do it himself, so he could be sure it was done correctly, but it would have been difficult, considering his injuries.

"There's a mop and bucket, detergent, disinfectant and lemon oil in my closet. You can use the bathtub faucet in my bathroom to fill it, but if you rest the bucket in the tub, instead of holding it by the handle as you fill it, please wash the tub when you're done. You can dispose of the dirty water in the toilet, as long as you clean it afterwards," he graciously offered.

"Thank you. It's convenient that you have your own bathroom and are allowing me to use it. I appreciate it. I'll be able to finish more quickly that way, so you can get some sleep. Or would you like me to get you something to eat, once I'm done cleaning?" Mikasa asked, as she unbuttoned her cuffs and rolled up the sleeves of her shirt.

"I would appreciate it. Just not stew. It smells delicious, but it's on my **floor**." He shuddered.

She smiled softly, not ridiculing him, but as before, in understanding.

Levi retrieved and donned his underwear and a shirt, but he scowled at his uniform pants and then neatly put them away again. This was modest enough. He'd likely have to slice open the seam of his pants to get into them tomorrow.

He sat on the bed and watched with approval as Mikasa cleaned the mess, including Erwin's footprints, all the way out into the hall and likely to Erwin's door. Then she buffed the lemon oil into the wood floor, restoring the shine, and leaving the heady sent of lemon, mixed with the enticing aroma of detergent and disinfectant. Levi breathed deeply in appreciation and examined her work with a critical eye, pleased to see she had done a flawless job. Had it been Eren or Armin, they'd have had to redo it at least twice.

He appreciated that she worked in silence too, not ignoring him, but not filling the air with useless chatter, as so many of the men seemed to require. If he had any interest in women whatsoever, she definitely would have been warming his bed tonight. It was too bad both Eren and Armin saw her as a sister. Well, too bad that Eren did, at any rate. He didn't think Armin had any interest in men or women, or at least, he hadn't until what he'd heard in the Underground, even if Armin had been a child when he'd known Hypatia. His eyes narrowed. Armin had cried because of Hypatia. If that bitch came anywhere near Armin ever again, he'd gut her.

"I'm sorry. What part aren't you happy with? Or did you want me to wash your whole floor?" Mikasa asked in sincere concern.

"No, it's fine. Perfect, in fact. I was just thinking about Hypatia making Armin cry," Levi explained, and then shook his head. Honestly, it was astonishing how Mikasa could get him to open up to her like that, without even trying. It was a good thing he wasn't interested in her. If sex had been added to the mix, she would have had him wrapped around her little finger within a day.

Mikasa scowled darkly. "I wanted to kill her," she admitted fiercely. Then her expression calmed and she exhaled heavily. "But I don't think Armin would want me to. I'm worried that she has the power to hurt him that has nothing to do with her skill with a knife."

Levi nodded, silently agreeing.

"Why don't I get you your dinner, so you can eat and then get some sleep," Mikasa said.

He nodded again and then got up.

"Levi, you don't have to get out of bed," Mikasa scolded.

"I've been told a gentleman always walks a lady to the door," Levi said playfully, as he escorted her to the open door on his crutches.

"Just be sure you lock your door until I get back. I don't want you pinning anyone else to your bed," she teased back.


	29. Chapter 29 - Love and War

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 29 – Love and War

Armin was relieved that he, Eren and Mikasa had the next four days off, Doctor's orders, to recover from their trauma. At least, that's what the Doctor had called it. Armin didn't think it had been too bad. Well, the first part had certainly been horrible, the battle, and then looking for Captain Levi, afraid they might find only a piece of him, and that they might get eaten too. But the rest wasn't bad.

Although, it had been pretty scary in the house: he kept thinking he'd see a Titan peeking in through one of the windows at him. And the trail down the mountainside had been pretty nerve-wracking. And the search for the Gate, standing out in the open like that, expecting to be attacked by a swarm of Titans at any moment, without any horses to escape on, and almost no gas for their maneuver gear. And then, of course, actually seeing the Titans running towards them.

And the walk in the corridor, too, with the carefully rationed light and all the insects, and not knowing who might jump out at them, or if the route would be blocked by a cave-in, and then all the broken Gates. He thought they might never get to the surface again. And of course, being attacked and held at knifepoint had been terrifying. And running from the Military Police and then fighting them all the way to the surface and up and down different streets, until Commanders Pixis and Erwin had intervened. But the bits in between were actually sort of wonderful.

Secretly he suspected that the Doctor might have insisted upon so much downtime for them because he was hoping to speak with Mikasa at greater length about her mother's book. At least with so many new men on base, their presence on duty wouldn't really be missed.

Today, Armin had a self-imposed mission. He'd made sure his tanks were still full, that his gear wasn't damaged or leaking, the night before, and had woken up extra early, so he could be gone from base and at the Market before Mikasa and Eren woke up. He knew they wouldn't approve, if they discovered what he was planning, but he just couldn't leave things the way they were. He had to see Hypatia again.

He wished he knew whether her father Theon was still alive, but he was afraid he wasn't, the way those men had treated her as their leader. He wondered who the current Librarian was, although he was pretty sure it was her. When they'd first met as children, and he'd shyly told her how pretty and unusual her name was, she'd told him that she and her father were both named after librarians from thousands of years before, that there had been a Library in a place called Alexandria that supposedly had not just dozens of books, like her father's, but tens or even hundreds of thousands.

Armin had confessed to his grandfather after they were safely back home what she'd said, and said he thought she'd been exaggerating that part, or that maybe her father had to her, that he couldn't imagine there being that many books anywhere ever, but his grandfather had just smiled, and shown him the passage in his own secret, hidden book that spoke about the Great Library of Alexandria.

Armin wished he could buy Hypatia books, but books were far too rare and expensive, and the interesting ones, the ones about Outside, were illegal. He couldn't bear to part with his grandfather's book, not when he and Eren still needed it, to keep their dream alive, although he was bringing it with him, because he wanted to share it with her, to show it to her and let her read it, maybe even lend it to her. Also, he might need the book, just in case she really did completely hate him now, to trade for his life, although he was pretty sure they could just kill him and take it from him anyway. Regardless, he'd have to be very careful not to be caught with it by the Military Police, or even Captain Levi wouldn't be able to save him.

Today he was going to the Market to buy Hypatia other things, things he thought she'd appreciate, that would be hard to get in the Underground. He'd made a mental list, and he was going to buy as much as he could carry, with the salary he'd so far been saving; the Scouts paid for his food and clothes, and he didn't go out drinking or to buy things for himself, so he'd saved almost all his pay. He was going to pack all the things he bought as he got them, because he couldn't risk doing it in the barracks and having Eren and Mikasa find out. They'd try to stop him, thinking he wouldn't be safe. But he didn't think Hypatia would really kill him, if he went back. At least, he hoped she wouldn't try to. And if she did…hopefully his maneuver gear would see him to safety, if the book wasn't enough to.

Armin headed determinedly to his first stop. He bought a large rucksack first to carry everything, with a metal frame and sturdy straps and handles on the sides, and a separate pocket on the front, something she could use over and over. He also purchased a long, grey cloak with a hood, so he could still wear his maneuver gear and Scout uniform in the Underground, but so he could walk around inconspicuously. He carried the cloak in the cloth bag he bought from the merchant too. He'd wait to put it on once he was in the alley where the door they'd found leading up from the Underground was, in the Capital. He didn't want to do his shopping in the Capital, because he didn't know where any of the stores were, and things would likely be far too fancy and expensive.

He'd thought hard about what he and his friends had wished they'd had when they'd been alone and hungry, but took weight and volume into consideration too. He would have loved to buy her a huge sack of beans and fresh fruit, but it wasn't practical. The former would be too heavy for him to carry, and the latter would be far too bulky, taking up too much of the precious room in his pack. Instead he bought dried meat, dried fruit, nuts, spices, honey, tea, various medicines, and soap, honeysuckle for her and sandalwood, for her men, as much of everything as he could carry. All of it would be worth at least ten times its weight in beans in the Underground, he was sure, if she decided to trade it all away. It would be fine if she did. He just wanted to help her and her people.

That was why they'd left almost all their supplies behind, before surfacing. He'd been astonished when Captain Levi was the one to suggest they do it, and more so, when he added his Scout lighter to the collection, and ordered the three of them to do the same. He said he'd handle the backlash they'd all otherwise receive for having to requisition new ones. Those lighters were a Scout's most prized possession, next to their swords and maneuver gear.

He'd ask Hypatia what else they needed when he saw her. He was sure they needed all kinds of things: medicine, clothes, shoes, food. He'd already put his replacement Scout lighter into the front pouch, with his grandfather's book, and a whole can of lighter fluid into the main compartment. He was planning to lie and say he lost his new lighter, so they'd give him another new one, even if he had to pay to replace it, which he likely would, this time.

He was on his way to get the one impractical but most important thing he needed to bring, the flowers, when he was riveted by a piece of fabric fluttering in the breeze. Mesmerized, he stared transfixed as the scarf danced in the wind, as if a river of sunlight had somehow been tamed in the market stall. The scarf was tied to a display stand, a vivid wash of golden yellow, fiery orange and radiant red, shading from one tone to the next and then back again. He reached out and breathlessly touched it and was amazed by the softness of the fabric.

The vendor took one look at his face and grinned triumphantly, and Armin knew he was doomed. He had to buy it for Hypatia and the man had seen from his reaction and expression that he couldn't leave without it. Armin was certain he'd name a high price for it, and he was sadly right. He left the stall with the scarf tucked safely into the front pouch of the pack and much less coin than he'd had, but he didn't care. He only hoped that Hypatia might cherish it as much as Mikasa cherished Eren's scarf, and then blushed at the thought.

Armin headed for his most important stop last, the flower shop. He smiled at the kindly looking older man behind the counter and scanned the colorful bouquets on display in the bright, airy shop, frowning in disappointment when he didn't see what he wanted. He'd heard this was the best florist in Karanese, but he guessed he'd have to see if one of the others had what he needed.

"I usually let people look without pestering them, folks tend to know what they want, when it comes to flowers, but I don't think you've found what you're looking for. I'd hate to see anyone, but especially not a Scout, leave my shop empty-handed, not with all you do for the City. Can you tell me what you were hoping to find?

"It's not your fault. They're all really beautiful. I've never seen so many flowers all in one place! But I was looking for yellow ones. I mean, all yellow, only that color, flowers just like this one, but all in a bouquet together," Armin said sheepishly, pointing to a delicate golden blossom.

"Well then, that's easy enough to fix, if you'll just give me a few moments," the man said, picking up one of the rainbow colored bouquets. He began going from bouquet to bouquet, humming to himself, as he removed the yellow flower from each one and replaced it with one of the other flowers in his hand, artistically rearranging some of the stems here and there, until he was left with a bouquet filled with only the yellow ones. He held the new bouquet out to Armin, smiling triumphantly. "What do you think?"

"That's perfect!" Armin cried, grinning happily. "Could you wrap the bottoms of the stems in wet cloth? I have more than a day's ride ahead of me, and I don't want them to wilt."

The man smiled. "Of course. We wouldn't want to disappoint your sweetheart, now, would we?"

"She's not my… I mean, we were friends when we were little but…" Armin stammered, blushing.

"Well, if these don't work, you come see me, and we'll see what we can do to please her," the man said, winking, as he handed him the completed bouquet.

0 0 0

Eren stormed out of the Mess Hall, his hunger forgotten. To hell with breakfast! If he heard one more person whispering about Mikasa and Captain Levi fucking last night, he was going to scream, or maybe just bite his hand and kill someone. Or all of them. Starting with Levi.

He didn't care what Hange thought she'd seen and heard, when she was standing outside Commander Erwin's door, what she'd told Berner, and some of the men had overheard. There was no way in **hell **it was true. But why the hell would Hange lie about Mikasa like that? Was Hange jealous of her, because Mikasa was so popular with the men?

Eren ground his teeth together, thinking about what everyone had been whispering. Hange had supposedly overheard Mikasa tell Levi not to get out of bed to walk her to his door, but Levi had told her he was a gentlemen. Mikasa told him she better not catch him in bed with anyone else. Then Hange said she'd seen Levi standing in the doorway to his quarters in nothing but his underwear and shirt, and that Mikasa was just finishing putting her own shirt back on, buttoning her shirt cuffs, and that her face was all flushed and sweaty. That lying Titan-loving bitch said the Captain must have given her quite a workout.

He needed to find Armin. Armin would be able to calm him down. He was always great for talking him out of his anger. Or at least for listening to him rant until he calmed down on his own.

Unexpectedly, a memory from the night Captain Levi awoke in Mikasa's house surfaced, Armin looking at him intently and saying, "I think she likes Captain Levi. I mean really likes him." He'd scoffed at Armin for thinking something so ludicrous. But he wasn't laughing now.

He stomped into the barracks, looking for Armin. He hadn't been in the Mess Hall. Armin must have been in the latrine or something before. Mikasa hadn't been in the Mess Hall either. He'd stopped by her bunk before breakfast, looking for her, but she wasn't there. Most mornings they went to breakfast together, but sometimes they met one another there.

Frustrated, Eren went back outside, and spotted Mikasa, crossing the yard. He scowled as he saw she was carrying a tray and heading towards the Officers' Quarters. Why the hell would she be going there? They were off limits to the rest of them, except for delivering messages, or other official business. Was she going to see Levi? His eyes narrowed. Was she bringing him breakfast in bed?

Eren ran to catch up with her and saw Captain Levi come out of the building on his crutches. The Captain was back in uniform, complete with maneuver gear and weapons, although his right leg looked odd, like the outer seam of his pants had been torn open, and the only thing holding it closed was the straps of his harness and his boot.

Eren was only a few meters away when Captain Levi spotted Mikasa and headed for her, a smirk on his face. "Is that for me? How thoughtful of you. But you disappointed me last night, Mikasa. I thought you'd been careful, but after you left, I saw some had splattered on the bed. I had to change the sheets before I….

"You **bastard**!" Eren screamed, seeing red, lunging for Levi, swinging his fist wildly at his head. To his frustration, though Levi looked surprised by the attack, he wasn't caught off guard. Levi dropped his left crutch and caught Eren's wrist, blocking the blow, and then twisted his arm down, making him fall to his knees, in order to keep his arm from being dislocated.

The tray went crashing to the ground as Mikasa stepped between them. To Eren's fury, instead of helping him, Mikasa was protecting Levi, slamming her viselike hands down onto Eren's shoulders, pinning him.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Eren? You just attacked a superior officer!" Mikasa yelled, shocked.

"Stop protecting that fucker! Let me go!" Eren snarled, shaking with rage, struggling against the two of them, no longer caring if he hurt himself, slamming the side of his head into Levi's arm. He tasted blood as his teeth cut his cheek, fought a scream of agony as something tore in his shoulder, and then he felt a familiar, exhilarating, terrifying rush of power.

0 0 0

Erwin dressed in slow motion, his actions clumsy and sluggish. He was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. It had taken him hours to fall back asleep the night before, after showering to wash off the stew and to help him calm down, and bandaging his sore feet. As a result, he'd both slept very little and overslept: he was normally up by dawn.

Today he'd be debriefing Levi and the others, supplementing the debriefing they'd had with Pixis. It would have helped to be well rested before facing Levi and Ackerman again, but it looked like he'd just have to suffer. His head ached, his feet ached and his stomach ached, the concussion, cuts and hunger conspiring against him. It was not a promising start to the day.

Erwin's blood froze as he heard a familiar scream of rage and his head jerked towards his window, confirming what he'd heard: Yeager Titan, here, on the base. He would have dived out the window if he had his gear on, but instead he dropped his harness back into the open chest at the foot of his bed, and snatched up and bladed his sword hilts, and then ran for the door to his quarters, thoughts racing. Why had Yeager shifted? Was it intentional? Yeager's power was unpredictable and he didn't have complete control over it. Who or what was he attacking?

He pounded down the stairs and then ran down the corridor towards the door to the yard, ignoring the pain in his injured feet, almost colliding with and skewering Jean Kirstein, who was running into the building, looking over his shoulder as he ran. "Commander! Yeager Titan's trying to kill Captain Levi and Mikasa!"

_Levi!_ Erwin felt the blood drain from his face as he pushed past Kirstein and ran into the yard, in time to see Yeager Titan take a vicious swipe at Levi. His heart almost stopped, until he saw Levi swing up and out of his reach. He had his maneuver gear on! He'd been terrified he wouldn't, that he would have been all but helpless because of his injury. Erwin cursed that he hadn't had time to don his own gear. But he could reach Yeager Titan's ankles, hopefully cripple him, bring him to his knees, long enough for the others to either cut Yeager out or kill him, if they had to.

Erwin saw dozens of men running out of the Mess Hall, a mix of both old and new Corps members, all staring stunned as Yeager Titan slapped his hand against the side of the barracks, as if he were swatting a fly, caving in that portion of the wall and narrowly missing Ackerman, who swung away just in time. It was just like the report of the earlier incident near the Trost Gate. Yeager was completely out of control, if he was attacking Ackerman again.

"Eren stop! You have to stop!" Hange yelled, running up to him, holding out her empty hands in a gesture to halt.

Berner tackled her just in time and yanked her out of the way; Yeager Titan had tried to slam his foot down onto her.

At least a dozen of the men began to attack Yeager Titan, Kirstein among them. Erwin cursed as he saw Yeager Titan cup his right hand over the vulnerable spot on his neck, the same way Annie Leonhart had, as he continued to fight with his left.

Then, something astonishing happened. Yeager Titan snatched Kirstein out of the air, Erwin was sure he was going to eat him, squeeze him to death, or fling him away, but instead, he set him down gently in front of the Officers' Quarters. To Erwin's disbelief, Kirstein appeared completely unharmed, though dazed.

Then Yeager Titan reached back behind his head and grabbed both Blouse and Springer, who had grappled onto opposite shoulders and had been hacking relatively ineffectually at the hand protecting his neck. Yeager Titan miraculously set both Springer and Blouse down safely as well, even though they had both certainly caused him pain when chopping into his hand, after staring at them for a moment, as if studying to see whom he had caught.

"Wait! It looks like he's regaining control!" Erwin ordered.

But then, the next moment, as if taking advantage of the lull, Yeager tried to squash Ackerman again.

"Resume your attack! Get him out of there!" Erwin ordered, as he headed for Yeager Titan's ankles.

Erwin cursed as he saw a sudden shadow above him, letting go of his swords and diving to the side, knowing he wasn't moving fast enough to make it, that the enormous foot above him was about to crush him. But for some reason, it stopped mid step, hovering over him, and then came down meters from him instead. Then a lean, lithe body slammed into him, and he was swung to safety. "Levi!" Erwin gasped.

"Why the hell aren't you wearing your gear?" Levi scolded, as he arced them towards the Officers' Quarters. "If you're not dressed, stay the hell off the battlefield, you ass!"

"Why the hell is Yeager in Titan form? And why is he only attacking you, Ackerman and Hange?" Erwin countered.

"The little shit attacked me before he shifted," Levi snapped, to Erwin's surprise. "And I thought he couldn't change unless he tasted his blood and was in pain at the same time. But this time, he wasn't bleeding, though he will be by the time I'm done with him."

"Eren stop! What are you doing? Please stop!" a familiar voice entreated.

Levi paled and altered their trajectory, spinning midair, looking for Arlert. "Armin, get back! He attacked Mikasa again!" Levi yelled in warning and then he dropped Erwin unceremoniously, a meter from the ground, and swooped towards Arlert, who was standing in front of Yeager Titan the way Hange had been, when he tried to kill her.

"No, Eren, don't hurt him!" Ackerman screamed.

0 0 0

Armin stared up at Eren in disbelief as he heard his friends' warnings, panting from his wild flight from the flower shop to the base. He'd left his pack and the flowers with the florist. He'd burned way too much gas getting here, but he'd known it must have been a disaster of epic proportions, the moment he'd heard Eren scream in Titan form and then seen him towering over the buildings.

He'd thought Annie had escaped, or that Eren was fighting someone else who had turned into a Titan, though he hadn't seen another Titan; they knew there was at least one other Titan spy, from the way they were ambushed. The last thing he'd expected was to see Eren attacking his fellow Scouts. "Eren, it's me, Armin! Please stop fighting!" Armin entreated nervously, unsure now of how Eren was going to react to him, after what Captain Levi and Mikasa had said.

He screamed as Eren's huge hand darted out and wrapped around him before he could react in time to save himself, terrified Eren was going to eat him, as Eren drew him towards his face. Eren held him only a meter from his mouth and then roared. But as Armin shook in terror, his ears ringing from the sound, he realized that it was a different sounding roar. This one sounded almost…anguished?

"No, wait! He's trying to communicate with Arlert!" Hange cried out, and Eren's gaze snapped away from him, riveting on Hange, as she cut one of Captain Stephanos's maneuver gear cables, effectively sabotaging his attack against Eren.

"Squads Olympians and Nachtwolven, stand down! Let us handle this!" Levi ordered, to Armin's relief. The new Scouts wouldn't know how to cut Eren safely from his Titan form. They likely were just trying to attack him as if he were any other Titan, which could kill him.

"Grunwald, have your men surround and protect Levi, Hange and Ackerman, now! Don't let him near them, or them near him! Then get them inside three separate buildings, where Yeager can't see them anymore!" Erwin countermanded, to Armin's consternation. Why was Commander Erwin risking the lives of the rest of his men to protect those three? He'd only been gone for a few hours. What the hell had happened while he was gone?

He realized it didn't matter. For some reason, Eren hadn't crushed him. He hoped bringing his friend's attention back to him wasn't a mistake, but he had to stall while the others positioned themselves, and he had to protect Eren. "Everyone, please, don't attack him again! Let me try talking to him! It worked last time!" Armin cried desperately.

"Eren!" he yelled, as loudly as he could, and Eren's massive head swung back to him, though more slowly, as if he had to tear his attention away from Hange, for some reason.

"Good, that's right. Listen to me. I'm your friend, remember? We're all your friends. You don't want to hurt us. You're supposed to help protect us, remember? You're a Scout," Armin reminded him. To his relief, Eren seemed to be listening.

"You need to change back, Eren. You need to become human again, so we can talk. Please Eren? Change back. Do it for me. I'm your friend. I want to help you." Armin encouraged. He realized Eren's breathing was gradually slowing, that he seemed to be calming.

Eren turned his head, and for a moment, Armin thought he'd lost his attention, until he crouched down and then sat, and Armin realized to his relief Eren had just been checking to make sure the ground behind him was clear, so he wouldn't crush anybody.

"That's right. You're doing really well, Eren. Rest now. Go to sleep, so you can wake up human again. And please let me go. I'll stay right here, I promise, I won't leave you, but I need to help you come out, once you're ready.

Armin's heart started to pound, when he realized he was moving towards Eren's head, instead of towards the ground, but Eren pivoted his arm and then he was moving past Eren's left cheek, to his shoulder. Then his right hand, which had been protecting his neck opened, as if he was giving Armin a platform to stand on, so he could get to the spot on his neck that he needed to cut. He grabbed hold of Eren's hair, so if Eren's hand dropped down unexpectedly, he wouldn't fall, and then Eren's other hand opened flat too.

"Arlert, he's closed his eyes. Cut him out of that damned thing, now, before he changes his mind," Commander Erwin ordered.

Armin was afraid Eren might accidentally squeeze him if he attacked his neck, but he couldn't bring himself to grapple his shoulders this time, so he risked continuing to stand on his palm. Holding his breath, he took careful aim with both swords and swung. He was relieved when Eren didn't react violently, when he didn't react at all. He continued to cut into the Titan's neck, until he saw Eren. This time, he didn't even have to fully cut him free, after he was visible; he just fell into his arms, when he tugged on him. Wrapping his left arm and both legs tightly around Eren, Armin grappled the empty shell of the Titan and swung down to the ground with Eren.

Commander Erwin and Berner came running up.

"I want you to sedate him, now! I don't want him waking up unless I order it," the Commander ordered Berner, and Armin swallowed. He'd said "unless" not "until". Armin hadn't been this afraid for Eren since the hole in the Gate was plugged.

"I don't know what happened, but I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt anyone," Armin said timorously. "Did he…is anyone…" he couldn't even say it. He couldn't bear the thought that Eren might have killed one or more of their friends, or any of the new men.

"He tried to murder Captain Levi, Ackerman and Hange. He was apparently targeting them specifically," Commander Erwin said coldly, and Armin winced. Then Erwin unexpectedly sighed. "But he actually moved others out of the way to safety, even men and women who were attacking him and had hurt him. And he didn't kill anyone. Hell, I don't think he even injured anyone, although he almost scared some of them to death. But that's only because the three he _was_ targeting were both skilled and lucky. So I'm not going to immediately execute Yeager, but I'm not going to trust him, either, until I can find out why he did this in the first place, and maybe not then, depending on what we find. I'm going to need your help with that, Arlert. He responded to you, and for some reason, didn't perceive you as a target."

"Yes sir! I'll do whatever I can to help. But what about the Military Police and Commander Pixis, the Garrison? Everyone else is probably on their way," Armin said, afraid that even if Commander Erwin didn't order Eren executed, others might take him into custody and do it, either publicly or in secret.

"Yeager's still a Scout, Arlert, and as such, he's under my command and my protection. No one's taking him out of here without my authorizing it, without one hell of a fight," Erwin assured him.

"Thank you, sir," Armin said, fighting back tears of gratitude and relief.


	30. Chapter 30 - Confessions

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
By the way, I should probably mention that if you take the time to review, I will write you back, anywhere from a sentence or two to half a page or more, depending upon what you said, often with juicy little hints of ****what is to come, answering a question with a teaser regarding an upcoming chapter. For example:**

**Salamander-sage****,**** C****hapter 12,****4h ago, 09/07/14:**

**Armin is smart, but he's too smart for his own good. Now there's gonna be a big misunderstanding with Mikasa and Levi hahaha. It would be funny to see Eren get jealous.**

**Maria's response, 09/08/14:  
**

**Thanks for reviewing! I can't wait for you to read Chapter 15. But it isn't until Chapter 29 that things get really interesting, in that regard.**

**Please see the author's note at the end of this chapter for an example of a longer response regarding another chapter that I wanted to share. But I know you're all waiting with bated breath to see what happens next, so without further ado…**

Chapter 30 – Confessions

Erwin sat behind his desk, rubbing his aching temple in disbelief. Then he looked back up at Levi, who was eyeing him with a concerned frown. "So you're trying to tell me Yeager came running up to you out of the blue, cursed at you, and tried to punch you in the face, and you have no idea why? That you were with Ackerman, but you weren't doing anything that might have instigated him? Were you touching her, maybe? Something that you might have thought was innocuous, but Eren might have misunderstood?" Erwin fished, clenching his jaw, waiting for the response he didn't really want to hear. Levi and Ackerman had become too damned friendly, as far as he was concerned.

"Why would I be touching Mikasa? You know I don't like to touch people, or have them touch me," Levi said, looking at him strangely. "Is this really part of the investigation? Are you trying to prove that Eren was jealous, or something? If you ask me, frankly, I think you're projecting your own emotions onto Eren."

"Well no one asked you!" Erwin snapped. "My feelings have nothing to do with this. I'm not the one who turned into a Titan and tried to kill you, you arrogant ass!"

"Erwin, I am not interested in Mikasa. She's a friend and a comrade, nothing more and nothing less. Nothing amorous has happened or will happen between us," Levi said levelly, looking him in the eye with a disturbing intensity.

Erwin shifted his eyes away and looked down at his desk. "Yes, well, I'm not the one you need to convince. Send Ackerman in, and make sure Kirstein is waiting to see me after I'm done with her. You're dismissed."

"Yes, sir," Levi said quietly, without any of his usual undertones, and then headed out on his crutches. Erwin found himself watching as he left. Then Ackerman came in, and he began the next round of questioning.

A while later he watched her leave as well, no closer to an answer than he had been with Levi. He and Ackerman both thought the most likely explanation was jealousy, but they had no idea what had set Yeager off, or whether festering and suppressed feelings had suddenly just come to a boil, for some reason.

Erwin doubted Kirstein would have any answers, but he had apparently been present either before or just after Yeager's shift, so it was possible he'd seen something that might give him a clue.

The man still looked shaken when he entered, and Erwin reminded himself that Kirstein had been in a Titan's hand only a short while ago and had expected to die. He'd be a little more gentle with his questions, because of it. The last thing he needed to do was traumatize any of his men more than they were already.

"At ease," he told the man standing at rigid attention, and Kirstein relaxed minutely.

"Were you injured at all during the attack, Kirstein?" Erwin asked solicitously.

"No sir," Kirstein replied.

"I'm pleased to hear that. I thought you hadn't been, but I wasn't sure. Kirstein, I need you to tell me what happened, in your own words. Did you see Yeager before he transformed or did you only see him after that? Do you have any idea what might have set him off, or why he seemed to only be targeting certain individuals: Captain Levi, Ackerman and Hange? I want to hear everything you know, even what you think you know or might have guessed, just be sure to keep the fact and conjecture separate, be clear on which is which," Erwin ordered.

Kirstein hesitated and fidgeted. "Permission to speak freely, sir?" Kirstein finally asked.

"That's why you're here," Erwin encouraged, trying to keep his tone level, to not sound too impatient.

"Then yes sir, I think I know," Kirstein admitted, to Erwin's cautious surprise. "This is conjecture based on fact. Or hearsay, at least. I think Yeager was jealous, because Captain Levi and Mikasa slept together last night, and seeing them flirting with one another this morning set him off, and he was angry with Hange because she's the one who told everyone about it."

"**WHAT?"** Erwin bellowed, making Kirstein jump. "What do you mean they… that Hange said… tell me everything you saw and heard," Erwin demanded, forgetting his earlier resolve to be gentle.

Kirstein told him everything he knew, nervously, between swallows.

Erwin clenched his hands into fists behind his back, so Kirstein wouldn't see how upset he was, though by the way he was speaking, he realized how futile that was.

After Kirstein was done, he ordered the man to get Hange for him and then dismissed him. Kirstein left with what would have been comical alacrity, if Erwin had felt like laughing, but he didn't. Right now, he felt like strangling someone, although it was a toss-up as to whether it would be Ackerman or Hange.

As for Levi, he wanted to throw the man down onto his bed, pin him there, and not let him back up again. Ever. That thought, and the ferocity behind it, made him unexpectedly empathize with Yeager. If he was in Yeager's place, and thought Ackerman was his, either as a sister or a sweetheart, he would have tried to punch Levi in the face too. Hell, he still might.

He put his face in his hand, resisting the temptation to squeeze until his head exploded. At this point, the way it was pounding, it would be a relief. If the Titans didn't kill him, Levi would, and he still wasn't sure whether the man was worth it, or he'd have already acted on his feelings.

He snorted derisively at himself. Of course he was worth it. But he hadn't even recognized his own damned feelings until their last mission, when he thought he'd lost Levi forever. He was as much of an idiot as Yeager, perhaps even more so. After all, age wise at least, if not experience wise, Yeager was still just a kid. Erwin didn't have that excuse. He was old enough to know what he wanted, and to go after it.

He wasn't about to lose Levi to anyone, the way he'd lost Marie to Nile. The old betrayal still hurt, that Nile had chosen the woman they'd both loved over the Corps, but his feelings for both Nile and Marie were a pathetic shadow of the intensity of emotion Levi roused in him. He resolved to finally do something about it, as soon as this latest mess was cleared up.

Fortunately, Commander Pixis had at least temporarily intervened on their behalf with the Military Police, although they were launching their own investigation into the incident. Pixis had headed back to the Capital immediately after speaking with him, so there would be a strong voice in the City's heart defending Yeager, while he defended him here.

It helped that Pixis seemed to be on his side, that he genuinely liked Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert, that he valued them. It remained to be seen, though, whether that might be enough to save Yeager. Pixis's influence was limited, and a lot would also depend upon whether Yeager's shift had been accidental or purposeful, whether or not he had intentionally tried to kill Levi and the others. He wouldn't have been the first man to try to kill his own lover in a jealous rage, not by a long shot. Although Yeager and Ackerman weren't even lovers, which made it all the more pathetic. And Yeager was far more dangerous than the average cuckolded man. If the attack had been intentional, premeditated, he'd put Yeager down himself, with no more guilt than if he were killing any other Titan, or a rabid dog, but infinitely more regret for the waste of potential. For the death of what could well be humanity's last hope.

"You wanted to see me, Commander?" Hange asked tentatively, from the doorway, a welcome disruption to his maudlin musings, her voice unusually hesitant and demeanor cowed, diametrically opposite of her normal intense personality.

"Yes. I understand you've been spreading rumors regarding Captain Levi and Mikasa Ackerman. I wanted you to tell me exactly what it is you've been saying, and why," he said coldly.

A look of guilt and sudden understanding flashed across her face, and he swore silently, and kept on swearing, as she told him what she'd seen and heard, though she insisted she'd only told Berner about it, and swore she hadn't thought he'd tell anyone. Her story matched the rumors Kirstein had relayed to him, though as in the case with all rumors, the latter had been embellished from the initial telling.

Erwin coldly and succinctly explained the truth, telling her about the accident with the stew, including the fact that Levi had been naked at the time, and had the decency to dress as well as his injury would allow, while Ackerman cleaned up the mess, as he had ordered her to.

To her credit, Hange was extremely repentant and remorseful for having apparently been responsible for Yeager's outburst, and insisted that she bear whatever punishment he might have been made to suffer, in his place, even knowing that might include execution. At least it appeared she hadn't been maliciously spreading rumors about Ackerman, out of her own jealousy, because of Yeager, as he'd initially feared when he'd heard Kirstein's revelation.

He questioned Berner next, who swore he hadn't told anyone and insisted someone must have overheard them speaking.

Once Berner was dismissed, Erwin summoned both Levi and Ackerman, and revealed what he'd learned. To their credit, they both appeared equally shocked, and admitted that what they were saying when Yeager approached could easily have been taken in an entirely different way. They both now insisted that Yeager's transformation must have been unintentionally triggered by his jealousy, when Levi had doubted the reason for the unexpected and seemingly unprovoked attack before, and they were eager to exonerate Yeager. Their loyalty was commendable, especially considering the fact that regardless of the reason, Yeager Titan had actively tried to kill them.

"Now that I know what I'm dealing with, I'm going to explain everything to Arlert, and then have Berner wake up Yeager, and have Arlert ask him specific questions, while I watch and listen, concealed. I've already sworn everyone to secrecy regarding their testimony. If I find Yeager's answers satisfactory, I already know how we're going to fix this mess, so that the rest of the Scouts won't be too afraid or aggressive around Yeager. I'll explain that to you both and to Hange and Berner, once I've heard what Yeager has to say."

0 0 0

Eren awoke to see Armin peering worriedly at him. "Armin? What's wrong?"

"Do you remember what happened?" Armin asked gently.

_Shit._ That question meant… He jerked upright, grabbing Armin's shoulders, as memory flooded him. "Mikasa! The Captain! Are they alright?" Eren was even more alarmed than he would have been, by the way Armin yelped and flinched from him when he grabbed him, and he jerked his hands away, and fisted his own hair, horrified. "Did I hurt them? Shit, did I hurt you, did I hurt anyone?"

"No, they're fine. I'm fine. We're all fine. You damaged the barracks a little, you caved in part of one of the building walls, but other than that you just scared everyone," Armin assured him.

Eren studied his friend's eyes intently, relieved to see him meet his gaze squarely: he wasn't lying, and his eyes weren't red from crying, either. "How long have I been out?"

"For a few hours. You were actually sedated, this time, though because… do you remember anything?" Armin asked again.

Eren took a deep breath and let it out, and he nodded, but didn't speak.

"What happened, Eren? I was in the Market, so I didn't see or hear anything, except your Titan scream, and I looked and saw over the tops of the houses that you were still at the base, so I flew as quickly as I could. But why did you change?" Armin asked, staring at him really intently.

"It was an accident. I didn't mean to. I was just so angry when… it doesn't matter. I was looking for you, before that, I needed to talk to you, and I couldn't find you," Eren said, not wanting to even think about the Captain and Mikasa, and what he'd heard.

"So that was why when I came you… never mind," Armin said, suddenly shifting his eyes down guiltily. "I'm sorry I wasn't here. Maybe if I was, it wouldn't have happened."

"Why when you came what? Armin, did I do something bad to you? Did I hurt you?" Eren asked again, looking his friend over for signs of injury.

"No. When you grabbed me I thought…"

"I grabbed you?" Eren yelled in shock, cutting him off, looking him over again, this time frantically.

"Eren, calm down! You have to stay calm. The C… everyone said this time, you changed without biting yourself, that you weren't bleeding. You can't change again," he pleaded, glancing anxiously at the mirror on the wall. Armin looked terrified, not of him, but for him.

Eren looked up at the mirror, realizing for the first time that he was in bed in a strange room, one he'd never seen before. "Shit. They're watching, aren't they? And listening," he accused.

Armin bit his lip. "I'm sorry. But I have to ask you certain questions, and you have to answer. And the answer to one of them was really good, but you still haven't said what you remember."

Eren sighed and slumped. "I couldn't find you or Mikasa for breakfast, so I went to the Mess Hall, thinking you'd both be there, but you weren't. Everyone else was there, though, and they were all whispering, and looking at me funny. Some of them were smirking and others were looking sympathetic. And I tried to hear what they were all saying and… they said Mikasa and the Captain… that last night they…" he felt his face flush as he clenched his hands into fists and then forced himself to stop. He couldn't get angry like that again.

"So I left and went looking for you, so we could talk and you could calm me down. But I still couldn't find you, and then I saw Mikasa, carrying a tray, heading for the Officers' Quarters. So I went over to her, but Captain Levi came out and started talking to her, and he said…" He ground his teeth together and then stopped. He couldn't say it. _How could she have? With Captain Levi?_

"I'm sorry, I have to tell him this much at least," Armin said aloud, clearly not speaking to him.

"No. Not yet. I need to hear what happened first," Erwin's voice stated firmly.

So he was the one behind the wall. Eren fought the urge to tell him to go to hell, or to curse out Captain Levi and insist he not listen. He was in enough trouble as it was, and in no position to make demands.

"Fine! I heard everyone talking about how the Captain and Mikasa had been fucking last night, in his room, how Hange saw them both half naked in the hallway. And then this morning, he was flirting with her, talking about how he had to change the sheets because of the mess she'd made and….damn it!" He punched his hand into the wall, then cradled his arm, gasping.

"Eren stop! You can't hurt yourself, you might change again!" Armin yelped, grabbing his arm.

"I wanted to hit him, alright? I wanted to smash that smug smile off his face! But he grabbed my arm and twisted it and I fell to my knees to keep my arm from being wrenched out of its socket. And then instead of helping me or telling him to back off, Mikasa pinned me down for him. She actually helped that little prick hold me down! I couldn't fucking move my arms, so I slammed my head into his arm, trying to make him let go, and I cut the inside of my cheek on my teeth and tasted blood and something in my arm tore and I wanted to scream and…and…and then I woke up here. Are you happy now? Just fucking kill me already and get it over with, you bastards," he muttered, flinging himself back down on the bed, his arm over his face so they wouldn't see the tears streaming from his eyes. He just wanted to die.

Armin touched his arm, and he jerked away and curled up into a ball and started sobbing silently. He was a monster. He'd turned into a Titan on the base and attacked everyone. They were going to kill him. If they didn't, the Military Police would. Everyone in the City must have heard him scream and seen him, from what Armin said. Why hadn't they killed him already? What were they waiting for? Did they want to make him suffer like last time, have him on his knees in a courtroom again, so Captain Levi could kick the shit out of him again?

He'd thought they'd become friends, both before and after the mission, that saving the Captain's life had meant something to the man. But instead, he'd betrayed him, Mikasa had betrayed him, and now Armin had betrayed him too, making him cry in front of those assholes. They were probably there right now, Mikasa and Captain Levi, holding hands and listening and watching, laughing at him.

"Eren, please don't cry," Armin begged. "It's going to be alright. Commander Erwin said if you answered the questions right, he'd fix everything, he has a plan. He just needed to know you hadn't turned into your Titan form and attacked Captain Levi and Mikasa and Hange on purpose, that you didn't plan to try to kill them.

"Eren, listen to me. You need to know some things. You didn't even try to hurt anyone else. Commander Erwin told me you moved people out of the way really gently, the ones attacking you, even when they were hurting you. You had Jean and Connie and Sasha each in your hand but you just let them go. And when you accidentally almost stepped on Commander Erwin, you moved your foot on purpose to miss him. He's the only one behind the mirror watching and listening.

"Eren, listen, you have to hear this, most of all. Nothing happened last night. Captain Levi and Mikasa weren't together, not like that. All she did was bring him dinner, but he was asleep, and didn't know it was her, and he attacked her, he would have killed her if she wasn't such a good fighter, before he even realized it was her, because it was dark. That's why he wasn't dressed. And the fight woke up Commander Erwin and he came in and there was stew all over the floor, and he made her clean up the mess. That's why Hange saw her leaving the Captain's room. Captain Levi doesn't like her that way, she's just his friend, and she doesn't like him like that either.

"Eren, you idiot, Mikasa is in love with **you**! She's been in love with you since you saved her life, when you were little kids, the day she first met you, and she's loved you ever since. Just because your father and mother treated her like she was your sister, doesn't mean she ever felt she was. She loved your parents for taking care of her, almost as much as she loved her own, but she loved you differently. All these years, you're the one who's been hurting **her**, by being too stupid and pigheaded to see the way she looks at you," Armin accused.

Eren had stopped crying as Armin spoke. They hadn't been in bed together? Mikasa loved him? He wasn't going to die? He slowly uncurled, wiping the tears off his face. "You're sure?" he asked, hating how small and scared and hopeful his voice sounded.

"Yes. Everything I said is the truth," Armin said, sounding relieved.

"But…but … I tried to kill her! Even if she loved me before, she can't love me now!" Eren denied, panicking.

"Eren, stop! Of course she still loves you. She doesn't blame you this time, any more than she did the last time. She and Captain Levi actually feel really guilty, that they upset you like that without meaning to, and Hange especially. She had only been talking to Berner, the way you and me and Mikasa talk, but someone overheard and started those rumors you heard. And Hange honestly thought they'd been together, she wasn't trying to be mean or anything. None of them hate you for trying to kill them. They're not even angry. And I don't know what the Commander is planning, but you know how brilliant he is. If he says he has some way to fix everything, then he does."

Eren inhaled and exhaled slowly, taking even, steadying breaths. God, he was such an idiot. He couldn't believe he was such a mess, that he was humiliating himself like this. But he deserved it. He'd actually tried to kill Mikasa. And the Captain and Hange. He'd been hurt and furious, he'd wanted to punch Captain Levi, part of him still did, but he hadn't wanted to kill him. And certainly not Mikasa.

The door opened and Commander Erwin walked in. Eren swallowed and looked up at him.

"You don't make my life easy, Yeager. But you helped save Levi's, and didn't kill anyone today, and for that, I'd go to hell and back for you. Fortunately, that won't be required. I'll tell Captain Levi, Ackerman, Hange and Berner this too. But the three of us, the four of them, and Commander Pixis are the only ones who are going to know the truth, not even the new Captains and Lieutenants. The rest of everyone is going to believe what I tell them is what actually happened. The Military Police and any civilians who ask will simply be told it's a confidential Survey Corps matter. Commander Pixis already agreed that, as long as you didn't intentionally try to murder anyone, he'd go along with whatever fabrication we came up with.

"We're going to tell our own men that this was one of Hange's experiments that backfired. That this was supposed to happen outside the City. We're going to say that she's been studying what makes Titans so aggressive, what makes them attack one person over another, that it has to do with scent. That much is true – it's actually an important part of her latest research. Since you're a Titan that attacks other Titans, we're going to say she distilled a soap that makes a person smell like a Titan to you. She washed some uniforms in it, getting ready for your trip outside, and set them aside, but somehow, they got mixed up with the uniforms she and Levi and Ackerman put on today, and the smell drove you crazy. Anyone who saw you try to punch Levi while still in human form, and saw the two of them trying to restrain you will believe that.

"Some people will think it was the spy that did it, that he or she switched the uniforms on purpose. If anything, that will just make people more cautious, which is fine. As for those annoying rumors everyone has been hearing, Hange and Berner are going to be conveniently overheard talking about what really happened in Levi's quarters, laughing about how ridiculous it was, squashing that other nonsense. Soldiers love gossiping about others looking like idiots, particularly their commanding officers, even more than they revel in sex scandals.

"So, all of this also means that you're not going to be formally punished for any of this. Frankly, I actually think you've suffered enough. However, be warned: if you're ever so insubordinate again as to try to attack and strike a superior officer for any reason, I will throw the book at you. Understood?"

Eren nodded, unable to believe everything he'd heard. Some of the men would treat him differently, of course, but with the story the Commander was going to spread, Hange would actually take most of the blame. That wasn't right. "Um, sir? That's not really fair to Hange."

"No, it's not. But I know her. She'd walk through fire to protect you, Yeager," Erwin swore. "And not just because you're a Titan. She genuinely cares for you. She cares for a lot of people, though she's not really very good at showing it.

"There's a sink in the corner. Why don't you wash your face, and then the three of us will leave together, and speak to everyone we need to. Remember the soldiers' code, 'Solidarity in the face of adversity'."

"Yes sir. Thank you sir. And I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you," Eren said sincerely. "But I'm glad I helped save Captain Levi, too, and that I didn't manage to kill him. And that I didn't step on you," he added, with a tentative quirk of his lips.

Erwin's lips twitched in response. "Tch. Levi's right. You really are a brat."

**A/N:  
****In case you were wondering, I came up with the soldiers' code, above. I hope you all enjoyed this Chapter. I can't wait for you to read the next one, Tea Time. Until then, here's that review and response I promised you at the top of this chapter.**

**Review, ****JasonVUK****,****Chapter 13,**** 5h ago,**** 09/09/14**

**D: The entire Survey Corp is falling apart! :c Everyone is so depressed and defeated! :D They'll be happy when Eren and the others return right? :3**

**09/09/14 Maria's response:**

**Erwin in particular is a mess, and when your leader is suffering, everyone is impacted, especially when it's a strong and charismatic leader like Erwin. He and Levi are the combined heart and soul of the Corps, and right now, both halves are MIA.  
**

**It takes a while for the missing four to return – life is a journey, after all – but when they do everything changes, and not only because they are back. Erwin isn't the only Commander in the military with a hidden agenda: there are Pixis and Dok, too. The Corps is in for some massive changes and a wild ride.**

**Also, Erwin's concussion doesn't just magically heal with Levi's return and the other changes. With food and sleep, and a certain Heichou by his side, he finally starts to heal, but it's still a real struggle for him, for a while.  
**

**I'll let you in on a little secret, though: I put my characters (and in this case, other people's) through hell and back again, but I almost never kill anyone who is "good", no matter how "minor" a character, nor do I permanently maim anyone. This is, however, war, and a particularly violent and bloody and unforgiving one, and to stay true to that, not everyone survives – in war, people die – but though their deaths are tragic, they are heroic as well. **

**I'm a firm believer in happy endings, because life's not like that, but it should be. Good should always triumph over evil (it always does, eventually, but in real life can take decades or centuries to). In my stories, bravery and courage, self-sacrifice and kindness are always rewarded, often in ways and to an extent the character never even imagined. **

**Maria**


	31. Chapter 31 - Tea Time

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 31 – Tea Time

Erwin drank deeply from his teacup and leaned back in his chair, finally allowing himself to relax. He'd done all the damage control he could. The rest was up to Hange and Berner, and the men. It wouldn't be nearly as simple as he'd made it sound, of course, but with luck, they'd all live through it. He didn't envy Yeager, once Ackerman finally had a chance to speak with him. He looked up at his own personal demon, who was once again glaring at the window.

It was late for tea, nearly dinner time, but Levi had insisted, and frankly, he was afraid tea was about all he could stomach at this point, although he was going to do his best to brave some of the crackers, too. He'd managed to successfully drink both juice and milk since the disastrous mission, but he had yet to eat and keep anything down. He'd been hoping to manage some soup today at lunch, without gagging, but he'd missed lunch.

Erwin shifted in his chair uncomfortably. His head and stomach were both just constant background pain at this point. He'd managed to cut the soles of both feet on the damned broken bowl with that stew fiasco, though, and they hurt too now. When Levi had compared him to a bear with a sore paw a moment ago, he had no idea how close to the mark he was.

"I meant what I said in the Capital. What happened today hasn't changed that: I want Eren, Mikasa and Armin as the backbone of my new Special Operations Squad, though I'd like to recruit other members. Ideally I'd like six to eight people directly under my command," Levi proposed.

"Request granted, retroactively, to help validate the story I told the men regarding the secondary objective. Speaking of Squadmates, that brings up an important related issue that I told you I'd speak with you about: Bauer and the other men. Those four men, well, the three of them who are still able to communicate, feel we abandoned them, the Scouts, but specifically, that Miller and I abandoned them, that we left them out there to die. They're right. Once I woke up, I could have countermanded Miller's order, but I chose not to. I chose to cut our losses." He'd actually been assured by everyone there were no more survivors, but he wasn't in a very self-forgiving mood. He'd left those four men and Levi out there, at the mercy of the Titans.

Levi's glare had shifted from the window to him, and he realized his expression must be betraying his thoughts again, and he tried his best to school it. "Given their remarkable skills, their ability to survive, we can't lose those men a second time. We can't let them quit the Corps. But though they might mistrust or genuinely hate the rest of us, you were abandoned too, Levi. You were left to die. The anger they have against the rest of us doesn't apply to you. I think they can work with you, that the seven of you can make a phenomenal team."

"So do I," Levi said, but he looked distracted. He was frowning at the window again.

"Excellent. Then I'll have the paperwork processed by the end of the evening," Erwin said, as he drank again, and tentatively nibbled on a cracker.

When he didn't receive a response, he said "Levi…" but his subordinate stood, scowling at the intrusive face in the window, at least the tenth one since they'd begun their ritual meeting. This time, their tea break was doubling as Levi's debriefing, though as eager as he was to know what Levi had been hiding from Pixis, they hadn't gotten started on that portion of it, yet.

Wordlessly, Levi rose, swung over to the offending portal on his crutches, and drew the curtain, sealing the office from prying eyes.

"You can't blame the men for wanting to catch a glimpse of you, to see with their own eyes that you're actually still alive. Not everyone got to see you yesterday, when you returned, you spent the evening asleep in your quarters, remember, and today you managed to survive a full-fledged Titan attack, directed specifically against you, unscathed," Erwin said mildly, as he raised his cup to his lips and drank deeply again, savoring the taste, all but draining the rest of the cup in a single mouthful. God he'd missed this!

Levi smirked and flicked his hand derisively, snorting. "Tch, please. Now that they know Mikasa and I aren't fucking, they only want to see you and me rutting like rabbits on your desk. Like our dicks are that little or we'd finish that fast."

Erwin choked and gasped for air, caught in mid-swallow, coughing the tea back out of his windpipe in an effort to breath. That had been excessively crude and suggestive, even for Levi.

"That was vulgar, even for you," Levi said, almost echoing his thoughts. "You actually spit your tea back into your cup that time," Levi said, looking at him with a mixture of revulsion and amusement.

Erwin set the cup down, opened his drawer and took out the towel he'd begun leaving in his desk weeks earlier, relieved to see he hadn't damaged the paperwork strewn over most of the surface of his desk. He wiped his face and the few splatters on the desk directly in front of his chair, rose, carrying the offending cup and saucer and headed for the tea cart. He deposited the used cup and selected a new one, putting it on a clean saucer, and poured from the pot, stopping before he added the honey, as he had when he poured his first cup, staring at it in awe. To think that something as common and taken for granted as honey had helped save Levi's leg and his life!

"Stop avoiding me and get back here," Levi demanded, sounding genuinely angry.

Erwin turned in surprise and headed back to the desk. "I wasn't ignoring you. I was just distracted."

"Really? Then I guess you don't value the time we spend like this nearly as much as I do," Levi said moodily. "Although I heard you stopped drinking tea once I was gone. So apparently you never liked tea in the first place. Maybe that's why you keep spitting it out. You could have told me. I didn't mean to make you to do something you dislike. You needn't force yourself to spend time with me, either, since you apparently find it so distasteful."

"What the hell are you…I like tea. And I like spending time with you, you ass," Erwin countered. _Where the hell was this coming from?_

"So I guess everyone was right after all. It's my ass you're interested in. It certainly seems to be on your mind today," Levi smirked.

Erwin set his fresh cup down so hard the tea sloshed over the edge onto his hand. He snatched it away, toweling it off, then the desk again. He really should move those papers. Levi was in rare form today. He was a damned menace.

"So, now that I've broken the ice without cracking your skull instead, what the hell is wrong with you?" Levi demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Erwin asked, genuinely puzzled by the abrupt change in topic, momentarily unable to follow. Levi was the one who was acting strangely. He'd never heard the man sound insecure before. Was Levi's own concussion worse than Doctor Donaldson had thought, had the underground journey been too disturbing, had Yeager's attack damaged his confidence that badly, or had the rumors about Levi and Mikasa upset him more than he realized?

"I mean why, after the hundreds of men you've sent to their deaths without flinching, did one more mean so damned much to you that you actually considered killing yourself, you fucking moron!" Levi snarled.

That hurt, both that Levi implied he felt nothing when their men died, and that he would verbally attack him like that, after the seven days of hell he'd endured, culminating with last night's madness and today's insanity. And Pixis had betrayed him, for Levi to know that. Erwin's increasingly fragile control snapped.

"Because I couldn't even remember doing it!" Erwin yelled, heedless of who might overhear, flinging his nearly full cup of tea against the wall, where it shattered, cascading the contents onto the floor. "Because the reason didn't even matter, because **nothing** was worth losing you! Not just because I'm in love with you, but because I can't function without you! Do you think I sit here drinking tea with you day after day because I **like** you tormenting me with what I know I can never have? I do it to stay sane. I do it to stay human.

"Before you joined the Corps, I was well on my way to becoming the heartless, soulless, ruthless bastard you just accused me of being, the one everyone always accuses me of being. But no one else had the guts to tell me that to my face. You were the first one, the only one, who's ever called me on it, who's told me I can't follow a plan I've spent days or week honing, not because it won't work, but because the cost is too high, in men and morale, that even if we succeeded in the goal it would ultimately be a loss, not a victory. You're the one who makes me second guess myself when I need to and keeps me from doubting myself when I don't.

"You're my conscience and my soul and the sane part of my irrational mind. Without you, I'm nothing but a damned Titan myself, a half manic, half remorseless killing machine feeding my own needs and oblivious to the consequences of my actions."

Erwin sank back into his chair, shaking from the backlash of the adrenaline rush, heart pounding, his head falling into his hands, not even knowing half of what he'd said, afraid he'd said too much, afraid he'd destroyed the one bond he couldn't live without. One thing was for certain: there was no way a man with the survival skills of Levi would ever trust him enough to lead him into battle ever again. He'd nearly gotten them all killed, he'd attacked Bauer, and now he'd lashed out at his only true friend. Only a madman would put his life in his hands.

When he heard Levi's chair scrape against the ground and the soft click of his crutches, he was certain he was right, that Levi was leaving, until he realized Levi was heading for the tea cart, not the door._ What the hell?_

He lifted his head and saw Levi only had his right crutch, that he'd left the other leaning against his side of the desk. Erwin watched, perplexed, as Levi poured a cup, added honey, and then headed back to the desk, remarkably graceful for a man on a crutch with a full cup. How could he even do it at all, without spilling anything? Levi set the cup down in front of him, and returned to his chair. "Drink," he commanded.

He looked at the cup in confusion.

Levi sighed. "It's become rather obvious, from the way you've been acting towards me, that you don't remember the last time I was in your office for tea, just before the mission, do you?" Levi probed.

Drained after his uncharacteristic outburst, Erwin shook his head, and obediently raised the cup Levi had prepared to his lips and drank deeply again, savoring the taste he never thought he'd enjoy again, before today.

"So then you don't remember declaring your undying love for me and fucking me on your desk?" Levi asked bluntly.

Erwin started choking, this time the cup falling out of numb fingers and shattering on the saucer, the flood of tea overwhelming the small clear spot on his desk and cascading across the surface, drenching the paperwork Levi had interrupted with his visit. "I…we…" Erwin stuttered between coughs as he gasped for air.

"Tch. Like I would trust this ass to a man who can't even drink tea without making a mess," Levi said derisively.

Erwin glared at him, angry and hurt. It was too much, all of it, the despair then hope then despair, the relief and wonder, the snarky flirtations the infuriating man never meant: this time Levi had gone too far. He snarled back, wanting to throttle him, shake him, kiss him, to fuck that confident smirk right off the little bastard's face, "You trust your ass to me every time we ride out that Gate!"

Levi smiled then, a slow, seductive smile, and he rounded the desk and leaned in towards him. "Yes, I do. And you trust your ass to me, too don't you? I trust you with my life, I trust you with my body and I trust you with my heart, every damned day. So I think that answers the burning question the entire Corps seemed to be obsessed with, before today, before they got distracted, regarding the two of us: top or bottom? It should be obvious to anyone with even half a brain, that for two men who love one another, who live and fight beside one another, the only possible answer is: switch."

Erwin stared at Levi's mouth, certain he couldn't possibly have heard what he thought he had. He looked into Levi's eyes, expecting controlled mockery, but instead saw only heat. He must be asleep, dreaming all of this. But then suddenly, with heart-stopping clarity, he heard his own words, the ones he'd screamed at Levi: "Not just because I'm in love with you."

"Oh. One more thing," Levi purred. "Just so there's no confusion regarding the matter. I know my perfectly understandable appreciation of cleanliness perplexes people. But I've seen how much you enjoy watching me wipe my face with the back of my hand after a battle, and I'm a firm believer that all is fair in love and war. So you should know that for this, somewhat different rules apply. My personal motto, if you will, is: if it's white, it's alright. Basically, if it's not messy, you're not doing it right."

Erwin sat stunned, unable to say a word, his mouth slightly open. Apparently, Levi took that as an invitation, because the next moment, their lips were touching and then, to his shock, Erwin felt Levi's tongue caress his own, as the slender man put his arm around him and deepened the unexpected kiss.

Erwin responded with all the suppressed passion of years of need, wrapping his arms around Levi possessively, not wanting him to pull away. Ever. He felt breathless as the kiss continued, more than breathless. He actually felt dizzy, as if Levi was drawing all the air out of his lungs, out of the room, and to his muzzy consternation he felt his arms fall to his sides, as he slumped against Levi's chest.

Levi sighed, the puff of air whispering across Erwin's tongue, but insufficient to fill his empty lungs, and then the warmth of Levi's lips was gone, though he still felt the warmth of the chest pressed against his own.

"Damn it, Hange, I think I'm going to have to kill you myself," Levi said with a sigh, his oddly distorted words making no sense. _Why is Levi angry with Hange?_ Erwin tried to look up at Levi's face, but to his consternation he couldn't move his head. He realized belatedly that his eyes were closed and to his vague, muffled concern realized he couldn't open them.

"Sleep well, Erwin, and be sure to dream of me," Levi said softly.

_Why would…?_

0 0 0

Levi caught Erwin as he slumped fully over in his chair, looking regretfully at the handsome blond. If he'd known that Erwin was going to pick tonight, of all times, to confess his love, he never would have agreed to Hange's request to drug Erwin's tea, so that he could finally get the much needed sleep he was long overdue, to ensure he fully recovered from his concussion. At the time, Levi had thought turnabout would be fair play. After all, Erwin had drugged his tea at least five times, at Hange's request, in the weeks before the mission, when she and everyone else began to realize Levi hadn't been sleeping. But now it had come back to bite him on the ass. He sighed in frustration. Regretfully, it was the only thing that would be biting him on the ass tonight.

Fortunately, Erwin's chair was wheeled, or he'd never have been able to get him to his sofa, while on crutches. The sofa wasn't nearly as comfortable as Erwin's bed would have been, of course, but he and the others couldn't very well carry an unconscious Commander across the base in full view of his men, especially not after all the chaos of the past eight days. He looked at the tea decorating the wall, and the shattered cup below it and smiled. Eren wasn't the only one with a temper.

After wrestling Erwin onto the sofa, Levi arranged his arms and legs so he'd be more comfortable. The surface barely accommodated the large man: most of his boots were hanging over the arm. Fortunately, Erwin still hadn't donned his maneuver gear, too busy with questioning everyone and then doing damage control, so at least he wouldn't be sleeping on that.

Levi pulled off his soon-to-be lover's boots and removed his socks, admiring Erwin's proportionately large, bandaged feet. That was promising. It boded well for other portions of his anatomy. His eyes flicked up to Erwin's groin and he eyed him appreciatively, tempted to peek. He preferred large men, both riding them and topping them. There had been a select few of the former, and of course, he tended to top from the bottom, but then, so did most of his lovers. Few of either, however, possessed his stamina and none could match his flexibility. He suspected Erwin would be spectacular in either capacity.

He sighed again. If he stayed, the temptation would be too great to take advantage of Erwin. Besides, he too was recovering from a concussion, though thankfully a less severe one, and now that his memory had returned, he hadn't been suffering any ill effects from it. But he hadn't done any favors for his leg, between the fall on the mountain trail, the abbreviated walk through the secret passageway, the horseback ride into Karanese, and the battles in the Underground and at the base. He didn't want to risk aggravating his injury; he'd never be able to put any weight on his right leg at this rate.

He smiled seeing how peaceful and relaxed Erwin looked, his habitual mask of control gone. How helpless. He frowned. There was an unknown spy, possibly more than one, still lurking somewhere in their ranks. Drugged, Erwin would be vulnerable to attack.

Levi sighed once more. It looked like he and Erwin would be sleeping together after all, though not in the manner he would have far preferred. He checked the lock on the door to the office, making sure it was secure, but then belatedly remembered Pixis's report about Erwin's lock being picked. _Damn it._ Pushing, pulling and struggling, he dragged a heavy trunk in front of the door. Then he headed for Erwin's desk chair, exhausted by the events of the day, but then detoured into the bathroom, acquiring a hand towel. He laid it over the top of the desk, and then sat in Erwin's chair, and swung his legs up onto the desk. Not a bed, but serviceable. He'd certainly slept in worse places. Fortunately his frame was smaller than Erwin's. Not exactly what the doctor had ordered, but it would have to do.

His stomach growled in complaint and he looked over at the meager plate of crackers on the tea cart and thought longingly of the breakfast and lunch he'd missed, and the dinner he'd be missing as well. Erwin would be out the rest of the night. He'd make sure they both had a large breakfast. For now, the crackers would have to suffice. He wasn't about to shout out the damned window for someone to bring him something. Fuck. The window. If they wanted to kill Erwin, they could come in through the window. But they'd be visible from outside, and he'd hear the glass breaking. He forced himself not to worry about it. So then, crackers for dinner. But if he ate the crackers, there would be crumbs. He hated crumbs.

Sighing in frustration, he stood again and made his way to the tea cart, and ate over it. He debated wheeling it into the Map Room when he was done, but rejected the idea. He normally refused to have food in a room he was sleeping in: food attracted insects and rodents. But since his thigh and underarms were yet wrapped in honey, this time, he preferred they have a different target. He looked over at the wall, and floor both covered with tea and shuddered. Fuck it. Let it stay there. It was Erwin's mess, his responsibility to clean it. Levi was almost tempted to drink some of the drugged tea himself; it wouldn't be easy falling asleep.

He doubted Erwin would awaken during the night, and if he did, he'd no doubt hear him, and awaken as well. Even if he didn't, unlike Mikasa, Erwin knew full well not to approach him while he slept, though he too had learned the hard way.

He smiled at the memory, as he sat down again, and put his booted feet on the towel. He despised sleeping dressed at all, let alone wearing boots and maneuver gear, but he needed to be ready for any contingency. He made sure his combat knife was easily accessible, testing to make sure the knife was positioned properly, in case he needed it during the night.

Slowly he cleared his mind of the chaos of the day, of the tea and honey and crumbs in the room, until finally only Erwin's soft breathing remained to mix with his own. The sound was incredibly soothing, wonderfully right, as he drifted off to sleep.


	32. Chapter 32 - The Promise

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N: If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 32 – The Promise

Mikasa stared at Eren. "You actually thought I was sleeping with Levi," she accused.

They were in the room Eren had been questioned in. Erwin had said they could use it to talk privately, that he'd make sure no one listened or watched. Eren was as grateful for that as for everything else the Commander had done for him today.

Eren squirmed under her gaze. "Well you've certainly been really friendly to him, and you were seen half naked together coming out of his bedroom and…"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, so he was half naked and you were buttoning your damn shirt!" he roared. "Damn it, Mikasa, what the hell else was I supposed to think, with him talking about changing the messy sheets you left behind? He's twice your age, way more experienced and I'm your brother!" Eren snapped, regretting it instantly from the way her eyes narrowed, pinning him like one of Hange's insect specimens, like a bug to a board.

"You're trying to tell me that was brotherly affection? You tried to murder him, Eren. You tried to murder **me**. That's not brotherly concern. That's jealousy. That's a betrayed lover's rage. Only we're not lovers. Because you think me growing up in your house with your parents taking care of me makes me your sister. I'm not your sister, Eren. I've never loved you like a sister loves a brother. And I think that finally, you're starting to love me the same way I've always loved you."

"But that isn't right! You're my sister!" Eren yelled, his voice thick with panic more than denial.

Mikasa sighed. "Moral issues aside, the reason incest is wrong is because when siblings or close cousins have children together, the children are often born wrong, flawed. Morally, when non-blood related children are raised together, they can't be lovers. But we weren't raised together as infants, Eren, or even toddlers. You were nine years old. And we're not related by blood. So loving me isn't wrong. And I know you love me like that, because you wouldn't have tried to kill me, if you didn't."

Eren gaped at her. She thought trying to kill her proved he loved her? "I tried to kill Hange too! And the Captain! So what, I love them too?"

Mikasa sighed. "Fine. Keep denying, evading and deflecting. I've waited this long for you to love me back, or at least, to acknowledge that you do, and you've already been through enough for one day. I'm sorry you thought I'd hurt you, that I'd betray you like that. I'm sorry you don't trust me or respect me. I'm sorry you don't know me as well as I know you. I'm sorry you were stupid enough to believe those ridiculous rumors. I'm sorry you won't admit you love me. Maybe you're right. Maybe you don't. I'm sorry you're a complete and utter ass, Eren Yeager," she snapped, turning from him, heading for the door.

"Mikasa!" Eren yelled, grabbing her arm and spinning her to face him. His eyes widened and he stared, shocked. Mikasa was crying. Mikasa never cried. He and Armin were the ones who cried. Mikasa was tougher than they were, stronger.

**He'd **done this. All the death and destruction and terror of the past six years hadn't broken her, but he had. She thought he didn't love her. What if someone else saw her crying? Armin or that bastard Levi or Jean or Connie, what if she was so upset that she…that they…. He felt the same burning rage as before, at the thought of anyone touching her like that, of anyone touching her at all. They had all better stay the hell away from her! She was his, damn it!

He cursed silently as she tore her arm away from him and ran for the door. No! She couldn't leave!

He tackled her from behind, slamming her into the floor. She tried to buck him off and then twisted under him, as he pinned her arms with his hands and her legs with his body. She was too strong; she was going to break free!

Completely panicked, he kissed her, forcing his mouth against hers, and she suddenly froze, as he tasted blood, his teeth cutting into his lips. No!

Terrified that he'd transform into that sexless monster, of what he would do to her in the frustrated rage of that enormous, hideous thing he became, he sprang back away from her, curling into a ball, pressing himself against the wall, shaking wildly with adrenaline and fear. _Don't change, don't change, don't change._

"Eren?" Mikasa said softly, tenderly, the anger and hurt gone from her voice.

"Stay away! Don't touch me," he pleaded, as he started to cry.

"Shhh. It's alright. I know why you're like this. I tasted your blood too. But you're not going to change, Eren. I'm safe. You won't try to hurt me," she said with a confidence that confused and astonished him. And then her arms were embracing him, like the sister he'd always thought she was, not like a lover, not now.

"I shouldn't have said what I did. I apologize. I didn't mean to upset you or hurt you. No, I did, but I shouldn't have. I know you're not ready yet. I shouldn't have tried to push you, not with everything else you have to deal with. I'm sure the thought of sex scares you, if you've thought about it at all, before now, that you're afraid something terrible might happen by accident, like before in the yard, that you might lose control. I don't want you to be afraid or angry when we're together, Eren. I don't want you to feel forced. I'll wait until you're ready. And you don't have to worry about anyone else. There's never been anyone else. There never could be."

He clung to her, hating how helpless he felt, loving how gentle she was being. Loving her.

He loosened his hold and tilted his head up, cupped his hand behind her head and kissed her, gently this time. He felt her gasp in surprise, but instead of freezing this time, she melted, and kissed him back. When he finally pulled back, she looked as breathless as he felt. "You don't have to wait," he said softly.

Her eyes widened and then she pulled him towards her again.

0 0 0

Armin hoped Eren and Mikasa were alright. They'd been gone for hours. He approached Squad Leader Miller hesitantly. It was getting late and he wasn't sure how long the flower shop would remain open. At the very least, he needed to retrieve the pack with his grandfather's book, even if he couldn't set out for the Underground until the following morning. It was ironic that he might have to wait. It was always dark there, so for them it never really mattered how late it was, did it? He was sure their concept of day and night wouldn't be the same.

"Sir? Today was supposed to have been the first of four days off for me and Eren and Mikasa. I had plans earlier today, but came back, when I heard and saw the base was in trouble. I was wondering whether it would be alright if I went out now? I didn't want to do so without permission, but the Commander is debriefing Captain Levi, so I didn't want to disturb them."

"I understand. But I don't think it would be a good idea for you to part from Yeager at this time," Miller said.

"Oh. Of course. I understand, sir," Armin said, disappointed.

"I don't mean that you can't go. Only that you need to bring Yeager with you, if you do. Frankly, I think it would be best for both him and the men if he were to leave the base for a while, that it will give everyone a chance to relax, especially our new men. They've had limited exposure to Yeager, prior to today," Miller explained.

"Oh! Thank you sir!" Armin said, both grateful and worried. He doubted the doctor would think a long ride to the Capital into potential danger counted as rest and recuperation. Armin didn't think Eren would be happy with him either, if he knew he was planning to see Hypatia, and he also didn't want to interrupt Eren and Mikasa, if they were still talking in the holding cell.

He was surprised and relieved to see Eren and Mikasa walking together, heading towards the barracks, especially when he saw they were holding hands. He half expected to see them pull their hands apart, when he saw them, but instead they both blushed, heading for him with their fingers still entwined.

Convincing Eren to come with him was far easier than he'd feared. When Eren heard he'd almost gone by himself that morning, and Eren realized nothing he might say would stop him, he was eager to accompany him, to keep him safe. Mikasa insisted on going with them, of course. Armin thought she wanted to spend time with Eren now more than ever, after the misunderstanding that caused so much trouble before, which had apparently been worked out, from the looks she and Eren were giving one another. He suspected something significant might have happened, from the way they were holding onto one another and the blushing and smiling, especially when they both wanted to shower and change before heading out. Armin was blushing too, by the time they were done talking.

As soon as they got back from their respective showers, the three of them headed for the stables, and Eren and Mikasa saddled their horses. Armin's gelding, Cloud, was hopefully still tethered outside the flower shop, and if he was fortunate, had been given at least some water, if the kindly florist had done as he had asked and taken care of his horse for him. Armin felt more than a little guilty for abandoning Cloud, and being away for so long, but he'd needed to get to base as fast as possible, and flying over the rooftops with his maneuver gear gas at full blast was far faster than on horseback. Once on base, he'd needed to stay.

Armin expected to ride double, behind Eren, to the Market. He was surprised when instead, Mikasa handed him the reins to her horse, Lightening, and told him she'd ride with Eren. After Eren mounted Thunder, she mounted behind him, and wrapped her arms around his waist. Eren grinned like a fool and then blushed, his blush darkening as Mikasa whispered something in his ear. Armin fidgeted nervously in Mikasa's saddle and Lightening snorted her impatience with her unfamiliar rider, stamping her hoof for emphasis. Armin sheepishly apologized, and when Lightening fortunately settled, he breathed a small sigh of relief. Mikasa's mount could be as temperamental as her rider.

On their way to the Market, Armin advised Eren and Mikasa they should purchase and wear cloaks to conceal their uniforms and gear, and offered to pay for them, but his friends refused to let him. Instead, they told him they planned to spend some of their own pay, which they'd brought with them, to buy additional packs and food, to bring as much as they could carry Underground, without being too hampered to ditch their burdens, if they needed to fight.

Armin was incredibly touched, though he realized he should have expected they would want to help. After all, it wasn't only Levi who had wanted to leave their remaining supplies behind for Lurkers who needed them to find, even though he was the one who had guided them to a certain specific alley he knew was a favorite scavenging spot for the orphaned children who lived in the Underground. At least, it had been when Levi had lived there.

Armin still found it hard to believe that the Captain had ever lived in such filth and decay and despair. How could he have even survived that, let alone become so amazing? The three of them had been orphaned scavengers too, but they'd had one another. Levi had no one…except that name, Furlan. He'd never heard it before. Petra had been a Scout. Was Furlan? Or was he an old lover, from before Commander Erwin? Or a childhood friend? Or perhaps, all three? He wished there was some way to find out, but he'd never ask Levi. Mikasa might know… No, even if she did, the Captain would likely have told her about him in confidence. And the last thing he wanted to do was bring up Levi, after everything they'd just been through.

To Armin's dismay, when they reached the Market, though the flower shop was still open, his horse was no longer tethered in front of the shop. He dismounted and tethered Lightening to the hitching post, and was surprised to be greeted warmly by the florist. "There you are! I was worried you might have been injured, or worse, when you didn't return. You were gone for so long, I thought it best to stable your horse for you. I hope that's alright. He is only two blocks from here. I was wondering what to do about your pack. I didn't want you to be without it, but considering the extent of the trouble at your base, I didn't want to bring it there either, although it quieted down hours ago. You've saved me a moral dilemma. And I see you've brought friends, as well!"

"Thank you so much for taking such good care of my horse and watching my pack for me. I apologize for leaving so abruptly before, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude now, either, but the day is almost over, and we still need to buy some things, and I'm afraid all the stalls will close."

"You still have some time yet, and by shopping so late, many of the merchants will actually give you a discount, hoping to make one more sale before the day is done, especially if you're purchasing anything perishable. It was a pleasure assisting you, Scout. Oh, and I put the flowers back in the water, so they're still nice and fresh. Here, let me wrap them again in wet cloth, so they'll be almost as fresh as they were this morning," he said.

"Thank you again!" Armin said, strapping on his pack and reclaiming the bag with his cloak, and then the flowers, once the florist was done. The florist directed him to the stable and Armin and his friends left the shop, walking their horses. When they arrived at the stable, Armin was relieved to see it was in good repair and well tended, smelling of fresh straw and hay, rather than overwhelmingly of manure. When he introduced himself to the stable master, and the man led him to Cloud, Armin was pleased to see his mount looked quite content in his unfamiliar surroundings, happily munching oats in his stall. His horse whickered a greeting, lipping Armin's hair as he patted Cloud's neck affectionately.

Armin paid the stable master, and saddled Cloud, and then he and Eren and Mikasa headed deeper into the Market, back to the market stall where Armin had bought his new cloak. Eren and Mikasa bought matching ones, and then they went to the place Armin had found the rucksack, and bought packs as well. They went shopping for the additional food, next, a large, heavy sack of beans and two flasks of oil, for Eren to carry, while Mikasa filled her pack with salted fish, crackers and jars of jam, adding a dozen cookies to the front pouch, that they'd bought impulsively. They passed by a shop that sold liquor, and then Armin turned back and they all went inside. He bought two bottles of whiskey. They would probably be worth a whole heck of a lot more in the Underground, and if nothing else, they could use them as disinfectant. Then they bought lanterns, too, to use instead of torches.

When they had everything they needed, they mounted up again and headed for the inner Gate. It was late to start a journey, but they only had four days of leave. They'd be hard pressed for time as it was. Even after it got dark, once they moon rose, they'd hopefully have enough light to travel safely by, especially as they were taking the main road between the Capital and Karanese, not the route they'd taken earlier with Commander Pixis in the carriage.


	33. Chapter 33 - Captain Levi's Squad

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
RATING WARNING – This chapter is rated M (Mature) for graphic violence, adult language and sexual content. The next chapter and following ones will be T (Teen) again, unless otherwise noted. The Author's Note of Chapter 34 will contain a brief summary of this chapter, for those of you who skip it.**

Chapter 33 – Captain Levi's Squad

After traveling well into the night by moonlight, Armin, Eren and Mikasa finally stopped to make camp for the remainder of the night, picking a small grove of trees with a stream running through it that had obviously been a preferred campsite for many travelers over the years. The ground was beaten down and bare in a rough circle around a stone fire pit, the stones blackened by dozens or perhaps even hundreds of camp fires. Even though there wouldn't – or shouldn't – be Titans within the middle ring, there could well be human bandits or wild animals or other dangers. They'd still set a watch, and take turns sleeping.

They gathered wood and lit a fire. Throughout their late dinner, which consisted of small portions of the food they'd bought, Armin noticed that same conspicuous closeness he'd seen earlier between Eren and Mikasa. They seemed to be almost constantly touching one another, a hand to a hand, a hand to a knee or shoulder, and he noticed when they laid their bedrolls down, they were right next to one another, instead of a couple of feet apart. Armin put his own bedroll on the other side of the fire.

"I'll take first watch," Armin volunteered. "And…um…I think I'll watch from outside the trees. You know, so I can have a better view of what might be coming and…um…" he stuttered awkwardly, not able to say, "So if you two want to sleep together, I'll be far enough away that I won't hear anything." But even by firelight, he saw both his friends fidget and blush, and then look meaningfully at one another, as if they'd heard his thoughts.

"Oh my gosh. Really? I thought when I…that you…but I wasn't sure whether…I'm going to go on watch now," Armin said, jumping to his feet and heading off through the trees, whistling as he walked, through suddenly dry lips, so they'd know exactly where and how far away he was.

"Well, I guess Armin at least knows," he heard Mikasa say, just before one of the trees blocked the light of the fire.

He walked on, to the edge of the small grove, and looked out onto the gently rolling land beyond, his eyes automatically scanning for danger. He really hoped they'd make it to the Capital without running into trouble, and if they did, he hoped anyone seeing his distinctive uniform and cape would realize he was a Scout, and not confront him. One of the few advantages to being a Scout was that everyone knew Scouts were both crazy and deadly, a dangerous combination few were willing to challenge. Although he couldn't imagine anyone ever looking at him and thinking either of those two words to describe him. Captain Stephanos had called him a Cocker Spaniel. He'd been so humiliated to be called that, though he realized the Captain hadn't meant it as an insult, hadn't meant to call him pretty and useless.

There were only eight breeds of dogs left in the world, at least, the world within the Walls, the only world any of them knew, and only seven were of any value: Border Collies and Shepherds protected the flocks and herds from predatory animals and human poachers; Pitbulls killed badgers, rats, weasels and other pests that dug up fields, consumed crops and destroyed the roots of saplings; Blood Hounds, Setters, and Pointers were hunting dogs; and Dobermen were guard dogs, along with some of the first two breeds. They'd all been brought within the Walls to help save humanity, working dogs, like the cats that killed the mice and rats to protect their food stores.

But then there were the Cocker Spaniels. Rich government officials and spoiled nobles had brought the frilly, cowardly, pretty but useless things into the Capital as lap dogs, pampered animals to be admired and petted, and given jeweled collars and gourmet food, real meat, while so many people were literally starving. And Captain Stephanos had called him that.

When people saw Mikasa or Levi, they immediately thought Doberman, sleek and black haired and deadly. No, not Doberman. Not Levi, at least. He was more like a black cat, a big one, a black panther, like he'd read about in his grandfather's book, something that would lie in the branches of a tree, motionless, waiting, and spring out onto you before you even knew it was there and… The thought of Levi springing onto him sent his heart racing. Belatedly, he looked behind himself at the trees, even in the branches, as if to convince himself that was why, that there might be some danger he wasn't seeing, up in the trees. But that wasn't what he'd been thinking at all.

Levi had been flirting with him. Captain Stephanos had been flirting with him too. Why? What could either of them possibly see in him? Levi had said he and Eren were both cute, but he'd said only Armin was adorable. He didn't want to be adorable. He wanted to be a badass like Levi or Mikasa, someone just looking at, you took seriously. Eren was a badass too, but he only looked it when he was deep into his Titan killing frenzy. It was a little bit of a comfort to know otherwise he wasn't intimidating either.

He heard what a cry from the woods behind him, and for a moment thought his friends were in trouble, until he realized what it must have been. Blushing furiously, he started to whistle again, or tried to. His mouth was so dry, he couldn't. Even after taking a drink from his canteen, he couldn't. He started humming instead, looking almost desperately around the landscape, as vague images of what Mikasa and Eren were doing filled his mind.

Then suddenly it wasn't Mikasa and Eren at all, but Levi and him, and he groaned, completely mortified, when his heart, which had been hammering already, pounded twice as fast at the mental image. He bit his lip and thought desperately of Hypatia instead, hoping that would help, but it only made it worse. He thought he'd picture her as the child she'd been, but instead he pictured her as the woman she was now, her arm and legs wrapped around him, her breasts pressing into his back, her knife at his throat.

That image should have been enough to cool any ardor he'd been feeling, but instead, remembering how tough she'd been, he felt himself get even more excited. Hypatia was a badass too, like Levi or Mikasa. But like with Mikasa, and unexpectedly Levi, too, there was also warm softness underneath.

Instead of thinking about his friends making love, or the Captain, he found himself imagining what it would be like to be held by Hypatia, if she weren't threatening to kill him. Lovingly. Maybe he could touch her hair, like she'd let him do when he was little. He'd seen plenty of brown hair before, but never black, like hers, except for Mikasa and Levi. Maybe Hypatia would even let him kiss her. Except she'd actually probably be the one to do the kissing. He'd never kissed anyone before. Had she? Had someone kissed her? Had they… Armin was shocked how overwhelmingly sad and even angry the thought made him, that someone might have…that she… He groaned again.

"Told you I was right, that I smelled more pussy," a vicious, laughing voice drawled from directly behind Armin, as a viselike hand grabbed his upper arm and spun him around. "I knew this one weren't a real Scout neither, just another stupid kid playing dress up for protection. But damn, look at that mouth. This one won't bite. Lots better than that demon hell bitch Ranulf got or that pretty little boyfriend of hers. And here this poor little thing was left out here all alone, getting wet thinking about what her friends were doing, but too shy to watch. You don't have to be alone no more, honey. Me and the boys will take real good care of you. Look at her, shaking like a virgin on her wedding night, all scared and eager, not like that whore the others are fucking. Let the rest of them get sloppy seconds, thirds and fourths off that cunt and her boy toy. It's more fun when they're awake, and this little girl's gonna be a real screamer, I can tell."

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! That cry…Mikasa…Eren…._The whimpering little terrified voice in Armin's head, the one that told him to wait for his friends to come save him like they always did grew silent, still. They'd been taken by surprise, fought but were unconscious, because he'd been too shy to stay closer to the fire to guard them where he should have been, because they'd been…and now this monster's friends were…!

_MIKASA! EREN!_ Armin's sluggish brain engaged as he silently screamed his friends' names, as the shock of being caught fled his system on a rush of adrenaline, and a roaring fury, a hatred like nothing he'd ever felt before, like Eren facing a Titan, flooded him. With an incoherent scream he drew his combat knife and slashed the throat of the man holding him, and tore his arm out of the man's weakening grasp as his blood sprayed him, twisting and lunging around him to find the others, before the dying man even fell.

"What the fuc…!" The second man tried to pull back from the knife, but he wasn't fast enough, though the blade caught on the cartilage of his ruined throat and was ripped from Armin's hand.

It didn't matter. Armin snapped his blades into his sword hafts, and chopped the third man in half, before he was able to bring his pistol to bear in his shaking hand.

Armin looked around wildly for more opponents, but there weren't any. Then he was airborne, his grapples shooting from trunk to trunk as he flew back to camp, to the fire, to his friends.

What he saw when he arrived registered in seconds. There were nine more men: four of them were on the ground, two lying still, a third curled into a ball retching and a fourth whimpering and cursing, clutching his bloody groin. But Eren was lying bloody and still too, dead or unconscious, and five other men were still on their feet. Mikasa was on her knees, naked, held up by her hair, her head lolling and open mouth bloody, looking barely conscious, her hands tied behind her back, and the man in front of her had his pants around his ankles and was pulling her face to his erect cock.

Armin's first sword swipe cut the man's arm off at the elbow, freeing her, and took the man's penis with it, while his second blade cut the man next to him in half before the screaming first man even had a chance to fall. There was the crack of a gun to his left, and Armin spun and shot his right grapple into the gunman's chest, yanking him forward, freeing the grapple by tearing out ribs and lung tissue. That man collapsed, convulsing, but then there was a second shot from behind him.

He spun and that man's eyes widened in terror and he screamed as if Armin was a Titan and he began to run. Armin's other grapple caught him in the back, and he jerked and twitched like a fish on a line. Then Armin yanked it out and he screamed again, though it ended in a wet wheeze as the bloody ruin of his lung collapsed. Armin heard branches breaking, as the last man standing ran into the trees.

Armin's grapples had him flying over the fleeing man's head and landing in front of him. The man impaled himself on Armin's swords, a look of complete shock on his face, as he fell to the ground. Armin yanked out the blades and ran back to camp, towards the two still moving, but on the ground. The man who had been retching screamed wordlessly and then begged, "Don't kill me! Please don't kill me! We didn't know you were really Scouts!"

"You thought we were kids. You thought we were easy prey. You thought I was a little girl. I'm not a girl. I'm not a Cocker Spaniel. I'm a Scout. And you're nothing but a rotting piece of meat," Armin snarled, as he beheaded the groveling man so quickly he was still alive for a few seconds, his mouth opening and closing in silent horror, his severed vocal chords useless. Armin turned away while his lips were still moving and plunged his swords into the chest of the final writhing man on the ground, and then the other two who weren't moving, not checking to see whether they were alive first or not. It didn't matter. Mikasa mattered. Eren mattered. His grandfather and all those thousands of others hadn't died so scum like these wouldn't starve to death.

Armin ran to Mikasa, terrified she'd flinch away from him, and what that would mean, but he was even more afraid when she barely moved as he cut her hands free. When he checked her pulse, he was relieved to find it strong. He ran to Eren, praying he was still alive, not sure whether Eren could even be killed in human form, and if he could be, whether the back of his neck was his only weakness.

He felt a huge surge of relief when he realized Eren was still breathing too, though unconscious. There was blood in his hair, but when Armin felt for a wound, he didn't find one. He didn't know if that meant the blood wasn't his, or whether he'd healed already and just not woken up yet.

He went back to Mikasa. This time she shrank from him as he reached for her, and he cursed. "Mikasa, it's me, Armin. It's alright. You're safe now. They're all dead."

"Armin?" she whispered, her voice filled with shock and confusion.

_Shit. She didn't even recognize me. She must have a concussion. Damn it!_ Armin's head flooded with everything he'd seen and heard about Erwin.

"Armin! Oh my God, I have to stop the bleeding. Where are you hurt?" Mikasa asked frantically, suddenly animated, her hands going to his chest, searching him for injury.

"I'm fine. I'm not hurt. The blood's not mine," he said, looking down at her hands. He froze as he saw his shirt looked like Captain Levi's pants had, when they found him. It was literally dripping with blood, completely saturated, and for some reason, it wasn't steaming away, the way it always did.

That's when it hit him. Those hadn't been Titans. Those were men. He'd just killed twelve men. He'd beheaded a man on his knees begging for his life and he'd felt nothing but hatred, and a grim sense of satisfaction. He pictured the man's severed head, his mouth opening and closing, like one of the fish from the underground canal, and suddenly he was vomiting up his dinner.

He felt Mikasa's hands on his back, either soothing him or not believing he wasn't injured, and searching him for wounds. He kept heaving, until his stomach was empty. Then he wiped his mouth and sat up, his eyes going to her face "Sorry. You're hurt and I'm being useless again. Your face is bloody. It doesn't look like they broke your nose, so I need to look at your mouth. Did they hit you in the jaw and knock any teeth loose? Did you cut your cheek or your tongue?"

Mikasa shuddered. "The blood's not mine," she said, echoing Armin's earlier words, her gaze going to the man who had been clutching his bloody groin, before Armin killed him.

Armin's eyes widened in horrified realization, as he heard the mocking words of the man who'd grabbed him, about Mikasa biting. _Oh God._

"Don't tell Eren," Mikasa whispered.

"They…did they…?" He didn't want to know, but he needed to know. He'd thought he'd come in time, prayed he had. He wanted to cry and throw up again and kill himself for letting her get hurt like that, kill them all over again for hurting her, as slowly and painfully as he could, chop them up and feed them to a Titan piece by piece, like tossing meat to a dog. He covered his mouth and swallowed convulsively over and over again, forcing the wave of bile back down.

"Armin, it's alright. They didn't…. It was just that. And trust me, he didn't enjoy it," she said, her voice hard and cold and triumphant. "You saved me, Armin. You saved Eren. It was our fault, for being distracted with each other, not yours. We should have known better. You never would have been so far from the fire, if we weren't…" She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering.

"You should get dressed. I mean, if your clothes are still OK. And you need to rinse your mouth. I'll get the whiskey."

Armin waited until she had her shirt on. It was ripped, and all the buttons were gone. She'd apparently still been wearing it when they attacked. He handed her the bottle. She tilted back her head and held it over her mouth and let the alcohol pour in, without touching her mouth to the lip of the bottle, either to keep the germs from the blood off it, or because it would make her gag, he wasn't sure which. She rinsed and spit three times, and then the fourth time put her mouth on the lip of the bottle and took another deep drink, this time swallowing. He felt another rush of relief, that she'd been able to drink that way, without shrinking from the touch of the bottle to her mouth, without retching.

She coughed and gasped, but he realized it was from the taste, or the potency of the unfamiliar liquor. Then she handed the bottle to him, with a little encouraging nod. Armin took a drink too, reacting exactly the same way she had, except more violently. _Why would anyone ever want to drink this vile stuff? _

He had his answer a moment later when a little fireball burst to light in his belly, and his head felt clearer. Although maybe that was the adrenaline finally wearing off. He felt a little dizzy too and realized his hands were shaking. He knew both those were normal signs of post-combat reaction, nothing to be ashamed of, just the adrenaline finally burning out of his system.

They started to walk to Eren, to see if he was coming to, when they both froze, as they heard a distinctive sound: horses. Lots of them. _Shit!_ The gunshots had apparently attracted more trouble.

Armin spun around and swayed dizzily for a moment, from turning too fast, and swallowed down a new wave of bile. "Put your pants on and get Eren into the trees, the treetops if you can use the gear without taking the time to put it on," he ordered and then he was flying away from camp, Mikasa cursing and calling after him to come back.

It was his fault they had gotten hurt. He was the one on watch. He'd screwed up. He was going to protect them now, kill anyone who threatened them.

He cursed when he reached the edge of the trees. There were nearly two dozen horsemen converging on their copse of trees at a gallop, and they were only a few dozen meters away. There were too many to attack from the trees. Some of them would get through to Mikasa and Eren. Except they wouldn't. He wouldn't let them.

He found an alder with a sturdy looking low branch and used his grapples to pull himself up onto it, facing them defiantly, and then he channeled Levi. "Stay the fuck away unless you want to die too. This is a Scout camp site. Find your own damned trees," he yelled in challenge, with as much cold disdain as he could muster, hoping the blood would make them think twice.

To his shock, the thundering formation of horses pulled to a halt with remarkable precision, and he belatedly realized they actually **were** a formation, that they'd been riding in the shape of a wedge.

"Lieutenant Nikolaos Konstantinos and my Team, also of the Scouts, Squad Olympians, serving under Captain Stavros Stephanos, though we have yet to check in at Karanese. You might perhaps have met our other Team, led by Lieutenant Andreas Theorides, if you are coming from Karanese. Are you or your men wounded? We have two medics with us, if you require assistance."

Armin blinked as he processed what the man had said. They hadn't come here to hurt them. They were Scouts too. The rest of Captain Stephanos's men. Unlike the Captain, his Lieutenant was treating him respectfully, as if he was a fellow officer. Belatedly Armin realized the brighter spots on their clothing must be the white portion of the Wings of Freedom emblems. He couldn't see them clearly by moonlight. "Scout Armin Arlert. Captain Levi's Special Operations Squad," he tacked on belatedly, remembering what Levi had said. "I'm uninjured, the blood's not mine, but both my squadmates are injured, one of them unconscious."

"And the Captain? Surely Captain Levi could not have fallen?" the Lieutenant asked incredulously.

"No. He's not here. He's in Karanese. We're on leave actually, but there were…we were attacked. Wait. There were supposed to be fifty of you. Are the others alright?" Armin asked, in sudden concern. Had someone or something attacked them, too?

"The others are camped with the herd. We heard shots, and came to investigate, fearing travelers in trouble, beset by bandits," the Lieutenant explained, as Armin came down from the branch.

Armin landed badly, and cursed himself for looking like an idiot in front of them as his legs buckled under him. He fought to catch himself, but for some reason he couldn't. Instead, he collapsed onto the ground fully. _What the hell?_

He heard concerned voices, calling sharply to one another, in words he couldn't understand, and realized in some relief that it was because they were speaking Greek. But their voices were oddly muffled. Then a light flared on overhead and he flinched from the sudden brightness, and then he heard someone curse, or what sounded like cursing, but it was in Greek too.

"Why did you say you weren't wounded? Didn't you believe we were truly Scouts?" a heavily accented voice disconcertingly chastised from directly above him.

Armin furrowed his brow. "But I'm not wounded."

"Lie still. You have been shot," the man said.

"Shot? But I haven't…" Armin's eyes widened in astonished belated realization. "One of the two shots hit me? But I didn't feel it."

"No wonder you are one of Captain Levi's men. You face down twenty riders alone from a tree, while you are bleeding. You were shot from behind. It went through your bicep. The exit wound is on the front," the man said. "Demetrios, his squadmates might be hurt worse than he realized, or than they will admit. Check on them."

"Wait! I need to go with you. Mikasa…she's protecting Eren. She might kill you before she realizes you're Scouts, if you enter the camp without me."

"It's alright Armin. I'm already here," a voice said from above them, and the men around him cursed, they're heads jerking upwards. "It's lucky for you that you're not our enemy," she chastised as she sheathed her swords and jumped down.

She'd done something to her shirt, to keep it from gaping open like it had been, but Armin realized she hadn't used her gas or grapples, that she wasn't even wearing her maneuver gear. "Mikasa? Where's your gear? And where's Eren?" Armin asked, trying to sit up.

"Lie still," she and the medic both snapped at once.

Mikasa knelt beside him. "I hid Eren and ran to help you. It would have taken too long to put on my gear." She looked up from his face to the medic. "Is he going to be alright?"

"It is not fatal. Though he lost more blood than he needed to," the medic complained. "Your friend…he said Eren. He is Eren Yeager? Yeager Titan?"

"Why?" Mikasa asked, tensing, as if ready to strike.

"We will not harm him," the medic said, quick to reassure her. "I ask only because we have heard of him. All of you. I did not think he could be harmed, from what we heard. It is an honor to meet you all. I am Yeorgos Gianapolis. In English, you would say George. You knew my younger brother Yannis, you would say John. He was also on Captain Levi's Squad, but when you were not. He was so proud to be one of the three chosen. But his first mission serving directly under him was also his last. He died honorably, in battle, as I hope someday to."

"Not if I can help it, _agapetos_. Scout Ackerman, if you will take me to Scout Yeager, I will tend to him. I am also a medic, Demetrios Melissakis. I will tend to you as well. Scout Arlert said you were wounded."

"I'm fine." Mikasa looked down at Armin, blatantly torn.

"I'll be fine," Armin assured her. "Go make sure Eren is. If he wakes up and doesn't see us, he might get upset." The last thing they needed was a frantic Yeager Titan thinking these men were his enemies.

He turned his head to the Lieutenant. "There are a dozen bodies that need to be burned or buried, so the next people to use these trees to camp don't have to smell them rotting," Armin said. "Three of them are at the edge of the trees and the other nine are in our camp."

"We will see to it," he assured him.

"_Epharisto_," Armin said.

"_Milas Ellinika_?" Yeorgos asked, sounding excited.

"_Ohi._ Only a few words," Armin admitted.

"Then we will teach you, if you wish. We do not want our language to die as our people have," Yeorgos said grimly. Armin winced at the look of raw grief on the gentle man's face.

"I'm sorry about your brother. He was a very brave man. It was because of his sacrifice that the rest of us survived the battle, and completed the secondary objective of our mission. And he died trying to save his squadmate, Hans Morgan. Were they…um…?" Armin paused awkwardly, realizing he probably shouldn't have even tried to ask.

"Lovers? No. They were instead like brothers, as close as Yannis and I. Hans, he was not Greek, but he was like another baby brother to me, also. Yannis could not have lived, knowing he could not save Hans. But it is hard for me, to lose them both at once. If not for Demetrios…. Forgive me. It is not your burden."

"You're a Scout. Of course it is. We are all brothers," Armin said firmly.

Some of the despair lifted from Yeorgos's eyes. "_Epharisto_, Armin Arlert. For a moment, I had forgotten I am not alone, and not only because of Demetrios."

Armin was grateful that he was able to help the man, even if only a little. Also, talking had distracted him from his wound, and once he'd been made aware of it, it had begun to hurt. If Levi's leg had hurt him one tenth as much, it was a wonder he could move at all, let alone walk on crutches.

"I have finished cleaning and bandaging the wound. Swallow this, for the pain. I see that now you feel it."

He complied eagerly.

"Can you stand? Try slowly. If my arm will not offend you, you can lean on me."

Armin sat up slowly and closed his eyes against the dizziness, then quickly opened them, when his stomach protested. He didn't want to throw up again, to look weak before these men. He took the hand Yeorgos offered and stood shakily, sagging against him, blushing for appearing so frail.

"If you were not a Scout, I would offer to carry you. But instead, please let me be your crutch," Yeorgos offered.

Armin nodded, saving his energy for walking. _Damn it._ He'd thought he was unhurt. But Yeorgos had said it wasn't life threatening. And he'd killed all twelve men. Or at least ten, if the other two had already been dead. And two had been helpless and already wounded. But three of the others had guns. The others might have, too. He just hadn't given them the time to find out. At least he'd done something right.

**A/N:**

**Greek translation (I didn't want to put it at the top this time, and betray who was coming):**

"_**agapetos"**_** - "beloved"**

"_**Epharisto"**_** - "Thank you."**

"_**Milas Ellinika?"**_** - "Do you speak Greek?"**

"_**Ohi"**_** - "No."**


	34. Chapter 34 - Brothers-in-Arms

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
This chapter and those that follow are rated Teen, unless otherwise noted. A brief Teen rated summary of Chapter 33 follows, for those of you who skipped it due to its Mature content: **

**Armin, Eren, and Mikasa camped in a grove of trees on their way to the Capital. Armin was on watch, at the edge of the trees, so he wouldn't intrude on his friends' privacy and intimacy. Unfortunately, they were all taken off guard, ambushed and attacked by 12 vile men with lecherous intent. Eren was knocked out instantly, but Mikasa killed two of the men, and temporarily disabled two more, before also being rendered unconscious. Armin killed the remaining ten men, saving his friends, but was shot in the arm in the process. **

**50 Olympians led by Lieutenant Konstantinos were camped nearby, and 20 of them came to investigate the gunshots, to aid the besieged travelers they expected to find. Their medics treated the three wounded fellow Scouts and 14 Olympians are remaining in camp to guard them, while they recover.**

Chapter 34 – Brothers-in-Arms

Armin was glad for the unexpected arrival of the Scouts. He didn't know how they would have taken care of the bodies without them, and he might have done something truly stupid and completely bled out from a pathetic flesh wound in the arm. He'd been so sure he was uninjured that Mikasa had believed him and stopped checking. But she should have seen it, in spite of the bloody shirt and jacket.

He was worried about her. By the time they reached their campfire, she was looking groggy again, and as he watched she stumbled. He tried to pull free of his human crutch to catch her and only succeeded in almost falling flat on his own face, but Yeorgos caught him, and fortunately, Demetrios caught her.

Armin heard some of the men say something that sounded disparaging, and one of them picked up the whiskey bottle, that was now half full, and then looked pointedly at both him and Mikasa. He realized they probably smelled the liquor on them both. They thought they were drunk, that that's why they'd been easy prey.

But then he heard some of the men talking over one of the bodies, and realized it was the man with the bloody groin, when they looked at both him and Mikasa in speculation.

Armin spoke softly to Yeorgos, so Mikasa wouldn't hear. "We're not drunk. They managed to sneak up on us, but not because of that. It was my fault. I was on guard and I screwed up. They caught Eren and Mikasa by surprise but they must have fought like crazy. Four of the dozen who attacked them were on the ground, but then the attackers knocked them both out.

"When I killed the three who came after me and returned here to camp, she was naked and barely conscious, and tied up, and they were trying a second time to…to rape her mouth. She'd bitten the first man and…we only used the whiskey to wash his blood out of her mouth, and she took a single drink to clear her head. I did too. But it was after they were all dead and because…they'd said…they'd planned to rape all three of us," Armin finished furious that they wanted to hurt his friends like that, and humiliated. They'd thought he was a girl and they hadn't even cared that Eren wasn't.

"Now I understand. I will explain to them, so they know also," Yeorgos soothed, and then he began speaking in rapid fire Greek. The burgeoning disapproving looks turned to ones of surprise and then respect, as they looked at both him and Mikasa, and then indignant anger. The Scouts were a brotherhood, and these animals had tried to rape not only their brothers, but their sister as well. From the looks on these men's faces, those bastards were lucky they were already dead, and that their deaths had been relatively quick and painless.

Mikasa led the two medics to Eren, and they carried him to the fire. "I think Mikasa might have a concussion," Armin said worriedly to Yeorgos, when Mikasa didn't insist upon carrying Eren herself, and then sat next to him looking dazed, instead of hovering over him, worried and asking questions, as Demetrios tended to Eren.

The Lieutenant came over to him. "I would bring you to our camp, but your friends should not be moved, with head injuries."

"Will they be alright?" Armin asked, relieved that the tears he would normally feel welling up now were absent. Maybe it was because he was a murderer now. Murderers didn't cry. He should have been horrified, but Eren and Mikasa were murderers too. He somehow felt closer to them, now, because of it. In the next moment, he felt like throwing up again.

"These are the first men you killed, yes?" the Lieutenant asked gently, peering at him intently, compassion in his voice.

Armin nodded. "I've killed Titans before, on our last mission, but not…it felt the same, when I was fighting, but afterwards, when the blood didn't steam away…." He swallowed another wave of bile as he looked down at his shirt in renewed horror.

The Lieutenant called out something, and three men headed back through the trees. "I tell them to go to their horses. They have their Garrison uniforms in their saddlebags. Commander Pixis, he instructed us to change only once in the middle ring, to not let the others in the Capital, in Stohess, see us become Scouts. They will change back, and give you and Scouts Ackerman and Yeager what they wear now. Yeorgos, he can assist you in bathing in the stream. Demetrios, he can assist Ackerman. He is medic, and also, we do not look at women, understand?"

"Yes. Commander Pixis explained about the Sacred Band of Thebes. I think she'll be OK with Demetrios helping. But she might want me to…but maybe she wouldn't…I…" The tears that had been absent before welled up in his eyes. He never should have brought them with him. It was all so stupid and pointless! To have survived fighting nearly a hundred and fifty Titans and then almost die because of a few thugs, here, behind the Wall, where they should have been safe!

Armin wiped angrily at his tears and went to his pack and opened it. He was glad he'd put the soaps near the top, glad he had them at all. He straightened too quickly and sparkles of light flashed in his eyes as he swayed dizzily.

There was more Greek cursing. "After you bathe, you must rest, drink and eat. We will stay and keep watch, 14 of us. The other six will go back, so the rest of our Team does not worry we have found more trouble than we could handle. There is not much we cannot handle," he stated proudly. "They would think it Titans. We will not leave you until all three of you can safely travel."

"But you are supposed to report to Karanese," Armin objected.

To his surprise, the Lieutenant laughed. "It will not be the first time I am late for duty, my friend! I have, how you say, a reputation. I am always in trouble. Until Commander Pixis, he found me, and sees not insubordination, but frustration. It is a strange thing, after so long, for an officer to look at you and see value instead of garbage, yes? Commander Pixis is good man. We all would die for him," he added, as if stating a simple fact. "Sadly, his enemies, they are too stupid to see. Because of it, those men, or men like them, we will have our own war again, one day, I think, if the Titans do not kill us all first."

Civil war. Pixis had said the same thing. Were things really that messed up? Was it possible they could actually have such a pointless war, amongst themselves, when there was such a dangerous enemy already trying to kill them?

"I again speak out of turn. Do not listen. Always, I make trouble. But Commander Pixis, he thinks this makes me a good Scout. Commander Erwin, he says, he also is always in trouble, so that it is better for both of us to be in trouble together."

A few moments later the three men emerged from the trees. "Ah, here they come. _Epharisto,_ Petros, Spiro, Nikos," he said, to the men holding out their clothes. "Yeorgos, Scout Arlert, he needs help at the stream, to wash and change. Demetrios, if you will help Scout Ackerman? I will call if Scout Yeager awakens."

Armin knew they should take turns bathing, but he hoped if Eren awoke he'd see the Scout uniforms on the men around him and not panic. He couldn't stand the blood a moment longer and he was sure Mikasa was even more eager to wash away the feeling of their hands on her. Eren would need to wash and change, too. His clothes had been splattered by the blood of some of the men Armin had killed.

"Be careful to not wet your bandage," Yeorgos cautioned Armin.

After bathing, the two medics helped him and Mikasa dress. Armin realized the Lieutenant had asked his three smallest men to give them their clothes, but they were still far too large on him. The shoulder seam hung halfway down his upper arm and he had to roll the sleeves into cuffs three times, in order to be able to see his hands. At least the pants tucked into his boots, so they weren't as conspicuous.

He was encouraged to sleep, but they wanted Mikasa to stay awake, at least for a while, because of her head injury. Fortunately, Eren chose that moment to finally come to. After some initial alarm, Armin explained what had happened. Most of it. He'd promised Mikasa not to tell Eren everything. He was relieved to see Mikasa didn't flinch away from Eren at all. He hoped that meant she wouldn't be too traumatized by what had happened.

Armin curled up onto his bedroll, pulling his blanket up to his chin, glad for the fire, as he lay there, staring into it. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, he was exhausted, and the painkillers were probably contributing to that. He couldn't believe so much had happened in a single day, that his friends had almost died first at the base, and then here, that he'd killed men, that he'd been shot. He was afraid of what he'd see if he closed his eyes. He was afraid that if he did manage to sleep, he might wake up screaming.


	35. Chapter 35 - The Way to a Man's Heart

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.**

**A/N:  
Thanks to all my readers, and a special thanks to those of you who have submitted a review or favorite or follow for this story. I now have readers from 56 countries! I would love to hear from more of you!  
**

**Greek translation:**

"_**Kalimera" **_**- "Good morning."**

"_**Eíste peinasménoi gia pro̱inó?"**_**- ****"Are you hungry for breakfast?"**

"_**kóta mi̱téra"**_**- ****"mother hen"**

"_**daímonas"**_**- ****"daemon, fiend"**

"_**ne"**_** - "yes"  
**

"_**Skata!"**_** - "Shit!"**

"_**Epharisto." **_**- "Thank you."**

"**Xronia polla yia ti yiorte sou!" - "Happy name day!"****  
**

Chapter 35 – The Way to a Man's Heart

Armin awoke to the mouthwatering aroma of roasting sausage and grilling onion. Was it morning already? He hadn't thought he'd be able to sleep at all, and he'd been sure he'd at least have horrific nightmares if he did. When he opened his eyes, the fire was just as large as the night before, only now there was a metal grill tented over it, and a man he didn't recognize was lifting sausages off the metal and setting new links down for each one he pulled up. If Sasha had been there, she would likely have proposed to the man on the spot.

"_Kalimera,_ Arlert. _Eíste peinasménoi gia pro̱inó?"_

"_Kalimera._ Um…I know that means 'good morning', but I'm sorry, I don't know what else you said," Armin said apologetically.

"Ah. Forgive me. I ask if you are hungry for breakfast?"

"Oh! Yes, thank you. It smells delicious. I can't believe you have so much meat. Does the Garrison always eat like this?" he asked, intrigued.

"No. This is special. Commander Pixis, he tell us to take advantage, because in Karanese, it will be hard, as Scouts, there is much danger. It is parting gift. He is friend to all of us. We are his countrymen, yes? And to see so many go…. he is worrying for us. We tease him always, he is being _kóta mi̱téra_…how you say…mother hen. He no like to watch his little chicks they go to danger. It is big, scary world: there are foxes and wolves and men to eat us, yes? Only we are not chicks. So is Titans instead. But we chicks, we have sharp little beaks, and we fight back, we peck here," he said, patting the back of his neck, the one vulnerable spot on a Titan. "Today, you look like fuzzy little yellow chick. But last night, with so much anger, so much blood, in tree, you look like _daímonas,_ how you say, like daemon, like fiend. It make us glad we are not the ones who make you angry."

Armin was shocked. Had he really looked that intimidating? Belatedly, Armin remembered the man screaming and running, after he turned to face him, and pictured what he must have looked like. It made him feel proud, but conversely, turned his stomach. The delicious scent of the sausage was no longer quite so appealing. In fact, he was starting to feel more than a little queasy.

"Here is breakfast. Good eating," the man said, holding out a full plate, of grilled sausage, potatoes and onion, and a large hunk of golden brown bread.

Armin didn't want to seem ungrateful, so he took the plate and then hissed and dropped it as fire shot down the length of his arm from his bicep. He should have used his other hand: he'd forgotten about his wound. He hadn't even felt it until he'd tried to use his arm. Now he knew how Levi had felt when he'd stood by mistake. He clutched his bicep, panting in pain.

"_Skata!_ Yeorgos, Demetrios!" the man called, as he bent over Armin.

"It's alright. It's nothing. I'm fine," Armin assured him as he hovered over him, humiliated for causing an uproar in the previously tranquil camp.

"Armin, let me see," Mikasa said, beating the medics to his side, her voice warm with concern. She unbuttoned his shirt before he could protest and checked his bandaged bicep. "Good, it doesn't look like it's bleeding." She unwrapped it slowly, and hissed angrily, in sympathy, when she saw his wound. "They're lucky they're already dead. But it doesn't look infected, either. Yeorgos did a good job," she conceded.

" It heals well. You only forgot, _ne_?" Yeorgos asked.

Armin nodded. "It didn't hurt until then and I wasn't thinking, and the plate was full. Oh no," he said, watching as the cook picked up the food from the dirt.

"Don't worry. I wash off the sausage, put back on the grill for a little, yes? The potatoes are no good, but the bread is fine, I cut off the dirt. This will be my portion, for letting you make mistake, yes? I give you fresh," he said magnanimously.

"You don't have to…" Armin began.

"You let me do this small thing, yes? As cook, is make me happy," the man insisted.

"Alright. _Ne. Epharisto,_" Armin added, using his limited knowledge of the language.

The man beamed at him, satisfied.

"Don't worry about me, Mikasa. I'm fine, really. But are you both alright?" Armin asked, seeing Eren hovering over Mikasa's shoulder.

"We're fine. You're the one who's hurt," Mikasa said.

"Your head's OK? You're not dizzy or anything?" Armin asked, needing to be sure.

0 0 0

"I'm fine, Armin. I'm not dizzy, or nauseous, or anything. I didn't get hit that hard. I was only unconscious for a minute or two. After that, I was just a little dazed," Mikasa assured him. Eren was the one who had been hit hard. They'd clubbed him in the head with a piece of wood from the firewood pile, knocking him off of her before she had even realized anyone was there.

Those men hadn't expected her to attack them after that. She took down two of them, before they held a knife to Eren's throat and threatened to kill him, if she didn't stop. She pretended to be completely cowed, biding her time, even when they pushed her down onto her knees and one of the men dropped his pants, grabbed her by the hair and forced himself into her mouth. That's when she had attacked again.

She'd left him bleeding and screaming and a second man vomiting, but then she'd been hit in the head from behind. She was certain she was only out for a minute or two, but by the time she came to, they'd already torn her clothes off and bound her hands behind her back, and she was still too groggy to fight them, and this time, she knew she wouldn't get away. But the worst was hearing them talk about how their three friends were idiots for leaving, that they were going to miss the fun, that there was no one left to find. In that moment, she knew they'd find Armin.

And then suddenly the hand in her hair was gone and there were gunshots and screaming. She wasn't sure what was happening. When a blood-drenched, wild-eyed madman had confronted her, she shrank from him, only belatedly realizing it was Armin. She hadn't even recognized him; he hadn't looked like himself at all. She'd never seen him like that before and hoped to never again. She couldn't believe she and Eren had both failed Armin so badly, that he'd been forced to kill those men all by himself.

She and Eren should have known better than to be distracted like that out here. They were stupid for assuming they'd be relatively safe, just because there likely wouldn't be any Titans, unless someone like Annie or one of the other unusual ones launched a surprise attack. After that exercise that had gone wrong in training, when they'd been attacked by those bandits, and Krista abducted as a hostage, they should have known anything could happen. If Armin hadn't been on guard, they'd have all died, horribly, or maybe only wished they had. If those bastards had hurt Armin or Eren the way they tried to hurt her…they shot Armin! Knowing he was hurt made her furious. She wanted to kill them all over again.

She shifted too fast and hissed, holding her ribs. Fortunately, they were only bruised, not cracked or broken. Considering the shoe shaped bruise that covered her ribcage from her left breast to her navel, she'd gotten off easily. And at least Eren didn't know everything that had happened. She wished Armin didn't, either. She could see how upset he was.

She was glad these men at least seemed to respect Armin, for how he'd handled himself. She knew Levi would be proud of him too, even though he'd be furious with her and Eren. And probably Armin, too, for not being near the fire, she belatedly realized.

"Here is breakfast for you also," the cook said, holding out a plate to her. She took one look at the sausage on the plate, slapped her hand over her mouth and bolted for the trees, barely getting to the nearest one before she started retching. _Damn it!_ That was unexpected. She'd thought that she was stronger than that, but though the alcohol had washed the taste out of her mouth, the vile memory remained. She cradled her ribs as she emptied her stomach, and almost decked Eren, before realizing the hand on her back was his. She had to pull herself together, or Eren was going to get suspicious.

"I thought you said you didn't get hit that hard," Eren said in sharp concern.

"I didn't. It's must be a stomach bug, or something," she dissembled as Demetrios came over to them. "I'm fine. It's not my head. Or my ribs. Smelling the sausage, it just didn't agree with me," she insisted, glaring at Demetrios, not wanting him to upset Eren any more than he already was.

"Are you feeling dizzy or light-headed?" he asked solicitously.

She sighed, realizing he was just trying to aid her. "No. No double vision. No other symptoms of a concussion. Like I told Eren, maybe I'm just getting sick."

"Forgive me for asking, but please remember I am a medic. Could you be pregnant?" he asked, sounding apologetic.

Mikasa felt her face flush darkly and she knew Eren's was probably too, though she didn't look at him. "No. That's not physically possible. I mean, yesterday afternoon was…so no. It would be too soon. And I took something. Scouts can't afford to get pregnant."

"What do you mean you took something?" Eren asked, sounding indignant, and angry and upset and…_shit._

"Eren, I love you. I'm not about to leave you and Armin alone. You need me. And I'm not going to bring a child into this world until I know it won't get eaten," she said plainly, turning toward him.

He opened his mouth as if he was going to argue just as a knife of pain stabbed her from her injured ribs. "Or watch me get eaten," she snapped.

The look of pain and betrayal on his face made her curse herself. "Eren, I didn't mean to…" But it was too late: he was turning from her, storming off.

_Shit. _She knew, because of her, he was picturing his mother again, dying so horrifically.

"How could you say that to him?" Armin asked, his voice full of shock and disappointment, making her own guilt that much worse.

"Because we're not all as fucking perfect as you, Armin!" she lashed out, without even thinking. She expected to see his kicked puppy look. Instead, his eyes were filled with shadows.

"You both almost died, because of me. Again. You always almost die because of me. Like when Eren got eaten saving me. Or when I was caught Underground. You're here because I have a stupid crush on a little girl who doesn't even exist anymore. She held a knife to my throat and told me she'd kill me if she saw me again, and I still have to go see her. I'm such an idiot! I'm always screwing up, and the two of you are always suffering because of it. But one day, you both won't be perfect enough to save both me and you, and you'll both die trying. Go home, Mikasa. Both of you. Just go. I can do this on my own. I would have, if Miller didn't make me bring Eren, and you only came because he did."

"That's not true. Stop thinking you're a liability to us. We've told you before you're not. And I didn't only come because of Eren. I came because of you too. I'm sorry, Armin. I just…he's angry with me. Everything was such a mess, but then, for just a little while, it was as close to perfect as I'll ever have, but...now it's even worse."

"You need to tell him everything, or he won't understand," Armin urged.

"I can't. He won't ever forgive himself. Or me. He doesn't think he's worth it. But he's worth anything. Everything."

0 0 0

"I hope one day he realizes how lucky he is to have you," Armin said sincerely. "We should head out. To the Capital. We only have three more days. The last thing we need it to be AWOL again." He headed for Lieutenant Konstantinos.

"Lieutenant, my friends and I are going to continue on to the Capital. I wanted to thank you for all your help. We really appreciate all you've done for us."

"It is our pleasure to assist you. But you cannot go today. Yeorgos said you have lost too much blood. You cannot ride yet. You need at least one more day here," the Lieutenant argued.

"We can't. We only have three more days leave. We won't make it back in time," Armin argued.

"Do not worry. I outrank you, yes? I order you to stay here. And because this makes you late, I order you to take one more day leave after the three remaining. No, I order you to return safely as soon as possible, once you have concluded your business in the Capital. Now you have no choice, and if there is trouble, it falls on me. But as I say, I am always in trouble, so a little more, it is not so bad for me.

"Now, we need to find something for Scout Ackerman to eat, other than potatoes and bread. But she cannot eat sausage and she cannot eat fish, so…"

"Mikasa loves fish," Armin said in surprise.

The Lieutenant looked confused. "But before, Captain Stephanos, when he was in kitchen, he say Scout Ackerman cannot eat fish, that even the smell, it makes her sick."

Armin blushed. "Oh. That. Um…that wasn't actually because of her. She just said that because…" he bit his lip. He didn't want to lie, but he didn't want to betray Levi's weakness, either.

"It does not matter. If she can eat fish, we have fish. We make her plate. We only did not cook it before, so she would not be ill. You talk to Scout Yeager for her, _ne_? It is not good when people in love, they fight," he said, and then he glanced longingly over at one of the men Armin hadn't met yet. The man looked up, as if sensing eyes on him, glowered and turned pointedly away, and the Lieutenant sighed.

"Is it our fault? That you are fighting?" Armin asked and the Lieutenant looked surprised.

"You see much, yes? No. Costas is mad because I forget his name day. You know name day?" he asked.

"It's the day tied to his given name, right? You celebrate them like we celebrate birthdays. So it's as bad as forgetting a birthday, or anniversary, or other special day," Armin said.

The Lieutenant nodded sadly. "Every year, I give him cookies for his name day, and we kiss, and later, when we are alone, we make love. Is very romantic, yes? But this year, we get extra horses ready, packs for others, wagons, so much to do, we become Scouts, it is crazy. Yesterday, Costas, he waits all day for me to say, 'Xronia polla yia ti yiorte sou!' and to give him cookies and a kiss. But I do nothing. Then in camp last night, he thinks I do it then. But still nothing. Then he tells me, 'I cannot believe you forgot.' And I am idiot, so much to think about, with so many horses, and men, I say, 'I did not forget anything. Everything is perfect. This time, I am in no trouble.' Because the Captain, I know, he will be happy. But Costas, he calls me an ass and he says, 'You forgot me.' And still I do not understand, and then I finally realize, but is much too late.

"Costas, he is very gentle, it takes much to make him angry, but once he is angry, it takes much to make him forgive. To ask forgive, I must have cookies. Here there are no cookies to make apology. So I must wait until Karanese, and all this time, he stays angry, and that make it harder to make better."

"I know you're the Team Leader and the only officer in the Team, but is there a sergeant? Someone second to you, to take command if they need to?" Armin asked.

The Lieutenant frowned and he realized that must have sounded completely wrong. "I didn't mean that in a bad way. I just meant, someone to watch over things, so you could spend time making up with Costas," Armin quickly explained.

"Costas, he is one sergeant, but Petros, he is other. He is little, but he is tough," the Lieutenant said.

"Excellent. Because I have something I want to show you and give to you that I think will help," Armin said.

The Lieutenant followed him to Mikasa's pack curiously. Armin reached into the front pouch and pulled out the sack of the dozen cookies they'd impulsively bought, and he handed it to the Lieutenant. "For you to give to Costas, after you ask Petros to take command for a while, so you can go off into the trees for some privacy, so you can make up," he said.

The Lieutenant opened up the bag and stared, dumbfounded, and then inhaled deeply. "Cookies. You have cookies. They are lemon, they are his favorite." A look of joy lit his face. "I would hug you, but he would see and think wrongly and kill us both. But for this, I cannot give enough thanks. Cookies. In the middle of trees, I have cookies." He grinned and clasped Armin's arm, at the last moment diverting his hand to his uninjured one. "Thank you, my brother. I must go to Petros now, so I can see Costas," he said eagerly, and headed to the knot of three men in Garrison uniforms.

After some animated talking with Petros, with a lot of arm gestures, the Lieutenant approached Costas. Armin watched surreptitiously as he coaxed the frowning man to walk with him in the woods, all the while concealing the bag of cookies behind his back.

Armin stopped watching and looked around for Mikasa and Eren. He found them both sulking at two opposite ends of the camp and sighed. He only hoped he'd be able to help them, too.


	36. Chapter 36 - I Must Be Dreaming

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

****Chapter 36 – I Must Be Dreaming

Erwin awoke in muddled confusion, staring at the ceiling. This wasn't his room. Or his bed, he realized belatedly as he stretched stiff muscles and looked at the back of a familiar sofa. Why was he asleep on his office sofa? Whenever he'd fallen asleep in his office before, it had always been in his chair, at his desk. Had he stumbled over to the sofa, half asleep?

_Oh God. Levi._ He'd dreamt that he'd found Levi, that he was still alive, injured, but alright. It had seemed so real, even though Levi had been in clothes he'd never wear, he was close friends with Scouts he barely even tolerated, he'd been naked on top of Ackerman, Yeager Titan had tried to kill him… Tea. He'd been drinking tea, with Levi. He'd told Levi he loved him and Levi had admitted the same, they'd kissed and… It had been so real, he swore he could actually still smell the fucking tea…

He closed his eyes and cried out, like a wounded animal, not a man, a pathetic sound somewhere between a scream and a whimper, releasing all the anguish in his shredded heart. He couldn't do this anymore.

His pistol was in his desk drawer. He needed to get up, walk the three meters to his desk, and end this. But he couldn't move, he could barely even breathe. He wished he could just make himself stop breathing.

He stiffened as he heard a sound, like footsteps, but not. The click of crutches?

_Oh God._ Was he even truly awake? Was he still dreaming, trapped in a wondrous, nightmare fantasy where Levi was alive? Or had he finally just gone completely mad?

"Erwin, wake up. You're having a nightmare," an impossible voice said, with tenderness and compassion that Erwin had only ever heard before from Levi directed at his dying men.

_Wake up! You need to wake up before you're trapped here forever._ _Insane._

But Levi was here. Was that so bad? To be insane, but able to see Levi, to hear him, to touch him? His sanity was a small price to pay. But what if it got worse? What if Levi turned into a Titan and ate him? Or if he and Mikasa… A terrible keening started in his throat.

"Erwin! Wake up, damn it!" Levi's ghost commanded harshly, as a hand grabbed Erwin's shoulder and shook him.

Erwin yelped and lashed out in wild terror at the impossible touch, unable to surrender his sanity so easily, his hand slamming into something solid, not flesh, but something harder, as his eyes snapped open.

"Fuck! What the hell did that psycho bitch put in your tea? The shit you both drugged me with didn't make me fucking crazy," Levi snapped, glaring at him warily, clinging tightly to his left crutch, standing on his left leg, his right foot held up and off the floor. "You're lucky you hit my crutch and not my leg, you ass, or you wouldn't have been the only one screaming, and I guarantee I would have been loud enough that the whole base would have come running. So are you conscious and coherent enough for me to bend over to pick up my crutch? Because if you hit me again, I'm going to fucking take you out."

It couldn't be. He was asleep. But he wasn't. Was he? Was he truly insane?

"Erwin? Stop looking at me like that! I'm not a fucking Titan. Shit. Don't make me get a doctor. From what Pixis said, there's some sort of conspiracy to get you removed and replaced. You don't want to make that look justified. I didn't eat freaking crackers for dinner and sleep in your desk chair to have you carted off to some hospital."

Erwin hadn't been able to take his eyes off Levi, but now he looked around the room, desperately, for something to cling to, something to prove he was either awake or asleep, sane or insane. His eyes fell on the wall. "There's tea on the wall," Erwin said blankly. The relief at seeing it was too great. The tea on the wall was a dry stain, but the remnants of the puddle on the floor below it looked damp, and the shattered shards of the cup he'd thrown were blatantly visible. It had happened. It was real. The tea was real. Levi was real.

"You're the one who put it there," Levi reminded him.

"But you didn't clean it up," Erwin said numbly, still processing what he was seeing. Levi was real. The kiss was real.

"Tch. What am I, your maid? Clean it up yourself, or order someone to do it," Levi said, with a flip of his hand.

"But…you didn't clean it up. You slept here, with tea on the wall, and a broken cup on the floor," Erwin said, a sliver of doubt worming its way back inside his mind. Levi would never have done that. Would he?

Levi shuddered. "Don't remind me. But I'm covered in honey, so the crumbs and the tea didn't… Damn you," Levi muttered, snatching up his fallen crutch and heading for the Map Room. He emerged a few moments later with his mop clutched in his left hand, over the bar of his crutch, and the handle of the bucket in his right. From the way the bucket was swinging, and Levi was moving, Erwin could tell the detergent, disinfectant, scrub brushes, sponge, cloths and whatever else Levi thought was necessary to deal with the mess must all be inside. The only reason he kept any of those things in there was because Levi needed them to be there. His men openly joked that it was a Map Room, not a Mop Room.

Erwin hurried over to the struggling man, belatedly realizing he was barefoot, save for his bandages, for some bizarre reason. "Let me carry those. You're right, it's my mess. I'll clean it." The handle of the bucket and the mop both felt reassuringly real in Erwin's hands. This was too real, too detailed to be a dream, and if he was insane, he'd surely be imagining far more horrible things. And if this was truly real, he wouldn't order someone else to clean up his mess, because then he'd have to explain why a cup of tea was decorating his wall in the first place, and he didn't want to betray yet another loss of his temper to his men or let them know how close to insanity he'd truly come. But he certainly wasn't about to see Levi in pain, just because he'd thrown a juvenile tantrum.

Erwin emptied the contents of the bucket onto the floor near the broken cup and then brought the empty bucket into his private bathroom. He splashed some water onto his face. The water felt real. He reached for his towel to dry his face, but to his consternation, it was missing, so he wiped his face on his sleeves, then he filled the bucket half full with hot water. He headed back out into the room to the mess for the cleaning supplies, and added detergent and disinfectant to the water. He knelt down and began sweeping up the broken crockery, using the scrub brush as an impromptu broom, in tandem with the dustpan, since the floor was still damp, and he didn't want to get the straw of Levi's whisk broom wet with tea. Then he began scrubbing the wall and floor.

"Tch. I finally get you down on your hands and knees in your office, and you're cleaning. You know, that's not going to help stem my cleaning fetish at all, don't you? In fact, seeing you like that, bent over at my feet with your ass in those tight, white pants, and the heady smell of disinfectant in the air is inspiring a whole new series of fetishes."

Erwin dropped the scrub brush into the bucket, splashing himself and the wall. "Bastard. You know I'm not going to do anything while you're injured, and then you say something like that." The man was obviously trying to kill him.

Levi's smile was slow and predatory as he advanced on his superior, while Erwin watched him warily. Levi bent over to whisper in his ear. "Once your head and my leg aren't an issue anymore, I'm going to see to it that every time you smell disinfectant, you're going to get hard. We'll see which one of us the men think is stranger then," he purred silkily.

_Holy hell. _Erwin scrambled for a comeback that would diffuse the situation and put a damper on Levi's ardor. He refused to risk hurting him, and Levi was right about his head: with his current emotional instability, he would likely end up in tears if they made love now, and he had no desire to put either of them through something that traumatic. They had enough hurdles to overcome. "That would be confusing, since you once told me just looking at me makes you smell raw sewage."

Levi stiffened and crinkled his nose in distaste, sighing. "Bastard. You just had to say it, didn't you? At least I've got this memory to help override the other one now. This one and the couple of thousand in between. You're far more pleasantly odoriferous now, than when you were kneeling before me then." Pain flashed across Levi's face, and his gray eyes darkened as they grew bleak, haunted.

_Shit. Isabel and Furlan. I should have let him torture me. _Erwin got to his feet. "Levi."

"I'm going to take a shower. Get the smell out of my head and the memory with it. At least it won't have to be a cold shower, now. But don't blame me if I don't react quite as enthusiastically to you as I should, next time I see you like that," Levi teased, but it was a half hearted effort, and Erwin could hear the pain behind it.

_Damn it._ The man was definitely hurting, thanks to him, and it wasn't his leg. "Afterwards, why don't you meet with Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert, about your new Squa…damn it! I just meant…see your friends Levi. Talk to them. I'm sorry I hurt you. You know I usually think things through better than this," Erwin said, frustrated. He hated that the orderly progression of his thoughts had become so disrupted, that he was so off kilter.

"Tch, please, I'm not the one who's fragile right now. I honestly do need to shower, but I'm not leaving you here alone to wallow. I'd invite you to join me, but after all this time waiting, I don't think a mutual hand job would satisfy either of us, and I refuse to risk it while your head it still scrambled. How about you take a shower in your own quarters, so you can change for the day, and then I meet you for a late breakfast or early lunch? That way, the men get to see you up and about, and us together, to add fuel to their sordid little vicarious fantasies. Frankly, I'm surprised Hange or one of the others hasn't drilled a hole in one of the walls here, so they can peek."

His own brain might be a jumbled mess right now, but thankfully, Levi knew just what to say. Erwin headed for his socks and boots. He'd finish dealing with the mess later.

"Wait," Levi said, intercepting him.

Levi lifted his socks, his nose crinkling in distaste, and he shook them out, upside down, then turned them inside out and inspected them, then back right-side out again, before handing them to him. "OK. You can put them on now," Levi said, to Erwin's confusion.

Erwin obediently sat and started pulling his sock onto his right foot, when Levi picked his right boot off the floor and banged the heal against the floor a few times, then held it upside down and banged it against the arm of the sofa, before handing it to him, and then he did the same with the left, to Erwin's consternation. Erwin watched as Levi visibly seemed to relax. _What the hell?_

Levi glared at him, and he realized he'd apparently let his puzzlement show on his face.

"What? You may not mind sharing your boots with other living things, but if your feet are going to be on my bed anytime soon, you damned well better make sure there are no legs or antennae under your toenails."

A bug check. Levi was doing a bug check. _Shit._ Did this mean he was going to start washing the dishes and glasses in the cupboards again, before using them? And all the other strange little habits that used to make the other Scouts laugh at him, before they realized laughing at Levi was hazardous to their health? It had been years since he'd done any of that.

"I know you left out some things, in the report you told Pixis," Erwin warily broached the topic. "You glossed over pretty much the entire trip underground, the part in the corridor, but also, there was something major, when the Military Police first confronted you in the Underground. I could see from Yeager's and Arlert's reactions that something was missing. And you let Ackerman watch you fall asleep, at our camp. You never sleep when someone's watching. What happened, Levi?"

Levi sighed. "Nothing I haven't dealt with before. Except for the fish. You can't eat fish anymore, not if you're going to be kissing me with that mouth. And don't expect to see me in the Officer's Mess, if anyone else is eating it either. I need a shower. I was holding your dirty socks. I slept in my clothes. I slept in my boots. I need to go," Levi said, heading for the door, all but growling as he bent down and started struggling with Erwin's weapons chest, which had somehow become lodged against the door.

Erwin realized that must have been Levi's doing, likely for added security during the night, since his lock was obviously worthless. It wouldn't have kept a determined person out for long, but it screeching across the floor as the office was breeched would certainly have woken Levi in time to protect them. "Let me do that," Erwin chastised. Just because Levi had put it there didn't mean he had to move it again, not while he was still relying on those crutches.

"Will I still see you in the Officer's Mess?" Erwin asked Levi's retreating back from the doorway, as his subordinate swung away from the room, rapidly.

"I fucking ate crackers for dinner because of you, you ass. Of course I'll be there," Levi called over his shoulder. "What the fuck are you looking at?" he snapped, as he sped past Berner in the hallway, who had made the mistake of not getting out of his way fast enough.

Berner approached Erwin. "Sir! You look well. Hange was concerned when she saw your bed hadn't been slept in and…um…when it didn't appear you had been in anyone else's," he added, flicking his eyes towards Levi's already distant back.

"She wasn't actually suicidal enough to go into Levi's room again without his permission?" Erwin asked, half dreading the answer.

"No sir! Of course not! Not after the last time, although she still isn't sure how he knew she'd been there. Zacharius said he must have smelled her, but well, certainly **he** might have, but I don't think…but, um, sir…I was coming to look for you, to see you about Hange. The new officers…if you could help explain that when she cut Captain Stephanos's line, in her eyes, it was necessary, that she hadn't meant it personally, or as insubordination, or an attack or…or perhaps, Captain Levi, once he is um…in a better mood? But not if it would cause further strife between you two, of course. He, um…seemed to be a bit annoyed with you, when he passed me," Berner hedged.

"No. He's fine. He was just being Levi. He needs to shower and change, and then we're both going to head to the Officer's Mess, for breakfast or lunch. I need to shower and change myself. But you can assure Hange I had a good night's sleep. Apparently thanks to her, though her timing left more than a little to be desired. In fact, I need you to give her a message for me. Tell her if she drugs my tea again, without my consent, she won't need to worry about her fellow officers ever again, because she'll be busted back down to Scout and confined to latrine duty for the remainder of her very short life," Erwin said coolly.

"Um…yes sir. I'll um…get on that right now, sir," Berner said, saluting and making a hasty retreat. Then he turned and grinned. "It's good to have you back, sir!" Then he hurried down the corridor.

Feeling more like himself than he had in over a week, Erwin headed for his room.


	37. Chapter 37 - Betrayals

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 37 – Betrayals

Erwin was relieved to see Levi finally enter the Officer's Mess, looking like his usual bleached and starched and pressed self, save for the pulled stitching on the right leg of his immaculate white uniform pants. Erwin admired every centimeter of his slender little subordinate with a new appreciation, drinking in each subtly rippling lean muscle. Levi was alive, he was his, and he was going to enjoy every second he could watching, and hopefully soon, touching the man.

"Stop fucking me with your eyes. People are watching," Levi snarled, as he sat down at the table across from him.

Damn. Apparently the shower hadn't put the prickly man in a better mood. "What's wrong?"

"I want my damned leg back! Do you have any idea how hard it is to thoroughly clean a tub when you can't kneel properly? Who the fuck had the brilliant idea of putting bathtubs in the Officers' Quarters in the first place? Like any sane person would want to soak in his own filth. All I need is the showerhead and a stall floor. Why can't we just have showers, like the rest of the men?" Levi bitched.

The men used a communal shower. No way was he allowing anyone else to see Levi naked. "Some people like taking baths. Soaking away the soreness from strained muscles, the tension after a long, hard day," Erwin said, taking a deep drink of juice.

"That's what fucking's for. Give me a long, hard cock over filthy bathwater any day," Levi snapped.

Erwin choked and sprayed his juice all over the table, fortunately just missing Levi.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? What are you, twelve? Honestly, Armin gets less flustered than you, when I flirt with him," Levi scoffed, glaring at him and the table in disgust.

Erwin slammed the glass down onto the table, shattering it. "What the fuck is wrong with **me**? What the hell crawled up **your** ass? And it better not have been Arlert or Yeager. Why the fuck are you flirting with **Arlert**?" Erwin bellowed back.

"Shit! Erwin, you're bleeding!" Levi cried, snatching up the formerly pristine white napkin that was now splattered with juice, and reaching for his hand.

"Answer the damned question!" Erwin roared, pulling his hand away.

"Not until you let me see your hand!" Levi demanded, rolling over the table and grabbing his hand, tugging it towards him.

Erwin yanked it back, misjudging how determined Levi was to see it. Levi didn't let go, but instead flew into him, knocking him out of his chair and tackling him onto the floor, where to his growing fury, he was effectively pinned.

Both of the new Captains and two of the new Lieutenants ran up and Levi started yammering at them in Greek, as if he'd spoken it all his life. Pixis had known he'd spoken Greek. Levi had fucking broken into his office to visit the bald bastard. Was teaching Pixis to pick locks the only payment the man had demanded for his silence? Or had Levi maybe sucked the man's cock, too, to shut him up? After what Pixis had said in Stohess to that other Captain, he wouldn't be surprised. How many of those men in his special Squads had Pixis sampled?

"Commander Erwin! Don't make me sedate you again!" Hange yelled, right in his face.

Where the hell had Hange come from? Erwin kept struggling, glaring up at Levi and then he froze. That wasn't Levi. It was Captain Grunwald holding him, pinning him. _What the fuck?_ "Where the hell is Levi?"

"Don't loosen your grip! He might be playing possum. Or completely batshit crazy at this point. Just don't let him go," Hange urged.

"I wouldn't dare risk it. Stavros isn't too happy with him at the moment. He's lucky it wasn't Andreas he attacked," the new Captain said.

Attacked? He'd attacked someo... "Levi! What happened? What did I do?"

"You mean you don't remember? You sucker punched him. Twice. First in the jaw, and then in the leg. His injured leg," Hange said, peering at him as intently as if he was one of her test subjects that had just done something intriguing.

"I hit Levi? In the face? In his leg?" Erwin asked in disbelief.

"Shit. As soon as Doctor Donaldson is done checking Levi, you need to see him. All those symptoms you've been having, I thought it was from your concussion, but I think you might have Acute Stress Disorder too, if you're getting violent without even realizing it, attacking and blacking it out afterwards. Crap. We can't let Miller know about this. We need to put a different spin on it, or he's going to go to Zackly to get you removed from command."

She turned to the new German captain. "Captain Grunwald, I'm sure Commander Pixis wouldn't want you to let that happen. He wouldn't have listened to me, and brought the Commander with him to Stohess, if he hadn't wanted to help him," Hange reasoned.

Hange was the reason Pixis had come to see him? So Zackly had never ordered it at all? He'd known Pixis was a brilliant strategist and tactician, and oftentimes less than conventional, but he hadn't realized the extent of the risks he'd been taking. Admiration for the man once again flared, completely baffling him. A moment ago he would have tried to kill the man, if he'd seen him. _Shit._ He'd thought he's survived the battle, but apparently, he was just another casualty after all, only far more deserving of falling than the men he'd sent to their deaths.

"Shit! Erwin, no! Whatever you're thinking, stop thinking it. You're going to get through this. It's temporary. Levi's going to be fine, and so are you. You just need time, some downtime. Doctor Donaldson! Levi's going to be fine, right? You need to tell Erwin that," Hange urged desperately, as the doctor approached.

The doctor knelt at Erwin's side, his expression stony. He took his patient's bloody hand in his own, tsking over it, and began cleaning it, then wrapped it in a bandage. Then he checked Erwin's eyes and his pulse, as Erwin heard the click of approaching crutches. Was it his imagination, or did they sound slower, less steady, and more heavily relied upon than before? There was the sound of other steps beside or behind Levi's, muffling them, so he couldn't be sure.

"Your prognosis, Doctor?"

Erwin barely recognized Levi's voice. It was as cold and hard as ice, and when he looked up, Levi was ignoring him, staring strictly at Donaldson. From the redness of his left cheek, he'd likely have one hell of a bruise soon. Levi's pale skin bruised easily. Erwin was glad he hadn't eaten. He suddenly felt like he was going to throw up.

"Commander Erwin is **physically** unfit for duty. It is my official recommendation that he be relieved of his command for a minimum of one week, in order to recover from the **physical** effects of his head injury," the Doctor said coolly.

"What?" Hange said, in shock. "No, wait! You can't. It's not his fault. He doesn't even remember he attacked Levi. It's not the damned concussion. I think its Acute Str…"

"Silence Squad Leader Hange. That's an order," Levi snapped.

Levi turned to face Erwin, his expression glacial. "Commander Erwin, at the recommendation of Doctor Donaldson, I pronounce you medically unfit for duty, and as your second in command, I hereby relieve you of your command, and assume command of the Survey Corps as Acting Commander. Captains Stephanos and Grunwald, you are both witness to the change in command," Levi said, as he reached down and took the bolo tie from around Erwin's neck, and transferred it to his own, as Erwin stared at him, stunned and motionless.

"Captain Stephanos, you are hereby appointed as my second in command. Captain Grunwald, you are now third in command. Squad Leader Miller remains fourth in the chain of command, and Squad Leader Hange, you remain fifth. Captain Grunwald, you and Lieutenant O'Donnell escort Erwin Smith to his quarters.

"Captain Stephanos, beginning immediately I want two guards at Erwin Smith's door at all times for his protection, while he recovers. No one is to enter his quarters without my authorization, and he is not to leave without my explicit permission. Lieutenant Theorides, bring my lunch along with your own and Captain Stephanos's to my new office. Captain Stephanos, join us there, after you make the new guard schedule. You are all dismissed."

Hange leapt to her feet, thrusting her face only centimeters from Levi's. "You little Napoleanic shit! How dare you…"

"Berner, shut up your Squad Leader and remove her from my sight, unless you want to see her spend the next week in the brig," Levi snapped coldly, and then spun around smartly, turning his back to her.

She lunged angrily for him, but both Stephanos and Theorides blocked her, and then Berner had her by the arm. "Zoe, stop. You need to calm down and back off," he pleaded.

Grunwald stood and held out a hand to assist Erwin to his feet. He took the hand numbly, and stood. How had everything gotten so messed up? Everything had been fine, for the first time in literally more days than he could remember, and now… He'd hit Levi. Twice.

How was he ever going to regain his hard won trust? With Levi's history, any kind of betrayal was a death knell to their relationship, but to have hit him… The thought of losing his command should have shaken him far worse, but he honestly didn't even care. Levi could keep his damned command, if only he could keep Levi.

0 0 0

Levi wanted to throw up, and not just because of the agony knifing through his leg. He'd refused to take the painkiller Donaldson had tried to prescribe. Erwin had hit him. The pain in his leg was nothing, compared to that. Hange said Erwin didn't even remember attacking him, and from the look on Erwin's face, he could see it was true.

That wasn't all she'd said. Hange had apparently reached the same conclusion as Donaldson. There was more wrong with Erwin's head than the concussion. That's what made him sick to his stomach, knowing that something was seriously wrong with the man he loved, and not being able to do anything about it, other than seeing he got the uninterrupted rest he'd needed all along, and just hope he recovered.

Hope. Tch. He might as well fucking pray. Both were completely useless, futile. He'd learned that cold hard lesson years ago. It had been beaten into him repeatedly, literally. He wasn't that pathetic weakling anymore. Erwin needed to get better, so he'd make damned sure he did. Hope had nothing to do with it.

He'd made sure Donaldson officially stated that Erwin was physically unable to retain command, not mentally unfit, and then Hange had damned near wrecked it by opening her big mouth. Her coddling Erwin wasn't helping him. That's why he'd made sure both her and her misguided efforts and Miller and his intentional betrayal were effectively neutralized, by promoting Stephanos and Grunwald above both of them in the chain of command.

Levi took out the spare key to Erwin's office that Erwin had given him years ago, but he had never used, and unlocked the door. Every other time, he'd picked the lock, just to stay in practice, but the key helped legitimize his new position.

It was a good thing his new office had a private bathroom. Levi barely made it to the toilet before throwing up. When he was finished, he stared into the polluted water in disgust and flushed away the filth with more filth. Then he turned to the sink and hesitated.

He turned on the water and watched it run, before gritting his teeth and forcing his hands under the flow. He grabbed the soap and lathered furiously, knowing how futile it was. He'd realized earlier, in his bathroom, in his shower. This was the water bugs shit and died in. He used it to wash his clothes, sheets and towels. To shower. To wash his hair. To brush his damned teeth. To fucking drink. He turned back to the toilet and gagged over it, dry heaving, save for a thin, pathetic trickle of bile.

Erwin had wanted to know what was wrong with him, before in the office, because of his stupid ingrained ritual with the socks and boots, one of the many quirks he'd finally overcome, in his new home, the Survey Corps. He'd wanted to know a lot more than that. But he'd only told him about the fish, and not the reason for it.

He was so damned flawed, and Erwin was so fucking perfect. He couldn't give him another chance to realize how stupid he was being, loving him. Erwin deserved so much better than him. Not some pathetic weakling, like that bitch Marie, but someone like Pixis, or Stephanos, or hell, just about any of the 200 new men. Not some fucked in the head gutter filth like him. He'd been more than that once, but he'd spent too long in other peoples' sewage to ever deserve someone like Erwin.

There was a knock at the door to the office. Levi forced himself to rinse his mouth with the water, and spit it out after, without gagging. He went to Erwin's desk and took off the towel, flipping it over, to the side that had lain on the desk, not the one his boots had been on. Not as if it mattered. He wiped his face with the gleaming white bug shit towel and headed for Erwin's door. His door. He opened it and ushered Theorides inside, the smell of the covered lunch he carried making him want to vomit again.

"You had no choice," Theorides volunteered speaking in Greek, apparently thinking that was why he looked sick and smelled like vomit. "What you did was for the best. He will recover now, he will heal. We will force him to get better. It is you, now, who looks more sick. Your leg is paining you, yes?" Theorides asked.

"It's nothing. I'm fine," Levi replied, in the same language. Anyone who tried to overhear wouldn't learn a damned thing. "We need to strategize, to make sure we give a consistent message to the men. I'm not worried about your men, Stephanos's or Grunwald's. It's the others. They pretty much worship Erwin, except for the fucking traitor who tried to kill us all. We need to find out who betrayed us. That's why I only want your men guarding Erwin, ones I know I can trust. Any of the others could be our traitor. Except for Eren, Mikasa and Armin. I trust them. We need them here. I don't give a shit if they're on leave, I need to see them. Go to the barracks and get them for me," Levi ordered.

"Yes sir," Theorides said stonily, snapping to attention and turning for the door.

"Fuck. Don't expect me to say please, Theorides. I'm not Pixis," Levi snapped.

Theorides turned back around, a look of surprise on his face. "I know. You are not mother hen, you are alpha wolf. You order, the pack obeys. I did not take offense. It is honor to obey. I only show my respect, yes?"

"Good. Alright then. Go," Levi demanded.

"Yes sir!" the Lieutenant said crisply, saluting, as he headed out.

That was a relief. Levi hadn't wanted any ridiculous drama. He had enough freaking drama without adding more.

Stephanos arrived before Theorides returned. Levi encouraged him in Greek to eat lunch. He had no stomach for it himself. The water they cooked with and washed the pots and dishes and utensils in was from the same damned polluted source.

"Thank you, Commander, but I will wait for Andreas, if you do not mind. We try to eat together whenever we can."

Levi nodded wordlessly. As long as the food didn't go to waste, he didn't give a shit.

When Theorides finally returned, he was alone. "Forgive me, Commander. Your friends, they are not on base. I search everywhere, and when I ask the others, they say they did not sleep in the barracks last night, and they have not seen them yet today. They think perhaps Yeager and Ackerman go to be alone and perhaps Arlert to guard them?"

"Fucking terrific. I want to be notified as soon as they return. Meanwhile, we need to make sure Erwin is safe and the base is secure." Levi knew his priorities should be the other way around, but he didn't give a damn. He was not losing Erwin to some damned Titan spy.

0 0 0

Hange opened the door to Zacharius' office silently, and tiptoed in. His office was right next door to Commander Erwin's. She couldn't risk Levi hearing, but she had to know what their own little Brutus was planning. She froze, thinking she was discovered, until she realized the voices she was hearing inside the room weren't directed at her. She apparently wasn't the first person to have the idea to spy from inside.

"Damn it, Jean, give me the glass, if you can't hear anything," Sasha Blouse huffed.

"I didn't say I couldn't hear," Jean Kirstein grumbled. "I said I couldn't understand a damned thing they said. They're not speaking any language I know. A number of those new guys are Greek, right? Well, apparently Captain Levi speaks it, because he's yakking away right along with them. Other than hearing him say their names, I didn't understand a word. But maybe they're not in trouble after all, because no matter how pissed off the Captain sounded, he actually called them by their first names. Not just Yeager, all three of them, even Mikasa."

"I told you the four of them were buddies now. Apparently Mikasa's only a frigid bitch when it comes to you, Jean. It looks like she didn't have any trouble spreading her legs for the Captain," Connie Springer sneered.

Jean dove onto him, grabbing him by the throat, while Sasha barely caught the glass in time to keep it from breaking.

"Quiet, you idiots, or we're all in trouble," Hange hissed, regretting it in the next moment, when all three of them yelped loudly, spinning to face her in panic.

"Shut the hell up!" Hange whisper-shouted. "Are you trying to get us all thrown in the brig?"

"Um…Squad Leader Hange? This isn't what it looks like," Jean whispered.

"Yeah, there's no meat in here to steal," Sasha bemoaned.

"We're doomed," Connie groaned fatalistically.

"Shut up and give me the damned glass," Hange ordered.

Cowed, Sasha handed it to her. She pressed the glass to the wall and her ear to the glass, muttering, "One of these days I'm just going to drill a damned hole."

0 0 0

Levi glared at the wall. "Damned rats," he muttered. He swung silently over to the wall, balanced carefully on his crutches, and then slammed his left foot into the wall. He heard a chorus of muted screams and shrieks, the muffled tinkle of breaking glass, and then the sound of frantic footfalls, and a door slamming against the wall.

"Idiots." He didn't give a shit who was trying to listen. Whoever it was, they were a bunch of amateurs. Their Titan spy would certainly have been far more devious.

0 0 0

Hange shook her head as she soundlessly closed the door to the room, frowning. She'd glimpsed Miller's back, as he watched the other three flee. She hoped they weren't going to get into serious trouble, but she couldn't worry about them now. She pulled out her stethoscope and listened at the wall again. Much clearer than the glass! And unlike the three who had left, while a bit of a struggle for her, she at least knew some rudimentary Greek. It was one of the languages of science, after all. She'd soon know whatever else Levi might be planning in this coup of his, the little prick.


	38. Chapter 38 - Family Skeletons

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Because of the introductory words to the manga, "To You, 2,000 Years from Now", many people believe Attack on Titan took place in earth's past, 2,000 years ago. However, characters are also listed in various materials as being of American or French or other national descent, and there are also elements of technology that don't fit that sort of timeline. From things I have seen and read, I view it as taking place in a dystopian future, rather than in the past or on another world altogether, a future Earth where, because of the plague of the Titans, mankind has been reduced to somewhere between Medieval, Renaissance and Industrial Revolution/Steampunk technology. There are, after all, cannons and guns and maneuver gear, and giant Walls erected using lost engineering technologies. I also have my own hypothesis on the origin of the Titans, which would bear this out. **

**As a result, in my story, you might have noticed the boats in the Aqueduct 3 maintenance corridor were made of plastic, a wondrous all but lost material. And Pixis mentioned French and British elite military units, when speaking about his Special Forces troops. Similarly, the journal entry contained within this chapter describes that dystopian future Earth, and the book titles in the Library in Chapter 40 reflect it as well.**

**Greek translation:**

_**agapimeni - **_**sweetheart**

Chapter 38 – Family Skeletons

Armin was pleased to see Costas and Lieutenant Konstantinos happily together, before they left camp, and relieved that Eren and Mikasa were talking again as well, though the latter still had a number of issues to work out. He hated seeing his friends unhappy. The worst was, he couldn't even help, because he'd only make it worse and end up with both of them angry with him. He knew, because he'd tried before, when they were only friends. Now that Eren and Mikasa were sleeping together, in a lot of ways their relationship was far more fragile. He only hoped that Levi and Erwin were having a better time of it, back at their base.

He still wasn't sure the Lieutenant had the authority to extend their leave, but he'd been insistent about it, even more so, out of gratitude to Armin for helping him patch things up with his lover. It had been a little depressing, knowing he was the only one in the camp who was alone, especially since a few of their friends had also hooked up, after the last mission. Apparently Sasha and Connie were seeing one another now, as were Ymir and Krista. Everyone knew Bertolt and Reiner had always been together, though they still hadn't admitted it. And now even Eren and Mikasa were finally a couple. His friends were pairing up two by two, all except for him.

Part of him, the selfish part, hoped Hypatia was alone, that she was as lonely as he was. The other part just wanted her to be happy. But maybe she could be happy with him. If not…there was always Jean. Jean was alone, too. He knew Jean was interested in Mikasa, not him, and he was pretty sure Jean didn't like guys that way. If he had, he and Marco would have been together. Unless there had been a different reason? Maybe Marco was too nice? Nice was boring. People thought he was nice too, but now he was a murderer. Which actually would be a really sick reason to want someone.

"Armin, you're thinking too hard," Mikasa chastised.

Her words made him smile. She sounded just like Levi. He sighed, a little wistfully. Levi still scared him, a little, but…if Levi hadn't been so obviously in love with Erwin…he knew Levi had said he wasn't his type. But still, after some of the things he'd said, maybe….

0 0 0

After they broke camp and parted from the other Scouts, they continued their journey, the rest of which was thankfully uneventful. They made it to Stohess without a problem, and then into the Capital. They stabled their horses at the Garrison 3 stables, because the Survey Corps didn't have an active stable in the Capital, and they wanted to be sure their horses were safe and well looked after. Then they headed for the entrance to the Underground, donning their hooded cloaks in an alleyway. They covered the packs, uniforms, maneuver gear and weapons with their cloaks, giving them all an odd, hunchbacked appearance.

People looked at them differently now. Scouts weren't often seen in the Capital, so before the people they'd passed had either ignored them, or looked at them in surprise, or sometimes in respect or even in amused disdain. Now they looked at them suspiciously, even fearfully. Armin was glad the entrance to the Underground wasn't too far away. He hadn't realized the cloaks would draw attention to them aboveground. He hoped they had the desired effect belowground at least.

They found the entrance to the Underground without any trouble and began carefully backtracking the route they'd taken to the surface. As they retraced their steps in reverse, at some of the intersections all three of them had to pause and debate the correct way to turn. Armin was glad Eren and Mikasa were with him. He might well have gotten lost, if he'd come alone. After the first few such intersections, they began subtly marking their trail near the floor, so the tiny but distinctive stylized "F", for Freeranger, would be less likely to be noticed by anyone else. They couldn't afford to get lost on the way out, now that they didn't have Captain Levi to lead them.

Once they were in the Underground, the belowground city proper, the real challenge began, as they stuck close to the buildings, as the others they saw did, and Armin tried to match the streets he was seeing with the map in his head of the route to the Library that he and his grandfather had taken so long ago. So far, nothing looked familiar, but then, he was seeing it from a different perspective, too, a somewhat higher height, and with an adult's eyes, not a child's.

He belatedly realized he should have tried to find out whether Hypatia or any of her men had been captured by the Military Police, although it would have been hard to learn whether or not they had. The Military Police and Scouts looked down on one another. He hoped everyone had made it safely away.

Finally, just when he was starting to think they might be stuck down there for days without finding their way, they came to a street that Armin recognized, not from days ago, with Levi, but from years ago, when he had come down there with his grandfather. He eagerly began heading toward the Library, or at least, where it had been then. He hoped they hadn't moved it. Belatedly he realized they well might, to help stay hidden, although his grandfather hadn't mentioned that and their building had been pretty impressive.

When he finally saw the familiar building, his heart started to pound. "That's it. The one on the left."

"But it looks totally abandoned," Eren said, in disappointment.

Armin shrugged. "It looked that way when I was here with Grandfather too. Come on. Remember, I need to go first. And let me do the talking."

"Just be ready to flee, if we need to. We drop our packs and run, use our maneuver gear to get away. Let her read the letter in the book and then we come back ten hours later, once she's had a chance to read it, and think about what you wrote, and see what we brought them," Mikasa counseled.

Armin nodded. He'd written the letter in camp, the day they'd been forced to stay there, while he recovered enough from the blood loss to travel safely. He hoped to speak to Hypatia in person, but he knew she didn't trust him.

They approached the building warily. Armin was certain they were being watched, now. His heart pounded even harder, as he approached the door and it fluttered, when he saw the familiar symbol of the owl, this time in metal, in the shape of a doorknocker. He wrapped the knocker against the door six times, once for each letter in Athena's name. When the little metal plate slid aside, in anticipation of the passcode, his mouth suddenly felt so dry, he was afraid he'd be unable to speak.

"Arlert, son of Athena. I come seeking knowledge, the key to true freedom," he warbled, instead of speaking solemnly and clearly as his grandfather had. But it apparently didn't matter, because after a brief hesitation, the door swung slowly open.

Armin took a deep breath and walked inside, Mikasa and Eren at his heels.

Armin let out a strangled yelp, as the barrel of a gun was thrust against his cheek.

"You have balls, using your name, and coming here, after I recognized you, after I told you what I'd do the next time I saw you," Hypatia said coldly.

"Don't hurt my friends!" Armin squeaked, his heart pounding. He had to protect Mikasa and Eren! "I brought Grandfather's book! It's yours too, everything we brought except for that was already for you, just please let them go."

"We're not leaving without you," Mikasa snapped, ignoring the gun pressed into her side.

"You have no idea who you're messing with," Eren threatened, in spite of the gun jammed into his back.

"No, Eren, don't! I don't want to hurt them!" Armin cried desperately, knowing what Eren was threatening.

Hypatia laughed, coldly. "Hurt **us**?"

"Lady Hypatia! They didn't come alone!" an anxious voice cried.

"What?" Armin yelped. "But we did! I mean, if there's someone else, they're not with us." _Did someone follow us? For how long? How far?_ His heart was pounding twice as hard as before, and suddenly he felt dizzy, lightheaded. That was bad. He needed to stay alert, to think clearly, to…he swayed and stumbled, reaching out to catch himself.

"Armin!" Mikasa yelled.

Something hard slammed into him and he fell, crushed by the weight on top of him as almost simultaneously he heard a single gunshot and cursing, before he heard Hypatia yell, "Stop! Ceasefire!"

_Eren! Mikasa!_

"Eren! Were you hit?" Mikasa's frantic voice cried almost directly in Armin's ear, and he belatedly realized she was the one on top of him, and thankfully, wasn't the one who was shot.

"Fuck! They were aiming at Armin. I thought…lucky for them, we're all fine," Eren snapped, and suddenly Armin could breathe again, even with Mikasa squishing him.

There was the sound of frantic pounding on the door, and then six sharp raps with the knocker, and a muffled voice. "It's Dorotheos! Don't shoot them! Let me in!"

"Open it! Quickly! Cover him!" Hypatia commanded.

The door was opened, and a cloaked figure darted in. He dropped immediately to the ground beside them. "Damn it. Armin, Mikasa, which one of you was hit? Where? Eren, try to stay calm," the man who just entered ordered. But it couldn't be!

"Commander Pixis? What are you doing here, sir?" Armin asked, bewildered.

There was an outcry, a curse and a sigh. "I really wish you hadn't called me that here, son," he said ruefully, and Armin saw to his alarm that the three gun barrels were now jabbing into the Commander's back.

"Seriously? They brought the head of the entire damned Garrison with them!" one of the men yelled.

"He's not here to arrest anyone! You aren't, are you Uncle?" Hypatia asked, a note of pleading in her voice.

"Of course not, _agapimeni_. I came to make certain you were safe, to see if anyone was injured from the Military Police attack a few days ago and needed a medic, and to tell you I arranged an escape for your man Thomas, though it took a bit of doing. I'd have brought him with me, but he's in a doctor's care, and it's not safe to move him, yet. I'm sorry, honey, but the Military Police worked him over pretty badly, when he was in their custody, before I could get him out.

"I didn't hear about this latest raid ahead of time, and after the fact, it seems I received incomplete information in a debriefing and didn't hear about it then, either. But fortunately, I could tell something was left out, and I was paranoid enough that I sent a few of my men to check and see if there had been any arrests down here recently, which is how I found Thomas. Then, when some of my men told me Armin, Eren and Mikasa had returned and stabled their horses at our base, and described what they were carrying, and I thought they might be headed down here, so I figured now was as good a time as any to visit. I'm glad I came when I did.

"Hypatia honey, if you could tell these three men to get their guns out of my back, I'd really appreciate it. I wouldn't want someone to accidentally sneeze at an inconvenient moment," Pixis said coolly.

"Jasper, Darrow, Keith. Please don't shoot Uncle Dorotheos. I know he's not much to look at, but he's the only family I have left," Hypatia said, sounding worn to the bone again.

"Your Uncle Dorotheos, this man we have known for years, is Commander Dot Pixis?" one of the other men asked incredulously, as if still trying to wrap his mind around it.

"Yes, Jerrod. Although technically, he is actually my cousin. But he's so much older than I am, I have always just called him 'Uncle', as my father did before me. Dot is a nickname, short for Dorotheos. His name means 'God's gift' in our tongue, but it's not his fault it's so pretentious. He actually gave himself the nickname usually used for the female form of his name, Dorothy, because he doesn't feel anyone else should bear my ancestor's name, when it is still wrongfully tarnished. He has always hoped to one day clear it. He's named after my grandfather, and my great-great grandfather, before him, the latter of whom was actually an infamous traitor to the City.

"By our people's tradition, Uncle Dorotheos should instead have been named after his own ancestor, Thesmophoros, who had the irony to be named "law-bringer". The firstborn son is usually named after the grandfather, as the firstborn daughter is named after the grandmother. We've done so for millennia.

"If it makes you feel any better, it will perhaps enlighten you to know that in our family, as crimes go, any betrayal of family, fratricide, for instance, is frowned upon far more strongly than treason against the government, with good reason. I am happy to carry on the tradition of the latter, considering the current state of our illustrious government is as pitiful as it was over a century ago, when my great-great grandfather was indirectly murdered by Uncle Dorotheos's.

"Please, let the others up and bring everyone inside, and I will tell you the sad story, if you wish to hear it. If we were going to be attacked by the Garrison, it would have happened by now already. It is true Uncle Dorotheos commands them, but only because some people choose to work within the system, in an attempt to change it. It might reassure you to know that he also owns more than one banned book and has entrusted to me many others. He does not believe books should be banned, or burned, that any knowledge is wrong to have. Knowledge sets us free, even when we are all caged in this great pen like sheep, only awaiting the Titans to eat us all."

There was muttering from above, and Commander Pixis sighed. "Thank you. I'm going to have an interesting shaped bruise on my back ribs, come tomorrow. I suppose that's one silver lining of my current dry spell of lovers. There's no one to see it and get upset."

Armin couldn't believe Pixis would say something like that, make a joke at his own expense, in such a tense situation, but in the next moment, he admired him for it. He made it so hard for anyone to ever feel endangered by him. It had enabled him to work into a position of power, without anyone seeing him as a threat to their own. Until the Titan attack on Trost, no one had ever taken Pixis seriously, least of all, the bulk of his own men.

Pixis continued. "Forgive me for causing so much commotion, Hypatia, but I was eager to see you, for a reason other than the attack against you and your captured man. I've discovered there's actually more to the story, now. I know your men all likely think as poorly of the Survey Corps as they do of the rest of us, sadly, even though the Corps gives their lives to protect us all.

"But Hypatia, I think you understand a little better, and I thought you'd want to know that through his actions, the very ones that led to great-great uncle Dorotheos's sacrifice of his own life, he actually saved the lives of the entire Survey Corps, on their latest expedition, those who managed to come back alive, after facing a coordinated ambush by well over a hundred Titans. Yes, I said coordinated, yes, I said ambush, and yes, I said over one hundred. These three you have here managed to come home alone, safely, hundreds of kilometers from where they were attacked. I may not warrant your respect, but they sure as hell should.

"So in spite of all the panic they caused, I am glad they are here. I think these three Scouts, more than anyone, save you, will want to know what your ancestor did. It's safe to get up now, Armin, Mikasa. It's not worth as much as it is topside, but you are under my protection, and fortunately, I have at least one friend, or relative, actually, in a high place, down here."

Mikasa rose and then Armin stood cautiously. He was intrigued by Pixis's words but also relieved to find the dizziness had passed, at least for the moment, though his arm hurt like hell again. He needed to try to stay more calm. He was apparently still working at a deficit, when it came to blood. He was glad he hadn't lost any more, but especially, that Eren and Mikasa were both safe. And Commander Pixis, in spite of him accidentally revealing the Commander's identity to Hypatia's people. And it was apparent she, at least, had already known it.

Armin recognized the names of some of the men with the guns. Two of them, Jasper and Darrow, had checked on their fallen friends, and Levi had knocked the other one, Keith, unconscious. He was glad they weren't the ones who had harmed them, and that Levi wasn't here. It might have gotten even uglier than it had.

They followed Hypatia, surrounded by her men, into a room with a number of sofas and chairs, all mismatched, worn, patched and stained, obviously discards from the surface, some ridiculously ornate, others comfortable looking. "Remove your cloaks carefully, your packs, and your jackets and then sit," Hypatia commanded.

All four of them complied. Armin wasn't surprised to see the Commander didn't have a uniform on under his own cloak, or maneuver gear, considering these men hadn't known he was in the military, but he did have on a respectably sized pack. He wondered what was in it.

Armin was again glad Levi wasn't here. Between the bedbugs and fleas likely in the cushions, he doubted he'd have sat. He wasn't all that eager to either. But in a moment of inspiration, he laid his grey cloak on the cushion surreptitiously, then folded his cape and jacket and kept them in his lap, hoping to minimize the passengers he came home with. He realized that by taking off their jackets, their status as military would be a little less conspicuous, in spite of their maneuver gear, and admired Hypatia anew for arranging for them to do that.

"Armin! You're bleeding again," Mikasa said in concern.

Armin looked at his arm in surprise and saw a red stain. _Drat._

"What happened, son?" Pixis asked, his voice warm with fatherly concern.

"We were attacked on the way here, by men, not Titans. He was shot," Mikasa said.

One of the men, Jerrod, Armin thought, snorted derisively. "Who'd even bother?"

Mikasa rounded on the man angrily. "One of the ten men he killed," she snapped.

"Right. Like that little pipsqueak has ever…"

Armin turned and looked at the man, and something in his eyes or face must have betrayed him.

"Holy shit," Jerrod, his eyes widening, and he sounded subdued and suddenly respectful.

"How many men attacked you? Do we need to send out a patrol to get the others?" Pixis asked, sounding impressed.

"We got them all. There were a dozen, and I got the first two, before I was knocked out. Eren was ambushed before we even knew they were there," Mikasa said.

Eren, who had been gaping at him, turned to Mikasa, looking shell-shocked. "What the hell do you mean, Armin killed them? I thought you did. Why the hell were you hiding something like that from me?" Eren accused.

"No one hid anything. I thought you knew," Mikasa said. Then she shifted her attention to Hypatia. "We brought some medical gear for you and your people, along with the food and other supplies in our packs for you. I'm sorry, but I need to use some of it, if you'll let me. It happened two days ago, and Armin lost a lot of blood at the time, before we realized he was injured," Mikasa apologized.

"Get what you need and treat him," Hypatia allowed.

"Thank you," Mikasa said gratefully. She reached for Armin's pack.

"I don't think anything in there will help, Mikasa. I brought painkillers and something for fevers, but I didn't bring any antibiotics, except for the alcohol. I assumed they'd have something they could use as bandages, and I didn't want to waste the space. I figured pain and fevers were probably the worst, that people were probably hurt and got sick a lot down here," Armin apologized.

"I can help with that," Pixis said. "I was afraid some of your men might have been injured in the Military Police attack, Hypatia, so I brought one of our medical kits with me. I had an exciting tale of derring-do all prepared, to tell you in front of your men, describing how I acquired it, too, since it's obvious it's military issue. I guess I'll have to save that for another time, put a different spin on it and use it to explain away something else I've done," he added with a grin.

Armin wouldn't put anything past the man. It sounded like he'd lied to Commander Erwin about Commander-in-Chief Zackly's orders, and Commander Erwin had actually believed him. He hadn't thought anyone could fool Commander Erwin about anything. Well, maybe except for Captain Levi.

He looked down at his arm, once Mikasa removed the bandage and then looked quickly away. It looked really bad, not as bad as Levi's leg when they'd first tended to it, and it was infected, but after that. It was hard to believe that was really his arm.

"You're going to be fine, Armin. Remember, Yeorgos said there wasn't any bone or nerve damage," Mikasa reminded him.

Armin had accidentally locked eyes with Pixis when he looked away from the wound. If he hadn't been looking right at him, he wouldn't have seen him react at all. There was just the slightest widening of his eyes. But one of the men, Darrow, Armin thought, was still immediately suspicious.

"I thought the three of you were alone. Who the hell is Yeorgos?" he demanded.

"Yeorgos is a medic. His Team was fortunately on a mission nearby, when we were attacked, and when they heard the gunshots, they came to investigate. He and Demetrios were the two medics who treated us," Armin volunteered, not mentioning the were Survey Corps or even Garrison, making it sound more like a Medical Corps operation. "Don't worry, they're not here. They should be in Karanese by now, though we managed to make them late. They insisted on staying with us while we rested for a day, to ensure Eren's and Mikasa's head injuries were alright, and that I rested and ate before traveling, so I wouldn't pass out."

To his relief, the man looked appeased, though still wary.

Armin did his best not to flinch, not to react at all while Mikasa cleaned his wound. He needed to look tough, like Mikasa or Levi, in front of these men.

"I want to see what's in these packs," one of the men challenged.

"Go ahead, Matt," Hypatia urged.

No wonder he sounded so suspicious and surly! Armin remembered Matt was the name of the other man Levi had knocked out. It must have been humiliating to have been taken out by a man on crutches.

Matt began unpacking Armin's bag first. There were a number of surprised and appreciative comments about the food, the oil, and soaps. The man held Armin's grandfather's book reverently, and immediately handed it to Hypatia.

"As I told you, it belonged to my grandfather. I brought it for you to see, but I'm hoping you'll let me keep it. It's very special to me, and to Eren, and it's the only thing I have left of my grandfather," Armin said.

"We'll see," Hypatia said, but there was a tenderness in her voice and eyes that was promising.

The man unpacked the rest of the main compartment, and then reached for the front pouch flap, and Armin risked speaking again. "Wait. The things inside there are specifically for Hypatia. But everything in the rest of it and in Eren's and Mikasa's packs, including the packs themselves, is for all of you."

"We share everything," Hypatia said. "Open it," she commanded.

Armin blushed, as the man opened up the flap and peered inside and then reached inside cautiously, a look of mistrust on his face, like he expected something to bite him. He took out the carefully wrapped flowers and the scarf, and Armin blushed darker. He handed them to Hypatia wordlessly, but his lips were twitching in amusement. Then he took out the Scout lighter and looked sharply at Armin. "What's this?" he demanded.

"It's a Scout lighter. We're the only ones who have them. The Survey Corps, I mean. Well, except for the four we left down here with our other supplies, the smoked venison and candles and things we brought last time, that we left in Orphan Alley after we…parted ways with you. We brought our three replacement lighters for all of you. You use it with alcohol, instead of a flint and steel or tinder box, for making fires." Armin bit his lip and looked guiltily at Commander Pixis.

"Really now, Armin. Losing your lighter is practically a hanging offense, in the Corps. How are you going to explain losing your replacement?" Pixis teased.

Armin blushed. "Captain Levi said he'd take care of replacing the other ones so…I don't know that those are actually going to be officially recorded anywhere as being lost. We figured we'd pay to replace these, if they made us, or just do without. You all certainly need them more than we do."

"And after all, you'd already spent so much of your hard earned salary buying all the rest of this for my cousin, and her men," Pixis said pointedly. "By the way, speaking of Captain Levi, I doubt any of you men even realized that civilian with the crutches who was with these three earlier was Captain Levi, did you?"

There were a series of curses, and shocked and surprised comments.

"No wonder he could fight like that!" one man said.

"Holy shit!" another exclaimed.

"We're lucky we're still alive!" a third added.

"So he wasn't just bragging when he said that," a fourth said ruefully.

"Sorry Keith. No wonder he took you out so easily. I didn't realize it was him," Darrow apologized.

Mikasa patted Armin's arm, and he realized she was letting him know she was done bandaging it. He pulled down his bloody sleeve over the fresh bandage.

Armin was relieved Pixis had told them. "He's the one who suggested we leave everything behind for people who needed it more than we did, and told us where to leave it, and ordered us to include our lighters. Although when we saw him donate his own, we would have anyway. We made sure to bring as much as we could carry this time, too. There was more in the tunnel, but if you didn't already find it, the bugs will have eaten it all by now, even the candles and oil. But the lanterns will still be there.

"We wished we could bring more, this time, but we brought all we could carry. We tried to think of everything you needed and could use most, but we weren't sure if we were missing something. We plan to bring more with us next time, whatever you tell us to bring. I mean, if you let us come back to visit you. And even if not," he said, turning to face Hypatia. "I figured I could still smuggle some things to you, leave them at your doorstep or near a window or something, and hope you found them, before someone else. Although many of the rest of the Lurkers need these things just as much, we were afraid the wrong people would find them, some of the bad people who live down here, preying upon the rest of you."

"Why are you so eager to help us?" Hypatia challenged.

"Because no one else is. And no one should have to live like this. We know, because **we** lived like this. We're all from Shiganshina, not just me. We were there when it fell. We were orphaned refugees. We scavenged for every scrap of food we ate, every rag we wore, for years, until we joined the military as cadets. That's not why we joined, so we could eat, we joined for revenge, and to ensure no one else ever had to live through what we did. But it makes me sick, that hundreds of thousands of people were sent to their deaths, just so the rest wouldn't starve. That some people, the ones down here, are still starving, while others eat meat every day. That the damned dogs of some of those privileged bastards in the Capital eat better than other people's children," Armin complained bitterly.

"Sadly, the world has always been that way. But it doesn't have to be. It shouldn't be," Pixis said. "I'm doing what I can, to change things, working from within the system. But I've crossed the line a number of times in the past, and will likely do so in the future, until I get caught, or killed for it, like Great-Great Grand Uncle Dorotheos. Frankly, I couldn't imagine a more noble or more tragic way to die, than his death, and that's saying something, considering the number of Survey Corps reports I've read. At least I don't have a brother, to kill me. The Pixis name dies with me, it would have even had you been born a man, Hypatia, not that there is anything wrong with Papadreaos. Although all things considered, having the Pixis name end with me is perhaps for the best." He sighed.

"I brought his journal with me. I don't know how much your father told you about it, or about your ancestor, Hypatia. I know Theon wanted to wait for some of it, until you were older, so you could understand better. I'm fortunate you grew up knowing me, or I might have lost all contact with the last family I have, when he died. If I might?" he asked, indicating his pack.

One of the men scoffed. "It should be safe. It's not like any of you thought to bring us weapons."

"A stick can be a weapon. He thought you could use medical gear and we thought you could use the food more," Eren snapped. He'd been remarkably silent and restrained, so far.

"He is right, Samuel. Perhaps you would respect these Scouts more, had you stood against them, as we did. When I last saw them, I had my knife at Armin's throat and told him I would kill him if I ever saw him again, and I meant every word, at the time. Would you have risked coming back to see me, when promised such a welcome?" Hypatia challenged.

The man looked away, cowed by her, and Armin's heart fluttered. She was so amazing! She had the respect of all of these tough, hard men, and she'd made it sound like he was the one who was brave.

Pixis carefully opened his pack and pulled out something thin and flat, wrapped in a cloth. He carefully unwrapped it, revealing a worn leather-bound book. The cover was stained nearly black in places, and when he opened it and flipped through the yellowed pages, toward the back, the pages were dirty and wrinkled and died brown in some blotchy spots so dark that many of the words were nearly illegible, and Armin realized they were old bloodstains.

"I'll be translating the last two pages, for those of you unfortunate enough not to have been born Greek, or to have picked up the language in your travels," Pixis said, referring to either Armin or Levi, most likely the latter, since it had sounded like the Captain was fluent in it. "But before I begin reading, the rest of you need to hear about the most recent mission of the Survey Corps, though I'm sure even down here, you heard something about it. Bad news travels quickly, I'm afraid, and news about the Scouts has always travelled like wildfire.

"I'm sure you all heard of the catastrophic losses they suffered, but you won't know the details. The Survey Corps set out with 150 men this time around, of whom 75 are now dead, missing or permanently maimed, and they were damned lucky that's all they lost. Still, only 75 men returned who will be able to fight again, 11 of them who are still facing a rather lengthy recovery, as well as a number of those officially categorized as walking wounded. The earlier estimate of what they faced, a hundred Titans, that you heard me mention actually fell more than a little shy of the mark. They were attacked by closer to 150, 144 or so, as near as we can tell, approximately three dozen on all four sides. They attacked simultaneously, in a coordinated assault, a planned, intelligent attack, with the apparent intent of herding the entire wedge into a single tight mass, so they could devour it."

Armin watched the others as Pixis spoke. They hung riveted upon his every word.

"They would have succeeded, too, if it weren't for two extraordinary factors they failed to take into account: the astonishing skill and bravery of Captain Levi, and the presence of something even the Corps had no idea was out there – Titan traps. Some unknown individuals had at some point in time constructed dozens of enormous pits, 20 meters on a side, and 20 meters keep, imbedded a series of two meter high metal spikes in the floor of each, and covered the whole thing over in wood, dirt and grass, to conceal them.

"When the Titans attacked the Corps' formation, and Captain Levi saw three dozen Titans converging upon his position, his Squad of four men, he realized when he saw the smoke grenade trails at the left flank, and in the forward and rear positions that they were all being simultaneously similarly attacked. He then heroically and suicidally sent out a signal calling the rest of the wedge to fall to his position, while he and his squad attacked the onrushing enemy. Think about that for a moment: four men, against 36 Titans, over a third of them 15 meter class, and close to a third Aberrants.

"Captain Levi knew there was no way in hell he'd live through that, but there was a forest beyond the right flank, and he knew the trees there might provide the height and cover some of his fellow Scouts needed to survive, to use their maneuver gear, if they could make it there, and he was damned well going to do everything in his power to see that at least some of them did.

"By all rights, no one should have survived that attack. But then, something extraordinary happened: two dozen of the Titans attacking the right flank vanished. Captain Levi said it was if the very Earth had become a single giant Titan and swallowed them whole. And he was damned near right.

"What he found out and then experienced himself, the hard way, when he was riding on the back of a Titan and the ground gave way beneath their feet, was those pits I described. He was on crutches when you met him because he was thrown down onto one of those spikes, and it went through his leg. He made those crutches you saw by hand, while the spike was still in his leg, from the broken planking that had covered that pit. He hacked those crutches out of pieces of that ancient but still sound chemically treated wood with his swords. Then he used the last of his gas and his grapples to pull himself off the spike and out of the pit. So you can damned well be sure that a man who faced three dozen Titans without flinching, killed a number of them and then escaped certain death like that could have killed every last one of you without blinking, if he'd wanted to.

"Captain Levi had no idea who had built those pits, and I didn't enlighten him, when I debriefed him, even though I knew all about them. I'd known about them for years. The only thing is, I had no idea where the hell they were. Because the journal that should have been buried along with them was instead found with the author's body, and brought to the Capital, long before the Gates were closed for what they thought would be the last time. And those pits that had cost the lives of dozens of brave and dedicated men, men who had died thinking they'd dug them for nothing, were forgotten – for over a century – until a little over a week ago.

Armin had listened to Pixis tell the tale as spellbound as the rest, though he'd fought that battle, lived through it, and heard Captain Levi report what had happened. Levi had recited all he'd seen and done dispassionately, making his astonishing accomplishments sound trivial, insignificant. Armin had known they were amazing, but he hadn't realized how amazing, until he heard Pixis recount it, with so much fire and passion in his voice.

"Now I'm going to read to you the final words of a brave, noble, selfless and vilified man, a man accused of treason and mutiny, and condemned to an ignoble death, a little over a hundred years ago, a man I'm proud to be related to, a gentleman and a scholar, a historian and an engineer, a soldier and a father, though sadly, he never knew the latter. Elena took his surname, after he died, and gave it to their son, though she never officially married the man: Captain Dorotheos Andreas Pixis, Special International Corps of Engineers, Third Division." Pixis's voice was choked with emotion, as he turned his eyes to the page he had opened the book to and began reading.

_A Wall. Hundreds of thousands of years of civilization, and we're reduced to building and relying upon a freaking Wall. "It worked for China. It kept them safe." Sure, until the Hun invasion. The problem with a Wall is, all it takes is a single weak point, and someone goes over it or under it or through it. "We'll imbed it so deep, they can't tunnel under it. Besides, the Titans don't dig." Right. Until a smart one is born, or hatched, or created out of thin air, or rises up from hell or comes down from space, wherever it is those fuckers come from. We used to know, I'm sure we did, but everyone who did is long dead, and God forbid they write it down for those of us who came after. Probably figured there'd be no one left to read it, and they'd have been damned near right._

_And how the hell do you patrol something that massive? "We'll put these four villages like bubbles, equally spaced along the edges, to draw the Titans, and focus our forces on guarding there." Sure, like chum to a shark, to bait it so a diver can take a picture. SCUBA divers. The ocean. Ships. Granddad told me about that, how at first, they thought the ocean would protect them, keep them safe. I still think maybe there are some isolated islands out there that might still be safe. Not big ones, of course, not Australia, or even Hawaii or Japan. But maybe some of the Pacific Islands. Or Antarctica._

_Once we flew in the sky, hell, in space. We were on the freaking moon, we went to Mars. People flew across the planet every minute of every day. No more planes or trucks or cars, or tanks or missiles or rockets. No more rockets' red glare or bombs bursting in air to prove our country's still there. Granddad's family was from America, when there still was an America. No more countries or borders or wars. Everyone sealed their borders, against the refugees, not just the Titans. Let them eat our neighbors, not us. They have to get full sometime, right?_

_Bombs didn't work, guns didn't work, chemical weapons, biological weapons. We thought we'd be left with nothing but sticks and stones to break those bastards' bones. We tried using even more ancient historical tactics too, like the Roman shield method: make a turtle, so they can't hurt you. Titans made turtle soup. Here we are, digging spiked freaking pits, like guerillas in some damned Southeast Asian war. Can you believe humans once fought each other? Idiots. _

_We were supposed to be doing this to gather research subjects, to try to find a way to defeat the bastards, kill the lot of them. But the pricks in charge don't give a rat's ass anymore. They just want to stay safe, and fuck the rest of us. Build their Noah's Ark, and run it aground on a mountain top, save their own families and friends, rulers and nobles and wealthy businessmen. Keep just enough of us around to surround and protect them, to produce their food, and guard their precious Wall. Let the rest of the human race rot, in pieces, after the Titans have nibbled on us a bit._

_They tried to take our steam shovels and backhoes last week. My own fucking brother, the goddamned high and mighty General himself, ordered us to come build their Wall. _

_I wasn't the only one who snapped. We might be in the Corps of Engineers, but we're still soldiers, damn it. We have a mission. _

_We learned what it was like, on Friday, to kill humans, not helpless, desperate refugees from some other country, but superior officers and dignitaries from our own. We fled into the forest afterwards, and we've been fighting like the Vietnamese guerillas or the Swamp Fox and his men ever since. No one even remembers Vietnam or America anymore, except for me. A gentleman and a scholar, left without a book to his name, except for this one, with a septic gut wound, half a bottle of whiskey, a shovel and not a single friend left alive, just dozens of damned covered spiked holes that no one will ever use._

_I'm using the shovel to bury this journal, crating it to keep it safe. It's the only damned thing I have left to show that I was ever on this godforsaken planet. Not that there will be anyone to dig it up, of course. You'll all be cowering behind your precious Wall, until the Titans break through and eat you. It won't happen tonight, or tomorrow, but some day you'll regret betraying me and my men and the rest of humanity, the day you slide down one of those fucker's throats and into its belly. But by then, it will be far too late._

_You deserve to be eaten. Burn in hell, you fucking rat bastards. I'll be sure to save a seat extra close to the fire for you, Thes. Although the Devil probably already has a special place at his side, for cowardly, power hungry, ruthless assholes like you, who murder their own brothers._

Pixis cleared his throat before speaking again. "That's all that's written. Dorotheos was found dead, the journal still clutched in his hands, by the forces led by his brother," Pixis said sadly. "I can't imagine how Thesmophoros must have felt, finding him like that and then reading this. But the fact that he kept this journal, instead of burning it, speaks volumes. Or at least, I tell myself that. I am related to the man by blood, after all. I like to think that maybe he was just like me, trying to change things from the inside, working within the system, instead of openly defying it, that his brother just didn't realize it. There's no way to know. If he ever wrote a journal, someone else has it, if it even still exists.

"I thought you'd like to know though, Hypatia, that Dorotheos didn't die in vain, accomplishing nothing. He died saving the lives of men that weren't even born yet, men he'd never know. They, in turn, are the very men who, God willing, will someday save us all. His sacrifice was still a tragedy, but at least it meant something. Frankly, when I'm gone, if I'm fortunate enough to be buried, to have a tombstone to mark my grave, that's all I'd like it to say. My name, and the words, 'He mattered.' Foolish of me, I know, since we all matter to someone. Or we should."

Pixis grew quiet, his eyes suspiciously bright. For the first time, Armin wondered what it must be like, to be that old and alone, to have the weight of so many lives on your shoulders, and no one to share the burden with, save for some few trusted friends.

But then Hypatia hugged Pixis. "Of course you matter, Uncle. You matter a lot more than most. But I don't want to hear you talking about dying. That's years away yet. Now, let's pretend this is just like any of your other visits. Only this time, you won't tell us you just ate and refuse to dine with us, so you don't eat any of the food you brought us. Let's have tea, and while we prepare dinner, you can tell us about what's been going on in the world above, and I'll tell you what's been happening here."

Armin was glad Pixis had Hypatia. And he was glad he still had Eren and Mikasa, and maybe even Levi, too, even though they each had someone else. He was glad if someone was alone, it was him. Each of them needed someone more than he did. He was fine on his own.


	39. Chapter 39 - Lonely At the Top

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 39 – Lonely At the Top

Levi hated this. He hated being in command. He hated locking Erwin up, for his own safety. He hated the accusing looks Hange and Kirstein and some of the others were giving him. It had been less than a day, and he was already climbing out of his skin.

Where the hell were Mikasa and the others, when he needed them? They were orphans. They lived on base. They should be here, leave or no leave. He was starting to worry about them, and the last thing he needed was more people to worry about.

"Where the hell are the rest of your men? I thought they were supposed to arrive today," Levi snapped at Stephanos.

"They were. I do not know what has delayed them," the Captain said stiffly, and Levi saw the worry in eyes other than those he saw in the mirror.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm worried about them, but I know you must be worried more than I am. Do you want to send a patrol out, to look for them?" Levi offered. The offer was sincere, though Levi knew he should have made it regardless, to keep the Captain appeased, to keep him an ally. But he didn't play those stupid political games. Erwin was the expert at that, at getting people to do what he needed them to, and making them think it was their idea, not his. Erwin was the one who belonged in command, damn it, not him.

"No. If it was anyone but Konstantinos, perhaps. But he is notorious for trouble. He will have a good excuse, always it is something important, but something that no one else would have seen or done. He is good man, but difficult, also," Stephanos explained.

"Ah. A troublemaker. I'll probably like him, then, even if he is a pain in the ass," Levi said, with a smirk he had to force.

"You should go see Erwin. Make sure he understands, that you do this for his own good," Stephanos suggested gently, apparently seeing right through him.

"Even on the best of days, I'm not sure Erwin would see it that way. And this hasn't been the best of days," Levi said, rubbing his face tiredly, and then wincing as his fingers grazed the bruise. It was impressively awful. His entire cheek was black and blue. At least the screaming pain in his thigh had calmed down to a dull roar. And fortunately, the wound had healed enough that it hadn't started bleeding again when Erwin struck him. He'd embrace whatever small positives he found, at this point.

He'd assembled the troops and informed them of the change in command, and the reason for it, Erwin's physical condition. He'd explained that the doctor had prescribed bed rest, so Erwin could heal from his concussion, but most of the men had already assumed as much. Levi was having Stephanos's men keep a close eye on both Hange and the 104th. He expected any potential trouble to come from those directions.

0 0 0

Erwin lay on his back on his bed, staring at his hand in disbelief, opening and closing it into a fist. He'd sucker punched Levi. He'd hit him in the face. Worse, he'd hit him in his wounded leg. What the hell was wrong with him? Was his subconscious trying to sabotage their new relationship?

Donaldson had come and talked to him, told him that in addition to his concussion, he was suffering from Acute Stress Disorder, for now, at least, that he might have fullblown Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but they wouldn't know until he observed him, like a damned lab rat, that if it lasted for a month or more… There's no way he'd still be here. If this was permanent, if he'd really lost his damned mind, if he lost Levi…

But he already had, hadn't he? Levi would never forgive him. He'd hit him. Levi had warned him long ago what would happen, if he ever hit him. Of course, Levi hadn't slit his throat yet, but…

There was a knock on the door, and his heart hammered in hope for a moment, until he realized he didn't recognize the pattern. He knew Levi's knock. It was as distinctive as the man. He didn't answer, but the door opened anyway.

"Fine, carry the damned tray inside, but then get the fuck out and leave us alone," Levi snarled, as he came hurtling into the room.

Erwin bolted upright in bed and stared, stunned. Levi was actually there, in his room.

The man with the tray, one of the new men whose name he didn't know yet, set it down and left quickly, closing the door behind him.

"It's vegetable soup and crackers, a five year old could eat it, and I'm not leaving until you've eaten every drop, even if I have to shove it down your throat. So you might as well start now, while it's hot," Levi demanded.

Erwin shook his head, without looking directly at him, without even realizing it, until he glanced at him sideways and saw Levi scowl at him. "Why the hell not?"

"Because you said you'd leave when I finish. I don't want you to go." God, he sounded pathetic, exactly like the five year old Levi had described. He looked up fully into Levi's face, and he felt sick. "Oh God. I did that."

"Tch. Stop being so damned melodramatic. It's just a bruise, Erwin. Do you have any idea how many bruises I've had? Stick a freaking steel spike through my leg, and then maybe you can…shit. My leg is fine. Well no, not really, it fucking hurts like hell again, thanks to you, you ass, but you didn't make it bleed, and Donaldson said there's no permanent damage, so suck it up and deal with it. Now eat the goddamned soup, because I'm not in the fucking mood to coddle anyone right now, and you're going to end up bruised worse than I am if you piss me off."

Without another word, Erwin began eating, not tasting it, and not caring. He would have done anything Levi asked, to try to make up for screwing up so badly.

"Wait, slow down. I don't need you throwing up afterwards. And now you're making me coddle you anyway, you prick. I spend my whole life a fucking blackberry bush, and you're trying to turn me into a damned strawberry plant, with pretty little white fucking petals instead of thorns."

Erwin looked at him warily. "Um…I'm not sure I really heard what I thought I did," he admitted uneasily.

Levi snorted. "Blame Mikasa's father. Yes, he's dead, and no, I haven't been talking to ghosts, at least, not his, although I frankly wouldn't mind meeting the man. She's really a remarkable girl when you get to know…

"Seriously? Enough with that look, already. What part of 'I don't like fucking women' don't you people get? Armin and the others I can understand, maybe, but you've known for years, Erwin. Shit, even when I wanted to kill you, I still wanted to fuck you, and that's sick, even for me.

"Eat more of your damned soup. It's bad enough we're both stuck like this for a week. I swear, if you make me stay in command for longer than that, I'll … Fuck. I just thought of two very twisted things. You told me I'm the sane part of your irrational mind. I don't think you have any idea how true that holds, in reverse."

"I'm sorry," Erwin apologized, with more sincerity than he'd ever felt for anything. "For not being here for you now, when you need me most. For scaring you like this. For hitting you, twice. For leaving you to die. For every unforgiveable thing I've done this past week-and-a-half. Hell, for every horrible thing I've done since I first met you. But I'm afraid you're stuck with me. Because I swear to you, I'm going to get better, I'm going to make it up to you, and I'm going to make you glad you put up with me through all this. I love you."

Erwin lifted the bowl and drank from the edge, impatient to finish. He swallowed it in large gulps and devoured the crackers, his stomach remarkably cooperative. "I've finished eating, every crumb. Can I please hug you, or kiss you? I just need to touch you. I…sometimes I'm not sure this is real. I hate having to tell you that. But…I need to know you're real."

"I could always punch you in the face. That should convince you," Levi threatened.

"I deserve that. But I'd rather you kissed me," Erwin risked.

"Drink the rest of your juice first. I'm not kissing a mouth full of mushy cracker crumbs," Levi grumbled.

Erwin snatched up the juice, took a drink, rinsing his mouth thoroughly with it, before swallowing, then downed the rest and looked at Levi expectantly.

Levi leaned forward and Erwin let him both initiate and control the kiss. He was shocked to find that Levi tasted like a bizarre mix of mint and Scotch. _Shit._ Erwin hadn't noticed it before, but Levi smelled like Scotch, too. Levi didn't usually drink. Were the pressures of command, or of his current pathetic state, upsetting Levi that much? He didn't dare even mention it. He wasn't about to do anything to jeopardize such a precious gift, Levi's kiss.

God, he wasn't turning into a five year old, he was turning into a teenage girl. The thought had him kissing back forcefully, as if to prove to both himself and Levi that he was still the same man Levi had fallen in love with. Levi actually loved him. And he'd almost ruined it.

Levi bit his lip and Erwin yelped and instinctively tried to pull away, but then Levi's tongue was soothing the hurt, and he stopped trying. Apparently Levi had realized his head was elsewhere. He made sure his focus was completely where it belonged.

When the kiss finally ended, Levi rested his forehead against Erwin's, before pulling back.

"I don't want you going crazy in here, or for the men to think you're under house arrest or something. Hange, Kirstein and a few of the others apparently are already convinced I've staged a coup. You're not supposed to read or do work, but you can socialize. I'll authorize anyone you want to see, as long as I don't think they're a danger to you in any way.

"I heard you haven't visited Zacharius once since he entered the hospital. That's not like you. Are you pissed at him for something? Did he fuck up during the battle?" Levi asked.

"No. I'm the one who… I mean…" Erwin trailed off, not wanting to risk upsetting Levi again.

"Oh. So it's just part of your survivor's guilt and depression, that head stuff you've alternately been trying to deal with by yourself and ignore. Right. If I bust him out, and get him to convalesce here, and let the two of you talk as often as you want, will that help? If not, he can stay where he is," Levi said flatly.

"I think seeing Mike might help. He helps keep me grounded too. It definitely hasn't helped any not having him here, especially when you were missing," Erwin admitted.

"Alright then, done. I'll spring Zacharius and authorize his entry whenever you want to see him. Or you to visit his room, if he's not mobile yet. Just make sure you kick him out or leave if he starts upsetting you. What about Hange? Do you want to see her or not? You'll have a hard time convincing her you're alright with me being in charge, although coming from you, maybe she'll actually believe it. I'd use some of the men as tasters until then, but that's disgusting. But if she drugs me, she's dea… well no, I won't actually kill her. But she might wish I had," Levi said, smiling evilly.

"I think just you and Mike for now. I plan to eat whatever you send in, and sleep as much as I can stand, and follow every order you and Donaldson give me, because I hate this as much as you do," Erwin admitted.

"Good. That's what I like. Cooperation. I'll get Zacharius transferred. Get some sleep. You look tired. And tell the guards at the door if you need anything. I'd better go."

"I'll see you at dinner?" Erwin asked hopefully.

"Dinner," Levi agreed. And then he was gone.

Erwin let out his breath, sinking back onto the bed. Levi didn't hate him. Thank God.


	40. Chapter 40 - Auld Acquaintance

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
If any of the book titles listed in this chapter look intriguing, sorry but only those listed under "Classic Literature" exist, other than within my imagination.**

**If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

**Greek translation –**

"_**agapimeni" - "**_**sweetheart"**

"**Kalinikta" - "Goodnight."**

"**Theios" - "Uncle"**

Chapter 40 – Auld Acquaintance

Armin watched eagerly as the other two packs were brought into the large, sprawling kitchen and unloaded, and he saw to his relief that all their gifts were appreciated. Hypatia had set the flowers, scarf and book aside without looking at them yet; he was glad, because those gifts were private, as was his book.

Once they were sure what was in all the packs, they began preparing dinner, a mixture of things from their packs and the cupboards. Everyone helped, including the four of them. For all they had said Pixis never ate with them, he certainly appeared to know his way around their kitchen. Armin was glad Levi wasn't with them. The kitchen wasn't exactly dirty, and there were thankfully no insects, but it certainly wasn't up to Levi's standards of cleanliness. When the dishes were brought out, nothing matched. They were a bizarre assortment of incredibly beautiful china pieces, each with some minor flaw: a crack, a chip, or discoloration. The Underground survived on the discards of the Capital.

The food wasn't as bad as Armin had feared, no half rotten fruit or bread crusts, but there were some nearly stale and other partially burnt loaves of bread that had been trimmed for the table. The bulk of the meal was a tremendous pot of beans, but they'd been cooked in some sort of broth and spiced and flavored, with tiny bits of vegetable cut up and mixed in, so they were both filling and remarkably delicious. There were even tiny slivers of a small cake for everyone for dessert, one that tasted amazing, but was lopsided and broken: it looked like someone had dropped it on the floor. Armin was glad he'd given Konstantinos the cookies. Keith had looked so proud when he produced the cake. He wouldn't have wanted to steal the man's thunder.

They talked all through dinner, Pixis telling them news of aboveground, casually throwing in mention of where troop concentrations would be lowest, near certain shops and warehouses. The others looked ruefully at him and he sighed theatrically, "You all used to be so impressed when I told you the safe places to scavenge."

"They should be more impressed," Hypatia stated proudly. "You do realize that all these years we've had such an easy, safe time of it because Uncle Dorotheos purposefully kept his patrols away from certain areas, for our benefit? And did you miss how he told you he had arranged Thomas's escape? Do you have any idea how much of his reputation for being an eccentric drunk is cover for all the times he's aided us?"

Armin saw surprise and understanding dawn in more than a few faces.

"Why? Why would you help us, when we are criminals?" Darrow asked.

"Because loving knowledge and trying to survive shouldn't make a man a criminal. Because some of our laws are wrong, and some of the men who enforce them are cruel bullies who should be the ones being arrested, not the ones doing the arresting. Because those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And evil flourishes when good men do nothing. Words I live by, both of those quotes. I don't ever want to make the mistakes my ancestor did. So I do what I can, working from within, to help make the system work. Not actively undermining it, mind you, but working around the rough spots. Creatively interpreting orders I don't agree with. When I deem it necessary, occasionally ignoring them entirely, and then playing the drunk or the fool, so I don't get court-martialed for it."

Armin's respect for the Commander would have soared, had he not already known how remarkable he was, but the men around him definitely saw Pixis with new eyes.

"Now, Hypatia, as you saw when they unpacked my bag, I've brought back _The Odyssey_. I know you won't risk lending out Shakespeare to me, but could I pick something else out? I know I've read it all at least a dozen times, but I've reread my own stash even more, and I need something to read. I know Armin brought a book, but I wouldn't dream of asking to read something you hadn't had a chance to read yourself yet."

"I think I can yet please you, Uncle. Let's adjourn to the Library," Hypatia said with a tantalizing smile, and Armin's heart soared. She smiled! And the Library proper had been an incredible, magical place, as a child. He thought it still might be.

She led them downstairs, to a small, empty storeroom Armin recognized. He grinned as he saw the perplexed looks on Eren and Mikasa's faces, until two of the men moved aside an old trunk, uncovering a worn rug that was laid over a solid looking floor. But Hypatia pushed down on one plank, and there was an audible click. She pushed a different spot, and a trapdoor was revealed, which opened onto a set of narrow wooden stairs. The room below was cool but not damp at all, and she was greeted by the meows of two cats, who twined their way around her legs, purring happily.

She laughed and petted them. "Cerberus, Hydra, you make me look bad, in front of our guests. They will think I keep you locked down here all alone for days. So, have any mice or rats or insects dared intrude upon your domain?"

The black cat streaked off and returned triumphantly with what looked like a worm in its mouth, which Armin realized to his revulsion was a rat tail. He was definitely glad Levi was not there, especially as they'd just eaten. The sight and the memories it brought of their time as scavenging orphans made him a little queasy, as it was.

"You are such a good boy, Cerberus. And you, Hydra?" she asked.

Hydra rubbed against Pixis's legs and he laughed and indulged her, leaning down and petting her. "Hydra! So **this **is where you ended up? My goodness! Imagine that. How did the best mouser in the Garrison get all the way down here? Do you have any idea how many stores I've had to report as being eaten by rats, because you weren't there to eat those nasty vermin first? Why, some of the Military Police even had the audacity to suggest that perhaps it wasn't rats at all, but that someone might actually be stealing food from the Garrison's locked warehouse," he said, grinning and then glancing up meaningfully at Hypatia.

"I see we'll need to be a little less greedy. I'm sorry, Uncle. I hope we haven't gotten you into trouble," Hypatia said contritely.

"No. But it really would be a good idea to tone it down, at least for a little while. I'll smuggle you down some extra supplies instead, to make up for it, honey," Pixis promised.

"I can see why you want to protect the books, but isn't it cruel to keep the cats down here in the dark?" Eren asked.

Hypatia laughed. "Cats see well in the dark, but they don't really need to see at all. That's what their whiskers are for. Like rabbits. But also, we come down here pretty frequently, and play with them, pet them, and feed them, when they're not already full."

"Oh. Um…sorry. I don't have much experience with cats or dogs. Other than fighting them for food, after The Fall of Wall Maria," Eren admitted.

"We understand. So, what do you think of our Library?" she asked, lighting a pair of lamps.

Armin saw Mikasa's and Eren's eyes light up in amazement. "There must be a couple of hundred books here! I didn't know there were this many books left in the world!" Eren said in awe. "And they're all banned?"

"Yes. You can see the charring on the edges of some that were barely rescued in time. Others were buried to protect them, and insects or mold got to them. But most of them were treasured heirlooms, carefully protected."

Armin looked around him in renewed wonder, now that he was old enough to truly appreciate the treasure trove of forbidden knowledge he was seeing. "You've sorted them by topic," he said in surprise. "Theon hadn't," Armin told his friends.

"I found it makes it easier to find what you're looking for, and less upsetting, so you don't see something you don't want to," Hypatia explained, a sadness in her voice that Armin hated hearing. He shouldn't have mentioned her father.

Armin looked at some of the different shelves, silently reading the titles he could understand – many were written in other languages:

**Classic Literature**

_Arabian Nights_

_The Complete Works of William Shakespeare_

_Around the World in Eighty Days_

_Animal Farm_

**War, Peace, Revolution and Controversial Thought**

_Barefoot, Pregnant and Armed: A Mother's Guide to Overthrowing a Patriarchy_

_For Want of a Nail: Staging a Successful Revolution against a Monarchy_

_Beating Swords into Plowshares: A Soldier's Guide to Peace within Our Time_

_The Deserter: True Courage is Leaving the Battlefield_

_Freedom is Just a Stone's Throw Away_

_Democracy: The Only Lasting Government_

_The Corruption of Kings: Why Monarchies Fail_

_Let Freedom Ring: The Lost Promise of the Western World_

_From Troy to Jericho to The Great Wall of China: Why Civilizations Fall and Walls Fail_

**Outside**

_A Tourist's Guide to China_

_Climb Every Mountain: Mount Everest to Karjiang, the Hundred Tallest Mountains in the World_

_From Sea to Shining Sea: An American Mariner's Guide to the Worlds' Oceans_

**Modern Authors and Martyrs**

_A Heretic's Guide to Happiness _

_Sins of Our Fathers: The Building of Wall Sina_

_From the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria to Walls Sina, Rose and Maria: Our Shrinking World_

_More Than an Arm and a Leg: The True Cost of Our War against the Titans_

"I think someday maybe I'll write a book too," Armin said thoughtfully. "A history book, one that describes our world now in detail, so our descendants will understand what it was like. I mean, after the war is over, there's only going to be one Titan left. They won't know what it was like to be scared of Titans."

"From your mouth to God's ears, son," Pixis said softly.

"That is the second time you have mentioned Him. You believe in God?" Mikasa asked in surprise.

"I can understand why that might surprise you. Few folks do, these days and fewer still admit it. But I follow the same traditions my ancestors did thousands of years ago. I'm Greek Orthodox. That's a type of Christianity, if you know what that is. But I'm not really comfortable talking about it too much. Everything but Wallism is pretty frowned upon nowadays, and few people take the Wallists seriously, fortunately. I think I'll borrow _Arabian Nights_, if that's alright, Hypatia."

"Normally I would tell you to go ahead, Uncle. You are the one who brought it to us, after all," she said graciously. "However, I have something special for you, a new acquisition that fell out of the window of a careless noble's house. It is about one of your favorite historical figures, and reading it, I saw much of you in him." She reached behind the books on the Classics shelf and pulled out a thick, leather-bound volume and handed it to him.

His eyes widened and he caressed the faded gilt title reverently. "_I, Claudius_," he whispered, the look of joy and childlike wonder on his face taking decades off his features.

He opened it and began skimming it eagerly. When he looked up, his eyes were bright. "This is…Hypatia, I…"

"It is not truly an autobiography, only written as one, in 1934, long after Rome fell. Robert Graves, the author, laments that the eight volume autobiography written by Claudius himself was lost long before. You may keep this book for as long as you like, of course. But Uncle, please be careful. If someone was to find you with it…it is not just that it was…artfully acquired…but they might think you wished to set yourself up as Emperor, or at the very least, see through the careful layers of smoke and mirrors you have hidden behind for so long, the camouflage of a smile and a bottle which you have used as effectively as Claudius's stutter and limp, to conceal your true nature."

"I'll be careful, honey. I certainly can't allow myself to be killed before reading it in its entirety. I'd never forgive myself, if I didn't get to finish it," he assured her, smiling devilishly.

"_Uncle."_ The single word was almost a threat.

Pixis's face grew serious. "I truly will be careful honey. I promise," he swore, this time earnestly, and Armin saw Hypatia appeared satisfied.

"I should probably be heading back now, _agapimeni_. Karl and Daphne are always teasing me for being a mother hen, but the two of them will both be in a fit of apoplexy if I don't surface soon. They'll have realized where I've disappeared to by now, and they're always afraid I'll run into more trouble than I can handle down here. Well, mostly that your men would find out who I am, and kill me, before you could stop them. So at least that's one less thing for them to be worrying about," Pixis said with a smile.

"It was a pleasure getting to spend some time with you again, Armin, Eren, Mikasa. You are three of the finest soldiers this City has ever seen, and we've unfortunately seen plenty. Please give Captain Levi and Commander Erwin my regards."

"We will, sir," Armin said, saluting, and Eren and Mikasa did as well.

Pixis saluted back and grimaced. "Never thought I'd be doing that down here. Of course, I still won't wear my uniform, next time. It would look bad, not to mention, be more dangerous. You three be careful on your way out. I'm glad you thought to wear those cloaks. Those wings on your back are unfortunately a target down here, for folks who don't know any better."

"We can take care of ourselves, sir," Armin said.

"I know, son. But I guess I am a bit of a mother hen. Pretty foolish of me, I know, considering you're a pack of wolves. I'd like the three of you to visit with me for a spell, before heading back to your base, after you're done here."

"Yes, sir," Armin said, answering for all three of them.

Commander Pixis turned to Hypatia, "Take good care of these three, _agapimeni_. I doubt you heard the details down here, or realized who you were hearing about, if you did, but the three of them combined with only a handful of others saved Trost, and the entire middle ring. We would have lost Wall Rose, if it wasn't for them."

Her eyes widened and her men looked skeptical.

"Like Captain Levi, when he was down here, they're a lot more impressive than they look. In case you didn't make the connection, they're Levi's friends. And by the way, those rumors are true, too. Captain Levi truly is Levi the Thief, Levi the Knife, or Levi the Cat. Take your pick. He had a host of nicknames while he lived down here. So aside from the fact that I like these three, and the world needs them, I am truly thankful you didn't injure them, because you can be damned sure once Levi found out about it, you wouldn't have lived to brag about it. And he would definitely find out about it. He still has a better spy network than I do, and that's saying something." Pixis smiled, that same half fatherly, half demonic grin he was legendary for.

"Stop threatening my men, Uncle. We're not going to hurt Armin and his friends," Hypatia chastised.

Armin felt his heart flutter at her words, at the warmth in her voice when she said his name.

"You can't blame me for making sure, honey. You might not have the surname, but that Pixis blood in your veins can cause all kinds of trouble, if you let it."

Hypatia hugged him. "You're the one to talk. Don't get yourself court-martialed any time soon, alright? I doubt your replacement would be nearly as understanding about us, and the Library."

"Not to worry, _agapimeni_. I've got eight hand-picked Squad Leaders under me, including Karl and Daphne, any one of whom is ready to step into my shoes, if need be, and each of them, and their two Lieutenants, know all about you and the Library, as do some other select officers who are loyal to me. And two of the Captains and four of the Lieutenants in the Survey Corps do now, too. Which reminds me, I nearly forgot to give this to you, what with all the excitement. I made a list of all the officers' names, so you know who is safe, who you can trust," he said, reaching into his shirt and pulling out a folded piece of paper, and handing it to her. "I know I won't live forever, but I've made as damned sure as I can that the only thing you might die from is old age. I love you, honey. Take care of yourself and your people. _Kalinikta,_ _agapimeni_."

"_Kalinikta, Theois._ Keith, Darrow? Would you please walk with my uncle back to the surface? It's possible someone might have seen him running here earlier, and might be waiting for him to leave. I'd feel better if I knew he was well guarded," Hypatia requested.

"Of course, milady," Keith said and Darrow nodded, as they led Pixis back up the stairs.

Armin was relieved to see Hypatia's men seemed to have accepted the fact that the man they'd known as her uncle, well cousin, really, for years, was Commander Pixis, though he still felt guilty for having accidentally betrayed that fact to them.

"Now then, Armin, it is time for us to renew our acquaintance," Hypatia said. "And I believe you brought some things for me. Your friends are welcome to stay down here. The men down here with them are only to ensure they treat our books with the proper care."

Hypatia turned to Eren and Mikasa. "You are welcome to read while you are down here, if you are able. If not, there are some children's books there in the corner that I wrote and Darrow illustrated, in the basket, with pictures, that we bring outside when we teach the orphans to read. You are welcome to look at them."

She turned back to Armin. "I will lead the way," she said, and Armin looked back at his friends, reassuring Eren and Mikasa he would be fine, and then followed Hypatia back upstairs.


	41. Chapter 41 - First Kiss

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 41 – First Kiss

Hypatia led Armin back to the living area, and their packs, to his grandfather's book, the flowers and the scarf. Armin reminded himself that he'd faced Captain Stephanos without flinching, that he'd become friends with Captain Levi, and even flirted with him. Talking to Hypatia should be nothing after all that. So why was his heart pounding so rapidly?

He swayed and sank down onto one of the sofas, feeling lightheaded and dizzy, more than his nerves should account for._ Damn it._ "Stairs, blood," he whispered, gasping, realizing he'd climbed them too fast, forgetting about his blood loss.

Fortunately Hypatia understood, gently pushing him down onto his back, so he was lying instead of sitting, and then grabbing cushions and putting them under his feet, elevating them. "It's alright. I've seen this before. Just breathe, stay calm. The dizziness will pass. And if you pass out, you'll come to quickly. Trust me," she assured him.

He'd trust her with his life. He** had **trusted her with it, and Eren's and Mikasa's. He'd been pretty sure she wouldn't really kill him.

"I'm sorry you were injured coming to see me, but I'm not sorry you came," she said softly, brushing the hair from his forehead.

He shivered at her touch. She was so gentle, so wonderful, exactly as he remembered her being. Well no, she'd changed a lot, but she was still sweet, loving, tender. That part was the same, even if she'd buried it deep down, like Levi, beneath a layer of stone and thorns, to protect herself.

"Worth it," he said, for the moment not having the breath to expend on more words.

"I never thought I'd see you again. And then when I did, it looked like you'd betrayed me, betrayed all of us. But the Military Police chased you, too, and no other Scouts came. I don't think those idiots in the MP Brigade even noticed the open Gate. We went inside, of course, to be certain there wasn't an army in hiding, ready to strike. We found a number of very useful items lying abandoned in a boat. We were suspicious of them, at first, but we couldn't find any signs of traps.

"Once we brought everything out, we sealed the Door again, though I hated doing it. It can no longer be opened from this side, unfortunately. The mechanism within the owl is broken. You actually surprised the hell out of us, emerging from the passage, as you did, because of that. We didn't realize the owl inside still worked. Fortunately we knew which owl to push, and I am quick enough that I could push and dive through without being crushed. We couldn't risk having a direct passage to Wall Maria, when that ring is in the hands of the enemy, now that we know Titans can pass for humans, that they can be small enough to use it. Anyway, once we returned with the food, we tested a little bit of everything very carefully on rats, to make sure it wasn't poisoned."

"You thought I'd poison you?" Armin asked, hurt, while at the same time relieved that his heart had stopped pounding and he didn't feel dizzy anymore. He sat up slowly and cautiously.

"The boy I knew six years ago would never have done such a terrible thing, but we are no longer those children, Armin. I have killed, as have you." She said it as if it was only to be expected.

"But…I hadn't. Not until two days ago, I mean. Well, except for Titans, and I only finally killed my first of those this last battle. I'm really not a very good soldier," he admitted ruefully.

"My uncle has said otherwise. You wouldn't want to disagree with the great Commander Pixis, would you?" she teased.

"I…no, of course not. He's really wonderful. He's amazing. I still can't believe he actually listened to my idea, that…you're so lucky, Hypatia, to have him. If it wasn't for Eren and Mikasa, I wouldn't have anyone anymore. Well, except I suppose there's Captain Levi, too now," he said, hearing the wonder in his own voice.

"They all seemed very protective of you, when we met outside Sigma Gate. It is easy to see Eren and Mikasa are together. Was the Captain only concerned as your superior officer, or as a friend, as Uncle said, or are you perhaps secretly his lover, as he is an officer, and I believe that would be frowned upon, correct?"

"No! I mean, yes, it would be, but no, we're not…he and I…we're not," Armin felt his face getting hot and knew he was blushing furiously.

"Would you wish him to be?" she asked insightfully, but coolly, dispassionately, as if it was merely a matter of intellectual curiosity.

"No! I mean…he's really amazing…and I'm only…but he's also very…and besides, he's in love with someone already," Armin stuttered, feeling his face getting even hotter as he stumbled through his explanation. "And I…um…until recently, I never thought of men like that…I mean, I just…there was Mikasa, and she was always so incredible, but I always knew she was Eren's, even if he didn't realize it until a few days ago, and she was always more like a big, scary sister to me anyway. And then there was you, and you were so shy, just like me, but so brave too, and your smile, and your eyes and…I never forgot. But we were just kids and I never saw you again. Then…there was someone else…but she didn't even notice me…and then…she's a traitor and a murderer and…and gone.

"And I thought I'd be alone. All my friends, everyone else is pairing up, but…but that was OK. I was happy for them, and they all needed people more than I did anyway. I'm OK alone. But then…when I heard your voice, when I realized it was you, I just…I was so…but you were so angry, and so hurt, and I had to see you again, and make sure you knew I never…that I…so I brought you the flowers. I lied about the sun though, before, back then. I wanted to give you yellow ones because of your amazing eyes. I'm sorry, the flowers are kind of wilted and squished now, we should have been here yesterday, but I kept the stems wet, and tried to keep them safe. And um…when I saw the scarf, in that market stall, in all the hues of the sun, rising and burning brightly and setting, I thought immediately of you, of your eyes…and it wouldn't wilt, and you could think of me, if you ever wore it…maybe even if you just put it in a drawer or something and looked at it, from time to time…" He trailed off, knowing he probably sounded like a complete idiot. He'd just kept talking, hoping to make her understand.

She reached out and caressed his face and he shivered, shocked and thrilled by her touch. "You haven't changed at all, Armin, and yet, you've changed so much. You were so sweet and shy and gentle, and I saw the sun in your hair and the sky in your eyes. It can be so cold and dark, down here, though I seldom saw or felt it, with Father by my side. When he died, I thought I'd never know warmth or light again. But I had to be strong, when he was gone. I was the new Librarian, and the men looked to me to lead them. Most of them were so much older than I was, but Father had instilled respect in them for me, and he had taught me well, and I took up the mantle I was born to. I was proud of that heritage, I embraced that duty, the responsibility, of keeping knowledge alive in a world that wanted to destroy it, to suppress it, to burn it.

"I was so jealous of you. You were free. Free to live in the sun and to be a child. But then the unthinkable happened, the Wall was breached and people died by the hundreds and then the thousands, as Shiganshina fell. And then, they died by the tens of thousands, deliberately sent to their deaths. I'm so sorry about your grandfather, Armin. He was such a kind and wise and gentle man. Father valued him as a true friend, he trusted him, and there are few of the Topsiders we ever trust."

"How…you father…" Armin began and then bit his lip. He didn't want to cause her pain, but he wanted to know what happened.

"He was poisoned," she said flatly.

"Poisoned? Who? Why?" Armin pleaded, horrified.

She sighed. "We don't know. We're still not sure whether it was intentional or not, whether they were just trying to kill the rats, or whether they were after us. Scavengers in general, I mean. No one thinks they were after the Librarian specifically, just Lurkers. Most of us just got really sick. Fortunately only seven of us died, the very old and very young, the weak, the sick. Father had been ill, a bad case of the flu we were afraid might turn into pneumonia. But he was finally starting to recover, he was getting stronger every day, and eating again and …it was painful, horrible, but relatively quick.

"It's been hard, not knowing who to hate. You end up hating everyone. The ones who did it, I don't think they'd even care. They don't really differentiate between the humans they killed and the rats: we're all just vermin to them. It was after that that Uncle Pixis gave me the keys to the Garrison warehouse and started regularly reporting to us the Military Police patrol schedules, though only I knew who he was, of course. He still feels guilty for not doing more sooner, but it's not his fault. My father was wonderful but a very proud and stubborn man."

"That's horrible! It's not right, that you live here like this. This isn't what we're dying to protect. I mean it is, you are, you're worth dying for, but they're not. Like those men, in the woods who attacked us. Why did Grandfather have to die so they wouldn't starve? I never understood the hatred Eren felt before. I felt so sad, lost, terrified, when Eren's mother was killed, and then when Grandfather died, but I never hated. I didn't think I could hate anyone. I never wanted to feel that way. But it's a cruel world, and sometimes you need to be just as cruel to survive. Eren and Mkiasa learned that when they were nine. It's something Captain Levi and you have always known. At least I finally know too, now. I can help protect all of you. I won't let anyone harm any of you, ever."

The tenderness in her eyes lit and grew into something else entirely, and she leaned towards him and the hand that had stroked his face pressed gently against the back of his head, pulling him in. Her lips were soft and warm and amazing, and Armin forgot to breathe as he responded, kissing her back. He didn't feel clumsy or awkward at all, though he could feel his face flush with heat, more excitement than desire or embarrassment, the most wonderful feeling of rightness. He wrapped his arms around her waist, feeling her lean strength, and then her arms were around him as well, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if she'd done this a hundred times before.

The unwanted thought caused him to hesitate and break the kiss. Had she? How many men had she kissed, touched, held?

"Armin? What's wrong?" she asked, her voice breathless, and he saw her face was flushed too.

He couldn't say it, couldn't ask. "I'm sorry. I just…that was my first kiss. I've never even hugged anyone, except as a friend, and…" And he was an idiot, all the awkwardness that had been missing before threatening to drown him now.

"Neither have I," she said shyly.

"Really?" He realized too late that he'd put far too much surprise, relief and eagerness into that single word, from the expression on her face, which went from joy and desire to realization and then indignation as he watched. Then her arms were gone from his waist and instead she crossed them in front of her, aggressively, defensively, as she drew back.

"You sound surprised. Why? Did you think I sleep with my men, to keep them in line?" she accused, her words lashing him like a whip.

"What? No! Of course not! You wouldn't do that. But…it was just so perfect, and I don't know what I'm doing, and it felt like you did, so I wondered how many…" He trailed off, realizing he'd just made it infinitely worse.

"How **many**? What, so you think I'm just some gutter trash, some slut, a whore, eager for the attentions of a Topsider, a soldier, someone better than she could ever be? Bring her a few presents, and she'll spread her legs in gratitude?" she accused viciously.

"No! I'm sorry! Hypatia, please! I didn't mean any of that, I swear!" Armin cried desperately. "I'm such an idiot! I'm always messing things up! Why can't I ever do anything right?" He buried his head in his hands, not wanting her to see the hot tears that were streaming down his face.

"Hypatia! What…?" one of her men anxiously called from the doorway, and Armin knew he'd heard her yelling, that he'd be armed and protective of her, and angry, but he didn't even look up.

"Get out!" Hypatia shrilled, and Armin heard the man just as rapidly withdraw, as he wiped his face on his sleeve, trying to wipe away the evidence of his tears.

"Armin, look at me." It was a command, firm, but not angry, far more gently voiced than the one to her man. He swallowed hard and looked up, into her eyes.

"So you **were **crying. I thought so. Forgive me. I.." She sighed. "That was my first kiss, too. And it hurt, that you'd think…I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to be a woman, for just a moment, and…these are all very strong men, Armin. They need to look at me and see their leader. Sometimes, instead, they still see a little girl. It's like being surrounded by big brothers, or even fathers, and that's bad. They need to trust my judgment, to listen and obey without question, without hesitation.

"At least it was Joshua. He'll keep quiet about what he saw, but also keep the others at bay long enough for me to explain it was a misunderstanding, a miscommunication. They are very protective of their leader. They were even when it was my father," she said, sounding drawn and tired again, the way she had before.

"I'm so sorry. Can we please still be friends? I mean, I wish…if I could go back and…" Armin trailed off, afraid he might say the wrong thing again and shatter this tenuous peace.

"Of course. I don't apologize to just anyone. And I don't want my first kiss to be my only kiss, Armin," she teased, and Armin felt the fist clenching his heart ease. "But it's time for damage control first."

He nodded and exited the room with her. He was impressed by her all over again, the way she straightforwardly apologized to Joshua, thanking him for his concern, and explaining what happened was a misunderstanding, that she had misinterpreted something Armin had said. She took the blame solely onto herself, exonerating him of any wrongdoing. The anxiety and concern and suspicion in the man's eyes turned to relief and calm acceptance.

She was a good leader, not only valued and trusted by her men, but obviously loved. Armin had seen without question that these men would fight and die for her, as she would for them. Her definition of friendship was the same as Levi's, as his and Eren's and Mikasa's. Knowing she still thought of him as a friend warmed him all over and made it easier to breathe again.


	42. Chapter 42 - Time to Go

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 42 – Time to Go

Mikasa knew Hypatia and Armin had wanted to be alone, and she wanted to give them as much time together as they could. But it was getting late, and they needed to get back to base. In spite of Lieutenant Konstantinos's assurances, she wasn't sure Levi would be pleased if they extended their leave. In fact, she belatedly realized that once he figured out where they'd gone, which he would now, thanks to the Lieutenant, that he'd likely be upset with them for going. He'd become surprisingly protective of the three of them, and she felt unaccustomed guilt, knowing he'd worry about them.

When she and Eren and some of Hypatia's men left the Library and entered the communal living area, she couldn't help but smile. Armin and Hypatia were sitting together on one of the sofas, their noses buried in Armin's book, and he was smiling and pointing and chattering eagerly. He was still such a child. It was so good seeing that sweet innocence that she'd been afraid would be lost for good. Then she realized Hypatia was wearing the scarf Armin had brought her, and his arm was around Hypatia's waist and she amended her thoughts. Armin was no longer a child, apparently in one more way. She doubted they were actually lovers yet, but it looked like they might be one day soon.

"It looks like it's time for you to go," Hypatia said, and Mikasa realized the Librarian hadn't been as oblivious to their entrance as she seemed.

"I can't wait to see you again, but I don't know when I'll next be in the Capital," Armin said, a wistfulness in his voice that tugged at Mikasa's heart.

"I'll take good care of your book, until you come back," she assured him, and Mikasa was surprised. Eren had told her that book was Armin's prize possession, and he was voluntarily leaving it with her?

They stood up and Armin squeezed her hand, as they said goodbye to one another.

"Joshua and William will lead you to the surface, to ensure you don't get lost, or run into any trouble," Hypatia offered.

"Thank you. For everything. Stay safe," Armin said.

"I will. You too. And take care of Uncle Dorotheos for me. I'm afraid one of these days he's going to take one too many chances for us, and endanger himself," Hypatia voiced in concern.

"We won't let anything happen to him," Armin promised.

They exited the building with two men, and Mikasa was surprised to see Armin speaking with one of them, Joshua, as if he knew him. Apparently he had spent time with some of Hypatia's men, as well as her. The revelation was actually a little disappointing. She'd hoped he'd been with Hypatia, exclusively. Armin needed someone in his life, besides her and Eren, even more so now that she and Eren were finally, officially together as a couple.

Once they were back on the surface and had parted company with Joshua and William, Eren broached the topic she had been wondering about, in his typical blunt fashion. "So, Armin, did you kiss her?"

She expected Armin to blush and get flustered, but instead, he replied. "Gentlemen don't kiss and tell." And then he grinned, his eyes shining and his whole face lighting up.

"Really? Wow! Way to go, Armin!" Eren praised, in the usual stupid boy way, as if he'd just won an award or something.

"It's a good thing Commander Pixis likes you," Eren added, and suddenly Armin looked more than a little intimidated.

"Armin, if he didn't approve, he wouldn't have left us down there with her, regardless of how alarmed his men might have been by his long absence," Mikasa assured him. "No wonder Levi calls you a brat," she said to Eren.

"What? All I said was…" Mikasa listened to Eren's rambling explanation as they headed to the Garrison 3 stable, to retrieve their horses, enjoying the walk. Right now, for this brief moment at least, all was right with their world.

0 0 0

Armin was impressed by the alertness and readiness level of the troops at Garrison 3. Pixis had requested that they report to him before leaving the Capital, and the moment they arrived on the Garrison base, one of the soldiers came up to them and spoke to them, ascertaining who they were and why they were there, though Armin could tell the man already knew, that he was just verifying they were who he was expecting. Once they gave their names and stated why they were there, Armin's suspicions were confirmed. The man said they were expected, and told them he'd escort them to Commander Pixis immediately.

He took them through a maze of corridors swarming with Garrison soldiers, to Pixis's office. Armin couldn't help but be impressed by how large the Garrison base was, and how crowded, even though he knew thousands of men were stationed in each of the Garrison bases within the Capital itself, and thousands more in bases throughout the middle ring between Wall Sina and Wall Rose. There were two aides in the antechamber leading to Pixis's office, one of whom immediately assisted them. Commander Erwin didn't have an antechamber, or any aides. Well, except for Captain Levi, sort of, but it wasn't the same.

"Scouts Arlert, Ackerman and Yeager, please go right in. Commander Pixis is expecting you," the man said with brisk efficiency, but marked deference as well. The men who worked directly with Pixis didn't display any of the amused pity and disdain the rest of the military had for the Survey Corps.

For his part, Commander Pixis was a gracious host, insisting they sit, instead of standing at attention in front of him, and then ordering food to be brought in. "I know you all ate as sparingly as I did, down below in the Library."

Armin immediately tensed, hearing him openly speak about the Library, but Pixis was quick to put him at ease. "There isn't a man within 20 meters of this office that I wouldn't trust with my life, and more importantly, with Hypatia's. You can speak freely here, otherwise I'd have brought you up onto the Wall or to the park. I need to hear the whole story, now, the part Captain Levi left out of his report to me. Frankly, I knew a chunk was missing, I just didn't realize how important a piece, or at least, how important to me. I foolishly had assumed it had something to do with Captain Levi's old acquaintances in the Underground, that you'd all gotten into trouble either being attacked by old enemies of his, or perhaps even trying to aid old friends, although I was under the distinct impression that the Captain's few friends from that time in his life are sadly already dead."

Armin looked down in guilty indecision, biting his lip, trying to determine how much he should say. Should he admit to going to the Library with his grandfather as a child? To reading and owning a banned book? To meeting Theon and Hypatia? He looked up into Pixis's fatherly and patient eyes, and read the sadness and discouragement in them. His expression looked so much like his grandfather's, one of the few times he'd been disappointed in him, that Armin had to fight against immediately telling him everything.

And then he remembered how Pixis and his men had flown to their aid, against the Military Police, without a second thought. And more, when they'd first entered the Library, how they'd been greeted by guns, and a shot had actually been fired, and suddenly Pixis was pounding on the door, pleading for Hypatia's men not to shoot them, and to be let in, and then he'd knelt beside them, to aid whomever had been injured. He hadn't been afraid for his cousin Hypatia. He'd been afraid for them. He'd risked his life to ensure their safety, nearly even died, because Armin had called him by his title, without even thinking. Suddenly Armin knew he could and should tell him everything. Well, almost everything.

"I'll tell you everything that's mine to tell, starting with the first time I met Hypatia, when I was nine years old, but I can't tell you about the fish, even though I saw you were curious about that, too. That part's not important and doesn't have anything to do with Hypatia and the others," Armin said honestly.

The way Pixis's face lit up made Armin's heart swell with pride. He was looking at him in exactly the same way his grandfather used to, when he was inordinately proud of him, for some reason, usually for something Armin hadn't thought was impressive at all.

"Thank you, son. I had no idea you'd met Hypatia as a child. I'd love hearing about it. And don't worry. Nothing you reveal will leave this room. No matter what the official policy is, I can't see why knowledge should be illegal. Knowledge sets us free. And sometimes, even when we're still caged, we can briefly escape into another world, and renew our spirits enough that we are able to resume our struggles in our own once more."

Armin felt tears filling his eyes and forced them down. His grandfather had said the same thing, so many times. It was both wonderful and painful to hear again.

He took a deep breath, and started speaking, telling the Commander of his grandfather, and even his parents, and about the book, the trip to the Library, his frustration and loss, not knowing how to find it again, in the years following Shiganshina's fall. While he was speaking, one of Pixis's aides brought in a cart of food, and began setting plates and utensils onto the desk. Armin hesitated to say more, but Pixis waved him on.

"No need to stop on Randall's account. He's filling in for Peterson, while he's on sick leave, but he's completely trustworthy. He's part of the Special Forces Squad led by Captain Karl Schneider. Officially, they're stationed in Stohess, but they've always been a presence in Garrison 3, and now that both the Olympians and Nachtwolven are in Karanese, they'll likely cross through the inner Gate even more than before. And in addition to them, I have Peterson, Williams and a host of others that are part of my inner circle if you will, men whom I know are completely loyal, all of whom know about Hypatia and the others. Everyone, please dig in if you're hungry, including you, Armin. I can wait a little bit to hear the rest and digest what you've already told me".

Armin was relieved Pixis had men he could rely on. He only hoped they were all as trustworthy as he thought. He bit his lip and then spoke up. "Are you sure, sir? We know there must be at least one more undiscovered Titan spy in our base. What if there's one in yours, as well? Or even just a human soldier, but one who is more loyal to the King than to you, or even to the Military Police? I know you have enemies, sir."

"They will be dead enemies, if we every discover anyone who betrays the Commander," Randall promised, making Armin jump. He hadn't expected him to say anything.

"Now, Randall, no need to sound so draconian. And Armin, we're all loyal to the King, first and foremost," Pixis chastised.

"Yes sir. But you said before, it wasn't the first time you'd taken liberty with the orders of your superiors. I assume your men would also do what was best for the King and the City, even if he and his nobles didn't see it that way," Armin risked, speaking his mind.

Pixis laughed. "You hear that, Randall? I told you he was a genius. If anything ever happens to me, and you and the others are looking for a new guiding light to follow, there's not only Erwin, now. Armin's here too."

Armin blushed furiously, unable to say a word.

"I'll keep that in mind, sir, and make certain the others are aware as well. But you'd better not let that become a necessity any time soon. It's taken us this long to acclimate ourselves to dealing with you. We're in no hurry to discover all the many quirks and foibles of anyone else," Randall said with a grin at Pixis, and then a wink at Armin that made his heart flutter. Armin felt rather than saw Mikasa tense beside him. _Uh oh._

"Careful, Randall. Mikasa takes exception to anyone casually flirting with Armin," Pixis cautioned. "Make sure you're serious, before you cross that bridge, unless you want to be swimming with the crocodiles."

Randall laughed. "Now that's something no one could ever replace, sir! Half the things you talk about are things no one has ever seen, including you. Although I remember what the animal in question looks like, from those pictures you showed me of the Egyptian tomb paintings depicting them. So I'll be sure to tread with the utmost caution and respect."

"See that you do," Pixis urged.

Randall exited, and they began to eat, Armin picking up his narrative again, once he was finished eating. He told Pixis about Captain Levi exiting the passage first, and all that had happened afterwards. Levi hadn't mentioned their confrontation with Hypatia and her men at all when Pixis debriefed him. He'd only said that they ran into some Military Police who were Underground to harass starving orphans.

"So that was it. I see. But there's more I'm curious about, now. You mentioned Yeorgos and Demetrios, and being attacked. I'm eager to hear when and why you ran across my men, how you got shot, and how many of my men were injured or…I need to know what happened to the Olympians," he said, visibly bracing himself for bad news.

"None of them were injured at all. They weren't there yet, when we were attacked. Those men were all dead by the time they arrived," Armin quickly assured him. "And the details of the attack aren't important either. Twelve men ambushed us and would have eventually killed us. We killed them instead. But your men were camped nearby, with their herd, and twenty of them came to investigate, thinking we were travelers in danger, not knowing we were Scouts. But…well, we did actually need their help, for my arm, and to bury the bodies." He told Pixis everything after that, but nothing more about the attack. He even told Pixis about the Lieutenant's and Sergeant's lover's spat.

"Poor Nikolaos! That man just can't seem to manage to keep himself out of trouble of one kind or another. I'm glad you helped him and Costas patch things up. Forgetting a Name Day is not an easy offense to overlook, regardless of the reason. Sometimes Nikolaos can try the patience of a saint. Costas doesn't get angry easily, but once he does, he can hold onto it for days, and that kind of strife within the ranks is hard on the men. Not to mention, seeing Nikolaos looking like a kicked puppy is enough to melt anyone's heart. Even Costas's, though it takes a while. He's a little more immune than the rest of us, fortunately for him.

"They're really good for one another. Neither one of them was happy, before they found one another, and that's not an easy thing to do, in the Garrison. It seems like fewer and fewer people are looking for lasting relationships these days, and well, frankly, most of the men who are think only in terms of making those kinds of connections with a women, not another man."

"I think that's stupid. What does it matter?" Armin said truthfully, though he'd never really thought in those terms, until recently. He'd never thought about Erwin and Levi as a couple as an aberration, when he'd thought of it at all, but it had actually seemed strange to him. It didn't anymore.

Pixis smiled. "I'm glad to know you feel that way. Although frankly, in your case, I'd just as soon see you settle down with the right woman."

Armin's eyes widened at the direct look Pixis was giving him, and he blushed. At least he knew Mikasa was right, that Pixis didn't disapprove of him and Hypatia being together. He'd been just a little concerned that might have been why Pixis had wanted to see them, although he hadn't given any indication of that back at the Library.

"Now then, you three had better be getting on your way. In spite of Lieutenant Theorides officially extending your leave, I'm certain Commander Erwin and Captain Levi would be happier to have you back when you are supposed to be. We wouldn't want to worry them."


	43. Chapter 43 - Walking Wounded

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 43 – Walking Wounded

Levi was relieved to see the commotion entering the base was the missing men, along with the herd of horses they'd been escorting. So they hadn't run into a band of a couple of hundred horse thieves, or a few dozen Titans after all. At least something was going right.

A grinning Lieutenant dismounted, along with a number of his men, while the rest corralled the horses, who were joined together by leads, using their own horses as a living fence about them. "Captain Stephanos! Forgive me for being late. We were unavoidably detained," the smiling man explained.

"Of course you were. Is the reason you were late also the reason three of your men are out of uniform?" Stephanos asked mildly.

"Yes sir! They gave their uniforms to three Scouts who were in need of them," the Lieutenant said, as if that explained everything.

Levi looked over at the men, and noticed they seemed to be the shortest and smallest of the fifty men who…a sudden feeling of apprehension filled him. Three small Scouts. And the only Scouts who weren't currently hospitalized who weren't on base were…_Shit! _"What happened?" Levi asked abruptly.

The Lieutenant looked over at him and then frowned, puzzled, his eyes focused upon the co-opted bolo tie around his neck.

"Acting Commander Levi. Now answer the damned question! Why did your men need to give Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert their uniforms, and if you came across them, why aren't they with you?" Levi demanded.

"Sir! Not to worry. They are fine. They were injured, but our medics tended to them. They are completing their journey to the Capital. But I must also tell you that I authorized for them additional leave to make the journey safely, and told them that I would take any punishment that might result from ordering them to obey," the stranger said bravely.

"Why would they go to the…? Fuck! When did you see them? How long ago?" Levi demanded. Hypatia. That little idiot Armin and his friends had gone to see the psycho bitch with the knife who'd threatened to kill him the next time she saw him.

"They were injured two nights ago. They spent yesterday with us, recovering. They would have arrived in the Capital today. But not to worry. They are Scouts, they are tough, especially the little blond one, Arlert. He look like fuzzy yellow chick, but he is wolf. He is the toughest of all of them," the moron said, sounding as proud as if Armin were his son.

Armin. He thought Armin could protect himself. "How were they hurt? What were their injuries?" Levi asked. What could possibly have happened to them before they even reached the Capital?

"Yeager and Ackerman, they were both hit in the head, and Arlert was shot in the…" the man began.

"Shot!" Levi yelled.

"Only in the arm," the man quickly assured him. "And our medics, they assisted all three of them."

Someone shot Armin. He was going to fucking kill the man. Slowly.

"Is not to worry. Ackerman, she kill two of them, and Arlert, he kill the other ten. All twelve men are dead," the man claimed.

"You're trying to tell me that Armin Arlert killed ten men?" Levi asked incredulously.

"Yes. He is daemon, that one. He stand in tree, covered in blood, faces down all twenty of us who come, when we hear gunshots, and he orders us to leave, because is Scout camp, or he kill all of us, too. But then, when he sees we are Scouts also, he admits his friends are injured. He does not even realize he is injured as well, until he falls. But he is alright. We tend to him and make him stay and rest. And his friends, they recover also," the Lieutenant said.

"Lieutenant, we need you to come give a full report. Sergeant Darionosis, see to the stabling of the horses. Lieutenant O'Donnell will show you to the stable, and your men to your new quarters," Stephanos ordered, apparently realizing Levi was too focused on Konstantinos to even think about the other men or horses, and knowing he needed a complete, coherent report from the man, before he killed him.

Levi forced himself to listen to the report, knowing that there was nothing else he could do. The Capital was 20 hours away, half that if he rode his horse to death getting there. Either way, Armin and the others would either be long dead or fine.

He tried to tell himself Eren could save them, if need be, but Eren had been unconscious when Mikasa and Armin had needed him most. If it happened before, it could happen again. And there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.

From his report, the Lieutenant obviously thought Armin was a god. In addition to killing ten men, and facing off against twenty Scouts, he'd managed to patch up a lover's quarrel between him and his sergeant.

Fuck. Maybe Erwin was fine, and he was the one who had gone insane.

0 0 0

The last thing Levi needed was to see Zacharius. He was Erwin's friend, not his, though he'd learned to tolerate and even respect the odd man, in spite of his actions when they first met, even though, in all fairness, they had been under Erwin's orders. But Erwin needed to see Zacharius, so he'd come to the hospital. Their base infirmary was only for those who were less severely wounded, not those requiring longer term or critical care, like Zacharius. The infirmary was bad enough. Levi hated hospitals. They were full of suffering, disease and death.

Levi didn't expect to see Zacharius lying so still, or to be so pale. He thought he was asleep or unconscious, until he saw his nostrils flare and heard him inhale deeply, as his eyes snapped open, a look of confusion on his face. "It** is** you. But you smell wrong, like Scotch and sweat. Holy shit! Did someone hit you in the face with a bottle?" Zacharius hazarded, seeing his bruised face, and obviously smelling the whiskey. Then his eyes widened and he paled, and shook his head in horrified denial, as if he were watching his best friend being eaten by a Titan and had already had his own arms bitten off and couldn't help him. "No. No, they promised me he was…fuck!" He bolted upright and then fell back, gasping, his face wracked with pain.

"Shit! **I need a goddamned doctor!**" Levi yelled as he lunged forward and pinned Zacharius down, before he could do any more damage to himself. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you trying to kill yourself?" Levi snarled.

"He's dead. They lied to me. When Erwin didn't come I…but they said…" Zacharius was completely despondent.

"Erwin's not dead, you ass! Why the fuck would I come here to bring you back to base so you can be his fucking playmate if he was…shit. I'm a fucking moron. It's the damned bolo tie, isn't it? I hate this fucking thing, but…Erwin is alive, Zacharius, but he was concussed, and didn't take care of himself, and now he's confined to bed rest, doctor's orders, and I'm Acting Commander until he recovers, so I'm wearing this stupid fucking noose around my neck, to show that. So don't you fucking dare puncture a lung and kill yourself, because Erwin has enough dead Scouts to deal with, without adding you to the list."

A doctor ran in and Levi stepped back from the bed. He would have ripped the man a new asshole for taking so long, but he was covered in blood, so he'd apparently been doing something important.

Fortunately, whatever damage Zacharius had done apparently wasn't life-threatening, because the doctor left again, after checking his vitals and glaring at Levi, which just went to show the man either had a death wish or was beyond the point of caring, if it would save a life. He'd send the man that expensive looking bottle he'd found in Erwin's liquor cabinet, now that he wouldn't need to brush his teeth with it. Fortunately Erwin didn't drink, he just kept the cabinet stocked for important visitors, so he never tasted like that vile shit. The grape juice Erwin had rinsed his mouth out with was much less nasty. He should have thought of that before.

Now if only he could figure out how to wash his clothes without using water, and how to shower, and wash his damned floor. He felt every muscle tense beneath his shirt, as he flexed, futilely trying to keep the cloth from touching his skin. Fucking bugs. How the fuck was he supposed to clean when the damned water was filthy, no matter how clear it looked?

He'd gotten the damned soup for Erwin from a specialty shop known for using well water, which they said improved the taste. He didn't give a fuck about the taste, other than it was edible enough Erwin could keep it down, but he'd inspected the damned well himself, sending a lantern down it, to make sure there was nothing with six legs inside. Maybe he could dig a well at their base?

Zacharius wanted to know everything that had happened after he'd been injured. Apparently no one from the Corps had come to see him, not even Kirstein and those other ungrateful brats from the 104th he'd nearly died saving. Zacharius had heard only what the civilians knew, rumors about the horrific losses, and then Levi's and Eren's miraculous return, leading dozens or hundreds of new Scouts, but he'd heard a lot of contradictory information, too, and had doubts about Erwin surviving, knowing he would have come to see him.

Levi explained only the bare basics, and softly enough that no one would overhear. The last thing he needed to do was spread the word that Erwin wasn't fit to command. He could see Zacharius filled in some of the blanks he was leaving, though. The man might be an ass, and more than a little strange, but he was as smart as he was loyal. Erwin valued him for a reason.

After they were done talking, Levi arranged to have Zacharius safely transferred to the base. It looked like Erwin would be visiting him in Zacharius's room, which was conveniently on the other side of Erwin's, because his friend sure as hell wouldn't be walking around any time soon.

Levi got the name of the bloodied doctor, Devon Michaelson, to be certain the liquor bottle went to the right man. From what Zacharius said, the doctor had treated both him and a number of the other Scouts. No wonder Michaelson had looked like shit, considering the large number on the critical list this time around, and the number maimed, plus whatever it was he had been doing when Levi bellowed for him.

Levi visited every single one of their injured men before he left. He made sure they each knew that they'd successfully completed their secondary mission objective, that their sacrifices not only hadn't been in vain, but would ensure the safety of their brothers. Their concern over his own injury was incredibly moving. But each wounded man he saw reminded him that Armin, Eren and Mikasa were also injured, possibly far worse than before, possibly dead, depending on what that girl and her friends did to them. By the time he finally headed back to base, Levi was ready to do more than wash with the damned whiskey.

He would have happily killed for a shower. Instead, he washed his hands and face in Scotch. His face was blue enough, from the bruise, without dying it purple from grape juice. He knew he'd have to figure something better out soon, but he was dealing with enough at the moment.

Zacharius was moved into his own room on base before dinner, but he wasn't up to joining him and Erwin for it. Levi posted guards at Zacharius's door too. He'd also be vulnerable to an attack by their Titan spy. His next goal was to find that person or persons and kill the murdering fuckers.

Since Erwin was able to keep the soup and crackers down, Donaldson said he'd be able to graduate to vegetable stew. They didn't want to risk meat yet, since Erwin had finally confessed earlier as to why he hadn't been eating. He could hardly blame Erwin for his psychological problems, considering the slew of issues he was now actively combating.

He'd already caught himself leaving cupboard doors open and leaving lamps lit. Rewashing already clean dishes in those cupboards wasn't something he blamed himself for, as he had in the past, considering he was now washing them in alcohol, though at this rate, he'd burn through Erwin's entire liquor cabinet within days. He needed to go out and buy some cheap liquor to use instead. He'd send one of the new men out for it, someone like Stephanos, who hopefully knew him well enough already to know he wasn't a drunk, in spite of how he looked and smelled.

He wished for the tenth time Mikasa was there. Not that he needed her to sing him to sleep, just to talk to her, because he was slowly but surely losing his damned mind again, in spite of being aboveground, which scared the shit out of him. He wouldn't want to be insane in the best of times, but he couldn't afford to go crazy now, not when Erwin had beaten him to the punch. The fact that thinking how literal those words were, "beaten" and "punch", that they made him want to both laugh and cry was…fuck. _Where the hell are you, Mikasa? Please be OK, brats._

0 0 0

Something was seriously wrong with Levi. When Erwin had leaned in for a kiss when Levi first arrived for dinner, Levi had pulled back, at the same time sniffing like he was Mike. "Did you brush your teeth?" he'd asked suspiciously.

When Erwin had replied, "Shit, I forgot. I'll…" Levi had grabbed him and kissed him like his life depended on it. Levi had surprisingly tasted like grape juice, even though he smelled so strongly of Scotch, Erwin had been appalled. He absolutely reeked of the stuff, much worse than the last time, like someone had knocked his arm while he was drinking and made him spill it all over himself.

Now Erwin watched Levi pushing his food around with his fork, spreading it across his plate, in a conscious or unconscious effort to make it look like he'd eaten it, when he hadn't. Erwin was all too personally familiar with the tactic, lately. But Levi's odd behavior didn't end there. There was far more to it than that.

Just as inexplicably, Erwin caught Levi staring at the fork in his hand more than once in open loathing, dropping it as if it was suddenly too hot to hold, and then flexing his fingers and reclaiming it, as if he had to fight with himself to touch it. Similarly, Levi reached for his napkin half a dozen times, only to pull his hand back and look at the pristine white cloth in unveiled disgust.

Was he drunk? Levi looked unkempt and he smelled like a damned distillery, though he no longer tasted like one, but his eyes were remarkably clear, his balance was fine, and his motor control unimpaired. He was still more graceful on his crutches than most men were on two good legs. There was no external sign of him drinking to excess, other than the odor, and the disturbing lack of hygiene. In another man, it wouldn't have been alarming, but this was Levi, a man legendary for his obsessive-compulsive cleanliness, and less known for some other choice neuroses that Erwin hadn't seen external signs of in years.

Either Levi was cracking under the pressure of command, the new men weren't the godsend Pixis had made them out to be, Levi's injury was worse than he'd let on, something was wrong with one or more of his new friends, or something particularly traumatic had happened while he was missing, something that put him back in that dark place Erwin had unintentionally rescued him from, all those years ago. Erwin was afraid it might be all of that.

Whatever was wrong, at this rate, their Titan spies only needed to lean back and watch the show, because between his own psychological and physical issues and Levi's, plus Mike's current physical limitations, the Corps was imploding all on its own. Which meant he had to do everything he could to get better as quickly as possible, so he could relieve some of the burdens Levi was floundering under.


	44. Chapter 44 - Breakdown

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
Thanks for the new reviews, favorites and follows! If you're enjoying the story, please keep them coming! For those of you who reviewed earlier chapters, I'd love to hear what you think of these later ones, either by review or private message.**

**If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 44 – Breakdown

Levi was losing his damned mind. His clothes were as clean as he could make them, but stiff and scratchy, and they reeked with a nauseating mixture of soap and alcohol. He'd finally sent Theorides to the same place he'd gotten Erwin's soup the night before, and been able to eat a little, at least, and that had given him an idea of how he might survive this. He'd given Stephanos his orders that morning, though it wasn't as if he'd slept. He hadn't been able to force himself to lie in the bed. It was hard enough to sit on the chairs. Everything was filthy, contaminated.

Stephanos had very earnestly and respectfully asked him what was wrong, in private, in his office, both before and after his orders, but he couldn't tell the man. He would never betray any of his weaknesses to anyone, because the wrong person could exploit them, and use them against him, and he'd never allow himself to be that vulnerable again, not after what had happened before. If he told anyone, he'd tell Erwin, but he was the **last **person he wanted to know about them. Not because he didn't trust him with them, but because he was humiliated by them. And he'd beaten them, damn it! He'd taken every last one of those fucking trauma induced phobias and beaten the shit out of them.

It was terrifying and humbling to know that if he'd been alone in that endless corridor, he'd never have made it out sane. Hell, he'd never have made it out at all. And now the brats might be…if they didn't come back…

0 0 0

Erwin was surprised by a knock on his door. Levi had sent word he wouldn't be able to join him for breakfast, and it was too early for lunch. And the knock wasn't Levi's, but Erwin hadn't thought he would allow anyone else to bother him, other than with that message. Had something happened to Levi? No. For the sake of his sanity, he refused to believe that. But maybe something had happened to his guards?

He bladed his sword grips and headed for the door, standing to the left of the hinges, against the wall, in case someone was waiting to shoot him through the door, reminding himself that it's not paranoia when someone really is trying to kill you. "Who's there?"

"Captain Stephanos. Forgive me for disturbing you, but I must speak with you. It is important."

It was definitely Stephanos' voice. Erwin set the swords down on the table by the door, and opened it, waving the Captain in.

"You are looking much better, except, there is worry in your eyes," Stephanos pronounced astutely.

He could say the same about Stephanos's eyes, but he remained quiet, encouraging Stephanos to fill the silence.

After a few moments, Stephanos sighed, and then finally spoke. "It is not easy for me to say this. It feels like a betrayal almost, to speak, but it would be the greater betrayal to remain silent. If I had not seen, if I did not know that he trusted you with his life, with more…I have been given an unusual order, and have witnessed some strange things, things that concern me, but I do not know your men well enough to know whether there is truly a problem. I do not mean disrespect, and certainly not insubordination," Stephanos qualified.

Stephanos was a Captain, and a Squad Leader, second in rank to only him and Levi, yet he said he was ordered, and also, insubordination implied a superior officer, which could only mean Levi. "What did Levi order you to do?" Erwin prompted, suspecting he might be about to hear another piece to the puzzle Levi had recently become.

"Commander Levi ordered me to go to a liquor store and purchase an extensive quantity of inexpensive alcohol. But also, he sent me to the Surveyor's Office, to determine whether a series of wells could be dug on the base. I was confused, because we have an ample water supply pumped into every building. We have piped water in the kitchen and latrines. And in the showers, it is heated in the tanks so we do not even need to heat it on the stove, as in some of the smaller settlements. When I asked if there was a concern that our water supply might be compromised, that perhaps the disguised human Titans, the spies, might seek to poison us, or introduce illness into the water, the Commander, he said to me, 'That disgusting shit's already not fit to drink.'"

And suddenly, everything made sense to Erwin, all the odd behaviors clicked into place, snapped into focus, in a single, horrifyingly clear picture: Levi was hydrophobic. Whatever the hell had happened in that damned canal tunnel had seriously messed him up. No wonder he was losing his mind! Levi had a number of neuroses, mostly inert ones at this point in his life, phobias he'd acquired but then mastered over the years, however there was one very blatant manifestation of the various hells he'd endured: Levi had an extremely strong obsessive-compulsive disorder regarding cleaning.

Cleaning was his way of coping with the PTSD of his traumatic childhood, and of his life in the Underground, as well as of all the Titan battles he'd survived and others hadn't. It was his one measure of control in an out of control world. And now he couldn't clean at all, not the floors, the walls, the windows, his clothes, not even his skin. Levi wasn't just standing on the edge of a cliff, he'd already gone over, and he was shooting out grapples left and right trying to catch himself, but they were pulling loose. Erwin had to help him, now, before he fell any further.

The problem was, Erwin had no idea what the hell had happened while Levi was belowground to create this new phobia and Levi obviously had no intention of enlightening him. But his three new friends would know what was wrong. And they'd damned well better tell him. "I need to see Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert."

Stephanos sighed. "Of all the things you could ask of me, that is the one thing I cannot provide. They are not here. Not on the base, not in Karanese. Apparently, from what Lieutenant Konstantinos said, they are in the Capital. And Commander Levi, when he heard…" He sighed again. "There was a look in his eyes. I have seen this look before: a special kind of fear. The look in your eyes, when you know your men are about to die, but it is already too late to save them. Although when he debriefed Konstantinos, I was there, and it did not sound so ominous to me. All three had been injured, but all three were recovering. Except there was some other danger that the Commander knew, but did not say."

_Shit. If Levi loses those three, especially now… Damn it!_

"It is very frustrating for us. We have come to help, but so far, we have done nothing. When Yeager went mad and became a Titan, we could not help. You, we could not help. And now Commander Levi…he is like a bowstring, pulled too tight. Soon, if we do nothing, he will break. You know him best. What is wrong? What can be done to save him?"

_Shit, shit, shit._ Levi didn't immediately set out after his friends, which meant there was nothing he could do. And if there was nothing Levi could do, then there was nothing anyone could do. So he needed to work on the part that could be fixed. Erwin had no idea what Levi thought was wrong with the water, but if well water was acceptable to him…

"We can't do anything about Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert, other than hope they return. But if Levi wants well water, we need to get him well water, lots of it, immediately: barrels from every well in Karanese, on my authority, a military imperative that cannot be refused. No one outside the Corps knows I'm not still in command.

"Levi needs to be able to drink it, cook with it, brush his teeth with it, wash his clothes and bathe in it, clean with it, until we can find out what he thinks is wrong with our regular water supply. It's never been an issue before now. Levi isn't like this normally, at all. He's the exact opposite: he's a cleaning fanatic, washing his room, my office, the corridors, constantly, anything he doesn't think is clean enough. His clothes are always immaculate, he showers at least twice a day and washes his hands dozens of time. He's apparently been trying to do what he can with alcohol instead."

Stephanos's eyes widened with the enormity of what he was hearing. "I will arrange for the wagons, the barrels, the water. This, at least, we can do. And perhaps this will take the fear from your eyes, at least."

Erwin felt a rush of relief and gratitude. "_Epharisto,_" Erwin said sincerely, carefully mimicking the word to sound the way he'd heard it. It was one of the few words he'd learned so far, but he intended to become fluent.

Stephanos beamed at him, "_Parakalo,"_ he replied. At Erwin's look of polite puzzlement as to why he was saying 'please', Stephanos explained, "It means 'you're welcome.' It is also the same word we use for 'please', which is no doubt what confused you."

"It was. I'll remember," Erwin promised.

0 0 0

Levi fell back on his bed, naked and exhausted, breathing in the sweet smell of detergent and bleach, from his freshly laundered and sundried sheets. Stephanos had worked a freaking miracle. Levi had nearly wept with relief when Stephanos insisted he come outside and had shown him the five dozen barrels in ten wagons, and told him they were filled with well water. He'd even had a freaking list of the wells each barrel had been filled from, in case he had concerns regarding any of them. The man was a god.

Levi had cleaned for nearly twenty straight hours: his room, his bathroom, the Officer's Kitchen and Mess, including every damned pot, pan, dish and utensil in it, his towels, his clothes. He's left the Kitchen with six barrels of his precious water and insisted they cook and clean and wash their damn hands with it. He'd showered twice using the new double tanks some of the Olympians had installed in his bathroom to bypass the base water supply; they'd even improvised and rigged a freaking heat source for the second tank. He'd washed his hair and brushed his teeth. He'd washed his hands at least a dozen times. And he'd eaten bug shit free food off of pristine plates with clean utensils. He no longer felt like ripping off his clothes and clawing off his skin.

He was still worried about the brats, but he was so worn to the bone, he was certain he'd be able to fall asleep anyway, trusting that they would survive their trip to the Capital, as they had survived so much else.


	45. Chapter 45 - A Leg to Stand On

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 45 – A Leg to Stand On

Erwin felt guilty taking advantage and leaving the base while Levi was asleep after his cleaning frenzy, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed out otherwise, and there was something important he needed to do. When they'd spoken in camp by the fire, the night before arriving in Karanese, Erwin had been skeptical when Commander Pixis had recommended a shop outside the Capital, when he asked if he knew of a good place where he could purchase a cane for Levi. But, Pixis had assured him that A Leg to Stand On would have what he was looking for. Erwin doubted it could: he'd been thinking a platinum handle, with a lacquered black or richly stained and waxed wooden haft. Ideally, he wanted a sword cane, with the Wings of Freedom engraved on the hilt or carved on the haft, but the few sword canes he'd ever seen were gentleman's rapiers, not battle swords, like the ones they wielded in the Corps, and Levi would only scoff at a rapier. Not that he wanted Levi anywhere near a battle, until his leg was fully healed.

His skepticism must have shown on his face, a further sign that Levi was right to have first drugged him and then replaced him temporarily as Commander. He was still having trouble controlling and concealing his emotions. In his tenuous position, balancing the fine line between political maneuvering and military inspiration, with his frustrations with his superiors bordering on insubordination, and increasingly, temptation towards outright insurrection against the very government he had sworn to protect, losing control could be deadlier than battling a swarm of Titans. He definitely needed more time to sleep and heal.

Being able to eat again was definitely helping in the latter regard. The vegetable soup and crackers he'd again eaten the night before for dinner, while Levi was in the midst of his cleaning frenzy, had thankfully stayed down, as had the toast he'd had for breakfast. He planned to gradually add raw fruit and cooked vegetables to his diet, working his way up to hopefully eventually being able to eat meat again. It was one of the few perks of being a Scout, after all: they'd lost most of their herd animals when Wall Maria fell, and only the wealthiest civilians could now afford meat with any regularity.

Erwin stopped walking for a moment, completely lost, not in the City, but in his head. He hated this! He'd been thinking of something completely different and gone off onto the tangent of food and had totally forgotten what…Kearney! That was it. He'd looked at Pixis dubiously and the man had finally huffed in frustration and told him Connell Kearney owned and ran the shop. A wave of sympathy and regret had flooded Erwin and then one of guilty relief, that Levi still had all his limbs, that he wasn't another permanently maimed genius, his life destroyed, like Kearney.

He began walking again, striding quickly to fight the terror and darkness those thoughts brought. Erwin told himself he should instead be relieved he'd remembered his thought, painful as it had been. Damned Titan, getting the best of him, swatting him like a fly. Damned concussion, scrambling his brain, so he couldn't think logically and methodically anymore. Damned head and heart, making him weak like this, nearly finishing the job the Titan had started.

Erwin's eyes widened in surprise as he turned onto Hope Street. He'd expected a small shop, not a storefront imbedded in what appeared to be a warehouse or the puzzling and distinctive smell of machine oil and burnt metal that had already been permeating the air intensifying to an almost overwhelming stench.

_A workshop? Impossible._ Once, Connell Kearney had been one of the most brilliant equipment designers and mechanical technicians they'd ever seen, modifying their maneuver gear design to improve its performance and repairing broken equipment others thought had been reduced to scrap. But that had all changed when Wall Maria fell.

Kearney had been visiting his brother's family in Shiganshina when the Titans attacked. He'd never ridden out on the Survey Corps scouting missions with the rest of them because he'd been far too valuable to risk that way. It wasn't until the day the Wall feel that he had killed his first Titan. And his last. Survey Corps members needed two good hands to fight, and to work with equipment, and Kearney had been left with none, after a second Titan had attacked him.

Erwin shivered under the afternoon sun, instinctively crossing his arms, his hands pressed to his opposite forearms, finding calm in the feel of the warmth of his palms even through the material of his jacket and shirt. He'd rather be dead than lose a limb, lose the ability to do the only job that had ever mattered to him, to be broken and useless, collecting a military pension, living off others who still had the ability to work. How could Kearney even be a shopkeeper, without hands?

Erwin steeled himself, carefully reconstructing his habitual mask of control, and making sure it was firmly in place, and then resolutely entered the small shop. He was startled by the sound overhead, not the soft tinkle or gentle chime of a conventional shop bell, but the loud clang of a much larger bell, hooked up to an elaborate pulley system that led into the curtained doorway to what was apparently a workshop beyond. Erwin eyed the bell and pulley system with interest. _Impressive work._ He could hear the raucous screech of a metal saw coming from the room behind the small shop, and the odor of metal and oil was nearly overpowering. _Definitely a workshop. _He wondered whose, and what they were making, for it to smell like that.

A figure appeared in the curtained doorway and Erwin froze, seeing a monstrous profile shockingly reminiscent of Yeager Titan, for a horrified moment thinking it was a miniature Titan and not a man, until he realized the hideous rictus of the teeth and skinless jaw were made of metal, even as the stump of an arm which was slipped into the leather strap loop behind the man's head tugged, removing the elaborate muzzle with a grunt of effort, revealing the familiar unmarred jaw beneath. That mouth shifted and stretched, contorting and yawning, as the man slipped the stubs of his arms into a complex leather harness reminiscent of their maneuver gear straps, but connected to two metal forearms, with a three pronged clawed where the hands should have been. The man tightened the leather straps with his own teeth.

"Sorry, it takes a bit longer than it used to, pulling myself together these days. How can I h…" the man's casual greeting came to an abrupt end, as he turned to fully face Erwin, the shock of recognition in his eyes. "Commander Erwin, sir!" Kearney snapped to attention, giving a precise Corps solute, except with a clenched metal claw replacing the usual clutched fist over his heart.

"Captain Kearney," Erwin replied respectfully, returning the salute, relieved to feel that the depth of the shock and emotion flooding him had not reached the mask of his face. "At ease. You're not...required to salute me anymore," he said, with only the slightest hesitation. He'd almost inexcusably said, "You're not in the Corps anymore." Of course Kearney was, active or not, whole or not, and not because he was collecting a military pension. Once a Scout, always a Scout.

Kearney nodded as if he'd heard his thoughts and said, "That's right, sir. You can take the arms off the Scout, but you can't take the Corps out of his heart. It's an honor seeing you again, Commander." There wasn't a single trace of reproach or bitterness in the man's voice, in spite of all the Corps had cost him. Kearney could have run from the Titans instead of fought them, if he hadn't been one of them. He might have escaped whole. Although more likely, Kearney would have been just another rotting corpse.

A wave of despair slammed into Erwin, harder than the Titan's hand that had felled him, all but crushing him. Images of the dismembered dead from a dozen missions flooded his mind and Erwin fought the debilitating blackness that he'd hoped had fled for good with Levi's miraculous return.

He ruthlessly replaced every gory image with flashes of the man he loved, who'd confessed to loving him back, and suddenly he could see and breathe again, though he was still standing on rocky ground, which threatened to buckle and crumble beneath his feet at any moment. He knew it was too much to hope for that Kearney wouldn't have noticed his lapse.

"Damn, I see it's true. Those cursed bastards almost got you this time, didn't they, Commander? Don't worry. I won't betray what I just saw. It's after you think you've physically escaped those monsters that they get a lot of us," Kearney said grimly.

"As for me, I traded my hands for the life of my niece, so I'd say it was more than a fair trade. The horror in people's eyes when they see me I don't mind in the least, though the pity I'd prefer to live without. I'm glad you're not looking at me like that and I'd never look at you that way, sir. I'm no more pitiful nor pitiable than you are. Unlike many officers, present company excluded, of course, I actually work for a living.

"I don't know whether you've heard, but I actually still design your equipment, though the brass doesn't make that common knowledge. Might make the men nervous, were they to know they were relying upon my hands to save them, especially when I've got my Titan teeth on. Sorry about that, sir. I usually get the jaws off before I enter the front to greet customers, but the cursed strap got twisted again. But you didn't come to listen to me bitch and moan. How can I help you, Commander?"

Erwin clung to Kearney's words like a grapple line, using them to anchor him and pull himself away from the crumbling edge of the mental pit he'd fallen into and nearly been trapped in, the same way Levi literally had escaped his own hell. Kearney was like Levi, and Hange too, irreverent and wild. He'd always spoken his mind freely, and he had a similar sense of humor, somewhere between Levi's sarcastic, gallows sense of humor and Hange's irrepressibly insane view of the world. Erwin felt himself relax, and only in doing so realized he'd been tensing up infinitesimally with every step he'd taken closer to the shop. He'd been dreading seeing Kearney crushed and broken, dead-eyed and lost.

"I should have come to see you a long time ago," Erwin blurted, realizing to his dismay that his internal filter was apparently still holed and leaking.

"Aye, you should have, but we both know why you didn't, so I don't hold it against you. None of us do. People might say for all your genteel manners you're a cold hearted bastard, and Captain Levi's the one with the soul, but we know the truth, sir. You're both fine men. There's not a man among those of us here who'd want to cause you more pain than we already have," Kearney said bluntly and sincerely.

The weight of guilt that had been crushing Erwin, instead of merely weighing him down, that had eased a little with Bauer's and the others' return, and eased far more with Levi's, lifted further, for the first time since the massacre, making it bearable once more. If even a handful of the men who'd been under his command, who had lost so much, had adjusted as well as Kearney, then maybe he could still do this after all. "Thank you, Kearney," he said simply, then his eyes widened as his former subordinate's final words sunk in. "There are more of you here? Fellow Scouts?"

Kearney laughed. "Well o' course! Brilliant I may be, but even I can't run a place like this all by meself. A number of 'em started out as customers and ended up working with me here. Sad to say, we've a booming business." A little more of his brogue leaked out, further warming Erwin's heart, even as he looked around the tiny shop, perplexed. There were a number of beautifully crafted canes and crutches on display, but nothing that indicated a need for extensive manpower.

Again, Kearney seemed to know what he was thinking. "We make everything we sell, but most of it's in back, out of the public eye. Wouldn't want to harm folks' sensibilities more than we already do by existing now, would we? I can see you're not here for yourself, but since it's you, I know you've a legitimate reason for being here, that you're not here to gawk at our merchandise. So who are you here for? What sort of injury is the lad or lass wanting to overcome? I've a hunch, but all kinds of rumors have been running rampant, and I've no idea which, if any are true," Kearney admitted.

"It's for Captain Levi. I'm looking for a cane for him, one that fits both his build and his personality, and Commander Pixis suggested I come here," Erwin replied.

"Then the crutches are only temporary? He's keeping his leg? Or is the cane to help support him on an artificial one? If it's the latter, he won't need it, with one of our legs," Kearney said proudly.

Pixis hadn't mentioned they sold artificial limbs, too. The name of the shop took on new meaning and explained the workshop, too. "He's keeping his leg. And even the cane will only be temporary. He's on light duty right now, but he's expected to recover full use of his leg. It wasn't a Titan: his thigh was impaled by a two meter spike at the bottom of a Titan trap, during our last mission." Erwin would never have told a civilian those details, but Kearney was still a Scout, apparently more than he'd at first realized, from what his former subordinate had revealed about still working on their equipment.

"The lads will be pleased to hear that. It was a heavy blow, when we heard he'd been lost, and that Titan beastie boy, too, though we had mixed feelings about that one, o' course. I wasn't expecting to see it in the City again, not unless there was a full on attack. We all saw it appeared on base. We've been wondering what that was about."

Yeager was another story entirely, one that he didn't want to tell.

"No, never mind, I can see you either won't or can't talk about it," Kearney said, instantly picking up on the hesitation. "I should have known better than to ask, but it makes us more than a wee bit nervous, that thing living within the Walls. But you're a busy man, and looking for a cane, and a cane you shall have. I know the perfect one, if Liam will part with it, and I'm almost certain he will. He crafted it lovingly, and though Captain Levi's not the one it was meant for, someone should be able to use it, and Liam owes the Captain his life, the same as most of us. It will do honor to his sister Caitlin's memory for the Captain to use it, even if it is only for a little while.

"It's here in the back, too. The lads and I all have rooms behind the workshop, a barracks, of a sort, with just enough privacy but not too much, with a kitchen and Mess Hall. It helps to have someone to talk to, day or night, who understands why you might wake up screaming, or crying, or call out a name of someone long dead, as if you expect to hear an answer. If you'll wait just a moment, I'll go into the back and ask him."

"Only if it wouldn't upset him," Erwin said, subdued. It was good to know the men were here for one another, though hard to hear how much they still suffered. He hadn't realized Caitlin O'Seanessey, the younger of the twins, had died. The siblings had both been Scouts, both been maimed on the same mission, by the same damned Titan, one that Levi had finally slain.

"Nay, I think it might actually help him heal. And I'll tell the other lads you're out here, unless it would be too overwhelming for you to see them all at once. Or you could go in the back and see them at their work stations, see the new lives they've crafted for themselves out of the old. I think that might be healing for you, Commander, seeing that some of the men you think of as lost aren't lost after all. But first, let me get Liam for you."

"I'd appreciate it," Erwin said gruffly, clearing his throat and swallowing hard. Seeing Liam and the others too, when he'd only expected to face Kearney, would likely give him nightmares tonight, but these men lived with waking nightmares every day of their lives. He owed it to them to see them. And perhaps, if they had also adjusted as well as Kearney, they might instead keep the nightmares at bay.

Erwin expected to see Liam O'Seanessey, but never thought he'd see him walk out into the front room on his own two feet, without so much as a limp, without the benefit of crutches or even a cane. Liam's left leg had been bitten off at mid thigh. Erwin had seen artificial legs before, for below the knee bites, but never one with a working knee joint that replaced above the knee loss so effectively.

Like Kearney, O'Seanessey saluted him upon seeing him, and he returned the salute. A cloth wrapped package was clutched tightly in O'Seanessey's left hand. "It's good to see you again, Commander. I understand Captain Levi is in need of a cane. I'd like him to have this, as a gift from our family. Our family crest is on it." He pulled the cane from the cloth wrapping and presented it to Erwin on the palms of his hands. "It's a lion and a unicorn, for bravery and purity of heart. We were taught that the lion was an actual living animal, fantastical though it appears, a cat bigger than the biggest dog, with a bushy mane all about its' head. The unicorn is only a mythical beast, though not green like those idiots in the Garrison depict it, but white as pure as the Captain's pants, like a horse, but with cloven hooves, like a goat."

Erwin lifted the cane reverently. It was perfect, the workmanship exquisite. The handle was in the exact shape of the hilt of one of their swords, though crafted from platinum. The narrow oval haft of the cane was shorter than would be practical for most men, of gleaming dark wood, stained, waxed and polished to a flawless gloss, the crest painted and sealed beneath a clear coat of lacquer. He carefully drew the sword, pleased at how smoothly it slipped from the haft, and was surprised to see the blade looked to be of standard military issue, interchangeable, locked into the hilt like one of their weapons, and just as razor sharp.

"It's one of ours, sir. The hilt too. It's not really made of platinum, only coated in it. It's a working soldier's weapon. I didn't want Caity to be without the means to protect herself, if the worst happened. But it turned out the worst was the gangrene that killed her," O'Seanessey said softly.

"You should present it to Levi personally," Erwin encouraged, incredibly moved by the gift.

"Nay. Seeing him again… 'twould be too hard, sir. That part of my life is over. 'Tis best not to dwell on it. Once the Captain has no further need of the cane, have him give it to someone who does, along with our names, a few tall tales of my sister and the meaning of the crest. 'twill keep my sister's memory alive, even once I'm gone. We were the last two of the family, and I don't see myself having bairns of my own to carry on the name. I can't see why anyone would want to bring children into this world, only to see them suffer and die young," Liam said sepulchrally.

To his horror, Erwin felt himself on the verge of tears at the shattered young man's words, remembering the two siblings as they had been, laughing, bantering, mischievous hellions. What the hell had that damned Titan done to him? Hange and Dr. Donaldson had both assured him his emotional instability was a symptom of his concussion, like his damned constant headaches, and would pass with time and rest. He only hoped they were right. He couldn't function like this, the black depressions, the flaring rages.

"None o' that, now, Liam," Kearney scolded. "Just because Caity's not here to smack some sense into that wooden skull of yours, don't think the rest of us won't. You're a fine young man, who deserves a fine young lass and a houseful of bairns. This war won't last forever, not with the Corps taking the offensive. We took back Wall Rose and Trost, sealing the breach, and we'll take back Wall Maria, and then all the rest. And you were a part of the battles that led us here, so you're damn well going to stick around to enjoy the fruits of your labor and your loss."

O'Seanessey looked up, the darkness lifting from his eyes. "Sorry, sirs," he said sheepishly, to both men. "I haven't truly given up, though sometimes it might sound like I have. I'd best be getting back to work."

"You do that, lad. Don't mind the Commander and me, but he's going to take a quick peek inside and say hello to the lads, before he heads back to base," Kearney said.

"Since I won't be needing to handle any coin, I'll be taking off my shopkeeper hands and putting my workshop hands back on, if you don't mind, Commander, though I'll spare you the Titan teeth, for now," Kearney said.

"Of course," Erwin said, curious to see what he meant.

They entered the back, and Kearney took down a different pair of forearms from a hook. Erwin saw that these too were attached to a harness, and had a similar style grasping three pronged claw, though a much enlarged and stronger looking version, at least twice the size of a human hand, and recognition flared. "That grapple at the end. That's one of the original designs for the maneuver gear grapples, isn't it? Before we went with the hooked arrowhead shape," Erwin said, intrigued.

"Aye, Commander, you've a good eye. It wasn't quick enough to disengage, strong enough to hold or easy enough to use for the maneuver gear, but that doesn't mean it was a bad design, not a'tall. I use a combination of this and that jaw enhancement, the Titan teeth, to aid me in grasping things. My mouth's become a surrogate hand. I used my own teeth, at first, but chipped a couple and soon realized I'd wear them down to the nubs, unless I protected them, and they weren't strong enough for some of the things I needed them for," Kearney explained.

"Amazing," Erwin said, truly impressed by the ingenuity and fortitude of the man. And to think, he'd expected to find someone crushed and broken. He should have known better. Kearney was irrepressible.

As he toured the workshop and greeted close to a dozen of his former subordinates, Erwin continued to be awed by everything he saw. Each of the men had adapted to their losses remarkably. And the prosthetic limbs they were producing as well as utilizing were astonishing in their design and manufacture and quality. By the time he left for the base, he was in a far lighter mood and mindset than the one he'd come in.

After arriving on base, as he headed towards his room and saw a familiar figure in the corridor, Erwin realized that Levi, however, was not. _Shit._ He'd hoped Levi would sleep long enough that he'd be able to return without being missed. He should have known better.

The slender Captain angrily swung up on his crutches, looking like he was ready to attack him. "Where the **hell **have you been? What part of 'resting' don't you understand?" he fumed.

Erwin caught him and slammed him back into the wall of the corridor, the crutches clattering to the ground as he pinning him with his body and kissed him, stemming the angry tirade that had been sure to follow, reveling in the feel of warm, lean muscle pressed against him. Erwin vaguely felt a booted foot curl around his calf and an impossibly strong jerk, around a muffled hiss of pain, and in the next moment his own back hit the wall, as their positions were reversed.

He tried to break the kiss in concern that Levi had hurt his injured leg, but Levi wouldn't let him. By the time Levi finally broke the kiss, Erwin was left breathless and hard as steel, but he'd miraculously kept hold of the wrapped sword cane. From the way Levi was glaring at it, he realized that might have been a mistake, but he couldn't risk dropping it and damaging it. "Don't get testy. It's a gift, for you, from Liam O'Seanessey," Erwin said, holding it out to the man.

"O'Seanessey? I haven't seen him since his sister's funeral, six months ago," Levi said, accepting the wrapped package, the anger that had flared dissipating as quickly as it had come.

He wasn't surprised to hear Levi had known Caitlin O'Seanessey was dead, or that he'd seen the twins after their mission, though he was surprised he hadn't seen Liam O'Seanessey since, until he remembered the man's words. Levi had obviously kept his distance in respect for O'Seanessey's wishes.

"We can discuss it in my room," Erwin said, belatedly realizing they'd been kissing, hell, practically having sex in the corridor, where anyone could have seen.

To Erwin's relief, Levi entered with him, apparently appeased. Levi listened with remarkable patience as he explained where he'd gone, and why. All the time he was speaking, Erwin was studying Levi. He looked himself again: that frantic, unbalanced, falling look was gone. Thank God. There was still tension and worry in his eyes, though, no doubt because of his missing friends, and perhaps still for him. Erwin was certain no one else would be able to see it, but he could.

Levi started to lean in for another kiss and then pulled back, eying his mouth with a bizarre mixture of wistfulness and revulsion.

"I have no idea what you think is wrong with the base's water supply, but I brushed my teeth with the well water Stephanos brought," Erwin assured him.

Levi's eyes widened in relief and sudden insight. "You're the one who told him to bring those barrels for me. I should have known. _You're_ the god."

Erwin smirked. "You've always thought I was. Ever since you first saw my face."

"Not your face. Your sexy fucking eyes. They're the color of the sky. If they were shit brown, I wouldn't have looked twice at you," Levi teased.

Two days ago, a comment like that would have filled Erwin's head with self doubt. Now he reached for Levi's face, with the intent of caressing it.

Levi flinched and jerked away. The reaction was like a kick in the gut and Erwin recoiled as well. He'd punched Levi in the face. The large bruise was a vivid and painful reminder. He had no right to touch him.

"Fuck! Erwin, stop it, damn it! It's not the fucking bruise, or the punch. It's your fucking hand. Shit, and your clothes. I just…

The knock on Erwin's door was both infuriating and a relief. "Who is it?" Erwin called out.

"Captain Stephanos. Is Commander Levi in there with you? The missing Scouts, Captain Levi's friends, all three of them, they have returned."

"Halle-fucking-lujah," Levi said irreverently. He looked at Erwin apologetically, obviously torn.

"Go. And once you're done, we'll go to your room, and I'll strip, so my clothes aren't an issue, and I'll wash head to toe in your well water, and then we can sit and talk and eat without you crawling out of your skin."

_Shit._ Levi was looking at him like he was completely insane. Had he said something other than what he thought he had? He'd thought he was getting better.

"If you honestly think I'd waste time talking and eating when I have you alone, wet and naked in my room, you really are freaking insane."

Erwin's knees felt weak with relief, even as a bolt of lust shot through him at Levi's words.

"Commander Levi?" Stephanos called.

"I'm coming," Levi called back. Then he smirked at Erwin. "Or at least, I will be soon," he promised far more softly, his eyes flicking suggestively to Erwin's groin and then back to his face.

_Holy hell._

Then Levi was at the door, and through the doorway, almost before he could blink. _Bastard._ Erwin's hand went to his groin and he shifted his painfully hard cock into a more comfortable position. He refused to do more, not when Levi might be willing to help him.


	46. Chapter 46 - Traitors

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 46 – Traitors

Armin's eyes widened as they approached the base. The gate was closed. The gate was **never **closed. And there were sentries posted in front of it, a full dozen of them. "Wait," he told his friends, as he reined in his horse warily. Eren and Mikasa followed suit.

"Something must have happened. Something major," Mikasa observed.

"Uh, guys? They're watching us, and they don't look friendly," Eren said nervously.

"But they're in Corps uniforms. And I recognize those two on the end," Armin realized in relief. "They're both O'Donnell's men. That one's named O'Leary, right?"

"I think so. We need to ride up, but appear nonthreatening," Mikasa recommended.

"Tch. Of the three of us, you're the only one who looks remotely threatening," Eren scoffed in self derision.

"You forget how they view Armin. I think he's second only to Commander Erwin or Levi in their eyes. Well, the Olympians, anyway," Mikasa qualified, and Armin fidgeted, still unaccustomed to the attention, and the reason for it.

When they rode up to the gate, O'Leary looked at them like they'd just sprung live from a Titan's mouth. "Thank the Good Lord you survived your trip! We thought Commander Levi was going to skin Lieutenant Konstantinos. I'll escort you inside."

Armin's eyes widened in shock. "What's wrong? Why did…wait. _Commander _Levi? Oh no. The gate being closed, you being on guard. Did someone assassinate Commander Erwin?" Armin knew a number of people blamed the Scouts and the Commander in particular for the tremendous damage and shocking and regrettable accompanying loss of life in Stohess resulting from Eren and Annie battling in Titan form, before Annie's capture. Had someone attacked in a misguided need for revenge?

"No, thankfully, though I thought Commander Levi was going to throttle the lot of us, for allowing him to leave the base. But we'd been told we were guarding his door for his protection, that it wasn't that he was confined to his quarters, in spite of what the others thought, at least, not after that first day, when it became clear he was cooperating. In retrospect, we should have realized…but no one was about to wake Commander Levi to ask, not after he was finally sleeping," O'Leary rambled, as he signaled for the gate to be opened and led them inside. "You go stable your horses. I'll tell one of the Captains you've returned." Then he was off like a shot, before they could ask him anything further about the troubling things he'd mentioned.

"What could Commander Erwin have possibly done that would make Levi assume command?" Armin asked aloud, voicing all their thoughts. Mikasa scowled in concern, but didn't say anything, and Eren frowned, an accusing look filling his eyes. Armin sighed. Eren still hadn't fully forgiven Levi or Mikasa for what had happened earlier, in spite of his new relationship with her.

As they rode to the stables, they could see the base was abuzz with activity. They still weren't used to seeing so many people on the grounds, so many strange faces. They kept to themselves as they groomed, fed and watered their horses, but as they exited the stable, they were ambushed.

Armin yelped as someone sprang at him, pinning his arms to his sides, crushing him, then fortunately for her sake releasing him from her embrace just as unexpectedly, before Mikasa attacked.

"Thank God you're alive!" his assailant, Sasha Blouse, cried. "All of you, but especially you, Armin. He's been so worried about you, and you're so smart, you'll be able to figure it out. Something's seriously wrong with Levi. I don't mean that nonsense about him staging a coup and his Secret Police, don't listen to Hange or Jean or Connie, whatever you do, just don't tell them I told you that, but I mean his drinking and…

"Scouts Arlert, Yeager, Ackerman, welcome back. Please come with me," Lieutenant Theorides called from a few meters away, and Sasha slinked back, looking guilty.

"Yes sir!" all three of them replied, leaving Sasha biting her lip, a pleading expression on her face. _A coup? Secret Police? Levi's been drinking? We've only been on leave for five days! What the hell happened?_

The three of them followed silently. Armin wasn't sure what to say, but he had to learn what he could. "Um, sir? Scout O'Leary mentioned that Captain Levi has been promoted to Commander? Is Comm…um former Commander Erwin alright?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes, although Commander Levi was beside himself when he realized he had left the base, especially unescorted. He was in the middle of organizing search parties, when Smith returned, thankfully unharmed," Lieutenant Theorides confirmed.

Armin had never heard anyone refer to the Commander by his last name before, though the other officers all went by theirs, save for Levi. And the Lieutenant hadn't mentioned his rank, either.

Theorides escorted them to Captain Stephanos, who led them into the Officer's Building, to the Commander's office. When they walked in, it was surreal seeing Levi sitting in the chair Commander Erwin belonged in, and even more so, seeing Commander Erwin's bolo tie around Levi's neck. Then Armin's eyes widened, when he realized Levi's face was bruised. It looked like someone had punched him, but that was impossible. No one could possibly get near enough to hit him. Levi was just as potentially deadly with his crutches as he was with his feet. But what had hap…?

"Levi, what happened?" Mikasa asked, voicing Armin's concern, heading for the desk.

"Attention!" Levi snapped, and she froze, and then immediately formed a line with Armin and Eren, in front of the desk.

"Captain Stephanos, you are dismissed. Close the door on your way out, and make sure there is no one within twenty meters of this office," Levi ordered coldly.

"Yes sir!" Stephanos replied, saluting crisply and then exiting.

Armin swallowed nervously. Levi looked like he always did, except for the bolo tie and the large, mottled yellow and green bruise on his face, which from the color of it, was days old. He was starched and pressed and didn't smell of alcohol at all. His eyes were clear, but like chips of grey ice as they raked across them. Armin actually shivered when they rested on him for a moment.

"If you ever fucking do anything like this again, I'll kill you myself," Levi promised viciously.

"We were on leave," Eren snapped, obviously not reacting well to being threatened by Levi, after what happened.

Levi sprang to his feet, flying across the floor on his crutches so fast and furiously, Armin instinctively flinched backwards. "You're fucking soldiers! You need to be ready to report back to duty at a moment's notice, not go gallivanting off to the fucking Capital, getting yourselves ambushed and fucking _shot_, and then visiting the fucking daughter of the Librarian who fucking promised she was going to slit your fucking throat!" Levi roared, glaring at Armin, not Eren now, raising his fist as if he was going to pound it into Armin's face.

Armin jerked his head to the side in anticipation, lifting his shoulders defensively and shutting his eyes, steeling himself for the blow.

He heard a few frantic clicks and steps and then a loud slam, and his eyes flew open.

He stared as Levi unleashed a second and then third kick at the wall, knowing that if any of those three blows had been aimed at him, and had connected, he'd have died instantly. Armin felt adrenaline flood his system as his heart rate soared.

Apparently Captain Stephanos had followed orders, because no one came running, in spite of the terrifying sound.

"Levi, what's wrong? Tell us what happened. Let us help you," Mikasa soothed.

Levi spun on her, the look of seething fury on his face frightening. "What, now you want to help? Where the fuck were you when I needed you, days ago? When Erwin fucking attacked me? When I had to fucking lock him up? When I was losing my goddamned mind? You abandoned me. You fucking left me all alone, when I needed you most, you ran off to get yourselves fucking killed, like I wasn't already losing enough, my last four friends in the fucking world, and **now **you want to fucking help?" The accusation in his voice, the way it broke, the pain, was crushing to hear.

"If we'd known you'd needed us, we would have been here," Mikasa argued calmly.

"You betrayed me. You deliberately left, without telling me where you were going, because you knew I wouldn't allow it, or at the very least, I'd insist on going with you. You purposefully and premeditatedly didn't tell me. I trusted you, and you betrayed me. You made me need you, and then you weren't there. I almost fucking broke because of you. I'll never trust any of you ever again. Get the fuck out of my sight. I don't want to see you. In fact, pack your fucking things. You're out of the Corps. I'm shipping you off to the fucking Garrison. Maybe Pixis wants you, because I sure as shit don't."

"Levi, don't…"

"One more fucking word, Ackerman, and I'll be shipping you off to the Military Police instead, for insubordination. Get the fuck out of my office and off this base. You are dismissed. Permanently."

Armin shivered again, as he saw Mikasa stiffen, all the light and warmth leaving her eyes. He hadn't realized, until seeing that, how much she'd changed since they found Levi, how much softer she'd become, how much more human. His stomach was churning, the conflict and unspent adrenaline rush making him nauseous. How had everything gone so wrong?

They needed to speak with Sasha, before they left, and find out what had happened. Maybe try to get in to see Erwin. Erwin was the one who had Eren assigned to the Corps, not Levi. If there was any chance of Erwin getting his command back, he'd want Eren there.

It was a relief, to have the skeleton of a plan, even though there was so much he didn't know yet, that he needed to. Worse come to worst, he knew they'd at least have a home with Pixis, in the Garrison, likely within his inner circle. That knowledge was surprisingly not as comforting as it should have been. Armin didn't want to join the Garrison. He wanted to stay in the Corps. He hadn't thought he'd ever leave, without being maimed or killed, or maybe even miraculously surviving the entire war, if they finally defeated the Titans. Not like this.


	47. Chapter 47 - Unlikely Allies

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 47 – Unlikely Allies

Armin didn't want to ask around after Sasha; he hoped he'd spot her on the grounds instead. When he didn't see her, he convinced Eren and Mikasa to come with him to the Mess Hall, figuring she'd likely be there, even though it wasn't meal time. Sasha was always eating, even when she wasn't supposed to be. But he didn't see her in the Hall, or the Kitchen, which he was promptly chased out of.

Defeated, he headed to the barracks. She wasn't there either. Maybe in the stable? Or taking a shower? They'd be going to the stable after this anyway. They couldn't even claim their horses were too tired for the journey. They each had two horses, their lead mount and a spare. They'd be riding one and leading the other to… except maybe they wouldn't. Because those were Survey Corps horses, specially bred and trained. Each one was worth a fortune, an entire lifetime's salary. The Corps wouldn't let them keep those precious horses, would they? Could they at least ride to the Capital, and then surrender their mounts?

"Well, if it isn't Commander Levi's friends. I see you're packing. Moving up in the world? Becoming officers, now that there's at least one new opening?" Jean Kirstein sneered.

"Fuck you, Jean. We don't have the patience to deal with your petty jealousy right now," Mikasa snapped.

"We're not jealous of you, you pathetic whore. Unlike you and Eren and Armin, we're not about to suck Levi's dick for a promotion," Connie Springer snarled. The effect was spoiled when Sasha shoved her baked potato into his mouth and then dove between her boyfriend and Mikasa, as Mikasa lunged for Connie.

"He's sorry! He didn't mean to insult Armin and Eren and Levi!" Sasha apologized desperately, even as Armin leapt to Sasha's side to intercept Mikasa as well.

"Mikasa, wait! You can't kill Connie, or Sasha might not help us," Armin pleaded.

Connie had ripped the baked potato out of his mouth, and flung it to the ground, in blatant disregard of Sasha's gift. "You've got a lot of nerve thinking Sasha would want anything to do with any of you three…"

"Let's find a quiet place to talk," Sasha said, astonishingly ignoring her boyfriend and his crime against her precious food, grabbing Armin's arm.

Unfortunately, she clamped her strong hand onto his wounded right bicep and Armin yelped and fell to his knees as a wave of agony leached all his strength.

She snatched her hand away, and held both hands up non-threateningly. "Armin, what's wrong? I didn't squeeze you that hard," she said anxiously, looking warily at Mikasa.

"It's not her fault! She didn't know I was shot," Armin soothed Mikasa, as he forced himself shakily back to his feet.

"Someone shot you?" Jean asked, a mixture of astonishment, doubt and awe in his voice.

"It was an interesting trip," Armin said, trying to diffuse the situation with a little levity. "But apparently not nearly as interesting as what's been happening here. Why is Levi in Command? Is Erwin in the hospital or something? What's going on?"

"No way. Don't think you can give us those puppy eyes and we'll spill our guts to you traitors," Jean grumbled.

"We're not traitors! Why the hell does everyone keep calling me a traitor?" Eren yelled.

"Wait, what? Did something happen in the Capital? Oh my God, were you arrested again?" Sasha asked, wide eyed.

"Tch. Of course not!" Eren scoffed. "Those stupid Military Police better stay the hell away from us, now that Armin's practically Commander Pixis's nephew-in-law."

"Cousin-in-law," Armin automatically corrected, before what Eren said fully sank in. "Wait, I'm not! All I did was kiss her. We're not…"

"Wait, Armin kissed someone? Seriously?" Jean was sounding impressed again. "Holy shit. Pixis's cousin?" From the way he shuddered, Armin could see he was picturing Pixis in a dress.

"Hey, she's not like that at all. She's young and really hot!" Eren defended, and Armin sent a panicked look to Mikasa. "Almost as pretty as Mikasa," Eren continued, and the death glare on Mikasa's face softened to a look of bliss.

Whew! That had been close, and Eren was, as usual, completely oblivious. "Guys, please!" Armin urged. "We don't have much time. We have to leave base. We can't let Cap… Commander Levi see us still here. But we need to know what's going on."

"What the hell do you mean, off base. What, you're being sent on some sort of mission or something? Is Levi going after the King, next?" Jean demanded.

"No, you ass. Levi threw us out of the fucking Scouts," Eren snapped.

Jean looked stunned. "Wait, what? You're his little lap dogs. What the hell did you…?"

"For the last time, **I am not a fucking Cocker Spaniel!**" Armin shrilled.

"Then stop yipping like one," an authoritative voice commanded from the doorway, as everyone else stared at Armin in shock at his outburst.

"Squad Leader Zacharius! Sir, what are you… are you alright?" Armin asked, hurrying over to him. The officer had his arm around his ribs, and he looked noticeably pale.

"Shit! You're not supposed to be walking, are you? I **told** you we should go see him," Sasha accused, rushing over to him.

Zacharius sank down onto the nearest bunk. "I'm fine," he insisted, giving lie to his words by lying back slowly and breathing heavily. "Whatever you do, don't jostle me, but don't let me pass out." He lay there, gasping softly, shallowly, his color gradually improving. "Being injured sucks," he muttered.

"We're really sorry about that, sir. And very grateful," Sasha said sincerely. "We know you saved us. We tried to return the favor. We killed the Titan that grabbed you, the one that had us before you rescued us, and we carried you to the wagon, although you probably don't remember. We ended up saving eight other men, because of you, if that helps, sir. We had to go slowly enough for you that we were able to check all the bodies we passed, and we found others who were still alive, and then that other wagon joined us, with the rest of the 104th, except for these three, and we were able to protect all of you and make it to the trees."

Armin had heard Squad Leader Zacharius had been injured saving them, and heard about the wounded, but he hadn't known any of the details.

"Why are you here, sir?" Armin's eyes widened. "Is something wrong with Comm… former Commander Erwin?"

"I could write you a list, but I heard you're short on time. Erwin needs to see you, before you go. It's a good thing he sent me when he did. He didn't know you'd be leaving again immediately," Zacharius said, pushing himself upright slowly, apparently so as not to strain his ribs.

Showing a surprising level of concern, both Jean and Connie hurried over to help, but Armin and Sasha were already beside him, so they were the ones to aid him.

Zacharius's nose twitched, and he inhaled deeply, and looked over at Armin, perplexed. "You smell like three people. Well five, if you count Mikasa and Eren, but their scents are faint."

"Oh. That's just Petros and ow! Mikasa! What the hell did you do that for?" Eren complained, rubbing his ribs.

"Because sometimes you have a really big mouth," Mikasa sighed.

"The other one must be Commander Pixis's cousin," Sasha supplied, shocking Armin with her perception.

"Really? She smells amazing, like hyacinth and honeysuckle. Does she have a sister?" Zacharius asked with disturbing eagerness.

"Uh… um… no, sorry. And she's too young for you," Armin supplied quickly.

"Too bad. Most people don't smell that good. Your kids will smell amazing," Zacharius predicted, as he stood.

Armin's face hadn't flushed before, but it did now. _Children?_ But they'd only kissed! Not that he wouldn't want to… because he definitely wanted to…. He blushed furiously.

"We need to keep you out of Levi's sight, if he's trying to get rid of you. Though after the way he was acting when you were gone, I would have thought he was ready to adopt you, not kick you out. You must have really done a number on him to piss him off that much. I'm glad I'm not in your boots," Zacharius said, as he headed for the door at a slow pace.

"I'll tell you what I know on the way," Sasha promised.

"Why are you helping these guys, after everything they've done?" Jean complained.

"Because they didn't do anything, you idiot! Why are you listening to Hange? You know she's certifiably insane, right?" Sasha challenged.

"But Levi **did** take over the Corps. And he **did** lock Erwin up. Hell, he even dragged Squad Leader Zacharius out of the hospital to lock him up, too," Jean complained.

"Right. And he was guarded so well, that even though he can barely walk, he made it all the way here to the barracks," Sasha scoffed.

"Shit! We're dead!" Jean groaned.

Armin looked over to Jean, confused, and then swallowed as he saw Captain Stephanos heading for them, a stern look on his face, flanked by a dozen of his men. He bit his lip. "Captain Stephanos. We were just…."

"You should not be walking, Squad Leader Zacharius. I would have come to fetch them for Commander Erwin. Andreas, help Squad Leader Zacharius return to his room. You three, come with me. Commander Erwin is waiting."

Commander _Erwin_? Armin saw Sasha looked relieved, though Jean and Connie looked as confused as he felt.

"I will explain on the way what has happened while you were gone, so you do not waste time asking Commander Erwin. It is very important he questions you, that he learns what you know of the tunnels, so we can help Commander Levi, _ne_?"

On the way to the Officers' Quarters, Armin listened silently, as Stephanos told them what had happened: Erwin attacking Levi, Erwin being temporarily relieved of his command and Levi stepping in as Acting Commander, protecting Erwin from further harm by setting guards at his door, bringing his friend Zacharius to him, to help him heal. Armin was shaking his head by the time he was done. He could see how to strangers it might have looked like a coup, but seriously, were Hange and Jean and Connie that oblivious? Didn't they realize Levi loved Erwin, that he'd never do anything to harm him? Armin was a intrigued to realize Sasha was the only one of them who understood.

Then they were at Erwin's door. After Stephanos announced their presence to Erwin, they were allowed inside.

Armin was surprised to see how well the Commander looked. The haggard, gaunt, paleness of days ago was gone. Obviously, locking him away in his room had been just what he needed. But his eyes were full of both worry and relief.

"I need to know what happened in those damned tunnels. What's wrong with our water? Why is Levi suddenly hydrophobic?" Erwin demanded without preamble.

"Hydrophobic? Armin asked, confused.

"He won't go near our water, and not just to drink it. He won't wash with it: his skin, his teeth, his clothes, the floors. It's gotten so bad he's been trying not to touch anything or anyone. He smelled like a damned distillery, because he was washing his face and hands and brushing his teeth with alcohol, instead of water. I think he was even washing his clothes in it, and he was all but climbing out of his skin. But it's not all water. He wants to dig wells on base. For some reason, he thinks well water is OK, thank God. As a stopgap, I sent Stephanos and his men to get 60 barrels of water from private wells across Karanese, on my military authority, but I can't keep doing that. So what the hell happened while you were belowground?"

"We can't tell you. We won't betray Levi's trust. No matter what he thinks, we'd never betray him," Mikasa swore.

"I'm **ordering** you to tell me, Scout," Erwin commanded impatiently.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you can't. We're not Scouts anymore. Cap… Commander Levi threw us out," Eren said sullenly.

"Levi…?" Erwin looked at Eren, shocked. "He doesn't have the authority to do that. I'm the one who negotiated your release. You were remanded to my custody, with Levi as your guard. Levi may be Acting Commander, but that's only for as long as I allow it. Don't think I can't get Donaldson to change his diagnosis, now that I've had some sleep and food, because I can and I will. I'll do whatever is best for the Scouts, as a group and as individuals, and that includes Levi."

Armin fidgeted under the intensity of the Commander's glare, because he truly was still the Commander, obviously. He bit his lower lip, worrying it with his teeth, refusing to be the weak link, the one who broke under the pressure.

"You need to talk to Levi, sir.** He** needs to tell you," Mikasa said, with surprising gentleness. "We can't risk hurting him worse than we already have. His trust… it's a very fragile thing, hard to earn, harder to keep and once broken… I'm not sure we'll ever regain it, even though we didn't intentionally break it. I **won't** willingly break it. If you need to arrest us and send us off to the Military Police instead of the Garrison… well, I won't guarantee that we'll make it there, or that whatever soldiers are guarding us will survive the trip," Mikasa said bluntly.

"Mikasa, you're not helping," Armin said nervously, even though he knew she was being honest. He hoped it wouldn't come to that. At least now they understood why Levi was so upset, and unwilling to listen: because they really had failed him, even if they hadn't betrayed him. He'd needed them desperately, and they weren't there for him. From what both Levi and the Commander said, it sounded like Levi had nearly lost his sanity, aboveground this time. Armin could only imagine what that was like for him, someone so carefully controlled, to lose that control, to be that helpless. "About the water," Armin began.

"Armin!" Mikasa chastised.

"It's alright. I'm not going to tell him. But… I need to do some research. Find out where the base's water supply comes from. I think… Commander Pixis might have access to those records, either officially... or unofficially. And… we need to go to the Capital again, or at least send him a message." If he didn't have official records, there might be something in his ancestor's journal, or in Hypatia's Library, or something one of them could steal from a noble or something.

"You'll send a message. I want you and Yeager and Ackerman to stay in Karanese. For now, go to the Garrison base here, and inform them you need to be billeted there. I'll send a letter with you, authorizing it," Erwin ordered.

Armin sighed in relief that the Commander wasn't going to try to make them answer his question any more. "Thank you, sir. We won't let you down."


	48. Chapter 48 - Flawed

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
One of my fantastic, amazing reviewers****, ****iSnipedTheChief****, who has been privately messaging me with additional reviews since mid-October, after reading the first 30 chapters in a single weekend and publicly reviewing my work, offered to make a Levi x Erwin video on YouTube for me, using some of the text from my story! You can see the wonderfully poignant result using this link on YouTube: ****/watch?v=Em4nacNNp50&list=UUZb_Yfy0Lms5jJrZtSHTICg  
If you're a **_**RWBY, Red vs. Blue, Vampire Diaries, Black Butler,**__**Free!,**_** and/or **_**Final Fantasy**_** fan, there's plenty more to see, as well as some more **_**SNK**_**, both teasers for upcoming videos and completed works.**

**In Chapter 57 you'll learn why the stable cat was given the Japanese name Ichigo, in spite of Mikasa being the only survivor of Asian descent behind the Wall. **

**RATING WARNING - This chapter is rated M (Mature) for graphic, psychologically disturbing imagery and violence, and adult language. A brief T (Teen) rated summary will appear at the top of the next chapter, for those of you who need to skip this one.  
**

****Chapter 48 – Flawed

Erwin found Levi in the stable, with his favorite mount, Pewter, just as Lieutenant Theorides had reported, when he'd asked the man if he knew where he was. Levi was carefully grooming his horse's injured flank, working the brush gently between the scabbed and healing furrows the Titan's nails had left on his once flawless coat. Erwin looked around cautiously for Ichigo from behind the relative safety of the stall door, but thankfully for once there was no sign of the volatile three-legged tomcat in or around Pewter's stall. Normally the foul tempered horse and equally aggressive stable cat were inseparable.

"You betrayed me too, didn't you, boy?" Levi asked Pewter softly, astonishingly and disturbingly apparently not yet aware of Erwin's presence. "You left me to die. No, that's not fair. You got hurt trying to find me, didn't you? And now look at you. They're going to be ugly scars. But that's not the worst part, is it? It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. The inside is what counts. And inside, you're an even worse mess, aren't you? Because no matter how much you try to forget, for the rest of your life you're going to remember something horrific tried to eat you." Levi stroked his horse's muzzle tenderly and laid his forehead against it and sighed.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to see you before this. I'm glad they've been taking good care of you. But I need to go for now. Erwin's been waiting patiently, and that's not an easy thing for him to do, especially now," Levi crooned. Levi turned unerringly to Erwin, obviously having been aware of his presence the entire time after all. Which meant what he'd said to Pewter was something he was meant to hear, though Erwin wasn't sure why.

"If we're going to do this, I need to be outside," Levi said simply. He unlatched the stall door and exited Pewter's stall, sealed it again, and then began walking down the length of the stable. But his usual ground-eating swinging stride on his crutches was noticeably diminished, as if he was reluctant to arrive at his destination, like a man heading for his own execution, who tries to let that final walk last an eternity, knowing that it truly is an eternity, his eternity, because when it ends, so does his life. The imagery of the analogy was incredibly disturbing, all the more so because Erwin knew with eerie certainty that was exactly how Levi was feeling, as if his life was about to end. Still, Erwin kept silent, allowing Levi control over whatever it was he was about to do.

When Levi left the stable, Erwin followed. Levi didn't go far. He headed into one of the now few empty paddocks, one noticeably lacking in the fresh piles of horse droppings that decorated the others. Levi worked his way to the center of the grassy expanse, stopped and stood still, resting on his crutches and left leg, reminding Erwin of the classic riddle, but with a twist: What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon and three in the twilight? The answer, of course was a man, first crawling as an infant, then walking tall and strong in the full bloom of youth and health, then bent and withered by time. But instead of being reduced to two legs and a cane, brought about by the infirmity of old age, Levi was on two crutches and one leg. Erwin silently thanked the God he no longer believed in that Levi's right leg was still there. When he'd belatedly realized it was Levi on those crutches, in the Capital, he'd been shocked and astonished and all but overcome to see Levi's right leg wasn't missing. After envisioning him devoured dozens of times, it was surreal that he was whole, alive.

"Do you know why one of my nicknames in the Underground was Levi the Cat?" Levi asked, unexpectedly breaking his silence, almost making Erwin jump, which just went to show how ill at ease he was feeling.

"Because you're lithe and sleek, well-groomed and deceptively deadly, quick and agile and always land on your feet," Erwin replied promptly, not even having to think about it. Well, anymore than he did every day, obviously.

Levi's brow raised and his lips twitched in a ghost of his usual smirk. "Spoken like a man in love. But not the whole picture."

"Because you were a cat burglar," Erwin hazarded.

"That too, I suppose," Levi admitted.

"Because you have nine lives. Or nine hundred. They should have called you Bastet," Erwin said impulsively, immediately relieved Levi wouldn't get the reference to the Egyptian cat goddess and simultaneously concerned the name sounded too much like 'bastard'.

Levi snorted. "Tch. Nothing wrong with your ego, since obviously, if I'm the Cat of Ra, we both know that would make you Ra. With that golden hair the color of the sun, and those twilight eyes, you'd likely be able to pull off being the God of the Sun, even without having the head of a falcon. I'm definitely your protector and instrument of vengeance, but I'm not a fucking female, and I'm sure as hell not your daughter, you ass. Besides, the way you've been acting with me gone, that depression of yours, you'd think I was Hathor. But again, in case you haven't noticed, I've got a dick."

Erwin should have realized Levi would understand the reference, though the man's education was anything but conventional, and even had it been, very few people were educated to that extent now. Erwin shook his head, completely bemused by his remarkable subordinate. Of course Levi spoke fluent Greek and knew Ancient Egyptian mythology. Levi never ceased to surprise him, even when he thought he knew as much about him as anyone could. "I've definitely noticed," Erwin said, reaching for him, and frowning when Levi deftly sidestepped him.

"While I'm flattered you think I'm a goddess, when Armin only imagined me as a tomb robber, that's not why I had that nickname. There was another reason, one you saw back in the early days, but I guess thankfully never processed as being any more unusual than my many other quirks. I was known in the Underground as being a cat for my pathological hatred of rats. I could kick a rat to death with a single strike faster than most men could blink, and not only on floors: on walls, rafters, you name it."

Erwin nodded thoughtfully. He'd seen Levi do that. His all but superhuman strength and dexterity aside, it had astonished him, frankly, that a man with such a fetish for cleanliness didn't seem to mind getting rat guts and brains on the soles of his boots. And what if he had missed and the rat had run up his leg? But Levi never missed.

"It's ironic, actually. Those filthy fuckers were instrumental in creating their own doom," Levi said, so softly Erwin almost didn't hear. Whenever Levi's voice sank to that level, that tone, it was something he desperately didn't want to talk about, but just as vitally needed him to know. Realizing that all his shortcomings over the last week or more hadn't changed that level of trust almost brought tears to Erwin's eyes, but didn't, thankfully, another sign that the sleep, relaxation and food were working. He truly was healing, thank God.

"What happened, Levi? Why do you hate rats, more than the obvious reasons? And what happened while you were belowground to make you hydrophobic, when to my knowledge, that isn't one of the phobias you'd previously battled and overcome? From what I've seen and heard since your return, I'd suspect it might have been something having to do with insects or fish, maybe both, but now I'm wondering if it was rats instead, or in addition."

Levi sighed. "That's one of the many reasons I love you. You tied it together, without knowing why. Those intuitive leaps in logic you make. But also, the actions you take based upon them, knowing you're right, when everyone else thinks you're crazy," Levi said earnestly, the sheer admiration in his voice making Erwin truly feel like the god Levi had called him, when it should have been humbling, knowing this amazing man held him in such esteem.

"All my phobias, every last goddamned one of them, were acquired in a single fucking day," Levi muttered bitterly, almost inaudibly.

_Shit. _"Tell me. I know you don't want to, but you need to."

Levi looked around the paddock, ensuring they were truly alone, then covered his mouth with his hand, as if fearing someone might be watching from a distance, read his lips, and learn the secret ways to harm him. Erwin watched as a bead of sweat formed on Levi's brow, and listened as his respiration increased. Levi swallowed twice, and that was all Erwin could take. He embraced him.

Levi hugged him back, fiercely, his deceptively slender yet strong arms wrapped tightly around his waist. "I'm outside, it's bright, Erwin's here," he whispered, as if it was a mantra, a tenuous tether to his sanity, and then Levi shuddered, convulsively.

"Shit! Levi, never mind. It doesn't matter. Forget it, all of it." Erwin continued to hold him, but rubbed his back, not just with his hands but with his forearms, trying to maximize the contact. In all the years Erwin had known him, he'd never seen Levi as close to breaking as this, not even before, when he was crawling out of his skin and reeking of alcohol.

"Why do you even want me?" Levi asked softly, his voice so full of confusion and pain, Erwin scarcely even recognized it.

"Seriously? How could you even ask? After all you've done over the years, the way you've stood by me in spite of all the many mistakes I've made? And then these past days, when I've been a complete and utter wreck, when… you had to rescue me from Yeager Titan. I was stupid and irrational, petty and jealous. I hit you, Levi, twice. You had every reason to turn your back on me. You're so fucking perfect, and I'm so damaged. The only real question is, 'Why do you want me?'"

"You think I'm perfect? You really are fucking crazy. I should have known she was right. All this time… Isabel, after it happened, once I'd physically healed enough that I was coherent, that we knew I wouldn't die, but I wasn't sure I'd regain the use of my hands..."

Erwin's eyes widened in horror, as he kept rubbing his arms across Levi's back, when now he desperately wanted to hold his hands, to feel the strength in those slender, scarred but still elegant fingers. Levi had almost lost his hands?

"I… wasn't in a very good place, mentally. She said someday I'd get over the betrayal, that I'd learn to trust enough to have a lover again. That I'd meet someone who would see past the scars, on my body and mind, even the ones I'd gotten long before, on my heart and soul, that they'd love me unconditionally, and that's how I'd love them. She was… a romantic, at heart… so optimistic, and gullible, and trusting, sometimes I would shake her, literally, just trying to get her to see how she was being used, hurt, but… when that didn't work, and she'd come back to us, so beaten and heartbroken and defeated I'd… I'd go out and find the people who'd hurt her and… I earned every one of my nicknames."

Levi inhaled deeply again, but exhaled slowly, controlled, instead of panicking like before, and he pulled out of Erwin's arms, and began pacing on his crutches, without straying far enough to need to raise his voice, as if he was trying to cram the most possible movement into a limited space, as he continued. "It was a fucking trap. Revenge, because the asshole who took me off guard, who stuck a knife between my ribs while I was in my own goddamned bed, **while we were fucking**, made the mistake of missing my heart, but he had a fucking brother he'd never told me about.

"I still would have killed the bastard, I was coughing up blood because of him, but I would have known to expect payback. Though it's not like I wasn't on my fucking guard, because you don't take the wrong end of a knife from someone you trust without learning to never trust anyone again. But I had stayed in that same fucking bed as long as I was going to, fucking **weeks**, and I wasn't a goddamned invalid, I was well enough to help Isabel and Furlan scavenge again, no matter what they thought, so I went out. And it sounded legit, what I overheard. I thought I'd beat those bragging idiots to the score."

Levi's breathing started to sound more ragged again, and his pacing was so frenetic, he was almost flying, without using maneuver gear, swinging wildly on his crutches. "But I took the time to come back to our hideout first and leave a note, because Furlan was such a fucking mother hen, even worse than Isabel. I knew he'd worry if he came back and saw I'd gone out. That fucking note saved my life. Well, it and Isabel."

Levi's frantic pacing slowed, and he breathed deeply, in and out, over and over, visibly forcing himself calm. "There was a house, with a deep basement, and the longest fucking staircase I'd ever seen. Well, in the Underground. And there was no light at all, except for mine. I knew enough to stick to the outer edge of the stairs, to hold onto the railing, to never put my full weight on one foot, or a single step. I wasn't a fucking newb. There could be wood rot or traps. People protect what's theirs. But I made it down the stairs in one piece. Made it all the way to the center of the goddamned room.

"That's when the stairs blew. The whole fucking staircase was just… gone. It was at least seven meters straight up to get to the basement door, and it was before I had fucking maneuver gear. I didn't even have a goddamned rope. That's when I saw the bastard. He was standing in the doorway overhead, at the top of the nonexistent staircase. And he looked so much like that fucker… it was like a rock to my gut.

"That's when I realized the whole thing was one giant trap, because unlike his brother, he didn't have the fucking balls to face me when he killed me. At first I thought something had gone wrong with his plan, that he'd meant to blow the stairs with me on them. But his brother didn't die easy – I cut that fucker's dick and balls off and stuffed them into his mouth before I finished him – and the bastard wanted to be just as creative, and thanks to that asshole, he knew how to get me. They weren't phobias back then, just abhorrence, aversions, not nearly as bad, as strong, but still I…

"When he threw the first of the bags at me, I thought he was trying to crush me, or blow me up, but when the bag exploded on impact, it was in a different way. There must have been hundreds of bugs in that first bag alone. And those fuckers could fly, as well as run, and the way they swarmed..."

Levi held his arms tightly to his body, so the crutches wouldn't fall, as he compulsively started brushing and rubbing his arms with his hands, and then the crutches fell, as his gestures became increasingly violent and erratic, as he brushed at his face over and over, and scratched his hair wildly.

Erwin rushed over to him. "Levi, stop! You don't have to say anything more," Erwin begged, moving in to comfort him, but Levi jerked away.

"**Don't touch me!** Shit, sorry, it's just… if you touch me when I'm remembering that, every time you touch me from now on…" Levi's eyes were pleading, but his hands had stilled.

Erwin's widened in horror, and he drew back. "Finish it." It was the hardest thing he'd ever said.

"There were more bags of bugs and… and wooden crates full… full of fucking **rats**, starving fucking emaciated, crazed. Half of them were already dead or missing limbs, from eating one another. And they all… but I could kick ass, and I was hitting and stomping and kicking and… and running with my fucking half-healed lung on fire, clinging to that fucking lamp and… So then he fucking blew up the entire goddamned basement. Even with the explosives, he must have sawed halfway through every fucking support beams for it to come down on me like that. My lamp shattered, and the oil burned out in seconds, and it was dark except for his light high above, and I was pinned, my legs, not crushed, but held, so I couldn't kick and stomp or run, and they…" Levi's whole body shuddered wildly.

"I protected my face with my right arm, my eyes and mouth, my arm curled in front of it, and I hit and struck with my left, but the fucking things were in my hair and ears, biting and crawling and he was laughing, fucking laughing, and… I realized I was fucking screaming, and I stopped, because I wouldn't give him that, I wouldn't… and he must have fucking thought I was already dead when I stopped, because the light faded away and I was alone, but still pinned, pitch black, trapped, alone, and they were biting, tearing, and I was hitting, and then… I thought I was imagining it, hearing Isabel calling my name, she sounded frantic, terrified, and she was never like that, but…. I realized I was screaming again, and she'd come, and heard and… she had light and rope, though I couldn't see that, I didn't hear the details until later, when she was whispering them to Furlan…

"Between the rope, and some of the fallen support beams, she made it down to me. She had this huge fucking pack with her, I saw it later, and she saw me and she just… I was barely conscious, running on adrenaline and terror, but she just went insane. She dumped alcohol on me, I could smell it, and then I felt the heat, and smelled cooking meat, and I thought, fucking traitorous bitch, she's finishing the job, but… afterwards, she said it was the only way to get them off of me, they were that thick on me that she couldn't even see me under them. She used her lamp and the bottles of alcohol in her pack to light the fuckers on fire, brushing and knocking away and smashing the rest of them, even as they were screeching and burning.

"She could have set the fucking building on fire, the block, the whole Underground, but it was alcohol, not oil, it burnt hot but quick. She got bitten dozens of times, and burnt much worse than I did, but she told me she didn't even feel it. And she had a pry bar, and brains and adrenaline and terror of her own, because she thought she was too late, but she levered up that fucking beam and dug me out and carried me to the beam she'd climbed down on, and then dragged and carried, and pulled me. She got me halfway down the fucking block before Furlan found us. The last thing I saw was his beautiful face twisted in terror, his gentle eyes wide with horror, and Isabel crying, fucking crying, because of me.

"They took care of me, through the fever, the infected bites. Rats are so fucking filthy. I was delirious and even once I was conscious, coherent, I was still more than a little… I kept feeling them, all over me, I was brushing and swatting and thrashing and yelling my damned head off. They must have sponge bathed me dozens of times. My groin and legs had been protected by the damned beam that had trapped me, but even once I was finally completely lucid, my arms were still so swollen, but especially my hands. I couldn't even move my fingers at all. It was mostly the swelling, but there was muscle and tendon damage, too, they'd eaten to the fucking bone in places. Isabel and Furlan had to feed me, bathe me, dress me, even wipe my fucking ass, like I was a damned infant.

"I'd always held teacups oddly, for a different reason, but… remember how that ass Zacharius used to ridicule me for the way I hold my knife, my swords, my fucking pen when I write? It's the only way my grip was strong enough. By the time I recovered as fully as I was going to, I was used to it, it was a part of me. But my face, at least… the bugs got into my ears, and my ears got bitten by the rats some, too, but at least I'd protected my face, my lips and tongue, my nose, my cheeks, my eyes. Rats go for the eyes."

Levi shuddered, so hard it looked like a convulsion. And he stopped speaking.

_Fuck._ Because Erwin still didn't know what any of that had to do with the water. Had there been rats or insects or both in the corridors? But still, why…?

"They were in the water. Bugs. In the corridor, underground, all over the walls and floor and ceiling. We had enough light, I made two dozen fucking torches and we had an entire fucking deer worth of oil for the lamps, and we had eight dozen candles because Mikasa's parents were fucking saints or angels or gods, and the brats were with me, I wasn't alone. But then, when we got to the canal, to the fucking water supply for the entire goddamned City, the bugs were drinking it and shitting in it and drowning in it and floating in it and the fish were eating the fucking things and shitting out bug chiton into it." Levi's voice was eerily level now, controlled, emotionless, which only proved to Erwin how completely freaked out Levi was from the whole experience. It must have been a living hell, to be trapped belowground for days like that, injured again. The only difference was, there were no rats, he wasn't being eaten, or even crawled on by the insects, he could move, he'd had light, and most importantly from what he'd indicated, he hadn't been alone.

Suddenly the fierce protectiveness Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert had shown towards Levi ever since they'd emerged from the Underground made sense, all of it, but especially the more bizarre things, like Mikasa claiming to be allergic to fish, and offering to kill the crickets, ready to burn the entire forest down to do it. Erwin suddenly realized she'd brought the light to Levi and sat beside him that night at the camp so he could sleep, because "Humanity's Strongest" was terrified of the dark, or at least, what was in the dark, and just as afraid of being alone to face it. Levi's newfound loyalty to them was explained as well. They hadn't just saved his life and his leg, they'd saved his sanity. And Levi sent them away. He threw them out of the Corps, out of his life. _Shit. _

"We'll figure out a permanent solution to the water problem," Erwin promised him. "We'll honeycomb the base with wells, if we have to. But first, we need to be certain where our water comes from. I know most of the settlements get their water predominantly from various rivers, and so does the Capital. It's possible the aqueducts are only an emergency water supply, or something that was engineered because they thought everyone would be living in the Undergr…" _Shit. That was the water Levi had lived on when he'd lived down there._ "It's only one of three or more aqueducts," Erwin added in a rush. "Who knows how many there are, what kind of rock or soil they go through? Let me find out the facts. And until then, the well water still works, right?"

Levi nodded. His eyes which normally were like stormclouds, roiling and sparking with barely restrained lightning, looked as dull and flat and lifeless as slate. Levi looked exhausted again, as if he hadn't slept after his cleaning marathon, when Erwin knew he had.

"Why don't you let Stephanos take the reins for a while? You need to take a long, hot shower in some of that well water, and to get some sleep. I'll even massage your back, if you're up to it," Erwin offered.

A little bit of life sparked back into Levi's dead eyes.

"Or soap it for you, like you wanted me to before, only I was too stupid to realize it wasn't a taunt, that it was an invitation." Because Levi wouldn't allow himself to be vulnerable, ever again, because that asshole he hadn't called by name once during the entire story had **knifed him while they were fucking. **

No wonder Levi didn't like to be touched! All that wild speculation, about him and Petra, or even him and Erd, about who he'd been fucking all these years. The answer was suddenly blatantly obvious: no one. Levi had just confessed as much, as he told the story: someday he'd learn to trust enough to have a lover again. Levi hadn't been with anyone since he met him. And Levi wanted **him**.

Erwin was completely humbled by the knowledge that this incredible man, who'd survived so much, who was capable of so much, wanted him. He bent down and picked up Levi's crutches and returned them to him, and Levi accepted them gratefully. He'd been braced on his left leg, lightly balanced by his right, ever since he'd dropped the crutches.

"How's your leg?" Erwin asked.

"Hurts like a bitch, when I put any weight on it. I guess I should have Mika…" a look of loss flooded his eyes.

"What happened between you four, Levi? I talked to them, before they left base, but they wouldn't tell me a damned thing. When I tried to order them to tell me what happened while you were belowground, they said they would rather be arrested for insubordination than betray your trust. They told me they were no longer part of the Corps, that you'd kicked them out and sent them to Pixis, to the Garrison."

"Goddamn that fucker and his brother. Like they didn't already take enough from me." There wasn't any anger in Levi's voice, just bone deep weariness, like he was decades older than he was. "I told them they betrayed me. They left, going somewhere they knew I wouldn't let them, at least, not alone, they were being fucking targeted, they could have gotten killed so easily, and they went anyway and hid it from me, and because of it, they weren't here when I needed them. And now… I was so fucking stupid. I told them to fuck off and die. So I can't protect them at all now. And they'll go back, and next time, they might get killed, and I don't even know how they survived this time, whether they even saw her, because I was too busy yelling at them to listen to anything they had to say."

"They're not that easy to kill, Levi. They're soldiers, not children, in spite of their ages," Erwin reminded him gently.

"So were Petra and Erd. So were Furlan and Isabel. Being soldiers didn't save them. **I** was what saved them. Until I didn't, and they died. You almost died. Some fucking protector I am. Tch. 'Humanity's Strongest.' What the fuck does it matter? What use am I to anyone, when I can't even save the people I…?"

"Part of being 'Humanity's Strongest' is just that: you're human, Levi. You're not perfect, you're not infallible. Hell, no one is. Even gods aren't. Mythology is full of their petty jealousies and rages, their mistakes. So's theology. Look at the Noachian flood. Why create a world, populate it with humans and animals, and then destroy it? Why let it get to such a pathetic state that something that extreme was necessary? And hell, if that was the case, why not do it right? Why not wipe the slate completely clean and just start over? Send down an asteroid or meteor or comet strike, or cause a planetary collision or a supernova, and start over from scratch. If that's what the Titans are supposed to be, God's latest attempt to chastise humanity through extermination, well hell, he botched that one too."

"Tch. Listen to you. Heretics can still be hanged or burned at the stake, you know. Don't say shit like that to just anyone," Levi scolded.

"You're not just anyone. I trust you with my life, the same way you trust me, with yours. The way you still trust Yeager and Ackerman and Arlert, and they still trust you. They'll forgive you, Levi. They'll understand, more than I will, frankly, since I have no idea who they wanted to see that was so dangerous you were afraid three Scouts couldn't handle her."

"I trust them, but I haven't told them your secrets, or even mine, though they sure as hell know more than most about mine. Likewise, I haven't told you about theirs," Levi justified.

"Fair enough," Erwin conceded. "By the way, in case you were thinking of speaking to them again, maybe apologizing, if you felt it was warranted, I ordered them to stay in Karanese, at the Garrison base here, for now, instead of heading back to the Capital like you'd instructed them to."

Erwin saw hope spark brightly in Levi's eyes, driving away the dullness. Levi came over to Erwin and embraced him, burying his face in the crook of Erwin's neck, inhaling deeply, and exhaling evenly. "You really are a freaking god."

Erwin smiled, as he wrapped his hand around the back of Levi's head, cradling him against his chest, not saying anything, just basking in the moment.


	49. Chapter 49 - Shower Time

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
I hope you all checked out and enjoyed the video! **

**If you like this story, please review, or mark as a favorite, or follow. While I am thrilled and overwhelmed that to date a whopping 5,366 people have read at least part of this story, a total of 19,906 views from 61 countries, I'm also concerned that feedback has been relatively meager in comparison to that. I understand not everyone has the time or inclination to review, but taking a second to push the favorite button if you like the story would really lift my spirits. I truly appreciate my reviewers, and am extra thankful for my repeat reviewers, and those who have sent me private messages supplementing their reviews.**

**If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

**Teen rated summary of the previous chapter, for those of you who skipped it due to Mature content:  
Erwin learns Levi was betrayed years ago by a lover who tried to murder him in his bed. Though seriously wounded, Levi killed him. The man's brother, seeking vengeance, laid a trap for Levi, in which he was buried alive, alone, in the dark, in a basement, and nearly eaten alive by rats and insects, resulting in the phobias Levi displayed while in the underground corridor and on the canal, and causing his current hydrophobia.**

Chapter 49 – Shower Time

When Erwin and Levi exited the paddock and headed out through the stable, it quickly became apparent that the new Scouts had been on guard, to ensure their privacy, though they kept their distance, even Stephanos, who was there as well, until Levi waved him over.

"Yes, Commander? How may I assist you?" The request was a formal one, but the concern in his voice as he spoke to Levi was genuine.

"First, I want to thank you for putting up with all this shit. We aren't usually like this, obviously, or we'd have been dead a long time ago. Right now, we both need some down time. You're in command, until tomorrow, or until I tell you otherwise. Next, I want you to tell Bauer, Anders and Rickard that I'd like to speak with them tomorrow, and please apologize to Bauer on my behalf for not seeing him immediately when I returned. Oh, and also, Yeorgos Gianapolis, I'll want to see him tomorrow as well. Please again offer my apologies for not speaking with him sooner. Then I want you to send someone… make it Konstantinos, Armin knows him… send him to the Garrison base here in Karanese, to Armin, Mikasa and Eren. Have him give them this verbal message from me, and tell them I'll speak with them in person tomorrow. Can you remember a few sentences, if I dictate them?"

"Of course. It was part of our training, to relay critical messages without mistakes, _ne_? In battle, mistakes cost lives. Please, whatever you wish to say, I will remember, as will Konstantinos," Stephanos promised.

"OK then. Tell them from me, 'You already know I suck at apologies. I make sure I never fuck up enough that I need to make them. But I'm sorry, brats. You're still Scouts. I still trust you. Mikasa, I wish I could tell you the sharper the thorns, the sweeter the fruit, but maybe you'll still be willing to scratch the shit out of your hands even if all you get is me. If you're willing to come home, we'll talk tomorrow, after I've had some fucking sleep.' Have you got that, Stephanos? Especially the part about the thorns. Mikasa's as freaking proud and unforgiving as I am. She won't come back without me reminding her about that."

"Yes, every word, though some is in code, _ne_? But are you sure you wish for Konstantinos to say the cursing, and to say 'brats'? If this is not part of the code, is it not an insult? Would this not make them angry?" Stephanos asked diplomatically.

Levi's lips twitched in a faint smirk. "No, just the opposite. It's not quite a code but they'll know things are OK again."

"Then I will be sure he says it, word for word. You are going now to rest?" Stephanos asked.

Levi nodded. "To shower and hopefully sleep, both of us. Only disturb us if there's an emergency. Oh, and if you hear screaming, I'm either having fucking nightmares, or if I'm lucky, actually fucking, so don't check on us. We'll both be in my room, even if we're only sleeping. If I get murdered in my bed it's my own damned fault. And fuck, Erwin, that wasn't what it sounded like. I trust you. I didn't…"

"It's OK. I didn't take it that way," Erwin assured him, though he actually had. But even without the qualification, he wasn't about to take it personally, not after everything Levi had just told him.

"I'll see that you are both not disturbed," Stephanos promised.

With that, Levi headed for his quarters, Erwin trailing after him. They entered the building, Erwin following him up the stairs, again not assisting him up them, though he itched to this time. As they walked down the corridor towards their rooms, Levi said, "Get some of your clo…never mind. I'll just wash what you're wearing now. Either way, it needs washing."

If Levi needed to wash his clothes, Erwin wasn't about to argue.

Levi opened the door to his quarters. "Leave your boots on the mat just inside the door. I'll wash the floor later, where your socks touch it."

Erwin knew Levi would consider his feet just as dirty, since he hadn't been bathing in the well water, so he didn't argue, as he obediently left his boots by the door.

"Strip in the bathroom, go right into the shower, and don't touch anything other than the floor, until you've washed," Levi ordered.

"Once I'm clean, will you still let me soap your back, maybe massage your shoulders?" Erwin risked asking.

"You're going to be massaging a hell of a lot more than that, once you're clean," Levi promised, and Erwin felt his heart rate spike in anticipation.

"Where should I put my clothes? Do you have a washtub?" Erwin asked, not wanting to contaminate Levi's world with his presence more than he had to. He didn't dare just pile his clothes on his floor, or bathroom counter, or in his sink.

"I'll get it. No touching, not door handles, nothing, until your hands are clean."

"Yes sir," Erwin smirked.

Levi froze. "Well, that answers the question of whether I was doomed to be impotent tonight," Levi muttered.

It was Erwin's turn to freeze. Because as much as he knew he'd do anything to make Levi forget that hell he'd survived, he really hadn't expected to be submissive…especially not for their first…

"Enough with the 'deer seeing the hunter' look. I won't top you unless you want me to, and even if I do, I wouldn't expect you to want to be tied up any more than I would want to be. I decided years ago I'd only bind you if you wanted me to, and I know you'd never be able to surrender control enough to enjoy it," Levi assured him.

_Holy hell. Levi had been thinking for __**years**__…?_ Erwin shivered, unsure of whether it was desire or unease. Except, his cock seemed to know. Damn, that was uncomfortable, but he didn't want to adjust himself, because he wasn't supposed to touch anything until he was clean, and he wasn't about to do anything to make Levi change his mind, and especially not to make him view his cock with revulsion.

"Bathroom, Smith, now. Take your fucking clothes off and when I tell you to, wash thoroughly and stay there," Levi growled.

The command had him heading for the bathroom at a rapid pace, in spite of his now painful erection, because holy hell, that commanding tone had him eager to obey. He'd never been so anxious to get naked and wet in his life. He started to undress, but remembered to wait for the washtub. He hated watching Levi struggle to carry it, but he restrained himself from helping.

"Couldn't I wash my hands and then wash my own clothes, Levi? You shouldn't have to," Erwin suggested.

"Tch, like you'd get them clean enough," Levi scoffed.

Erwin didn't argue. Levi's need to clean was an intrinsic part of him, deeply ingrained, and he'd been denied that release before the well water was brought in. Erwin didn't know whether Levi actually enjoyed doing laundry, but he knew it gave him a sense of peace. After he handed his clothes over, he watched Levi methodically rub them against the washboard in the soapy water he prepared and then watched as he inspected them, over and over, between scrubbing, until he was completely satisfied. Then Levi finally rinsed them, and ran them through the ringer, a piece at a time, and then hung them on the drying rack he'd installed on his bathroom wall long ago. His bathroom was twice the size of Erwin's, expanded for his very particular needs.

Erwin's erection had died a quiet death long before Levi was done, though he enjoyed watching the subtle shift of supple muscles beneath Levi's shirt as he worked. When Levi, in turn, turned his attention to him, Erwin was suddenly self conscious, and ridiculously moved his hands to cover his groin, feeling his face flush. Levi seemed to enjoy his discomfort, slowly raking his eyes over him.

"Well that answers that age old question," Erwin muttered.

Levi raised a brow in silent query.

"As to whether it's possible to undress someone with your eyes when they're already naked," Erwin supplied.

"I like seeing you naked," Levi stated bluntly. "Even if you are blocking my view."

"Well maybe if you got naked too, we could start our shower," Erwin suggested.

"Tch, like I'm going anywhere near you, yet." He turned and adjusted a stopper and a valve on the gleaming new tank over Erwin's head, and just bearably hot water began to flow, for a moment, before Levi turned it off.

"Thanks to O'Donnell and his men, it's even heated. The soap's there. Don't miss anywhere, including the bottom of your feet, and wash off the bottom of the tub once you're done. _Then_ I'll join you," Levi directed. "Wet yourself down, close the valve, soap yourself up, and then open the valve and rinse. Back in the old days, they used to call it a sailor's shower, apparently because sailors were so filthy even the fucking ocean wasn't big enough to clean them, without draining it dry. Don't waste the water and be quick, because that tank isn't bottomless, and if you use all the hot water, I won't let you soap me," Levi threatened. Then he turned the water back on.

Erwin began washing exactly as instructed, surprised and embarrassed to find his cock definitely liked having Levi order him around. Although technically, as Acting Commander, Levi was now his superior officer and…_holy hell_. For a brief moment he wondered whether if he wasn't concussed he would still be reacting the same way to that tone, but then he realized it didn't matter.

After Erwin was done washing his hair and his body, taking extra care with his cock, balls, and ass, he washed the bathtub floor, and then turned off the water again.

Levi eyed him critically, as if he hadn't been watching him like a cat watching a mouse, ready to pounce, the entire time he'd been washing. He apparently passed muster to even Levi's standards, because Erwin saw some of the tension that had been hovering just beneath the surface leave him, and then Levi began stripping, without a word.

Erwin found himself eyeing Levi just as carefully, at first looking for signs of those long ago bites, the inevitable scars, but though his skin was fair, his many scars weren't particularly prominent. He found his jaw clenching, though, when he saw a blatant blade scar between Levi's ribs, and he heard Levi's voice saying those words again, with such bitterness and hate, "the asshole who took me off guard, who stuck a knife between my ribs while I was in my own goddamned bed, **while we were fucking." **Levi, who had woken up from a deep enough exhausted sleep that a knock hadn't roused him, and had still wrestled Ackerman to the bed and almost slit her throat. That bastard who had betrayed Levi had attacked the only time he was vulnerable, when he'd let his guard down during sex.

"You can't change the past, Erwin. He's already dead. Don't waste your anger on him. I don't want you thinking about that, when you're with me, because then I'll think about it, and I won't let you touch me, or worse, I'll try to kill you when you do. Make sure if I pass out from exhaustion or something that you don't fall asleep in my bed, because I'm not used to someone being there, and I can guarantee I'll try to kill you in my sleep during the night if you're anywhere near me," Levi said, the weariness in his voice painful to hear.

"You wouldn't. You'd know it was me, even in your sleep. You know my scent, the feeling of my arms around you. You know you can trust me with your life. Come in here. Let me soap your back and give you that shoulder massage I promised. Let me do more. I'm going to soap you down, and then have you lie down on your bed and massage every single muscle. We have the rest of the night, and the morning to do other things. For now, I just want you to remember what it's like to have someone touch you in a pleasant way, the feeling of warm, strong hands that aren't fighting or hurting," Erwin encouraged.

Levi looked at him as if he was mesmerized, and then he nodded wordlessly again, and continued undressing. He was apparently too drained to flirt or even taunt, or perhaps just too in need of what Erwin had promised. Levi unwrapped the bandage last, revealing the neatly stitched but still ugly healing wounds, which they both inspected.

"I didn't have Mikasa around to make fresh poultices for me, so I've just been covering it in plain honey," Levi explained at his puzzled look.

"I think we can soap off the honey and just let it air dry, and then bandage it to protect it. I know you'd feel better without the honey on you. I'm impressed you put up with it as long as you did, especially in those tun… damn. Sorry. It's hard not to think about it, but I'm trying." The thought of Levi, of all people, buried alive under a seething mass of ravenous rats and insects made his stomach churn, but he worked hard to hide it, for Levi's sake.

Erwin began soaping him tenderly, gently, with Levi's washcloth, and with his bare hands, using the water less sparingly than he had for himself. He could see, and sometimes feel, some of the bite scars. Most of them were faint, thank God, but some… And there were other scars, too. Even Levi couldn't go out mission after mission without taking some damage from the Titans, from tree branches, broken roof tiles. Erwin had once heard a warrior's scars were badges of honor. He wasn't certain he agreed. All he knew was, Levi was perfect, exactly as he was. In all honesty, the thing that bothered Erwin the most was the bruise, the one he'd given Levi. Thankfully, it had faded considerably. But it was still a painful reminder that he'd done the unthinkable.

"Why did you stop?" Levi asked.

"Sorry," Erwin said guiltily, knowing Levi would be angry with him for being upset about the bruise.

Levi moaned softly as Erwin's hands found a particularly tight knot in his left shoulder and he worked on those muscles.

"Why don't we bring this to the bed? You're as clean as I can make you and you'd be more comfortable, and I'll have easier access to all of you, without worrying about bumping your leg," Erwin urged.

Levi nodded. They toweled one another off, which Erwin found more arousing than relaxing, but he could see it was having the opposite effect on Levi, the tension of the past few days and reliving the earlier trauma having exhausted him. Erwin led him to the bed, and Levi sank down onto it gratefully, on his stomach. Erwin straddled his hips and began massaging his shoulders in earnest, moving to his arms and then his wrists and hands, tenderly working every tiny muscle in his precious fingers. Then he worked his way back up again, to his upper back, then his middle and lower back, then his ass, his thighs, his calves, and finally his feet, spending just as much time and attention on his petite toes as he had on his slender fingers.

It was gratifying to feel Levi relaxing under his hands. He knew Levi nearly fell asleep at least three times, from the way he startled back awake, his muscles tensing up again. Erwin patiently worked on each of them more, until they were all relaxed again. Finally, the fourth time, Levi surrendered to the inevitable.

Erwin kept his hands on Levi's back, as he listened to his deep, steady breathing. He gradually shifted over, lowering himself carefully until he was lying beside Levi. Disregarding his temporary superior officer's orders, he gently wrapped his arm around the sleeping man. Levi shifted and Erwin froze, until he realized Levi was moving towards him, not waking up or pulling away, that he was burrowing into the strong safety of his arms. For the first time in far too long, Erwin felt contentment and a warm sense of peace wash over him, as he held Levi while he slept.


	50. Chapter 50 - Repaying a Debt

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 50 – Repaying a Debt

"Well, that's a switch, isn't it? So you've got so many Scouts at the Survey Corps base, they don't have room for all of you, huh?" Garrison Lieutenant Michael Warner joked, holding the letter Commander Erwin had written. Now Armin regretted not reading it, as Mikasa had urged, but he hadn't wanted to break the seal. He hadn't wanted to risk invalidating Commander Erwin's message.

Armin remained stiffly at attention, as did Eren and Mikasa.

The man's smile soured. "Or is it that you take exception to the Olympians and Nachtwolven being there?"

"No! Of course not. They're wonderful. We have the highest regard for Captain Stephanos and Lieutenants O'Donnell and Konstantinos, and Scouts O'Leary, Melissakis, Gianapolis and the others," Armin defended.

Lieutenant Warner's expression softened. "Good."

"Doesn't it mention in the letter why we're here?" Eren challenged.

The officer snorted. "Tch. Seriously? One of Commander Erwin's letters? I thought you work for the man. 'Give the three bearers of this letter all requested assistance, including providing them with quarters, meals, writing implements and paper, the services of your most trusted courier, access to horses, and whatever else they deem necessary in the performance of their duties.' I'd ask who you were blowing to receive carte blanche like that, but you're not even old enough to shave."

"We're old enough to fucking kill Titans and assholes who underestimate us," Eren snarled.

"Eren! We're sorry, sir. He didn't mean to sound insubordinate, and definitely not at all threatening," Armin quickly apologized. "He was referring to a recent incident where a dozen criminals attacked us, whom we had to dispatch. He takes exception to not being taken seriously, and we just returned from a long journey, and medical leave, and things got complicated both for us and for the rest of the Corps, while we were away."

"I don't need you to apologize for me, Armin," Eren growled.

The man's brow was crinkling. "Wait. Eren, as in Eren Yaeger?"

Armin nodded and waited for the shock, the fear, as the man realized he had been ridiculing Yeager Titan, but it never came.

"And Armin, as in Armin Arlert? Then that means you're Mikasa Ackerman?" he asked, his voice having gone from wryly amused to reverent in moments.

"Yes," Mikasa said curtly, eying him suspiciously.

"Commander Erwin should have said so, or you should have… I'll provide anything you need. I'll have quarters prepared for you at once, in the Officers' Barracks. I think you might make some of the rest of the men a little too nervous, considering the unexplained recent reappearance of Yeager Titan. This way, we can avoid trouble before it can begin. And you just tell me what you need, and you'll have it."

Armin could see by Mikasa's face she was just as confused as he was by the sudden eagerness to aid them, and the degree of respect he was now showing them.

"The three of you saved Trost. If it wasn't for you, we'd have lost the entire middle ring, but I'm from Trost, but was stationed at Stohess, when the breach occurred. When we received word… my family was still in Trost. My father and mother and little sister. I thought… we all thought… we remembered Shiganshina. We knew we'd be too late to save them.

"I was one of the many men that arrived with Commander Pixis. We expected to find another massacre, but instead, you'd gotten the civilians out, and were holding the inner Gate of Trost against the Titans. And then you came up with that plan to plug the hole in the outer Gate, to retake the overrun portions of the City. The three of you were instrumental in saving the District. But Scout Ackerman, before that, you personally saved the life of my mother and sister.

"They were trying to flee, but there was a self-important merchant with a huge wagon plugging the inner Gate, blocking it, barring dozens of refugees from leaving. He was threatening and bribing every weak-willed soldier there. And then a Titan attacked. But you came out of nowhere, you just flew down and killed it, you came right up to that greedy bastard, riding on the back of that Titan you slew, as it fell, and you threatened to kill him, too, if he didn't move his wagon and let the civilians out. You spoke to him like the bloated leech he was. You cleared the path.

"But then, you did more. When my mother and sister were standing in awe of you, thanking you, you saluted them. Cindy couldn't stop talking about you, about how she wanted to grow up to be just like you, a Scout, how she wanted to save people.

"My father's in the Garrison too, he's one of the cannoneers on the Wall around Trost. He was one of the lucky ones: he actually managed to survive the attack. My mother… ever since my older brother died defending Shiganshina, she'd been terrified Dad would die too, that no one could stand against the Titans. My parents had started fighting with one another all the time, she kept criticizing the military, the hubris and futility of it, begging him to leave, to do something safer. Mom kept it from Cindy, she didn't want my sister to grow up afraid, though it was eating her alive, her fear. But you gave my mother hope, that day. She saw how a single soldier could make a world of difference in dozens of lives. You returned her faith in humanity, in our survival, in my survival and my father's, in spite of us being in the military.

"She hadn't spoken to me since the day I left for training for the Garrison, but after the Battle of Trost, she actually… she sought me out and apologized, and told me what happened. And she told Cindy she should follow in her father's footsteps, in both her brothers', that she should join the Garrison too, or even the Survey Corps, that she should be just like you. Mom finally realized she'd been foolish, hating the military, when it was the Titans that killed her son, our brother. You gave me my family back. Anything you need, it's yours."

Armin saw that Mikasa's expression had softened as she listened, until a faint smile actually touched her lips. "I remember them. Your sister was very brave, and they were both so sweet. I'd been so angry at that merchant. Our friends were dying, because of him, because the evacuation was taking too long. Seeing your mother and sister, their gratitude… I was able to put aside my anger and focus on the battle again. They're the ones who restored my own faith in humanity, in what I was fighting for, to protect people like them, not greedy, worthless parasites like that merchant. It was an honor, knowing I was serving them. Please tell that to them for me, would you?"

"Of course! Now let me see that you're settled, and that you have whatever you need," Lieutenant Warner said eagerly.

Armin watched Eren warily, but fortunately, he realized the man was just thankful because of what Mikasa had done for his family, that he wasn't flirting with her. The last thing they needed was for Eren to fly into another jealous rage.

0 0 0

"I don't see why you should feel guilty about what happened," Eren criticized. "The Capt… Commander… whatever, Levi totally overreacted to what we did. We were on medical leave! We shouldn't have to be at his beck and call then."

Mikasa sighed. Eren sounded so sure of himself, so indignant, as if he were the injured party. Although, in a way he was, they all were, but especially Eren. Levi had called him a traitor, when it was really the other way around. The military had betrayed Eren, by trying to kill him, actually firing a cannon at him, at all of them, and then putting Eren on trial, nearly sentencing him to death, just for existing. If Levi hadn't risked his own life to save Eren's….

Mikasa smiled sadly to herself, at the irony of that thought. Weeks ago she'd blamed Levi for nearly beating Eren to death, and now she saw his actions for what they truly were: an act of bravery. Because Eren could have turned into a Titan and crushed Levi or eaten him… not that Levi was easy to kill. But he wasn't nearly as indestructible as everyone believed, as Levi wanted, no needed everyone to believe. Because she now knew that Levi had a number of debilitating weaknesses that he'd obviously fought hard both to conceal and to overcome. And apparently, a new one now, triggered by one of his others.

She wondered how Armin was coming with his letter to Pixis. Armin was sequestered in the room he'd been given, because when they were all together, Eren hadn't stopped complaining, and Armin couldn't think while he was carrying on. She and Eren were both in Eren's room now. In officer's quarters. She looked around at the efficient but nicely appointed room. It was a far cry from the dungeon cell Eren had been incarcerated in the last time he'd upset an officer.

"… even listening to me, Mikasa?" Eren pouted.

"I'm sorry. I was distracted. What were you…?"

"You're thinking about that little prick, aren't you?" Eren accused, cutting her off before she could finish her apology. "You're always taking his side. You're my girlfriend, not his."

Mikasa narrowed her eyes. "That can be easily rectified. I don't have to be anyone's girlfriend." Her statement shocked her as much as it did Eren. She'd loved Eren since she was nine years old. She finally had what she'd always wanted. Would she really throw it away so easily?

She expected him to yell, to verbally attack her, insult her, maybe go on about how he didn't need her, that he'd only ever wanted her as a sister anyway, and she was the one who had forced them to be more. Instead, he gave her a kicked puppy look that rivaled Armin at his most adorable and most pathetic. He looked like he might actually start crying at any moment, and exactly like with Armin, her heart melted. She embraced him.

"I'm sorry, Eren. I didn't mean that. And I'm sorry I gave you reason to think Levi means more to me than you do. He's like another brother to me, like Armin, only different. Just as vulnerable, and just as strong, but in different ways. And he's all alone. Well, except for Erwin, and that's a little different, because he's his commanding officer, and Levi's so obviously in love with him, but they're not together, they might never be, and now the Commander's been injured so badly. I just… I needed to protect Levi. But when he needed me most, I wasn't there for him, and now….

"I don't think he really hates us, but he was hurt and… I think he's just running on instinct. When animals are wounded, they often bite or scratch someone if they try to aid them, because they're so terrified, and in pain. I know you can't see it, but Levi's like that. He didn't say much, just little hints here and there, but he's had a really horrible life, with some terrible betrayals, and he's very sensitive to that now. He's a lot like you, actually, angry at the world, lashing out, but also, so protective of his friends, without any thought to his own safety. And then we went into a dangerous situation voluntarily and… I know how he feels.

"When Armin told us he'd almost gone to the Capital by himself, I wanted to shake him, and lock him up, so he'd be safe. But it turned out he was safe anyway. Armin was right: Hypatia didn't really want to kill him. She protected him, protected all of us, from her men, even before Pixis intervened. And we never would have found out about Pixis, or the pit traps, or any of it, if Armin hadn't been so brave."

Mikasa sighed. "And I'm sorry, again. I started to talk about you, and talked about Levi and Armin instead. I think it's because you proved to me you're safe. You really **can** take care of yourself. You were eaten by a Titan, you actually died, but you didn't. You lost an arm and a leg, but you didn't. But the two of them are so fragile… so human. Not that you're not human too," she added quickly.

She sighed again. "I'm no good at talking. That's why I always let you and Armin talk instead. I know what I want to say, but it always comes out wrong. I just sound bossy, or arrogant, or cold. But Le… damn it. Levi knows what I'm going to say before I say it. And the way he looked at me, I could tell I was doing the same thing, that it was both frustrating and wonderful. He thinks the same way I do. That's really rare, to have a connection like that, with anyone, let alone a virtual stranger.

"I hope I haven't made it worse, but I probably have. I don't think I've ever heard you be this quiet for this long. I guess you must really be angry with me, afraid to say anything, because you know you'll only yell and…mpfh." She hadn't expected him to kiss her. When he did, she expected it to be desperate, frantic, a way to shut her up and prove she loved him instead. But it wasn't like that at all. It was tender and gentle and wonderful. She kissed him back, saying everything she'd been trying to vocalize in that single, silent kiss.

When they finally broke the kiss, Eren caressed her cheek. "I don't deserve you, but I'm trying to. I'm sorry I was being so jealous and possessive. I've always hated guys like that. I never used to understand why girls would put up with them. I still don't, but I'm glad you are. I'll try not to be such a jerk.

"I miss him too, you know? Having him look at me like he was, seeing respect in his eyes, instead of scorn or mockery. Having him rely on me. I could see how freaked out he was, down in that tunnel, especially when we were on the canal. I kept trying to distract him, annoying him as much as I could, so he'd forget about the bugs, so he'd be pissed off at me, instead of afraid. I hated seeing him like that, looking like he was going to shatter at any moment.

"I still don't know why they upset him so much. I mean, yeah, they're gross and dirty, but… I think something awful must have happened. Maybe as awful as what happened to my mom, you know? I know he had friends who died. Maybe his parents died too. Maybe he had siblings. I just know that, you're right, except for Erwin, he's alone. No one should be alone. I hope he forgives us. He **needs** to forgive us."

Eren smiled. "I love when you look at me that way. That warm, tender look you get in your eyes." His own eyes widened. "**That's** why I've been so jealous! It's that look. You look at him that way too now, and you've only ever looked at me and Armin that way before. I'm such an idiot! You said he's like another brother to you. Of course you'd look at him with that same softness, that warmth."

"I can't believe how mature you've become. How much more I love you," Mikasa said softly, caressing his face.

Eren got that same devilish gleam in her eyes she both dreaded and loved, because she never knew what to expect, when she saw it. "You know, that's a really big, comfortable looking bed, isn't it? Who knows when we'll have a chance to lie down in a bed like that again, after we go back to our own base? I think we should take advantage of this really great opportunity. Maybe make up for that strenuous trip we took, when we were supposed to be resting up from our traumatic, harrowing journey." He wrapped his hand around her scarf and tugged her toward the bed.

"Tch. And they say Armin's the genius in our group," she teased, as she headed for the bed with him.

0 0 0

Armin jumped at the knock on his door. He wasn't used to having a door, or a room to himself. It was kind of lonely, actually. He'd finally been able to concentrate on the letter, away from Eren, and gotten it done. He'd taken it with him to read to Eren and Mikasa, to see what they thought, but from what he heard behind Eren's closed door, he'd realized they wouldn't care for at least a few hours. He blushed again, just thinking about what he'd heard, as he headed for the door to the hall, and opened it, surprised to see a familiar face. "Lieutenant Konstantinos. What are you doing here? Is everything alright, did something happen?" he asked anxiously.

"Everything is much fine, very fine. I have message for you, and Yeager and Ackerman also, from Commander Levi. I go to try their doors first, but there is no one home in the one, and in the other… I think I had better wait, yes?" he said, grinning.

Armin blushed again. "I think that would be best. Can I read the message, though?" He wondered what Commander Levi had wanted to say to them now.

"It is not a letter to read. Is verbal only. But I can tell to you, and then to them, yes? Although the last part is for Scout Ackerman alone, I think, but he did not say you could not hear."

Now Armin was glad Eren and Mikasa weren't there. Eren might not react well to whatever Levi had said, if it was specifically for Mikasa.

"I'd like to hear it. Please, come in," he said, stepping back and waving him inside.

"I did not expect to find you in Officer's Quarters, when I come. Or to find an old friend. I did not realize Lieutenant Warner was here, in Karanese. He looks much happier, than when last I see him. I am sorry, though, I talk too much, and you should hear message. Forgive me for the cursing, it is part of the message. It is not meant for me to disrespect, yes?"

"That's fine. Please, what did Commander Levi say?" Armin asked nervously.

"Commander Levi, he says, 'You already know I suck at apologies. I make sure I never fuck up enough that I need to make them. But I'm sorry, brats. You're still Scouts. I still trust you. Mikasa, I wish I could tell you the sharper the thorns, the sweeter the fruit, but maybe you'll still be willing to scratch the shit out of your hands even if all you get is me. If you're willing to come home, we'll talk tomorrow, after I've had some fucking sleep.' That is end."

"He apologized? We can come home?" Armin asked, amazed. He was also relieved about the content of the personal message for Mikasa, that it was so innocuous, though he felt a little guilty for understanding it, too. He knew that Mikasa and Levi had thought he was asleep that night in camp, when they were speaking. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop. He was only glad she'd been able to help Levi fall asleep. Armin had never known she could sing before, and her voice had been so beautiful.

"Captain Stephanos, when he relays this message for me to give to you, he says Commander Levi is upset. He is feeling guilty that he sends you away. It takes strong man to admit when he makes mistake, yes? Especially, for an officer to say this to a subordinate. Is very special. He is good man, wonderful Commander, though I think he is eager to be Captain again. Do you have any message you would like for me to give? Or will you return right after I relay message to the others?" the Lieutenant asked.

"I'm not sure. That will depend upon how Eren and Mikasa feel. I honestly don't know whether they'll forgive him so easily," Armin said.

"I do not wish to take your time. I will go, and wait elsewhere to speak with others," the Lieutenant said.

"Um, actually, if you wouldn't mind, I could really use the company." Lieutenant Warner had provided him with two thick, blank books, in addition to the loose paper he had used for the letter. Armin had been bored and lonely, after finishing the letter, and had decided to start writing a history of the War, as he'd told Hypatia and the others he would. After the initial facts, it was going to be about The Fall of Shiganshina, and the death march of the thousands of untrained civilians who'd been sent on the impossible mission against the Titans afterwards, and the cadet training of the 104th, and the Battle for Trost, and everything after. He wanted to make sure all his friends and the others were immortalized, especially the ones who had already died. But just thinking about it all had been heart-rending.

"I know! You could start teaching me Greek!" Armin said eagerly, in sudden inspiration. "If you don't mind, I mean. I'd really like to learn. And I have paper and a pen and ink, so I can write down what you teach me, and practice it." He could use the second blank book for that.

"I would like this also," the Lieutenant said happily.

0 0 0

Eren was surprised to hear voices coming from Armin's room. Was Lieutenant Warner in with him? No, that wasn't his voice. He realized, confused, that they were speaking Greek. Where was Armin? Had something happened? He knocked on the door anxiously.

He was relieved when Armin opened the door, with a big grin on his face. "Nikolaos is teaching me Greek! Oh, I'm sorry, I meant Lieutenant Konstantinos. I forgot, I'm not supposed to call him by his given name in front of other people," he added, looking sheepish.

"Is not to worry. Is different, with Yeager and Ackerman, yes? But it looks like finally it is time for me to give message I bring. I have verbal message for you, from Commander Levi."

Levi had sent a message? Why? Were they in worse trouble?

"Please listen," Armin urged. "He sent an apology, for all of us. I listened already because you were both… busy."

Armin was blushing, and Eren realized he must have heard something from outside their door. "We'll listen," Eren said, latching onto Mikasa's hand.

Lieutenant Konstantinos smiled. "As I said to Armin, please do not be offended by the cursing and other words. Is not meant to be insult from me. Is how Commander Levi, he says to say to you. His words to you, they are, 'You already know I suck at apologies. I make sure I never fuck up enough that I need to make them. But I'm sorry, brats. You're still Scouts. I still trust you. Mikasa, I wish I could tell you the sharper the thorns, the sweeter the fruit, but maybe you'll still be willing to scratch the shit out of your hands even if all you get is me. If you're willing to come home, we'll talk tomorrow, after I've had some fucking sleep.' That is end of message."

"Thorns?" Eren asked, confused.

Mikasa's lips twitched in a smile. "He's a blackberry bush."

"What are you talking about?" Eren asked, perplexed, and trying not to get annoyed about Levi giving Mikasa a special message that he didn't understand.

Mikasa's smile widened. "Careful, Eren. You're letting your own thorns show."

Eren scowled. She looked like she was laughing at him.

Then she grew serious, and he immediately felt bad. He loved seeing her smile, she did it so seldom, but he wanted to be the one to make her smile, and lately, it seemed like Levi was the one who was able to do it, and mostly just by being a real jerk. Maybe Mikasa just really liked guys who were jerks. After all, she liked him.

As if she was reading his mind, she said fondly, "Maybe that's why I like him so much. Because he reminds me of you. It's something my father used to say, when people were so prickly that they drove everyone away, that more people would eat blackberries if the bushes didn't have so many thorns."

"She's got you there, Eren. You really are kind of like the Captain, and you definitely have thorns," Armin said happily.

"And why are you grinning like an idiot?" Eren grumbled.

"Because he called us 'brats'," Armin responded, his grin widening.

"Excuse me. I am puzzled. I had thought 'brats' is insult. Does this word not mean 'spoiled children'? Or is there another meaning I do not realize?" Konstantinos asked.

"It means that, normally, but with Captain Levi, it started out as a term of annoyance, but it's more like a term of affection now. Those of us he calls brats, it means he kind of likes us, only he doesn't want to admit it out loud. Or maybe it's just a way of distancing himself. He's an extremely complex man, much more than we realized before we traveled with him. He's completely amazing. I'd rather be called a brat by him, than a hero by the King," Armin admitted worshipfully.

Eren was a little concerned by the way Armin's eyes were shining. Lately, it was like he had a crush on the Captain. He was actually glad that Armin had been so interested in Hypatia. Levi was in love with Erwin, not Armin. Eren didn't want to see Armin get hurt.

"So, I guess we should go back?" Eren asked, a little disappointed, He'd sort of been looking forward to using that wonderful bed some more.

"Well, since Levi isn't going to be awake, or see us until tomorrow anyway, there's no reason we couldn't stay here overnight," Mikasa suggested, reading his mind again.

"Would you be able to stay too, Lieutenant, and teach me more Greek?" Armin asked eagerly.

"Costas, he would be angry if I stay away, but also, I am officer, I have duties to my men," he said, sounding wistful. "Now that I have finished delivering message to all three of you, I need to return."

"Why don't I just come back with you, then, and Eren, you can stay here with Mikasa, and come back in the morning?" Armin suggested selflessly.

"Are you sure, Armin? We could come back now," Eren said reluctantly.

"No, it's fine. I'll just give the Lieutenant our letter, and have him assign a courier, and then I'll go back to base," Armin assured him.

The last time he and Mikasa had thought about themselves like this, Armin had almost been killed by those bandits. Suddenly the bed didn't seem at all inviting anymore. And then there was Levi. "No, we'll come with you. The Cap… Commander Levi might need us. I wouldn't want to let him down again."

"OK. Then we'll all go back together," Armin said happily.

Armin's smile alone made leaving the bed behind worth it.


	51. Chapter 51 - The Cat and the Rat

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 51 – The Cat and the Rat

Armin hurried forwards, anxious to catch up to Eren and Mikasa before he completely lost sight of them on the crowded street. He didn't want to call out to his friends and make a spectacle of himself in front of the civilians all around him. The Scouts were already viewed disparagingly enough by much of the populace. He hadn't realized he'd dawdled in front of the shop for so long, but there had been a sweater knitted in the same colors of yarn that were on the silky scarf he'd purchased for Hypatia. He'd have to come back and look more closely at it and perhaps even buy it for her, later.

He froze as he heard a sound that didn't belong on the busy street: it sounded like a baby crying, nearby but pitifully weak, when oddly there wasn't a mother and child in sight. Armin passed by the mouth of an alleyway and realized a few steps later that the sound was becoming fainter, that it was coming not from the crowded road, but the alley he had just passed. _Oh no!_ _Did someone abandon a baby, maybe even a newborn?_

"Eren! Mikasa! Wait!" he called, no longer worried about appearances, but they were too far away now to hear. Armin didn't want to run and maybe start a panic – a running Scout was seldom a good sign, and people were likely still far more skittish and on edge than usual, from having seen Yeager Titan only a few days earlier. He didn't want to risk worsening that already bad situation. They'd yet to experience any repercussions from Eren assuming his Titan form without warning in Karanese, but they knew there were likely to be some.

Besides, it wasn't as if he didn't know the way back to the base on his own, and he'd certainly proven even to himself that he could handle any trouble that came to call. Mikasa and Eren probably wouldn't even realize he was missing until they reached the base, and maybe not even then. After all, they hadn't noticed him stopping to look at the sweater, and they hadn't doubled back yet now to find him, either.

He'd always been embarrassed by how they'd hovered over him so overprotectively since they were kids, but now that they weren't, he actually missed it. It was like they'd forgotten all about him, now that they had each other. He knew that wasn't really fair, especially considering how new their relationship was, in spite of knowing one another for years, but he couldn't help how he felt.

Armin approached the mouth of the alley, carefully and alert for danger, putting his hand on one of his swordhilts, though he didn't blade the weapon yet, half dreading what he'd find. Had the infant been abandoned, or had its parents maybe been murdered, in broad daylight? Or worse, last night, and no one had noticed until now? If so, no wonder the baby sounded so weak! He forced himself to proceed cautiously, instead of running into the alley. It could possibly also be a lure for a trap, a way to ensnare kindhearted, gullible people trying to help the baby, and he wasn't about to ever be taken off guard again.

The floor of the narrow alley was shadowed between the tall buildings on either side, which blocked the sunlight, and further masked by the stacks of old crates and piles of refuse which littered the ground. "Hello?" Armin called, feeling like an idiot for it a moment later. If it was a trap, the men ready to spring it certainly wouldn't announce their presence, and it's not like a baby could answer him, after all. Although it might cry louder, hearing help was near.

His grandfather had told him babies were surprisingly smart that way. His great-grandmother had told his grandfather that when he was an infant, he used to mewl like a kitten, at first, when he was born while his eleven month older brother used to belt out his cries at the top of his lungs. Even as a newborn, Grandfather quickly learned his cries would go ignored, while his brother was seen to, and within a few days he'd started hollering as loudly as his brother.

Armin smiled, just thinking about his grandfather ever being loud. He was the quietest, gentlest man he'd ever known. But he had to concentrate, to pay attention. The cries were marginally louder now that he was approaching the back of the alley, but it was darker back here too, and far enough from the street that it would be a perfect spot for an ambush. Belatedly, he realized he could have used his maneuver gear, to be more safe, but then remember he hadn't wanted to make the civilians nervous or upset. But it was suspiciously quiet, too quiet. Bystanders on the street likely wouldn't see now anyway.

Without another thought, Armin bladed his swords, shot out his grapples and slammed on his gas, flying towards the back of the alley, ready to plunge down on whomever was below him. He stared, perplexed at the litter strewn alley floor beneath him, which was devoid of life. Where was the baby? He couldn't see it, or even hear it now. And there certainly weren't any lowlifes lurking there, or even any dead bodies lying in the alley. Well, except for a couple of half eaten rats.

He looked suspiciously at the buildings on either side and at the back of the alley he was now clinging to, but there weren't any windows, and the two doors he saw to either side were both shut. There wasn't enough room to hide behind any of the junk in the alley, either. At least, not for a man. But a baby could fit. Which meant someone must have thrown it away. Unless he'd just imagined the cries, somehow?

But then, as he hung silently over the filthy alley floor, just as the faint breeze shifted and an awful smell of decaying meat hit his nose, Armin heard the cries again. From his new vantage point, he could tell they were coming from almost directly under him, from behind a small pile of dilapidated crates, in the back left corner of the alley. Armin dropped to the ground, sheathing his swords.

"It's alright. I won't hurt you," he crooned, as he began shifting the broken boxes. He froze as, just before lifting the last one, he heard a hissing sound, like leaking gas, or perhaps a snake? The rats! Had a snake been eating the rats? Was it trying to eat the baby?

Armin yanked the last crate away, caution forgotten. He could probably survive a venomous snake bite long enough to get help, but a newborn would die almost instantly. Only there was no baby. At least, not a baby human.

Armin stared in surprise at the hissing, spitting, trembling black ball of fluff and ribs, silvery blue-gray eyes flashing in fury and terror, silken ears laid back, miniature white fangs surrounding a tiny pink mouth, needlelike claws protruding from too-big paws, stubby centimeters-tall tail sticking straight up along with ruffled fur, in a vain effort to appear larger and more ferocious than a weeks old kitten could ever possibly look.

"Awwwwwww." Armin's heart broke as he saw the adorably fierce handful was standing beside the body of his mother, which was crawling with flies, the source of the stomach-turning decaying smell. From the position and rigidity of the mother cat's limbs, Armin realized she'd been poisoned, and he remembered the half eaten rats he'd seen. The mother had apparently either eaten the poisoned rats, the bait set out for them, or both. He immediately thought of Hypatia's father, and heard her say again, "They don't really differentiate between the humans they killed and the rats: we're all just vermin to them." If they didn't care about killing humans, they'd hardly care whether they killed cats, either.

Armin looked around for the rest of the litter, shifting around some of the refuse, but didn't see any other kittens, though he did find a tattered piece of burlap with short black hairs on it, that was likely where the mother and kitten had slept. Any siblings apparently hadn't survived the other hazards of Karanese: dogs, horse hooves, wagon wheels, starvation, maybe even drowning, and worst of all, people.

"You poor thing. It's alright. You don't have to be afraid of me. I won't hurt you," Armin assured the tiny, terrified kitten, reaching for the burlap, thinking the mother's scent that should still cling to it might calm the kitten, but changing his mind when he saw the fleas jumping on it. Instead, he took off his rucksack and took out his spare uniform shirt. "I'm going to wrap you in this, OK? And tuck you into my shirt, under my jacket, so you'll be warm." He wished he had some meat to lure the hungry kitten with, though he wasn't sure whether he was weaned yet. He tried slowly holding out his right hand several times, but the kitten was too panicked, and attacked him each time, raking razor sharp claws across his palm and fingers, and biting, too.

"You're as prickly as Captain Levi, aren't you? A little blackberry bush, scratching up my hand, just like he'd scratch up Mikasa's," Armin cooed and rambled, trying to lull the kitten, to get it used to the sound of his voice. "Blackberry! That's perfect. I'm going to call you Blackberry."

Finally Armin used his left hand as bait and then snatched the kitten with his right, holding the soft furred wrinkle of skin behind the kitten's neck to lift it into the shirt, carrying him the way his mother would have. He was astonished when the formerly vicious ball of fluff became instantly docile. He positioned the little cat in his spare shirt and then wrapped it as if it were a baby in a blanket, leaving only the head showing. To his relief, that too seemed to calm the frightened and overwhelmed animal. He tucked the bundle under his jacket, against his chest over his heart, hoping his warmth and maybe even his heartbeat might keep him calm. Then with a final look around, he headed for the mouth of the alley.


	52. Chapter 52 - To the Rescue!

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 52 – To the Rescue!

"Armin, what do you think about…Armin? Hey Armin!" Eren called, looking around for the familiar gleaming mop of golden hair. He frowned when he didn't see his friend. "Mikasa, where'd he go?"

"I have no idea. I thought he was right behind us," Mikasa said, scanning the crowded street. She didn't look nearly as concerned as she usually would. Ever since they were attacked at their camp, Mikasa had a newfound faith in Armin's abilities to protect himself.

Eren frowned. He was glad she didn't worry about Armin as much, anymore, but he hated that Armin, of all people, had been forced to kill ten men to protect him and Mikasa. He kept expecting to see it affect Armin in some terrible way, nightmares or throwing up, or even not sleeping or eating altogether, but so far, Armin seemed completely fine, perfectly normal. But how could he be after what had happened?

Eren and Mikasa had both had horrible nightmares when they were little, from the murder of her parents and killing those three evil men. Mikasa kept hearing her mother scream at her to run, watching her mother reach out helplessly as her blood flowed in rivers onto the floor. Eren kept seeing the bodies of her parents, the blood splattered everywhere, on their floor, the door, the walls, even the windows and the table where they used to eat. And both of them had relived killing those men, over and over, in their nightmares. Armin was so sweet, so gentle. How could he not be haunted by what he'd done to those men?

Those evil bastards! Just thinking about them made Eren's blood boil but also made his heart hammer in fear. Because Armin wasn't the one who was haunted by what had happened: Mikasa was. Strong, brave, fearless Mikasa was the one who was barely eating, and throwing up, and having trouble sleeping. When she did manage to sleep, she thrashed around, as if fighting off invisible hands. She'd hit him in the jaw and ribs, and when he'd finally managed to grab her and shake her awake, there had been a look of terror in her eyes that didn't belong there, until she realized it was him, and then her face had flushed in shame and she'd looked away. And worst of all, a moment later, turned back to him, perfectly calm, and told him she was fine, that it was just a nightmare.

She wasn't fine. Armin and Mikasa were keeping something from him, something big, something horrible. He'd tried to deny it, because he didn't want to believe it, because there was nothing he could do. He couldn't change the past. He couldn't even kill them for what they'd done, because those men were already dead. Armin had killed them, taken revenge for all of them. Eren was the one who had been useless, unconscious, while those men had.…

"They raped you, didn't they," Eren accused in a dead voice, a statement, not a question, in the same lifeless tone he'd used after killing those two men when he was nine, the day both his childhood and Mikasa's had abruptly, bloodily ended.

He should have waited until she was facing him, instead of still looking for Armin, but he hadn't wanted to see the light in her eyes die. Mikasa stiffened, only for a moment, but he saw, because he'd watched for it.

When she turned to face him, she had that same, horrible, placid expression she always wore, no matter what terrible things were happening. "They didn't. Why are we even talking about this now? I'm fine and those men are dead, but Armin's missing. Focus, Eren."

"Don't tell me to focus! I am focusing! You're not fine. If you were, you would have realized I didn't just mean you. I meant Armin, too. They raped him, too, didn't they? That's why he was able to kill them without getting sick or having nightmares, because he's already living a nightmare, and pretending just like you are that everything is fine!" Eren roared.

Mikasa paled, all the confidence and fight going out of her, and her eyes grew distant, and Eren knew she was reliving it, remembering. "Armin? Oh God. They… I didn't even thi… I should have realized when… he looked so **wrong**, so crazed… We have to find him!" She was looking around frantically now, completely panicked.

_Shit, shit, shit._ He was right. Those men had raped both of them.

Eren grabbed Mikasa by her shoulders and shook her, harder than he intended to, but he was so furious. "Calm down! You're not helping him any. We'll use our gear and yell until we find him. If that brings the Garrison or the Military Police running, that's fine. They can help us search." He saw the panic flee her eyes, replaced not by calm, but determination.

"You're right. I'm sorry. And they didn't quite, not me at least. We'll talk later, I'll tell you everything, I promise, but we have to find him," Mikasa swore.

Eren nodded and let go, wondering what the hell she meant, that they didn't quite. They either did or they didn't. He fired his grapples and hit his gas, and then clung to the nearest rooftop, scanning the crowded street, his anxiety growing as he didn't see the flash of blond hair or the Wings of Freedom he was searching for. "Armin! Armin, where are you?"

Eren heard Mikasa calling too, saw her head back the way they'd come, on the other side of the street. He headed back too, swinging from rooftop to rooftop, automatically compensating for the unfamiliar weight and drag of his pack, calling out repeatedly and scanning the street they'd walked down, as well as the side streets and alleys on his side of the main street. _Don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead. Please be OK. _If something awful had happenedhe'd never forgive himself for not noticing Armin was missing sooner.

Ten blocks later, when Eren saw Armin, at first seemingly healthy, looking around, perplexed, he almost fainted with relief, until he realized something was wrong. Armin's left arm was curled up and pressed against his chest, like he was shielding broken ribs, and as Eren swooped down towards him, he saw that there was a smear of blood on his forehead too. "Armin! Thank God you're alive! Where are you hurt?" Eren cried.

"Of course I'm alive. And I'm not hurt. Is that why you were bellowing my name like an idiot? I'm fine," his friend assured him.

"Armin!" Mikasa landed next to them and reached out to hug him.

To Eren's surprise and concern, Armin jerked away from her. "Careful, you'll hurt him," he accused.

_Shit._ Why would Armin think Mikasa would hurt him, and why was he talking about himself as if he was another person?

"What happened? Who attacked you? Did you kill them? Where are you hurt?" Mikasa demanded.

"What's gotten into both of you? No one attacked me and I'm not hurt at all," Armin argued, even as he brushed a strand of hair off his forehead with his right hand, leaving a fresh streak of blood.

"Your hand! What happened to your hand?" Mikasa demanded, snatching him by the wrist.

Armin balled his hand into a fist guiltily. "Nothing. I'm fine. It's just a few scratches. It's not his fault. He didn't mean it."

"Armin, let me see," Mikasa demanded.

"Forget his hand. It's his ribs I'm worried about," Eren said, reaching for his jacket.

Armin jerked away again. "Careful, you'll scare him!"

Eren held up his hands in a calming gesture. "I don't mean to scare you, Armin."

"Me? Why would I be scared of you, Eren? Heck, if you don't scare me in your Titan form, there's no way I'd be scared of you now," Armin claimed, completely baffling Eren and looking just as confused as Eren felt.

"But you just said…"

"Mew," a tiny little voice cried.

"What the hell…Armin, was that you?" Eren asked, perplexed.

"Now you woke him up, and I still don't have anything to feed him," Armin complained.

"Armin, what's under your jacket?" Mikasa asked.

"That's just Blackberry," Armin said, pulling aside the flap of his jacket and revealing a furry little black head.

"That's a kitten. You have a kitten," Eren accused in confusion. "**That **was why you were missing? Because of a stupid kitten? We thought you were dead! Next time, tell us before you just vanish, you ass," Eren snapped, relief giving way to anger.

"Right. Because it only took you what, ten or twenty blocks to even notice I was gone?" Armin snarled back, like a growling puppy. "I'm surprised you noticed at all. You're lucky I'm **not** dead! Next time try paying attention to someone other than Mikasa, you self-absorbed jerk!"

"Armin, that's not fair," Mikasa chastised.

"Sure. Of course it's not. What a surprise. You're taking **Eren's** side. Like **that's** never happened before. I'm sick of you both ganging up on me, scolding me like I'm some little kid. You're not my parents and I'm a Scout, just like you, only better, because unlike the two of you I'm still using my brain to think. Come on, Blackberry. I don't have to stand here and take this from these two lovesick idiots," Armin huffed, pushing past both of them and heading for base.

"You can't talk to Mikasa like that, you little shit!" Eren snarled, stalking after him, but Mikasa grabbed his arm.

"Let him go, Eren. I think he can use some time by himself to cool off. But I'm afraid you're right. He's not acting like himself," Mikasa said quietly, obviously not wanting Armin to overhear.

All the anger burnt away, leaving anxiety and misery in its wake. "Tell me what happened, Mikasa. All of it. Everything you hid from me."


	53. Chapter 53 - Confessions

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
I can't believe it! Thanks to all you wonderful reviewers, I now have over 100 reviews! And thanks to iSnipedTheChief's amazing YouTube video, my New Zealand readership doubled from 28 to 56 in only ten days! Be sure to take a look at the video, if you haven't already: ****/watch?v=NjYTCwrTX6k&list=UUZb_Yfy0Lms5jJrZtSHTICg****  
**

**Greek translation, this chapter:**

_**mikro**__**ú**__**tsikos gat**__**á**__**ki – **_**tiny kitten**

_**ne**_** - yes**

Chapter 53 - Confessions

Armin stormed down the street, fuming. He was so tired of everyone treating him like a child, someone to be coddled and protected! He was a Scout, too, damn it. He could take care of himself. He'd killed ten men and saved his friends, hadn't he?

He'd been so humiliated when he heard Eren and Mikasa calling him, and at the way they'd come swooping down to rescue him when he didn't need to be saved. Just like last time, for a change, **he** was the one who had done the rescuing. He'd saved Blackberry's life, and Eren acted like he wasn't important at all, like he didn't even matter. He'd called Blackberry stupid.

Blackberry wasn't stupid. He'd managed to survive all on his own, even though he was just a baby. He'd watched his mother die, just like Eren and Mikasa had. They should see how special he was, because of that, if for nothing else. Only he hadn't had time to tell them that part, because Eren and Mikasa had been too busy fussing and then yelling. Or scolding, at least.

_Damn it!_ Now he felt like a child, a spoiled little boy throwing a tantrum because his daddy and mommy weren't letting him have his way. He hated that feeling.

"Mew."

"It's alright. I'm going to get you something to eat, I promise. But first, I need to give you a bath. I don't think you'll like that part, but you have fleas." Armin scratched between his ribs and then between the buttons of his shirt. "And I think I have fleas too, now. We can't let Cap… Commander Levi see the fleas. He won't like… uh oh. I didn't think about that. I'm not sure I'm allowed to have you. I mean, on the base. Or in the barracks. Although we have stable cats, to keep the mice and rats from eating the horses' food. So maybe it's OK. Although you're too small to hunt, aren't you?

"Do you even eat meat yet, or only drink milk? Well, you can't have eaten any of the rat, at least, because you'd be… well anyway, can you drink cow or goat milk? I guess I could ask the grooms. Or hey, Sasha might know what you like. She knows all about food, and she's from a hunting village. I bet they have cats there. You'll like Sasha. She'd really friendly, and very pretty, but kind of a goofball, too, maybe even a little bit crazy, but not like Hange. Crazy in a good way, sort of. I think. Although she can be a little intimidating, when there's food around. Oh, and Connie is her boyfriend now, I guess, from what I saw. But she didn't seem angry with us, like Jean and Connie, because of Levi.

"I think you'd like him, too, Capt… I mean, Commander Levi. It's still so weird, thinking of him as the Commander. But that's only until Commander Erwin gets better. If having a cat on base in the barracks is against the rules, it's better that Levi is the one in command, because he doesn't care about rules. Actually, I think he enjoys breaking them. He might seem a little scary at first, but he's really nice, once you get to know him.

"Don't tell anyone, but I actually sort of have a crush on him. Ca… Commander Levi, I mean. He doesn't treat me like a kid. Well, he sort of does, but he treats all of us like that, even Eren and Mikasa. But I'm the one he flirted with the most, in spite of what Eren thinks about him paying too much attention to Mikasa.

"I wonder how Eren would feel if he knew I kind of used to have a little bit of a crush on Mikasa. And really, really don't tell anyone, but I maybe even had a teeny tiny crush on Eren, too. I mean, when I was little. Not romantically, though. At least, I don't think it was. I guess I mean more like hero worship or something. It's just, they were both so amazing, and I was so… I'm just not.

"It's different than the crush I have on Levi, now… But I know Levi loves Erwin, and I'm actually really happy for him, if it works out. I think Erwin feels the same way, though he tries to hide it. I've seen the way Erwin watches Levi, when he thinks no one is looking. He especially likes watching him walk. I mean, you know, away from him. Not that he likes him leaving. I just think… I think he likes seeing his butt. I kind of like seeing it too. Because, well, he's really hot and sexy, and the way he walks, it's like watching a cat hunting. It's just very… primal. Not that I think cats are sexy, or anything weird like that, because I don't.

"I actually got to see him naked. Levi, I mean. He's got the most amazing body, all lean muscles and he's so flexible, it's just unbelievable. But he was unconscious when I saw him naked. Gosh, that sounds really wrong. I mean, I was sponge bathing him to help him, he was really sick and…

"I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I guess I just don't want you to be afraid of us. We can seem kind of scary, but we're all really nice. To you, though, we're the size of Titans, aren't we? But at least we'd never try to eat you, or step on you, or anything. I hope Sasha knows what to feed you… Hey, look, we're already here! See, those are the guards outside our gate. Oh, but you'd better tuck your head back in. We didn't used to have guards, but there's a traitor somewhere in our ranks, someone like Annie, a bad Titan, not a good one, like Eren.

"Eren is really good, you know? He's my best friend. I probably shouldn't have yelled at him like I did. I think he'll understand why. I hope he does. Eren holds grudges pretty much forever. But I think if I apologize he won't be angry anymore. I guess I'd better be quiet now, so I can sneak you in. They've probably already noticed me talking to you, but they'll probably just think I'm talking to myself."

Armin walked confidently towards the guarded gate, trying to look like he didn't have anything to hide. Because, well, people were a little paranoid right now and it could get really scary if they made an incorrect assumption, if they saw him acting suspiciously.

"Um hi. I'm Armin Arlert. Lieutenant Konstantinos delivered a verbal message to me and my friends, that it was alright for us to return to base?" _Drat._ He'd made that sound like a question, like he was asking for permission. "I mean, Scout Armin Arlert reporting for duty."

To his relief, the Scout smiled. "The Lieutenant, he told us you were coming. But where are your two friends?"

"We got separated walking here. They should be along any time now, though. Is it alright if I go in ahead, or do we need to enter all together, or something? I'm not really sure if there are new rules or anything. We weren't here the first few days Commander Levi assumed power."

"You can go inside. But you need to hide the _mikro__ú__tsikos gat__á__ki_ better, _ne_? The little black tail, it shows," the guard said, grinning.

Armin could feel his face darkening in a blush. "Thank you," he mumbled, embarrassed at being caught.

Armin was glad he had his bag with his belongings with him. He could go directly to the shower and… _drat!_ No, he couldn't. He had everything he needed to change after a shower, to get rid of his fleas, except a clean shirt. He could wait for Eren and borrow his, but he might still be grumpy, after their little fight. He was relieved when he saw Sasha crossing the yard. He hurried over to her.

"Armin! What are you doing back here? I thought you were kicked out," Sasha said, looking around in concern.

"Cap…darn it! I keep doing that. Commander Levi apologized and told us to come back," Armin explained.

"Wow, really? Levi actually apologized? I knew he couldn't stay angry with you three for long, but I have to admit, I didn't expect him to apologize," Sasha said, with that same contented smile that was on Mikasa's face when she was thinking fond thoughts about Levi. _Uh oh._ Did Sasha have a crush on Levi?

"Where are Eren and Mikasa? You three usually travel togeth… awwwwww! Look at you! What a little sweetie!" Sasha unexpectedly crooned, her focus no longer on Armin's face, but on his chest. He suddenly got an instant understanding of what it was like for girls, sometimes, when guys talked to their breasts, instead of their faces. It felt really weird.

"His name's Blackberry. He's an orphan. I'm not really sure how old he is, though, whether he can eat meat yet, or just drink milk, and if goat or cow milk would work. I was actually hoping you might know," he admitted. "I think he probably hasn't eaten in at least two days, from the look of his mother's body."

"Two days! That's terrible. He's so tiny, he must be really dehydrated. We'd better bring him to Hange right away," Sasha suggested.

"Hange? But what if she hurts him?" Armin asked skeptically.

"She won't. Trust me. She loves cats. She saved Ichigo. Well, her and Levi. Those other idiots wanted to kill him, just because he lost half his right front leg. Some idiot actually put rat traps in the stable, and Ichigo jumped onto one, and it snapped shut, and the poor guy tore his own leg off, trying to free himself. Those jerks who found him lying in the straw bleeding were going to club him in the head with a shovel, because they didn't think he'd be a good mouser anymore.

"You should have seen Levi. He was furious. He snatched up Ichigo, applying pressure to what was left of his leg to staunch the flow, getting blood all over his hands and uniform and not even caring. He said it was idiots like them that had made Liam O'Seanessey feel like he was worthless, and that maybe he shouldn't even wait until a Titan bit off their arm or leg, he should just lop off a limb, so they'd know what that felt like. Or maybe just brain them with the shovel they'd planned to use to kill Ichigo, except he said he couldn't, because you can't brain someone when they don't actually have a brain to destroy."

_Shit. Poor Connie._ Sasha's eyes were glowing and she was grinning. Armin had never seen her so happy in her life before, except for when she'd managed to steal a really big piece of meat out of the Officer's Mess. Then again, Levi had a really big piece of… Armin blushed, remembering how Levi had become aroused during his delirium, when he'd been bathing him. Of how he'd been saying really lewd things and calling Erwin's name. Of how surprised Armin had been that someone with feet that small and narrow could have…

His face flushed more hotly, and to his mortification he felt himself getting as hard at the memory as he had when he'd been looking at Levi. He hoped Sasha was too distracted by the kitten to notice. And that Connie didn't see them together like this, because he might misunderstand, and Connie was sort of crazy and scary.

"But anyway, Levi took Ichigo to Hange, and she was able to save him. Although he stayed in Levi's room while he was healing. Levi said it was the only place clean enough on base, that he might die of an infection if he was anywhere else. But I think he was so protective of Ichigo because Pewter and Ichigo were friends. You know how none of the other horses like Pewter, how he tries to bite and kick everyone? People too, except for me and Levi. But he isn't like that with Ichigo at all. It's like watching Erwin and Levi together. It's just meant to be, you know?" she said with a happy sigh and a goofy grin.

Armin was completely baffled. Did that mean she **wasn't** in love with Levi?

Sasha laughed uproariously. "In love with **Levi**? Me?"

Armin blushed furiously as he realized he must have voiced his thought aloud, without even realizing it.

"Armin, Levi is completely amazing and really special, but that's not it at all," she assured him.

Armin wondered what she meant, but just then she cried out, "Hange! Hey Hange!"

Armin winced. "I was trying to be discreet. I don't know if Blackberry is even allowed on base."

"Hah, once we get Hange on our side, I'd like to see anyone try to kick him out. Hange'll spike their food with a laxative, or maybe insist they need an enema for some reason or something. Trust me, you don't want to piss off Hange. It's a good thing Levi is so freaking cautious. He's not exactly her favorite person right now."

"What do you two reprobates want?" Hange asked, grinning crazily as she reached them.

"Um… you're not angry with me, even though I'm Levi's friend?" Armin asked, surprised.

"Some friend. Last I heard he threw you off base. I assumed you were here to join the rebellion," Hange said far too loudly for Armin's comfort.

"There's a rebellion?" Armin asked sotto voce.

"There would be if the oppressed masses realized they were being oppressed. That's the problem when you start burning all the good books. You stifle free thought, trying to snuff out 'radical idealism'" Hange complained, quirking her fingers in quotation marks to emphasize her point.

"Hange, we can worry about the counterrevolution against Levi's authoritarian regime later. Right now, this little guy needs your help," Sasha said, peeling back Armin's jacket to reveal Blackberry.

"Look at you! Only six weeks old, malnourished and dehydrated, with worms and fleas. Well, I've certainly got my work cut out for me," she complained happily, reaching for the kitten.

Armin expected Blackberry to hiss and cower, but instead, he butted his head against her hand and began vibrating and buzzing.

"Awwww! He's purring," Armin and Sasha said in harmony.

"Of course he's purring. Cats love me. Well, except for Ichigo and Levi. Levi was a cat in a past life, did you know that? Think about it. It explains a lot, doesn't it? All that cool, haughty disdain and obsessive grooming. And have you ever seen that man go after a rat? It's absolute poetry, and completely terrifying. It's a good thing for humanity's sake that Eren is the Titan shifter of the Corps, and not Levi. He'd have stomped all us filthy little vermin to death by now. Anyway, you just leave this little guy with me, and I'll see that he's bathed and fed and…"

"I thought I could be the one to bath him. I have experience. I've bathed wounded patients before," Armin asserted.

Hange's eyebrow rose as her mouth opened with a question, but then her eyes widened; he could literally see her making the connection.

"Oh my God. **You** bathed **Levi**? I'd give up six months pay to see that," Hange swore.

Armin blushed darkly.

"By all means, then, come with me. You can help me tend to him. And I can see you're already hopelessly attached to this little guy, aren't you? It feels good saving someone, instead of hurting and killing for a change, doesn't it?" Hange asked.

For a confused moment Armin wondered why she'd think that, and then he realized she didn't mean the men he'd killed, she meant the Titans.

"Actually, it feels good not being the one who needs rescuing," Armin admitted, not wanting to enter into a debate with Hange about the monsters who had eaten Eren's mother, Thomas and Marco, and so many of his other friends, so many millions of innocent people.


	54. Chapter 54 - Strange Bedfellows

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 54 – Strange Bedfellows

Erwin felt an unexpected flash of empathy for Ackerman, as he fought to wrestle Levi's knife away from his throat, without resorting to harming him. Fortunately, lucidity and awareness flashed in Levi's formerly merciless eyes, followed quickly by horror, as Levi yanked the razor sharp blade away from his jugular. Erwin heard the knife clatter against the wall, or the floor, flung away by his now panicking subordinate.

"Shit! Did I cut you? Are you bleeding?" Levi gasped, frantic fingers checking everywhere.

"Levi, it's alright. Calm down. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me," Erwin assured the shaken man, striving to be calm enough for both of them, in spite of the adrenaline still slamming through his system.

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down, you ass! I fucking warned you not to lay with me, that I'd try to fucking murder you in my sleep, so what the fuck do you do? The exact fucking opposite of what I told you! You deserve to have your fucking throat slit!"

"Yes, I do. But you don't deserve to be the one to do it, and then feel guilty about it afterwards. I should have known better than to pit myself against a lifetime of survival instincts, especially considering what you've been through these past days," Erwin admitted. He hadn't exactly intended to fall asleep while holding Levi after their showers, after massaging him, but he hadn't actively tried to stay awake, either.

He'd truly believed what he'd told Levi in the bathroom; he'd been certain Levi would recognize his scent and touch, even while sleeping, that he'd know he wasn't a threat, that he was safe with him. That arrogant assumption had nearly cost him his life, and quite probably Levi's. He didn't want to even imagine how Levi would have felt, if he hadn't successfully prevented that first slice of the blade, if Levi had actually succeeded in killing him. "I hope you can forgive me for it. It just felt so good, helping you, touching you, holding you, finally seeing you at peace. I didn't want to let go. I'm sorry."

_Shit._ Levi was shaking now, either a reaction from the unspent adrenaline in his own system, or something more psychological than physiological. Erwin reached out his hand towards him, but then drew it back uncertainly, unsure whether Levi would allow him to touch him again anytime soon.

"I need to pee," Levi stated bluntly, snatching up his crutches and heading for his bathroom.

Erwin thought it was likely, considering he'd just woken up, and not just an excuse. Hell, he needed to use the facilities himself, but he thought Levi's main reason for leaving so abruptly was that he needed some space, some distance. Erwin flopped down on Levi's pillow and sighed. Not exactly the morning after he had hoped for. Then again, there hadn't really been a night before… although he wasn't even sure what time it was. It might be the evening, or the middle of the night, for all he knew, instead of the following morning. Levi didn't have a window in his room. Well, no, he did, but it had been securely boarded over, and a heavy bookcase placed in front of it for good measure, to ensure no one could enter his room that way.

Erwin rose and stared at the bookcase now, curious, and desperately eager for the distraction it brought. He had never actually been in Levi's room before, save for the night he attacked Ackerman. Levi valued his privacy and his room was sacrosanct, basically off limits to everyone. What sort of books would Levi read?

He headed for the bookcase, glancing guiltily at the bathroom door, as if he was doing something wrong, prying into Levi's personal life. Which, of course, he sort of was.

He began reading the titles, and was surprised by the eclectic selection. There were nearly a dozen books on architecture, two on metal working, half a dozen on art, an illustrated volume on antique tea sets, a book on locksmithing, seven on landscaping and formal gardens, one on ornate wrought iron fencing and another on decorative masonry. It was a sign of how distracted he was, or maybe how messed up his head was, that it took a while to see the pattern: they could all be used by a thief to either determine how best to enter a house, or how to appraise the value of what was inside one, ready for the taking.

"If you're looking for banned books, you won't find them there," Levi said from directly behind him, causing Erwin to jump and spin, his heart hammering.

"Shall we dance?" Levi said sarcastically, as they ended up face to face, only centimeters from one another.

Erwin backed up, so he wouldn't be invading Levi's personal space, even as it sank in that they were both still naked, but then his eyes narrowed as understanding dawned. "Where _do_ you keep your private collection of books?" he asked, not truly expecting Levi to either admit to owning them, or to betray their location, but wanting him to know he hadn't been diverted from the question.

"Better. You really are starting to recover, aren't you?" Levi replied, his voice thick with relief. "27."

"27?" Erwin asked, stumped, and frustrated by that fact. 27 meters away? In a house numbered 27? "Oh. Of course," Erwin said, as realization hit with the speed and force of a Titan's hand. Levi wasn't telling him where they were. He was admitting to owning them, and telling him how many. A single banned book was grounds for execution. 27 was practically a one man revolution. They'd likely burn Levi on the same pyre as his books. It wouldn't be the first time they'd done something like that. Erwin shuddered as a particularly gruesome memory from his childhood reared its ugly head. Desperately, he forced his thoughts elsewhere, wondering how many of those volumes were in Greek, if any. He suspected there was at least one on Egyptian Mythology among them.

Erwin whistled softly. "16," he said solemnly, reciprocating by betraying his own secret collection.

Levi's eyes narrowed accusingly, and then he snorted and shook his head. "You forgot about the one you had in your weapon's chest."

Erwin started to nod in agreement, that he had 17 banned books, he'd momentarily forgotten about his latest acquisition, but then he froze. _Shit._ Levi had already known. Not only that he had 17, but obviously where he kept them, because how the hell else would he know the number? "Say that a little louder. Maybe our Titan spy will hear and find it and have me arrested."

"Tch. Like it's still there. I said **had**, not **have**. With a binding like that, and a title like, _The Art of War_? Finders keepers," Levi whispered smugly in his ear, so softly, it was almost soundless.

His warm breath made Erwin shiver, and speaking about something illegal, forbidden, made his heart race, though fortunately, his cock didn't seem to be interested in hardening at the moment, which was good, considering he still needed to use the bathroom.

"Have you ever wondered who else has them, and how many? Where they keep them?" Levi asked, his voice seductive, sensuous. Suddenly banned books were the sexiest thing on the planet, next to his subordinate. "How powerful you'd feel, to hold them, take them, read them, to know you possessed something that everyone wanted but was too afraid to take, to own? Just like you, Erwin. When's the last time you thought about how good it would feel to have my cock in your ass, as I fucked you against the wall?"

Erwin's cock went from flaccid to steel in less than a heartbeat, as if he was seventeen again and watching William, his father's head groom, fucking the newest stable boy in the only empty stall in his father's stables. He'd never been so jealous in his life, as he was of that impoverished boy, who'd received a treasure he'd dreamt about for three years.

He sighed heavily. Less than a month later, he met Marie. He'd thought he was in love with William. He'd soon realized it was merely lust, infatuation with something forbidden, a pale imitation of love. But then, his love of Marie had proved just as false, when he'd been betrayed by his best friend, Nile. Nile had betrayed him twice, both by stealing Marie and by abandoning him and the Corps for the Military Police.

Erwin's nose twitched and he looked about in confusion. Why did he smell deterg… _shit._ Levi was still there, still naked, but half the room away, washing the floor, and from the thunderous look on his face, he wasn't enjoying it. Erwin dropped his head in his hands and massaged his temple in self disgust. He'd done it again. He'd zoned out so completely, he hadn't even realized he'd been ignoring Levi, or seen him get the bucket and mop, or heard him fill it.

His heart fell into his feet, as he reheard the last words he remembered Levi speaking. They'd been face to face, naked, Levi had been talking about fucking him, and he'd started daydreaming about another man, from a lifetime ago. He was a complete and utter ass.

He approached Levi cautiously, half expecting him to lash out with the mop, or a crutch. He didn't think Levi would try to brain him with it, but he at least deserved a solid whack to the gut for what he'd done, or if Levi was feeling particularly vicious and unforgiving, to the balls. "Please believe me when I tell you how sorry I am. I didn't mean to go away like that. At least this time I didn't… I didn't, did I? Hurt you? I mean, physically, too. It's pretty obvious I hurt you."

Levi dropped his head, the defeat in his shoulders heartbreaking to see. "No, not physically. And no, you shouldn't leave now, I can tell that's what you're thinking, but then you'd wallow, and I'd worry, and… just let me finish mopping your bug footprints off my fucking floor, alright? We'll talk later, if I have the stomach for it."

Erwin felt like he was five again, when his nanny had caught him playing with his toy soldiers, instead of… _damn it!_ Why the hell couldn't he keep his head in the present, and follow his usual rational thought process? What if he was stuck like this forever?

Erwin jumped, jerking away from the arms that wrapped around him from nowhere, fortunately catching Levi, after yanking him off balance, as the single crutch Levi had been leaning on clattered to the ground.

"See if I fucking try to comfort you again, you depressed ass," Levi snapped moodily.

"I'm sor… damn it! I just… thank you, for still caring, for… I need you to hold me. I feel… what if…?"

"I'll love you anyway," Levi stated simply, instead of offering meaningless promises of something that might never be, as he wrapped his arms around him.

"That's all I need, all I want. I'd rather be insane, in your arms, than whole without you," Erwin admitted, drawing him into a tighter hug, clinging to him.

"Tch, you've been a fucking nutjob since the day I met you. 'Savior of Humanity' my ass. God complex, much, Smith?" Levi snarked, but there was playfulness and affection in his voice again. Levi was teasing him.

The cold that had started to penetrate every corner of Erwin's being melted away like ice under a spring sun. Levi loved him, in spite of all his flaws. Nothing else mattered.


	55. Chapter 55 - Sexy Stew with You

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

Chapter 55 – Sexy Stew with You

After spending a comforting few minutes in Levi's arms, Erwin could feel Levi tensing up. "Why don't I help you finish cleaning your floor? It will go faster with both of us working on it, and it's easier for me to do it. In fact, why don't you just walk alongside me and direct me, to make sure I do everything right? I just need to use your bathroom for a moment first," Erwin offered, eager to do everything he could to help, after unintentionally being such an ass. To his relief, Levi agreed to his plan.

Once they were done cleaning the floor, they washed up and then both dressed. After seeing Levi naked, even holding him like that, it was incredibly frustrating, but necessary. Neither one of them was in the right headspace to do anything physical. It was painfully clear to Erwin that he had a way to go before Levi would risk that with him, and he wouldn't want him to. There was no telling what might happen, if they tried now, but he doubted it would be anything good. And he desperately needed it to be good, for both of them.

They headed out together, to find out what time it was, and get food. The guards at the door informed them they'd been in the room for almost eight hours, and that it was a little after dinner time. Erwin was both impressed and concerned that Levi had slept for so long, especially as he'd had a decent amount of sleep after his cleaning marathon too. Erwin knew sleeping more than usual could be a sign of depression. He didn't think Levi was clinically depressed, and for a normal man it wouldn't have been unusual, but Levi slept so infrequently, and irregularly, and for such short periods of time, that…

"Commander! Not you, you fucking Judas. I was talking to Commander Erwin," Hange snarled at Levi.

_Shit._ This could get ugly, if he didn't do something to stop it. Levi was in no mood to deal with Hange right now. "Levi is Acting Commander, Hange. If you have something official to discuss, he's your superior, not me. I'm on medical leave, remember?"

"Bullshit. Don't defend him. You can't tell me you voluntarily surrendered command," Hange insisted.

"If you've got something to say to me, make an appointment, Squad Leader Hange," Levi snapped. "Captain Stephanos will be happy to fit you into my schedule, sometime within the next four to six weeks. Now get the hell out of our way. That's an order, in case you couldn't tell. We're late for dinner, and Erwin needs to eat."

Hange spun and faced him. "You little shit! Don't think you…"

"Is there a problem I can assist you with, Commander Levi?" one of the two guards who had been at Levi's door asked.

"Yes, there seems to be some garbage blocking the hallway. Clean it up," Levi ordered.

Hange lunged for Levi, fuming, but before Erwin could intercept her, the guard did. "She attacked Captain Stephanos, and now she impedes and attacks you, sir. Should I arrest her, Commander?"

Erwin barely bit back his answer in time. The guard wasn't speaking to him.

Levi sighed. "Oi, Shitty Glasses, I think you need a new prescription, since you obviously can't see I'm helping Erwin, not harming him. And you do realize you don't exactly have any friends amongst the Olympians, since you attacked their Captain, right? I don't want to have to arrest you, but I will in a heartbeat if you upset Erwin or cause any trouble. Berner, excellent. Take Hange out of here. I suggest you explain the facts of life to her in words even her convoluted brain can understand. Erwin and I are late for dinner."

"I'll take care of her sir," Berner promised quickly.

They left a sputtering Hange and placating Berner behind with the guard.

Erwin was impressed to see Levi acknowledge and speak with a number of men on the way to the Officers' Mess.

"What?" Levi challenged, when he caught Erwin watching.

"Nothing. Well no, it's something. I've never seen you so… you make a good Commander. These men, it's easy to see their confidence in you, but it's more than that. You already have their loyalty, their respect. I'm impressed."

"Not insecure or jealous? Good. Maybe you really are getting better, and just backsliding here and there. I need you to get better, Erwin. Because you might think I'm good at this, but I hate it. You're supposed to be the Commander, not me. You're the only man other than Furlan that I ever let tell me what to do. And ordering a single Squad around is one thing, but this... It's too much. I don't have the patience to deal with all these assholes. Stephanos and Theorides, even Grunwald and some of the others is one thing, but Konstantinos and the rest of them… The 104th, though, are the ones who are really… Fuck!"

Levi strode forward on his crutches, bypassing Miller and swinging right up to Blouse, who was protectively flanked by Kirstein and Springer.

Miller snapped to attention. "Commander Erw…Levi. I caught these three Scouts…"

"Where the fuck have you been, Blouse? You were supposed to be at my room with a tray fifteen minutes ago. We got tired of waiting, and you're standing here instead, empty-handed, after apparently recruiting these two morons? Well it's pointless, now that we're here. Get the hell out of here, and next time, do what I tell you when I tell you."

Kirstein looked confused at first and then infuriated, as did Springer, but Blouse looked suitably cowed. "I'm sorry, Commander Levi. I didn't mean to be late. We've been trying to explain to Squad Leader Miller that we were sent here to…"

"Out, now. I'm too fucking hungry to listen to your shitty excuses," Levi snapped.

"Yes sir! Sorry sir!" Blouse called out, as she quickly headed for the door, yanking the other two along with her, who flanked her protectively.

"You mean you actually did order her to bring you dinner?" Miller asked, sounding as if he still wasn't convinced, which was no surprise to Erwin, considering he knew that Levi had done no such thing. Why had Levi just intervened to protect those three, after he'd just started to complain about the 104th?

Miller continued, "I thought she was just…"

"You're in our way, Miller. If Erwin faints from hunger, I'm holding you personally responsible," Levi threatened with a glare.

"I… yes sir! Sorry sir!" Miller said, backing away, even as Erwin grimaced at being made to sound that frail.

Levi headed for a table away from the other officers who were already eating, instead of sitting with the Greeks, as Erwin pondered what Levi had said and done. He'd obviously lied to Miller about ordering Blouse to bring them dinner. The girl was a notorious food thief. Levi himself had caught her in the act, a while back. Why was he giving her an alibi now?

Erwin immediately quashed the instinctual jealous thought that thrust its ugly head. Levi had no physical or romantic interest in women. He knew that, and Levi's reaction to his earlier jealousy of Mikasa only highlighted that fact. Besides, that girl literally made Levi sick to his stomach, because of what had happened when he caught her.

"Stupid brats. One of these days Zacharius and I won't be around to pull their asses out of the fire," Levi grumbled.

"Why did you? Saving them from being eaten is one thing. Saving them from being punished for an infraction is another," Erwin said mildly, hiding how truly intrigued he was to hear the answer.

"Tch, listen to you. How insubordinate, questioning the actions of a superior officer. Keep it up and I'll have to punish you," Levi purred.

Erwin hissed a quick intake of breath loudly, as his cock hardened, just as it had in Levi's room, in response to his commanding tone. And maybe even at the thought of what Levi's concept of punishment might entail? Fortunately here he was at least dressed, so it was less blatant.

"Go get my dinner, Smith," Levi ordered.

And suddenly it was twice as hard. Erwin wasn't about to walk around in his tight uniform pants in front of everyone with the blatant erection he was now sporting, or to calmly take that casual order so easily, in spite of how both his body and his heart had responded to it. Erwin looked at Levi, raising his eyebrow in challenge.

"I'm crippled and helpless," Levi mock pouted.

The thought was so ludicrous, Erwin laughed loudly and heartily, causing heads to turn in their direction, fortunately for once with looks of relief and answering smiles, instead of looks of concern. To his amazement and joy, Erwin saw even Levi smiled in response, a genuine smile, instead of a smirk or rueful grimace.

They were so busy watching one another, they failed to notice Stephanos and Theorides coming up to their table, until they were right beside them, each man holding a tray. Erwin bit back a request that they return to their own table. These men were Levi's new friends, one of them his second in command.

To Erwin's surprise, they laid the trays down in front of each of them, instead of sitting themselves. "It is good to see you both looking so well rested, and at peace. The kitchen had already prepared these for you both, and not to worry, our hands also are washed in well water. It is our honor to serve you," Stephanos said, more than one connotation possible from his words.

"Also, Commander Levi, I thought you would like to know, so there is no more worry, that Arlert and then Ackerman and Yeager, they have all returned to the base, so you can speak with them tomorrow, _ne_? Enjoy your dinner," Both of them saluted and then headed back to their own table, without further word.

Levi certainly had the new men well trained. In the next moment, Erwin felt guilty for the thought, though he was careful to school his expression so it didn't show. Those men obviously liked and respected Levi. That was precious and rare. Most people respected Levi, but out of fear, not out of friendship. He was glad Levi was making new friends, first Yeager, Ackerman and Arlert, and now the Greeks. After being emotionally devastated by the lost of his entire Squad, not only had Erwin not expected Levi to ever open himself to that kind of pain again, but he honestly hadn't been sure Levi would ultimately survive the loss.

"Why aren't you eating?" Levi demanded suspiciously.

_Shit._ His expression was apparently schooled enough, but he'd remained motionless too long. "This smells so good, I was just planning what I might want for my meals tomorrow," Erwin dissembled casually, picking up his fork and dipping into the thick, hearty vegetable stew in front of him, trying not to look rushed as he took a bite. A moment later he moaned appreciatively, without having to fake his reaction, and quickly took another two forkfuls, belatedly realizing he was ravenous.

He was shocked when Levi dipped his own fork in and stole a bite. Levi **never** ate off of anyone's plate but his own, and if anyone so much as touched his own food with their utensil, he'd push away his plate in disgust.

"What? I took from the other side, my fork's clean, and you've had my tongue in your mouth, so you shouldn't complain. Besides, if it's that orgasmic, you owe me more than a damned bite, since I wasn't able to fuck you against the wall before," Levi challenged, and then he ate the stolen mouthful. Levi moaned much more dramatically and sensuously, intentionally, blatantly prolonging the sound, his eyes locked on Erwin's.

Erwin jumped as the fork that had fallen from his unexpectedly nerveless fingers landed in his stew, jerking back too late to prevent a gob of stew from splattering his shirt and jacket.

Levi shook his head in obviously feigned dismay. "Honestly. Don't expect me to do your laundry every day, Smith."

"I thought you'd liked seeing me naked again, maybe this time on my knees in front of you, with your cock in my mouth and the smell of detergent and freshly laundered clothes in the air," Erwin rebutted, freezing at the same moment Levi did, as what he had said processed. _Holy hell._ It must have been Levi calling him "Smith" again. Or was he truly that eager to let someone else take charge, for a change?

"You do realize you'll be eating those words, which means eating me, as soon as you're off the injured list, don't you?" Levi challenged, his steely grey eyes locked unyieldingly on Erwin's blue.

"You're what I'm living for," Erwin said, with more sincerity and honesty than he'd meant to betray. Because frankly, of the two of them, Erwin knew he was the one who was crippled. He wouldn't have survived this, without Levi.

Steel changed to thunderclouds in an instant.

_Damn it._ "I didn't mean it like that," Erwin backpeddled, even though it was true. "I'd have survived even if you hadn't." _Liar._ If his pistol had been under the pillow, when he'd awoken on his sofa, he would have blown his own brains out, if he hadn't seen Levi in time. Hell, he would have died before that. Pixis had taken more of a chance than he knew when he'd brought him onto the top of Wall Sina. He'd contemplated taking the quick way down without benefit of maneuver gear more than once, since he'd thought Levi was gone forever. "I just would have been totally miserable." _No, I would have been dead._

Levi's eyes smoldered, but then he finally appeared to be appeased, and he dipped into his own meal, apparently satisfied. Which meant he'd successfully lied to Levi. Yet another sign he was on the mend. He hated lying to Levi, even about little things, for his own good, let alone something that important, but he refused to let the lie affect his appetite. He wouldn't do anything to jeopardize recovering fully. Or to the fullest extent possible.

It was the latter thought which was causing the nagging ball of worry in his gut. What if he never fully recovered? What if he couldn't command the Corps anymore? If he lost Levi, either to the pressures of command, or the Titans, or both, if being weighed down by the burden of command caused him to hesitate at the wrong moment, or overthink, or… No. He wouldn't allow his own inadequacies to bring down Levi too.

Erwin was relieved when Levi started sharing his day with him, talking over different issues that had arisen with the men, the same way he and Levi usually talked things over in his office over tea, only more limited. Levi only mentioned their older men, not the new ones, since their officers were conceivably within hearing range. It was a welcome distraction, one both comfortingly familiar and odd, since Erwin was the one who was playing the part of sounding board. But he was eager to assist Levi, to help share the burden of command in whatever small way he could. And he was grateful to be kept in the loop, so that if… when... he once again resumed command, he'd be current with any issues affecting the men. He'd ask Levi later why he'd lied to Miller to protect Blouse, although knowing Levi, there was no guarantee he'd learn the reason.


	56. Chapter 56 - Mad Scientists and Monsters

**These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain. **

**A/N:  
If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.**

Chapter 56 – Mad Scientists and Monsters

Armin looked around Hange's laboratory curiously, his eyes widening at all the medical instruments and maybe torture devices, and some of the severed and intact specimens she had floating in jars of liquid, having really strong second thoughts about letting her touch Blackberry, bordering on panic.

"Relax, Armin. I'm not about to skin this little guy to look at his musculature and put him in a jar of formaldehyde," Hange assured him, the graphic visual imagery of that making Armin wrap his arms protectively around Blackberry and take a step back, towards the door. It wasn't locked was it? Were they trapped with this maniac?

"Armin, why are you looking at me like that? I said I **wasn't **going to… shut **up**, Levi! I get it now," Hange said inexplicably, making Armin take a second and third step back, as Hange glared at the bookcase to the left of Armin. "I hate that I can actually see that traitorous little prick scowling at me and hear his voice in my head saying… Crap. I'm really not as crazy as everyone thinks I am, Armin. My filters just work a little differently, that's all. Well, OK, sometimes, hell, most of the time, they don't work at all. That's why Levi told me to just picture him when someone looks at me like I'm crazy, and imagine what he would say, if he heard what I said, and it's actually really amazing, but when I do that, I'm usually able to figure out what part of what I said freaked the other person out like that. I still don't understand **why** it upset them, but I at least know **what** did," Hange explained.

Armin was intrigued and completely baffled. "It sounds like you and Levi are actually kinds of close," he began, hesitantly.

"Tch. The man's a cactus. No one is close to him. Well, except for Erwin, but his skin is so thick, no needles can penetrate. Me, I just don't give a shit when people say nasty things to me, I guess because they've done that since I was born. We're all born mean, you know, vicious little savages, and if they're worth anything at all our parents or guardians teach us to care, to function in society, instead of just grabbing and biting and hitting. Well, OK, people like **you** are just born incredibly nice. You wouldn't last a second out in the wild, Armin. The other animals would tear you to shreds.

"I bet they did, didn't they? You used to get beaten up and teased all the time as a kid, right? You only survived because Eren and Mikasa protected you. I heard you've known them since you were little kids. As a kid, you either grow claws and teeth of your own, and give back as good as you get, or you find someone else with claws and teeth and make it worth their while to protect you. Or you just act so fucking crazy everyone's terrified of you or you honestly just don't give a shit and destroy anyone who tries to hurt you or the people you care about. Those last two, those are both me and Levi. So, yeah, we get along. Well, when he's not screwing Erwin. I don't mean literally, I keep waiting for that part, actually. I mean, you know, betraying him, and taking advantage of him being hurt to make a power play."

"Levi wouldn't. He's not like that. And even if he was, he wouldn't ever, not Erwin," Armin defended. "He's trying to help him. Levi can't bear seeing Erwin like he's been. And it's been working, too. We talked to Erwin, just before we left base, and he looked and sounded like himself again. He even said he would take command again, if he thought it would be in Levi's best interest."

"They let you see him? You actually spoke to Erwin? He looked OK? He said that to you?" Hange asked intently.

Armin was surprised again. "They haven't let you see him? Why not?"

"Because they know I'd try to free him," Hange replied with conviction.

"Hange, Erwin's not a prisoner. He has a severe concussion and wasn't taking proper care of himself. From what I know, what Erwin himself said, he wasn't eating or sleeping, and frankly, when I saw him before that brief meeting we had, on the street and during that coach ride from the Capital, he looked terrible. Levi tried to get Erwin to tell him what was wrong, you could see how worried he was about him. Levi was just protecting him, taking over like this. And like I told you, it's working. Even if you've only seen glimpses of Erwin, from a distance, surely you'd be able to tell that?"

Armin could tell his words had an impact, from the look on her face, he could see her reassessing everything she'd been thinking. "Alright, you've convinced me to give Levi the benefit of the doubt. Let's take care of this little guy first, and then you and I are going to pay a visit to Levi, and hopefully Erwin."

Armin was glad she'd listened. He didn't want Hange to be Levi's enemy. He didn't want anyone to be.

0 0 0

Eren walked up to Armin's empty corner bunk for the tenth time, before turning back around in frustration.

"Eren, pacing isn't going to make Armin appear faster," Mikasa reasoned.

"What the hell is taking him so long? How long does it take to bathe and feed something the size of my first?" Eren complained. At least Sasha had known where Armin was. No one else had a clue.

"Hange is probably tending to Armin's hand too, and likely changing the bandage on his wounded arm. After all… Armin! Why is your hair wet?" Mikasa asked, rushing over to their missing friend, who was carrying a large sealed crate.

"I took a shower, to get rid of the fleas," Armin said, to Eren's relief a look of amusement on his face for her concern, instead of annoyance or anger, as he headed for his bunk. Armin knelt in the tight space between the bed and the wall and set the crate down. "It's perfect. I was afraid it might be just too big," he said, pulling off the lid, which hadn't been nailed on.

Eren peeked over Armin's shoulder into the crate as he slid it into place in the corner of the room against the outer wall beside the headboard. Half of the crate was taken up by a litter box filled with sand, and one of the remaining corners had a tiny bowl of what looked like chopped turkey, and a second bowl of water, while the corner closest to the bunk had a miniature blanket, with the sleeping kitten nestled on it. Unlike Armin's hair, the kitten was fluffy and dry. There was a sweet smell coming from the crate, identical to the smell of Armin's hair, which smelled different than usual.

"Why do you smell like him?" Eren asked.

"I had to use the same flea soap Hange and I bathed him in," Armin explained, as he rubbed his injured bicep, wincing.

Eren frowned. Armin shouldn't have been carrying the box, though it didn't look too heavy, except for the sand. Eren's eyes narrowed when Armin took something strange looking out of his shirt and tucked it under his pillow. "What was that?" Eren asked suspiciously. It had looked sort of like one of the syringes Hange used to test his blood, except without the needle.

"It's an eye dropper. For when I feel him milk. He's not fully weaned yet. Hange thought he was six weeks old, when she first saw him, but now she thinks from his dentition and muscle and bone development that he's probably closer to eight, but he's malnourished, and was probably the runt of the litter. She thinks maybe that's why he survived, though, because the others had been big enough to go exploring, over time, but he hadn't. She tried to get me to change his name to Levi, because he's so little and tough, and his fur is black, and their eyes are the same color, but I finally explained that Blackberry was a nickname that Levi had used in the Underground, which was sort of a lie, so I kind of already had named him after him, though I hadn't really meant to," Armin explained.

"What do you put in the eye dropper? Cow milk or goat milk?" Mikasa asked curiously.

"Hange said neither provides the nutrients he needs, so we're using cat milk," Armin explained. "Fortunately Hange had some."

"Wait. Hange has **cat **milk? How the hell does she have cat milk?" Eren asked, baffled.

"She milks cats," Armin said, with a shrug, as if it was the most sane and natural thing in the world.

"Tell me you don't think that's strange," Eren insisted.

"For Hange? Not at all. You're so lucky you get to spend so much time with her, Eren. She's really amazing. But speaking of which, I have to go. She's waiting for me. But I wanted to get Blackberry settled. Keep an eye on him for me, OK? He shouldn't be able to climb out of the crate, the sides are pretty high, but he's a feisty little guy, and might surprise us," Armin said, standing up and turning, making a shooing motion, for him and Mikasa to get out of his way.

"Why are you seeing Hange again?" Eren asked, puzzled. What else did he need from her?

"Because I promised her I'd come right back," Armin answered evasively.

"She's not experimenting on you or something, is she?" Eren asked suspiciously.

"On me? Of course not. I'm norma… um. I mean, I'm nothing special," Armin quickly corrected.

"Right. You're not a freak, a monster, like me," Eren snapped, annoyed.

"Eren, this isn't about you," Mikasa said impatiently. "Armin, don't tell me Hange wants to date you?" she asked suspiciously.

"**Date** him? Are you kidding me? She's what, twice his age?" Eren scoffed.

"So's Levi, but Armin still has a crush on him," Mikasa said, in that voice she used when she thought he was being an idiot. Eren loved her, but he **hated **that voice.

"I'm not stupid, or blind, Mikasa. I've seen those looks Armin gives Levi," Eren snapped.

"What looks? I don't give Levi looks, do I? Oh God. Levi hasn't ever seen me look at him like that, has he?" Armin asked, suddenly flustered.

"Armin's not stupid either. He knows Levi is in love with Erwin, not him. Besides, he has Hypatia now. Armin, you don't have to do anything with Hange, unless you want to. We know what happened at our camp. But that doesn't mean someone good for you won't love you. Don't let Hange pressure you into something you don't want. Or do something with her, just to feel like a man, for Hypatia. We want to help you. You need to tell us everything," Eren said intently. He would have put a hand on Armin's shoulder, but he didn't want to freak him out, feeling a hand on him while telling them about those men touching him. "Mikasa, back up, let him out. We don't want him to feel trapped."

Armin was looking at him like he was as crazy as Hange. "Why do you think Hange and I… What do you mean, tell you everything? What are you talking about?" he asked, but his eyes flicked quickly to Mikasa, and back again, but not fast enough for Eren to miss the look of panic and shame, as a flush darkened his pale cheeks.

"I told Eren everything that happened, Armin. You were right. I shouldn't have tried to keep it from him. I feel so much better, now that he knows. It's not right to keep secrets from the people who love you, when they're there to help you. You need to tell us what those men did to you," Mikasa said gently, her voice full of maternal or sisterly concern.

A look of astonished understanding flashed across Armin's face. "You think those men… that they did what they did to you, to me? Or that they… Mikasa, Eren, they didn't. They grabbed me, and told me they were going to, they actually thought I was a girl too, but they wouldn't have cared, once they grabbed my chest or tore off my clothes and realized I wasn't. But they didn't get that far, because they were bragging about what their friends were doing to the two of you, well, what they thought they were doing to you, and I finally woke up. I'd been thinking you'd come rescue me, without even realizing that's what I was thinking, just standing there like a helpless idiot, waiting for you to come, but then they said you were both unconscious but they were…

"Eren, the way I felt about them then, it's like the way you look and sound when you see a Titan. I just was filled with… hate… rage… fury, that they'd laugh about their friends hurting you both like that. I just snapped. And I killed them. And then I came to save you. And when I saw… I killed the rest of them, too. And I don't feel sorry or guilty for any of it. They were monsters, not men. Real monsters, not like you Eren. Not even like Annie. She's a murderer, but she spared me, twice, before she finally tried to kill me, even though she callously and cruelly, even gleefully murdered those other men, and Levi's entire Squad."

Eren couldn't let Armin think that. "She wasn't a monster, not entirely. I never told you, I never told anyone, but the reason I didn't kill her or knock her out to capture her, after I'd stopped her… she was crying, Armin. She felt remorse. I don't know why she did all those awful things, but it tore her up inside. I could see that it haunted her, that she hated herself for it."

"She cried? Well then, maybe I'm more of a monster than her. Because I killed a man running from me in terror, who was looking at me like I was a Titan. But I also killed two men who were injured and helpless. One of them was begging me for his life. I told him he was nothing but a rotting piece of meat, and I chopped his head off. His mouth was still moving, after I did it, but his lungs were gone, his vocal chords severed, and he couldn't make a sound. But I could see the terror in his eyes, before the light went out, and I felt nothing but satisfaction, that I'd rid the world of a monster. That's what I still feel.

"I told you, Eren, that sometimes we need to become the monsters we are fighting, in order to defeat them. So now I'm a monster too, just like you and Mikasa, maybe even like Levi. I bet he's done all kinds of things other people would think are terrible. But I wouldn't.

"I was wrong, what I said before. I'm not a worse monster than Annie. She betrayed her own friends, people who trusted her. People who loved her. As friends. As more than friends. She's an evil, heartless, cold, cruel bitch, and I hope she stays locked in that crystal prison for the rest of her miserable life. I hope she's not unconscious. I hope she's asleep. I hope she's having horrible nightmares, reliving every awful thing she did, every friend she betrayed. I hope she's in her own personal hell. It won't bring the dead back, but maybe they'll rest easier. I have to go. Hange is waiting, and Levi needs me," Armin said calmly and coolly, pushing past Eren.

Eren shivered as he let him go. He was completely numb, floored by what Armin had said. He hadn't thought Armin had changed, even with everything, he'd still seemed so innocent, so gentle. But he wasn't. He wasn't their Armin at all, anymore.


End file.
